I often slander my mother for the sake of my mother-in-law

For the sake of my mother-in-law, I often slander my biological mother.

For the sake of my mother-in-law, I often slander my biological mother. Once a woman gets married, she must learn how to run a family, and the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law also needs to be constantly tempered. But it’s often not what I want. I’ll share below that I often slander my biological mother because of my mother-in-law. Let’s read together to find out! For the sake of my mother-in-law, I often slandered my own mother 1

　 1

My mother-in-law came a week before Ding’s mother gave birth, and I was very upset several times this week.

My mother-in-law is used to washing clothes in a large basin with a washboard. After brushing with the brush, she rubs it with her hands. She thinks that this is the only way to wash clothes cleanly. "How can it be cleaned by rolling it in the washing machine a few times?" ?”

Naturally, Ding’s mother does not have a large basin or a washboard. My mother-in-law filled a basin of water and put it on the wooden floor of the living room to scrub.

When Ding’s mother came home from a walk with a big belly and saw the shirts spread out in a T shape on the living room floor and soap bubbles all over the floor, she almost fainted.

She stopped her mother-in-law and said that the wooden floor would be damaged if it was soaked in water.

My mother-in-law said: How could it be? There is a lot of wood in our hometown, and the floor is also made of wood, so we are not afraid of water!

Ding’s mother felt that she couldn’t explain it to her, so she said: “The wooden floor in our home is different from the one in your hometown. This cannot touch water.”

In fact, Ding’s mother said That's right, but maybe her tone and attitude were not very good. Her mother-in-law was very unhappy after hearing this, and muttered: "You look down on us rural people."

The next day, my mother-in-law turned out to be true. Instead of washing clothes on the wooden floor, she washed them on the tiled floor in the kitchen. The floor was covered in soapy water and was still slippery even with a mop. Ding Ma almost slipped when she went into the kitchen to drink water.

Moreover, the baseboard between the cabinet and the floor is not completely closed, and soapy water will flow in along that gap...

This time, Ding’s mother endured it for a long time before losing her temper. She told the old man that the kitchen could not be washed: “If the water flows under the cupboard and cannot come out, the cupboard will be broken.”

My mother-in-law was even more dissatisfied. I was happy and asked if I wanted to wash on the toilet floor.

Ding’s mother said that you don’t need to wash clothes by hand. You can just throw summer clothes in the washing machine. Using a brush will damage the clothes. A shirt costs several hundred yuan and it won’t work if you brush the collar a few times. ......

After hearing what Ding Ma said, the mother-in-law’s face turned dark.

A few days later, Ding Ding was born. After Ding’s mother was discharged from the hospital, she had more conflicts with her mother-in-law. The focus was on raising the baby. Her mother-in-law always said that Ding’s mother looked down on her as a rural person.

A week later, my mother-in-law was so angry that she packed her things and went back to her hometown.

Ding’s mother had no choice but to call Ding Ding’s grandma. Grandma was taking care of her grandson in her hometown and couldn’t leave. In order to take care of Ding’s mother, she had to put her grandson at his grandma’s house.

A month later, Ding Ding turned 40 days old, and her grandmother returned to her hometown. From then on, Ding’s mother started the difficult mode of raising her baby alone.

　 2

Xiaoman has always been a light sleeper, especially after giving birth. “His hearing has become sharper than before. I couldn't sleep."

During the confinement period, my mother-in-law came from other places to take care of Xiaoman.

My mother-in-law is a very hard-working person. She has no time to spare. She tidies up everything from morning to night. She cleans up every corner of her son’s house, cleaning the dirty ones and tidying up the messes. .

Xiaoman's house has one bedroom and one living room. The living room is actually very small. There is not much space after putting a dining table. After the mother-in-law came, she installed a single bed there.

The house is not big, and no matter where her mother-in-law makes a sound, Xiaoman hears it like thunder and cannot fall asleep at all.

The child is confused. He sleeps like a pig during the day, but wakes up like a cat at night. He cries when he is not held.

In the morning, my mother-in-law got up at dawn to make breakfast for Xiaoman’s father. She couldn’t let her son go to work hungry.

Although Xiaoman’s father told her that he was having breakfast outside, her mother-in-law probably insisted on getting up early because she finally had the opportunity to take care of her son.

My mother-in-law starts cooking porridge in the pressure cooker at around five o'clock every day. The sounds of gas, the clink of washing dishes, the swiping of chopsticks, the chopping and cooking of vegetables, etc., often make her fall asleep. Xiaoman in the middle was so shocked that he almost jumped up.

Xiaoman, who was sleep deprived, was as irritable as a lion and wanted to kill someone.

One day after lunch, the child fell asleep soundly, and Xiaoman followed him to bed. In the drowsy stage, the mother-in-law finished cleaning up the housework and went to watch TV.

