Private Zhao Weiguo's crosstalk lines (no website

Qi: I wish the teachers and students present a happy New Year.

Private: I'm a private.

Zhao Weiguo: I'm Zhao Weiguo. I'm here to pay a New Year call to you.

Soldier: Thank you for your encouragement. Without you, there would be no soldiers today. Every friend today is my soldier's second-generation parents!

Zhao Weiguo: Wow, that's a good point! You should ask the soldiers why they are so happy today, because they won the first place in the first evaluation of our only outstanding actor selection this year. Let us congratulate you!

Private: Thank you, thank you. As for whether you can be a soldier, you have to wait for the approval of the leaders.

Zhao Weiguo: It's called a close call.

Private: In fact, everyone knows me very well. I am indifferent to fame and fortune. I have repeatedly stated to the leaders that the golden cup and the silver cup are not as good as the people's reputation, the first prize and the second prize are not as good as the people's praise, the pig hands and chicken hands are not as good as the people's applause, and the bear's paw and goose's paw are not as good as the people's applause! thank you

Zhao Weiguo: What a rude remark!

Off-site voice: the advanced work award is coming!

Zhao Weiguo: Here it comes!

(Zhao Weiguo gets the certificate)

Zhao Weiguo: I have read it! Excellent actor award order! Actors play an exemplary role everywhere, being good at uniting comrades and helping others! I have been working hard, and my work is not split in two. After research, I decided to award Comrade Zhao Weiguo the title of excellent actor! (Soldiers prepare to bow)

Soldier: (fainting)

Zhao Weiguo: Ah, ah. Private! Private! Wake up, I didn't do anything, ambulance! Saving lives?

Soldier (getting up): Why do you need an ambulance?

Zhao Weiguo: What about saving people?

Soldier: Save who?

Zhao Weiguo: (Look carefully) Didn't you pass out?

Soldier: You wish I were dead!

Zhao Weiguo: No!

Private: (receiving commendation): Zhao Weiguo, I didn't see it!

Zhao Weiguo: You may have misunderstood.

Private: I didn't! Congratulations! Congratulations!

Zhao Weiguo: Thank you!

Soldier: Bricks will kill you! Dear friends present, my performance today is over. Goodbye! (want to cry)

Zhao Weiguo: (pulls back) Private!

Soldier: Don't touch me, touch me for nothing! Look, everybody! Excellent actors have hit people!

Zhao Weiguo: When did I hit someone?

Soldier: Why are you touching me?

Zhao Weiguo: We both have to finish cross talk!

Soldier: Sorry, you are an excellent actor. Please tell us!

Zhao Weiguo: What about you?

Soldier: I'm a backward actor now, so I'm going down, lighting sound engineer. Let's get off work together!

Zhao Weiguo: What do you mean after work?

Private: From now on, let Zhao Weiguo, an excellent actor, play on the stage all night. What did you say?/Sorry?

Thank you for your understanding! Goodbye!

Zhao Weiguo: Stop it!

Private: I can't stand it!

Zhao Weiguo: Don't you dare!

Soldier: (afraid)

Zhao Weiguo: Didn't you just not evaluate excellent actors? I have been saying just now that the audience is your second-born parents! You don't know your parents until you judge excellent actors! You are so unfilial! Come here and give your parents a present!

Soldier: Sorry, parents!

Zhao Weiguo: That's right.

Soldier: I was not normal just now!

Zhao Weiguo: Huh?

Private: I lost my temper.

Zhao Weiguo: You scared me!

Soldier: For parents' sake, I will accompany you to finish this cross talk with Zhao Weiguo! Then we went our separate ways! All right!

Zhao Weiguo: Oh, yes!

Soldier: Go!

Zhao Weiguo: Let me tell you what it means? You say our cross talk first!

Soldier: Yes, I should have said it first, but you are an excellent actor. Please speak first!

Zhao Weiguo: Is this related to excellent actors?

Soldier: Of course, it is clearly written in your commendation order that actors play an exemplary role everywhere!

If you don't speak first, whoever speaks first!

Zhao Weiguo: Say it first! Dear audience friends, good evening! Today, we will tell you a cross talk! (See soldier), this cross talk is a joke! Let them tell the joke, he can't tell it alone! You are smoking croissants!

Soldier: What now? Isn't this for you to set an example

Zhao Weiguo: When I finish my hair, it's your turn!

