My father's postoperative discomfort made me regret operating on my father. I often blame myself for getting depressed. What should I do?

At that time, my father's tumor grew in the gastric antrum and was almost blocked. We had surgery, because if we didn't do it, it would be completely blocked and we might face starvation, but I blame myself not for surgery, but for radiotherapy and chemotherapy. My father is suffering from signet ring cell carcinoma, which is the most malignant of gastric cancer. I knew it would definitely metastasize or recur, and there might have been metastases at that time. My father still has renal failure, and radiotherapy and chemotherapy have done him great harm, but I am worried about the spread of cancer cells, so I advised my father to do radiotherapy and chemotherapy. Radiotherapy was barely completed, and the second-stage chemotherapy was not completed. At the beginning of the third phase, I fainted because of low blood pressure, hit my head against the wall, and then fell into a coma for a week. I regret it. I regret it very much I feel that my father wouldn't have suffered so much if I hadn't advised him to be strong. I begged many people to donate blood before I saved my dad. I decided not to do radiotherapy and chemotherapy, but the damage caused by radiotherapy and chemotherapy began to appear. The creatinine increased from 130 to 170, and from 270 in the second month to 100 in almost one month. After half a year, creatinine rose to 1000, so we had to rely on dialysis, and the tumor metastasized in a large area. By the time he died, his liver had been invaded by nearly half. My mother always said that you wanted to keep your dad, no one would blame you, and you shouldn't blame yourself, but I still blame myself and cry when I think about it, but I know it's no use blaming myself again, because I will be willing to try that only chance again.

Parents are alive, how can I put it? If they die, children will always regret it. Some people say that children always owe their parents! My mother died at the end of 2019165438+10. At that time, she suddenly fell into a coma. 120 was sent to the hospital and said it was cerebral vascular occlusion. The doctor suggested thrombolytic therapy. I married a long time ago, and I came straight back after I got a call from my brother. My brother didn't say anything about thrombolysis on the phone, and I don't know. When I went back at night, I only saw my mother in a deep coma. I can't drop ten drops a minute, so I adjust it a little faster. My brother was there, and he didn't say anything. About ten minutes later, the nurse came in and saw that the liquid was getting faster. She asked who put it fast. I said it was myself, and the nurse told me it was thrombolysis, which was dangerous, so the nurse slowed down and left. About half an hour later, my mother suddenly began to vomit blood and opened her mouth. The doctor called the doctor in the Department of Gastroenterology and said that it was my mother's gastrointestinal bleeding, but it was not ruled out that it was caused by thrombolysis. After the critical notice, it is useless to insert a stomach tube to stop bleeding. My mother still vomited blood, until the next afternoon, the doctor told us that my mother was dying and asked us whether to leave the hospital or choose to die in the hospital. We took my mother home ... two and a half days later, my mother passed away in a coma ... Since then, I have been living in regret and pain, and I always feel that I killed my mother. If I hadn't put the liquid quickly, my mother wouldn't have ruptured her blood vessels and vomited blood, and my mother wouldn't have died ... but the doctor clearly told me and my family that my mother's death had nothing to do with my putting the liquid, and I still blamed myself. A few months later, I almost died. And a doctor friend of mine has been giving me analysis and comfort, and I finally got through it ... When I wrote this experience, I burst into tears. They all say that my long-married daughter is a child who has lost her parents. It's really a pity that my mother didn't say a word to me until she died. My brother didn't communicate with me and didn't tell my mother that the liquid used was our business, which led me to release the liquid soon ... If time could go back, I would give up everything.

Your starting point was to save your father, so you chose surgery. As for what will happen after the operation, no one can say for sure, and it is no wonder that it is not your fault. No regrets, no remorse, no depression. You should also treat those who should be treated, spend more time with your father, try to reduce his psychological pressure, let him slowly return to normal, and do your filial piety. I wish your father a speedy recovery.

I feel the same way when I read your story. I have witnessed my relatives get sick and even leave. I have experienced powerlessness and regret, and that kind of hatred can't replace his feelings! But some things are beyond our control. That's what the so-called "do your best and leave it to fate" means. I believe that people's fate is arranged in the dark. As long as we do our best and do our best, the rest can only be resigned to fate!