Xiao Man’s TV was placed in her bedroom. Her mother-in-law sat on a small bench and turned the TV sound to very low while she read the subtitles.

This little sound had little impact on Xiaoman, but the mother-in-law took half a pack of melon seeds and ate them while watching TV.

In the quiet afternoon, the sound of each melon seed exploding was like a heavy hammer, hitting Xiaoman's eardrums one after another, making her heart and liver tremble.

Unable to bear it, Xiaoman got up from the bed, moved a chair to the door, and said to her mother-in-law: "You can eat the melon seeds here and then come in and watch TV!"

Mother-in-law The next day, she quietly called her eldest daughter in the kitchen and said that Xiaoman was "bullying" her and wanted to go back and no longer wanted to take care of her daughter-in-law. Xiaoman vaguely heard the content of her mother-in-law's phone call and became even more crazy.

As soon as Xiaoman was born, her mother-in-law left without hesitation.

　 3

Aqiu’s husband is from Hunan, and her mother-in-law came to take care of Aqiu during confinement. Except for the bowl of chicken stewed for her, all other dishes were put with chili peppers, including vegetables. Spicy.

Aqiu doesn’t like spicy food, and there is almost nothing to eat with chopsticks except chicken. After enduring it for a few days, she told her mother-in-law: "The doctor said you should eat more vegetables during confinement, otherwise you will be deficient in vitamins, and the milk will not be nutritious and will not be good for the baby."

Mother-in-law Illiterate, she admires literate people the most and trusts most what authority figures such as doctors and teachers say.

At the beginning of the second meal, she stopped adding chili pepper to the green vegetables. She took a small plate to put some chili sauce on it and dipped it in when eating.

My mother-in-law likes to add soy sauce when cooking, and even adds it to soup. It is said that this is my father-in-law’s hobby. Whenever a pot of dark soup is served on the table, Aqiu has to use chopsticks to fish out the contents, and only then does he know what kind of soup it is.

Aqiu "acted coquettishly" with her mother-in-law: "Mom, I like to drink refreshing soup. Can we not put soy sauce in the soup? If you can see the ingredients in the soup, it will be more delicious. Appetite!"

My mother-in-law immediately agreed: "Oh, I didn't know you like to drink soup without soy sauce, okay, I won't add it next time."

After that, my mother-in-law would occasionally forget to cook a pot of "black soup" and after serving it, she would always say: "Oh, I forgot again today. Look at my memory. I am really old."

Aqiu quickly comforted her mother-in-law: "It's not that you are old, it's that you have too many things to do. It's good to drink soup like this occasionally."

Her mother-in-law said from Coming from the countryside, in my hometown, there are no clothes or shoes that cannot be washed. Therefore, in winter, when her mother-in-law saw Aqiu's cashmere coat hanging on the shelf, she soaked it in washing powder, rubbed it and washed it, then wrung it out and dried it on the balcony.

Aqiu felt uncomfortable when she saw the shrunken and twisted coat. She told her mother-in-law that cashmere coats cannot be washed.

Seeing my mother-in-law’s puzzled expression, I thought that the old man also had good intentions, so I explained to her: “After washing, cashmere coats will shrink and deform. If they shrink, I won’t be able to wear them. Even if they are still big enough, I can still wear them. The lining inside won't shrink, and the plush part doesn't look good.

"

The mother-in-law suddenly realized: "Oh, it's really true. I have a few clothes that are just like this. The lining is exposed from underneath when I put it on. Why is the lining even longer? It turns out that It's because the outside has shrunk. Look at me, hey! Are these clothes expensive? "

Aqiu saw that her mother-in-law was blaming herself, so she quickly said that the clothes were not expensive.

In order to comfort her mother-in-law, Aqiu said: "In our hometown, the clothes are all washed. My mother used to I don’t understand, but he washed two coats for me. "

In fact, Aqiu's mother has never helped her wash a damaged coat, but Aqiu knows that saying this will not hurt her mother-in-law's self-esteem, and her mother-in-law will not feel knotted.

"Mom will forgive me for slandering her. "Ah Qiu thought.

Not long after, her mother-in-law soaked Ah Qiu's boots in washing powder water, cleaned them with a brush and put them on the balcony to expose in the sun. She was worried that the boots were too high and would not dry in the sun. , the mother-in-law also rolled it down...

Naturally, these boots were ruined.

After Ah Qiu explained to her mother-in-law why the leather boots could not be washed, Slandered my mother again.

4

Ding Ma, Xiaoman and Aqiu are all mothers of my children.

Ding’s mother-in-law and Xiaoman’s mother-in-law occasionally came to help take care of their grandchildren in the following years, but they did not stay there permanently. Ding’s mother and Xiaoman are still full-time mothers at home because they have no elders to help take care of their children.

And Aqiu and her mother-in-law have been together for more than ten years without any dispute. Later, her father-in-law also came to live together.