Soldier: You have put on your hair, I'm sorry. Please speak my words, too!

Zhao Weiguo: Why should I say what you said?

Soldier: Of course, it is clearly written in your commendation order that actors always work hard and do their duty, regardless of rank! No matter who you are talking about! So, friends, let's give a warm applause to welcome Zhao Weiguo to tell us crosstalk, shall we?

Zhao Weiguo: You can't talk alone.

Private: The applause here is not warm enough! The friends here give him a coax!

Zhao Weiguo: Stop it! You're finished, you're finished, or it's too late! You better not be here! What person!

Soldier: Do you want me to go down?

Zhao Weiguo: Get down before it's too late!

Soldier: You don't regret it?

Zhao Weiguo: I have no regrets!

Soldier: Go down if you go down!

Zhao Weiguo: That's it, an excellent actor?

Soldier: I'll go down if I have to!

(stepping off the stage) I'll sit here first!

Zhao Weiguo: (speaking on the stage) Then I'll tell you the exact story! Say we have an old man there!

Private: (sitting on the steps making trouble) Sister Liu, Sister Liu, you are here, too. Is that your husband next to Sister Liu? It's your boyfriend! No wonder you bring different people every time! (looking back), say it! Come on, let's clap and let him go on!

Zhao Weiguo: Thank you. Then I'll keep talking about the door. There's ... there's one ...

Private: Sister Zhao! Sister Zhao! Sister Zhao!

Zhao Weiguo: Go find your sister Zhao!

Private: I admit it!

Zhao Weiguo: Are you evil?

Zhao Weiguo: Let me continue. ...

Private: Mrs. Wang! Mrs. Wang!

Zhao Weiguo: You have many acquaintances there!

Soldier: What's this? You say your cross talk, I say hello! Eliminate the river!

Zhao Weiguo: If you keep saying hello, I can't say anything!

Soldier: It doesn't matter what I do. Who makes you excellent? I'm not lying to you. Who am I lying to? Mrs. Wang!

Zhao Weiguo: I beg you, can you come up?

Private: Hum! You let me down, I'll go down, you let me up, I'm the elevator!

Zhao Weiguo: What's the elevator for?

Soldier: I just found out today that sitting here is much more comfortable than sitting on it! Everyone here wants me to sit here and applaud! Thank you. Look, my parents let me sit here. I am very filial!

Zhao Weiguo: OK, OK, but there is one more thing. You can't say hello to acquaintances.

Soldier: OK, then don't fight.

Zhao Weiguo: Then I officially started to say that there is such an old man here. He likes to bet with others that he has this special function, so what? He said he could have his left eye! What you said is interesting!

Private: boring. The old man's left eye is an artificial eye. He took it out, took a bite, and then Bo put it back in. This is also called cross talk! Friends!

Zhao Weiguo: He is even better. He can have his right eye! He can't have fake eyes! This is interesting, isn't it!

Soldier: This is more interesting. The old man has a false tooth! He took it out, bit it, and then Bo put it back! How can such a person judge a good actor! I've become very strange!

Zhao Weiguo: OK, I'll give you a riddle! It's a dog from a distance, but it's a dog from a close look. Beat it and scold it. It won't go. If you pull it over, it will go. ...

Private: dead dog. Who doesn't know! It's not interesting at all.

Zhao Weiguo: From a distance, it's an electric fan. From a close look, it's an electric fan. An electric fan is an electric fan, but he just won't turn!

Private: There is no electricity!

Zhao Weiguo: It looks like a car from a distance, but it looks like a car from a close distance. ...

Soldier: No gasoline!

Zhao Weiguo: It's a car from a distance, but it's very close. ...

Private: No driver!

Zhao Weiguo: It's a car from a distance, but it's very close. ...

Private: Last time the driver went to the toilet!

Zhao Weiguo: I can't say that. Me!

Soldier: You can't talk, huh! Who made you excellent? You deserve it!

Zhao Weiguo: I'm telling you, soldier, if I say one, you can still guess.

Private: How's it going?

Zhao Weiguo: I will give you the best actor!

Private: What did you say?

Zhao Weiguo: I am talking about one. Can you guess? I'll give you an excellent actor.

Soldier: That's what you said. Please testify for me!

Zhao Weiguo: Let's testify together!

Soldier: Ask a question!