My mother was in good health before she was 80. She can attach importance to her granddaughter and grow vegetables in her hometown. After her father left, she insisted on staying in her hometown and didn't trust to leave my old house empty! One night, she turned off the TV and groped her way back to the kang without turning on the light. As a result, the kang was empty and her head was broken. Fortunately, she called the hospital quickly. We all thought it was a small accident and there would be no sequelae, but we firmly refused to let her stay in her hometown. I didn't expect that it didn't take long for her to have a cerebral hemorrhage, saying that there was a hemangioma in her head, which should be directly related to that meeting. Then the hospital director said not to have surgery, and he was 80 years old. But our daughters are unwilling, because she is in such good health, how can she just give up? Experts from Beijing were invited to do interventional surgery, which was very successful! But since then, no one can be around her, so I found her an aunt to watch.

Until August 24 last year, we were going to pick mushrooms in the mountains. I went to see her old man's house in the morning and took some beautiful photos with her. I also said, stay well and I will come back in the afternoon! Just down the mountain at noon, my second sister called and said that my mother's femur was broken, and the hospital wouldn't operate, saying that she was afraid of danger when she was old. The three of us rushed there and finally discussed going to Beijing. I thought I couldn't let her suffer like this until she recovered! The operation was very successful, and I came back after staying in Beijing for more than ten years. I didn't expect that it was only 70 days from falling to walking ... now I regret it. If I hadn't picked mushrooms that day, if I had taken conservative treatment after falling down, maybe my mother wouldn't have left with heart failure so soon!

Life is impermanent, and many things are beyond our expectation and control! I read a story that day, saying that a person learned to cross over and can go back to the past. So he wants to stop all the bad things that happen. Who wanted to stop all this, and then something unexpected happened. He has crossed it countless times, but the result is getting worse and worse! Maybe this is life? We can only be ourselves! Don't be afraid of things! Don't regret what you have done, don't dwell on it! We are kind to every relative and friend around us, and also accept all the hardships and rewards that fate has given us! I also wish you a speedy recovery from your pain. You have done your best for your father, don't torture yourself any more! Let bygones be bygones, and taking good care of mom is what we should pay attention to now!

My father had an operation, and only I disagreed, but the minority obeyed the majority and did it anyway. After living in the hospital for half a year, my father left. After my father left, my family suddenly realized that I shouldn't have this operation. But who has eyes? What if it succeeds? So, since you have done it, don't think about the past.

Don't worry about what happened, cheer up and spend more time with dad, and don't let yourself regret it!

You are a dutiful son, that's what people do. If you don't do it, the old man won't be able to eat and starve to death. It is estimated that you will regret it for a lifetime. If the old man is old, he really shouldn't suffer so much. I remember many years ago, a medical professor in Beijing, whose father had lung cancer, went home and took him to the city for examination and treatment. His father told him that there was nothing he could do about it, so he didn't have treatment. If it hurt, he took some painkillers and died safely at home for several months. The professor wrote a long article, reflecting on the hospital's treatment methods to prolong patients' lives. In fact, it prolonged the pain and there was no hope of survival. The article more than ten years ago is impressive. For the elderly, do your best and have a clear conscience.

When your family is seriously ill, no matter what choice you make, you will regret it. Ma Ma made such a program, which makes sense. You can find out.

Now I want to forget it. Everyone has his own life and his own suffering. We should do our best, especially for the elderly.

As the old saying goes, "I can't do whatever I want, but I have to be honest." Try to take care of the life and psychology of the elderly, and put everything else down.

Father's postoperative discomfort makes you regret having an operation on your father, and you often blame yourself for depression. When I want to operate on my father, I definitely want to save my life and make my father get better soon, but no one can estimate the consequences of the operation. So is my mother. Because I fell on my head and there was blood stasis in my head, the doctor said that I should open my skull to remove the blood stasis, otherwise my life would be in danger. At that time, our children also discussed it, and finally only listened to the doctor's surgery. Results After the operation, my mother didn't have a good life and had seizures from time to time. We went to ask the doctor why, saying it was the sequela of the operation, which really made us childish. Without surgery, my mother at least didn't suffer from the disease, so it dragged on for seven or eight years. In the last month, she had an attack every half hour and was killed. We had to watch her feel distressed and do nothing. Therefore, I suggest you relax. This is beyond our ability. Everyone wants to treat diseases and have surgery to save their parents and lives. I don't blame you. I'm sure your father doesn't want you to be depressed because of this. Depression is also terrible.

No matter how you choose, you will eventually feel guilty and useless. I just hope that when I am old, I will explain it to my children as soon as possible so that they will not repeat their feelings.