How does Su Dongpo, a "poisonous tongue", swear without swearing?

How does Su Dongpo, a "poisonous tongue", swear without swearing?

I think the humor, talent, talent and agility of great writers rank first, second and third respectively. In their eyes and hands, there are articles everywhere, and coughing and spitting are wisecracks. Look at Su Dongpo's humor and wit:

1, Jing Zhaoyin Gu Zidun was fat and clumsy, and people nicknamed him "Gu Tu"-Gu Butcher. On this day, Gu Zidun invited several colleagues and friends to dinner at Cixiao Temple, and Dongpo was also invited. Drink about, Gu Zidun slightly excited, climb on the table catnap. When Su Dongpo saw this, he got up and removed the dishes and wrote four words on the wine table-Gu Tu Meat Case. Make a table full of people laugh. Before Gu's play was finished, Dongpo took out thirty dollars from his pocket and threw it on the wine table. He shrugged his chin at Gu Zidun and solemnly greeted another deskmate: "Give me four or two more!" Give me the pig and cut four or two thick fat.

2. Su Dongpo once went to a local rich man's house for dinner. The local rich man was very ostentatious and let his young and gorgeous concubine come out to accompany the wine. Among the concubines, one is good at singing and dancing, with a beautiful face and a big figure, which is the favorite of the local rich. The local rich man took advantage of the great writer to attend and begged Dongpo to write a few words of praise on the topic of concubines. Without thinking, Dongpo wrote a pair of couplets: "Dance sleeves and shake thousands of feet dragon snake;" The voice turned around and it was cold for a long time. " The local rich man was happy, but the concubine understood, got up and walked away in shame.

Liu Gongfu, a calligrapher in China, got a strange disease in his later years. His hair and eyebrows fell off, and his nose collapsed. On this day, Su Dongpo and Liu Gongfu drank together and they teased each other. Dongpo ingeniously changed the poem of Liu Bang, the Emperor Gaozu: "The wind blows and the eyebrows fly, and the warrior protects the nose!"

4. The newly-built meditation room of Fo Yin in Jinshan Temple was completed. Ask Su Dongpo to write a plaque for him. Su Shi was too busy to leave, so he simply chose the word "meditation". Another day, Su Shi came to the meditation room in Fo Yin and saw the word "meditation". He wrote the words "as hard as iron" in rhyme. Fo Yin understood Dongpo's innuendo and asked, "Who knows?" Dongpo smiled and answered, "The apprentice said". Huang Tingjian was there at that time, laughing out of breath.

5. In crisp autumn, Dongpo and Zen master Fo Yin took a boat trip to Yangzhou Slender West Lake. When the boat reached the middle of the lake, Fo Yin suddenly raised a fan engraved with Su Shi's poems and threw it into the water. At the same time, singing "Water (corpse) Dongpo Poetry" loudly. Su Dongpo paused for a moment, then understood, how dare you, Fo Yin, hurt me. Dongpo looked up and saw a dog eating a bone by the lake. He blurted out, "The dog is eating a bone (monk) by the river." The two men looked at each other and high-five and laughed.

6. One day, Su Shi came to visit Prime Minister Lv Weizhong. It happened that Lord Lu was taking a nap. As a result, Su Shi waited for a long time in the living room before seeing Lv Weizhong get up lazily. Su Shi is very unhappy. He happened to see a green turtle in the fish tank of Lujia living room. He seemed to casually say to Lu, "Your six-eyed turtle is very rare." Lu Weizhong didn't know there was a mystery in Dongpo's words, so he took it and asked, "Zi Zhan, tell me where I can buy this kind of turtle." Su Shi pretended to be enthusiastic and said, "I only know that in the Tang Dynasty, a vassal state presented a six-eyed turtle to Tang Gaozong, and the disciples of Liyuan also made up a set of operas for Zhuang Zong. The lyrics are like this-stop it, listen to the slogan of this turtle, six eyes are clear, and one sleep is worth three sleeps! " "The prime minister knows that this is comparing him to a tortoise, but he still can't attack.

7. Ouyang Xiu once told Su Shi that earlier on a boat, a man fell ill due to cold, and Bai Cao died. Finally, he used the boatman's rudder to scrape off the sweat and dirt, boiled the soup with cinnabar and drank it, and recovered. Ouyang Gong went on to say: From this point of view, the so-called doctor means-taking its meaning, it can cure diseases. After listening to this, Su Shi joked: In this way, it is necessary to eradicate the laziness and stupidity of scholars at present, and "eat more pen and ink every season".

8. Fan Zhen didn't believe in Buddhism all his life. Su Shi always asked Gong Fan why he didn't believe in Buddhism. Fan said: I never believe what I didn't see with my own eyes. Su Shi immediately asked: The students were puzzled. For example, when you are sick, the doctor says your pulse is cold, you hurry to warm it, say it is hot inside you, and then you immediately remove the fire. Dare you ask Gong Zhen if he saw his pulse with his own eyes?