Zhao Weiguo: Go ahead.

Li: Audience friends, the soldiers and I are here to bow to you!

Zhao: I salute you!

Da: The crosstalk we are going to talk about today is our new work this year.

Li: That's right!

Rita: We'll give it to you as a Spring Festival gift.

Li: I hope you like it, hahahahaha. ...

Zhao: This mobile phone in my hand is the latest product of our company. This is a gift for today's Spring Festival.

Li: Everybody, it's fun to listen to cross talk!

Zhao: Ladies and gentlemen, mobile phones are affordable!

Big: Let's listen to friends who are willing to listen to cross talk!

Zhao: Just shout if you want a mobile phone!

Li: I'll take this part first ...

Zhao: Do you want it? One, two, three.

Li: Stop!

Li: Disrupting, isn't it? What's the matter with you?

Zhao: What do you mean by smashing a venue? I deliver free mobile phones here.

Big: Ah, you mean your mobile phone is free.

Zhao: That's right!

Big: It's free.

Zhao: Hey.

Big: Friends, this is a liar!

Li: Ladies and gentlemen, don't be fooled!

Zhao: What is a liar? Hey, a veritable free mobile phone.

Da: How can it be free?

Li: Tell me.

Zhao: This mobile phone is not only free, but also responsible for all telephone charges. You will be fined if you play less. If you play more, we will get a reward.

Li: Oh, please speak more clearly.

Zhao: I said, even if you make international calls 24 hours a day.

Li: How about that?

Zhao: We are free, too.

Li: Do you have a size?

Z: Certainly.

Li: What size?

Zhao: 74174174741

Li: Huh?

Zhao: You can remember this: piss you off, piss you off, piss you off.

Li: Why am I so angry?

Zhao: Well, I caught it. hey ...

Big: Hey, hey, hey, don't worry. Don't worry, everyone. I am a kind person.

Li: Yes!

Rita: I am a real person.

Li: I see.

Rita: I am a brave man.

Li: That's right.

Big: This is obviously a scam.

Li: Yes.

Big: I can't watch everyone being cheated.

Li: What should we do?

I'm telling you, this time, let me do it, liar. Let me get it.

Li: I am very angry with you.

Big: it's better to provoke you than to provoke me.

Li: What do you need this for?

Zhao: Have a nice call! Goodbye!

Big: Hey, come back!

Zhao: Why?

Do you really take me for 250?

Zhao: What do you mean?

Big shot: Why don't you charge for all these exciting things? You must sign a contract for me.

Li: Good!

Big: You give it to me! Give it to me!

Li: No, guilty?

Zhao: What is fake? Our company has some small conditions.

Li: What? Tell me.

Zhao: I'm afraid you can't accept it.

Li: Hey, tell me.

Zhao: When this mobile phone is talking, advertisements sometimes appear.

Li: Advertising?

Zhao: You must listen.

Li: Listening to advertisements?

I tell you, I grew up listening to advertisements, and now I don't listen to advertisements every day.

Li: How about that?

I'll catch a cold.

Zhao: What's the disease?

Zhao: You must promise to make phone calls for eight hours every day, so the fine will be less.

I want to call 18 hours. Can't you give me money?

Zhao: How clever. You can't damage the mobile phone. You must compensate for the loss.

Li: Well, you have to pay.

I'm telling you, if a piece of paint falls off this mobile phone, I'll compensate his father.

Li: Huh? Give my dad back to him?

Rita: Give him my father back!

Li: No need!

Zhao: What do I need so many dads for? Ah! Ah!

Li: What about the deed of sale? This is ...

Big: if you sign it, you can't run in black and white. Ok, let's find a place for the injection.

Zhao: An injection? See you in a month!

Li: Hey, hey, hey, you have to mess with me once.

Zhao: What, you want it too?

Li: Of course!

Zhao: Not so much!

Li: I also like listening to advertisements.

Zhao: That won't do.

Big: I want to use everything. It's free. Can you pass? Call your wife, who is fuller than Yang Guifei, and report her happiness. Hey, it's through. Hello?

Li: Hello?

Big; Honey.

Li: Who do you call Baby?

Big: I call you honey.

Li: Me. ...

Big shot: Dear, MUA, meowed, meowed.

Li: You smelly rascal!

Big: don't hang up, don't hang up, wife, it's me. Your husband is a soldier.

