How should we say goodbye?

I have been thinking about his expression the last time I saw him, whether he was smiling or silent.

That’s right, he didn’t say much, he just put me firmly under the car and looked at me with a calm expression. I almost swallowed back the clichés that were half spoken, feeling that I Maybe it's self-indulgence. Finally, he nodded and said, "I know everything," and I felt a little vaguely reassured.

That was my first boyfriend. I had known him for almost fifteen years, and it had been two years since we broke up in March this year. It’s a lie to say that it doesn’t matter whether we meet or part ways, at least I can’t bear to part with it – the distance from Beijing to Lanzhou requires half a year to cross the mountains and rivers before two people can sit down, take a look at each other, pick up chopsticks and have a leisurely meal. .

It’s a habit, it’s a ritual.

Every time we meet again, it is a rush. We get together in a hurry, eat and talk, and then leave in a hurry. It is a waste of all the painstaking preparations before the meeting. Therefore, I can't help but feel a little sad, and wave to say goodbye. I always want to say something but stop.

So does he. But we don’t know what we want to say, and even if we have something to say, we can never say it skillfully and thoroughly. So because of this lack of skill, I had to accept this feeling of sadness, which was like an unpredictable yarn wrapped around my heart, and finally disappeared in a blur.

Most of the farewells of modern people are dull. Now that I think about it, I haven’t said "goodbye" to others properly for a long time. A "bye" concisely and concisely sentenced a gathering to a party, which is elegant and unrestrained. Turning around, I felt a little unfinished. And so are the people around me.

Sometimes I seriously reflect, should we say goodbye in a different way? Is the loneliness and detachment of thousands of years ago, when the geese are returning to the horizon, really a romance that only existed in ancient times?

A few days ago, I made an appointment with some of my high school friends in Xichuan to reminisce about old friendships. We have held this kind of gathering before, and the initial enthusiasm from everyone was staggering. Often, summer vacation gatherings are planned on May 1st, and winter vacation gatherings are organized on November 1st. However, the closer the date is, the more variables there are, and in the end, most of the time we can’t get together. Having learned lessons from the past, we planned this time only a dozen days in advance, and gave everyone the instructions. Every possible accident was carefully considered and eliminated one by one. Only then did we pack up and take the trip. The car made a vigorous trip to Xichuan.

Only when I saw everyone sitting properly in their seats did I feel relieved. I always arrive late on purpose. The beauty of being late is that when I get to the place, I can see everyone chatting and waiting. The mirror has yellow decals, and it takes some effort to comb your hair, comb the corners of your clothes, and straighten it again.

Therefore, when my friends saw me coming, they made fun of me and made fun of me. They said some unpleasant things, such as it’s hard to find a good person and hard work, but their faces were cheerful and cheerful. This is a true friend. There were only five people at that party. It was not a large group of people so we could take care of everything and talk about our love in detail. But as soon as we sat down, we couldn't help ordering food and didn't bother to chat or talk about our love.

Eating is really the most authentic way to get together, so everyone started to pick and choose, saying that this dish was sweet and that dish was salty, while smacking their mouths and raising eyebrows, saying that the kids in the class used to A is the prettiest and Xiao B is the prettiest. Xiao C and Xiao Ding are still together, but Xiao Wu’s pair have separated long ago.

After the meal is half full, the wine is served. After three rounds of wine, we finally stop talking, sigh, and ask each other a few questions about what we are busy with now and how our life is going. This is a habitual pattern.

Most of our gatherings are like this. The focus should be on the present moment, but they often focus on the present rather than the past, and each one is nostalgic for the past like a prodigal son looking back to regret his past. A little vaguely awkward, but also a little inexplicable euphemism.

In a kind of inexplicable cherishment and anxiety, there was not much food and wine left, and several people were picking at the plates. When the tips of their chopsticks were dipped in some soup, someone finally scanned the table and opened his mouth. Let's retreat. He didn't use the word "disperse", so everyone stood up for a moment, pushing each other to get up and leave, but their feet were loose.

So, bye, see you next time? I know there will always be someone among them who will say this, with a subtle and plain smile on their face - how can this be possible, we haven't seen each other for two years, how can you bear it! I suddenly took a breath and stopped them, suggesting that we should sing some children's songs again? Everyone looked back at me, first looking at each other, and then getting excited. They all took out their mobile phones and lowered their heads to reserve a private room. I know they are reluctant to let go, but no one says it. Who can tell.

So a group of us stood in the bright sun looking for a KTV. We were all blushing, and we were busy laughing at each other to cover up, chatting about one thing or another. It wasn't until I entered the private room and pressed my butt against the sofa that I felt inexplicably at ease again. I don't know if it was because I had rested my feet or my mind. After singing the song, it was already dusk outside and heading west, the lights were dimly lit, and there were more people walking on the street and it was quieter than during the day. This must be the time to say goodbye. I looked at them secretly, but they didn't look at me or each other. Their faces looked away casually, with expressions that were neither sad nor happy.

So, bye, see you next year? Someone has to say this. We waited carefully for someone to speak, but now we can’t remember it. We only remember that at the end of the night, a few people stood under the heavy shadow of the dilapidated apartment building, with dry smiles on their faces, and they just drank it. The cold wine turned into heat that surged in his chest and even steamed up his face. We have thousands of words and thoughts that are impulsive, but we are also very clear-headed and calm, and instinctively say some care-taking words that are too bad to say.

However, there is no point in talking about those clichés, so after a few sentences, the conversation became very realistic, such as "Xiao A, where are you two girls staying tonight? Let Xiao B send you there", and " "Xiao Bing, Xiao Ding, it's still early, let's go to the Internet cafe to have a game" and so on, and then there was a burst of nutritious mumbling and laughter. In the end, I saw that they were all anxious and wanted to end the politeness as soon as possible, so I waved my hand and turned around and walked into the cool night.

Behind me, a friend hurriedly came up to me and stopped me - Are you really going to leave without saying a word to us? I looked back at him, then at them, smiled and said, "Well, I'm leaving this time."

Okay, see you next year. he said.

When I left the next day, it was raining lightly outside. Although the sky was gray and unclear, it was rare to be silent. People in the station spent their parting in peace and silence. I picked up my phone and sent a note, and my friends left messages one after another, saying that they were going to the Northwest to visit me after a long vacation, because I didn't let them send me a message when I left. I replied one by one with my fingers flying, saying that I would not go back on my word.

When I finally settled down in Lanzhou, the person from Beijing called me and asked me if I would still go out to have a party when the time came. I smiled and said, yes, we must get together.

At that moment, I suddenly understood that we never said goodbye solemnly, but we hid our deep feelings and worked slowly. This was a rare romance.

This is a world where parting is popular, and none of us are good at saying goodbye. If you leave, I won’t see you off; but it doesn’t matter, as long as you come, I will pick you up no matter how hard it is.