According to legend, Su Shi and his sister often joke. One summer, Su Xiaomei slept in broad daylight, his calf was exposed, and Dongpo happened to pass by. Miss Doby's brother, Miss Little Sister casually said, "Show your pipa legs, please play." Dongpo smiled and answered, "It doesn't matter. It is not difficult to play. " It is said that Su Xiaomei has a big forehead. When she was ten years old, her brother Su Shi once teased her: "No fragrance left, my Lord, plum makeup first appeared in front of the painting screen." Laughed at by his brother, Su Xiaomei was unambiguous and replied, "I wanted to gnash my teeth, but suddenly I heard a voice in my hair." Ironically, my brother has a beard and can't find his mouth and teeth.

10, Wang Anshi wrote a book Zi Shuo, which contains many explanations of Chinese characters. Once Su Shi met Wang Anshi and asked how to interpret the word "slope". Wang Anshi said: "Slope is the skin of the earth." Su Shi took over: According to this explanation, the word "slippery" is "the bone of water"?

Jiang Taigong met Zhou Wenwang at the age of eighty. Song Yu's "Songs of the South" said that "Taigong is ninety years old", that is to say, he met King Wen at the age of ninety and became famous in one fell swoop; However, in the words of Dong Fangshuo in the Western Han Dynasty, it was written with great certainty: "Taigong is benevolent, and there are two in seventy, so see Wu Zhou." Jiang Taigong was appreciated and reused by Zhou Wuwang at the age of seventy-two. Su Dongpo read the words of the two men and said with a smile, "Grandfather Donglai Fang Shuo lost eight years, while Song Yu gained ten years."

12. Huang Tingjian has two sentences in a poem with Su Shi's Spring Cuisine: "People are like bitter bamboo shoots, and tomorrow's spring shirts can be taken off." The general idea is that if Pu Gong really misses home and misses a bitter bamboo shoot, he might as well take off his official clothes and go home to farm and grow vegetables. Su Shi took this opportunity to say to his friends, "I don't like being an official, so Lu Zhi wants to be an official with bitter bamboo shoots." Huang Tingjian's word Lu Zhi, Su Shi pretended to tell people helplessly that I really don't like being an official, but in this way, Lu Zhi insisted that I quit my job and retire home because I like to suffer hardships.

13. When Su Dongpo was demoted to Huangzhou, he once attended a literati's family banquet. He ate an avocado at the dinner table. It was crisp and delicious. He asked his master, What's the name of this avocado? The host said there was no other name. Dongpo then asked, "Why is it brittle?" Why is it so brittle? Before the host could answer, all the guests at the table said in unison: Let's call this avocado "why is it crisp" from now on. Pan, another local official, knew that Su Shi was not good at drinking, and invited him to dinner every time, and a person put sweet wine on him. Every time Dongpo sees this, he will smile and say to the guests in his seat, "This must be the wrong water." Dongpo gradually fell in love with these two diets and wrote a poem: "There is nothing before drinking wild flowers, and the gourd is wrapped around his waist." I poured Pan Zi into the wrong water. It's better to find your family. "

14, Su Shi spent the night in Caoxi, reading "The Story of Passing Lights" by candlelight, which was so engrossed. Suddenly, a snuff fell on the book and burned the word "monk" on the book. Dongpo was immediately inspired, and immediately put pen to paper under the window, and finished a poem in one fell swoop: "The mountain hall is quiet at night, and all is read under the lamp. I didn't expect snuff to drop and I met a monk. " Be damaged by burns.

15 When Su Shi was demoted to Huizhou, there lived a small rural intellectual next door. The old scholar is seventy years old, and a concubine recently gave birth to a son. The old scholar was very happy and gave a banquet in honor of his neighbors. During the dinner, the old scholar insisted that Su Dongpo write a poem for the old son. Dongpo couldn't save face and asked the old scholar how old his concubine was. The old scholar said that he loved my concubine for thirty years. Hearing this, Mr. Po wrote a couplet: "A sage should be good at being old, but he is stubborn at the age of ancient times."

16. There was a layman named Wang in Wuchang. He had a stuttering problem. Su Shi specially wrote the following poem for him to read: "Jianggan stands high in the customs, plowing the fields and hanging the scriptures." The pole of the pole is separated from the door and has been surprised by the military chicken and dog. Let's relax, look at the scenery and give some examples of fencing songs. Jingyan provides a piece of sleep, and the dry pot is more bitter. "Wang Jushi barely read half of the book and almost died.

17, Qin Shaoyou, one of the four bachelor's degree students in Sumen, is quite narcissistic about his beard. Once he boasted in front of his teacher Su Shi and asked him, "How many gentlemen are there!" -Beautiful men are hairy! He didn't expect the teacher Su Shi to pick up a sentence below: "Xu Fan is also a villain!" -The little man has a bushy beard.

18, Su Shi was demoted for many years, and he went further and further. In order to vent his depression, he wrote a poem "Children-Washing Poems": "People adopt children who love to be clever, and I miss my life for being clever. I hope to have a simple and honest child, and the public will not be harmed. "