Li: Oh, it's Bing Bing. Bingbing, why did you choose such an unlucky number?

I was just about to give you good news. I just got a free phone call.

Li: Bing Bing, how many times have I told you that you should go to the hospital for a good check-up.

Big: I have nothing to do. What should I do in the hospital?

Li: Look at that. Last year, you picked up a free electricity meter. After installation, this word runs faster than Liu Xiang. Last month, you picked up a free refrigerator, put an egg in it the first day, and hatched six chickens the next day. Today, you picked up this free phone again. Bingbing, are your mental symptoms getting worse?

Big shot: You are crazy.

Li: You are crazy.

Big shot: You are crazy.

Li: Me. ...

Light: Are you crazy? Do you need to see a doctor?

Da: Well, here comes this advertisement.

Guang: Our hospital is internationally certified by WCC and specializes in treating various mental diseases. Tel: 747474 1.

Big: Eh, this figure is too similar to mine.

Li: Bing Bing, you asked me to see a mental illness.

David Attenborough: I didn't say that. This is a telephone advertisement.

Li: What advertisements can there be on the mobile phone?

Big: Otherwise, how can we call it a toll-free number? People say that you must listen to advertisements. If I hit him less, I will get angry. If I hit him more, I will reward him.

Li: Bingbing, do you treat me like a fool and want to make me happy?

Wide; Fool broad beans, the more you eat, the funnier you get!

Li: You are making fun of me again!

Light: Acne cream, fight acne in the end!

Li: Oh dear! Bingbing, you are angry with me!

Don't be angry, wife. That's an advertisement!

Li: What advertisement?

L: These are two advertisements.

Li: Bingbing, I can't live with you like this!

Do you want a divorce?

Li: Huh?

Guang: Do you want to start a new life?

Li: I think!

Guang: Then come to the divorce office where Yuanyang was beaten. This office has not remarried!

Li: Oh dear!

Why did I receive such an immoral advertisement?

Li: Bing Bing, you found everything! Tomorrow morning, I will divorce you!

Da: Oh, gnome male-",wife gnome male-"?

Da: No, my wife misunderstood. Last year, he said he wanted to divorce me. Call my mother-in-law to explain. Hello?

Li: Who is it?

Lao Niang, it's me. Your son-in-law is a soldier.

Li: It's a soldier. What happened? Did the couple quarrel?

Big: No quarrel.

Li: No quarrel. Are you divorced?

Do n't go by what she says It was a misunderstanding!

Li: This is a misunderstanding. All right, all right. I'm relieved to hear that.

Don't worry, I'm just calling to congratulate you on the New Year.

Li: Thank you.

I wish you a happy new year. ...

Li: How's it going recently?

Guang: fever and chills, weakness of limbs, backache and cold hands and feet.

Li: Bingbing, I didn't scold you.

G: Please use the new medicine-Stretching Legs and Staring Pills.

Li Heda: Oh dear!

Li: Bing Bing, you are scolding me!

Don't be angry, old lady. This is an advertisement.

Li: Well, advertisements, look at my health. It really makes me sick.

G: Do you have stomachache, bloating and stomach cramps?

Li: My stomach has stopped hurting!

G: Do you have headache, dizziness and head spasm?

Li: I'm not dizzy either.

G: Do you have urgency, frequent urination and spasm?

Li: Will there be any pain in urine?

G: Please use Chili diapers. One pair of pants is four pairs of pants!

Li Heda: Oh dear!

I said, can you stop this advertisement for a while? Mom, are you okay?

Li: I'm fine. Tomorrow morning, let our daughter divorce you!

Big: This old lady!

Big: My father-in-law called! Explain to his old man's house quickly

Da: Hello, Dad.

Li: Don't call me dad, I don't have a dad like you at all!

Big: huh?

Li: Wrong! I don't have an uncle like you!

Da: Oh, Dad, don't be angry. Let me explain!

Li: explain to me what, if you are angry with your mother, I will fight you!

Guang: Brand boxing gloves are effective with one punch and lose teeth with two punches!

Li: Good boy, you have to use force with me. Ok, I'll find someone who can use it. ...

G: Do you need a kitchen knife? Hemp seed kitchen knife, extremely sharp!

Li: Oh, you want to play with me!

Da: Dad, how dare I touch a knife with you here! I want to invite you to dinner!