Aqiu returned to the workplace after taking maternity leave, and her career was improving steadily. Her mother-in-law helps take care of the children, which solves her worries.

Speaking of her parents-in-law, Aqiu is very grateful.

Comparing the three mothers-in-law, it is not necessarily easier to get along with them. , the key is that the three mothers have very different handling methods.

If Mother Ding could patiently tell her mother-in-law why clothes cannot be washed on the wooden floor and explain the problem objectively, Don't treat the situation personally, and pay attention to protecting the self-esteem of the elderly. I think Grandma Dingding may not be able to accept it.

If Xiaoman explains to her mother-in-law that the mother-in-law has a light sleep and is not sleeping soundly, please make less noise. If she wakes up later to make breakfast, her mother-in-law may not be considerate of her.

Since the old man came to take care of you, could it be that he deliberately made things difficult for you because of his different living habits?

Compassion, speaking well, and understanding each other are the best ways for a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law to get along! I often slander my mother for my mother-in-law 2

Hello teacher, my husband and I have been married for more than 20 years, and there are many things in our lives. There were a lot of bumps and bruises, but overall, the relationship was still very good. But in the past few years, we started to quarrel frequently, and even got violent, and he just slammed the door and left. Why did our relationship become like this? ? I have also reflected that every quarrel seems to be related to my mother-in-law. She is 70 years old and is still in good health. She used to live in the country. After my father-in-law passed away the year before last, she took turns living in the house of our children.

My husband also has a brother and a sister, and we usually have a good relationship with each other. In order to make my mother-in-law live a comfortable life, I will do my best to take care of her whenever she comes. I always helped my mother-in-law to solve the problem as soon as possible. If there was anything good to eat, drink or use, I would come with her. Even during the Chinese New Year, my mother-in-law was sick and the family was tight on money, so I didn’t even buy new clothes for my mother. , but I bought everything when my mother-in-law came.

As a result, my mother-in-law felt that I was not doing a good job, and my husband could not see my kindness, and felt that I was not so dedicated to the elderly. Sometimes, if I am a little negligent and take care of myself improperly, he will get very angry. The current situation makes me feel aggrieved. I don't understand why I have paid so much but don't get the understanding and respect I deserve.

Reply: Hello, the letter has been received.

From your description, I believe that you are a very dedicated daughter-in-law, serving the elderly, doing all kinds of things, and treating your mother-in-law even more filially than your own mother. But what is the result? We have also seen that your relationship with your husband and your mother-in-law is still not that good. Your husband even often gets angry at you and complains that you did not take good care of the elderly. What's the problem? It’s this issue of boundary sense. One is the sense of boundary between you and your husband. From the beginning, you have not established a boundary between yourself and your husband. What is the true way of a husband and wife? You are you, and your husband is your husband. You cannot fulfill your filial piety on your husband's behalf, nor can you take on all the big and small matters of your husband's family.

But the reality is that you are fulfilling your filial piety for your husband, and you are doing all the big and small things at home. You still feel that if you don’t do it well, your husband and mother-in-law will be dissatisfied. This is actually because your own sense of value is relatively low. Just like one of my visitors, she has a submissive character. She has been married for five or six years and has always been submissive. She does whatever her husband says.

Once, when she came back late from get off work, her husband complained that he didn’t cook in time. She threw her chopsticks and left, saying that she would do whatever she wanted. She usually wouldn't dare to do this kind of thing, because her husband is usually responsible for most of the family's expenses, and she doesn't earn that much money. But what surprised her was that although she was very angry, her husband didn't say anything and even treated her better than before.

Why? I think she actually underestimated her status, and her husband can't live without her. It's just that she has always had low self-esteem, cannot see her own value, and has always lived in fear that others may abandon her. When she saw the real situation clearly, she realized that she had been living in a self-set plot. The second is the sense of boundary between you and your mother-in-law. Your mother-in-law is your mother-in-law and has no blood relationship with you. How can you treat your mother-in-law as your biological mother? This logic is inherently wrong.

Lai Peixia, a senior psychological counselor in Taiwan, talks about the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law: When a caring daughter-in-law recognizes her true identity, she may feel temporarily lonely at first. But such a pragmatic insight can free oneself from illusions, make it easier to respond easily, and stop competing for favor.

If you have to measure your mother-in-law by your mother’s standards, it will undoubtedly make you even more lost and depressed. You need to remember one thing: your mother-in-law is not your mother. If you treat your mother-in-law as a mother and show filial piety, it is easy to think that the other person will treat you well like your mother, which will lead to unreasonable expectations. Once reality does not meet expectations, it is easy to be disappointed and complain. Therefore, the best relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is that there is no relationship. Don't treat her like a mother, and don't treat you like a daughter. People who are not related by blood, respecting each other and keeping a distance are conducive to a harmonious relationship.