Li: You are angry with me. What can you buy me to eat?

Light: powerful rat poison, one pill will work!

Li: Good boy, you have to give me medicine to die. This is not a son-in-law. I'm going to the police station to sue you! Wow-

Big: Dad, Dad!

David Eddie: I knew it. Cheap goods are not good, good goods are not cheap! Call whoever offends you and don't want money. Simply, I'll turn it off!

This mobile phone reminds you that if you don't play for 8 hours today, you will be fined 65,438+10,000 yuan!

Li: Me. ...

Machine: this mobile phone reminds you: damage your mobile phone and compensate your father.

Big: keep playing.

Hey, sister-in-law, I am your brother-in-law. Why can't you hear me? It's my fault, not the widow, but my brother-in-law ... help!

Light: If you want to be healthy, use it sooner or later. I see Bao Xiao every day. See Bao Xiao every day! ……

Zhao: A month has passed. Let me see how the person who uses the toll-free phone is now.

Zhao; Teacher Jin Dou, have you ever seen a soldier?

Li: Soldier, I haven't seen you for over a month!

Zhao; Is anybody there?

Li: Let me see, let me see.

Li and Zhao: Hey, here we come!

Big: Old wine is easy to drink. ...

Zhao: We have another volunteer advertising promoter!

Zhao: Hi, how are you?

Big: I won't get sick this year, I won't get sick, I won't get sick, I won't get sick, and I will take painkillers when I get sick. Antonin, Antonin, Antonin ...

Zhao: Soldier, what's it like to call for free?

Great: Great, flying feeling!

Zhao: How about your mobile phone?

Big: whether the mobile phone is good or not, whoever uses it knows!

Zhao: This hair needs washing!

Yes, it is healthier to wash.

Li: Look, they are all standing up!

Big: I choose, I like it.

Li and Zhao: Why?

Big: It's good to be a woman.

The wonders of Hundred Family Names? soldier

A: Come here, come here, come here. What's your name?

Hey, hey, hey ... hey, hey, hey ... I can't remember ~

Let's test you. What's this (sticking out a finger)?

B: Fried dough sticks.

What is this? (stretching out two fingers)

B: Two fried dough sticks.

What's this (sticking out five fingers)

B: A handful of fried dough sticks.

A: You only know a fried dough stick. Study hard. Read: Li Qiansun Zhao

B: Qiansun Zhao Li.

A: Qian Sun Zhao Li.

Teacher, I feel dizzy. (Bob ...)

You turn in the other direction. The following is Zhou Wuwang.

B: Zhou Wuwang.

A: Zhou Wuwang.

B: Zhou Wuwang. Teacher, my eyes are black. ...

A: Don't interrupt. What's on it?

Is it up there? That's the roof above.

A: Even the roof is exposed.

A: Qian Sun Zhao Li.

Oh, yes, Li Qiansun.

A: What's next?

Next? Forgot again.

I just taught you.

B: Ah. I just forgot.

A: Read together.

I completely forgot.

A: Qian Sun Zhao Li. (Angry)

Oh, by the way, Zhao.

Where is the money?

B: Money? It's all spent

How much did you spend?

I bought fried dough sticks.

A: Yes.

A: Let me explain it to you to deepen your impression. Qian Sun and Zhao are teachers Zhao. See? Me, Miss Zhao.

B: Oh. Me, Miss Zhao.

A: This is Miss Zhao! (angry again)

B: I'm Miss Zhao.

Are you Miss Zhao?

Hi, I'm Miss Zhao.

A: You are not stupid. Money, money is used to pay tuition.

Oh, pay. Hey, I handed it in once. Why do you have to hand it in again? Are you cheating money?

I'm too lazy to talk to you. Go ahead. Sun is a little grandson. Lee, don't mention it. Friday, my king. Zhou, this is preserved egg porridge. Wu, is much ado about nothing, lawless. Zheng saw that the situation was not serious. The king is the king of beasts.

Oh, it's that big tiger, right?

A: Whatever you say. You got it?

I see.

Can you talk?

Yes, I can. (hesitates for about 3 seconds) I can't keep up with the teacher, so I have to come and talk.

A: Then come and talk about it.

B: Come here: big tiger, indecent and lawless preserved egg porridge. Little grandson, that's ridiculous. It is teacher Zhao who cheats money. Hey, hey, hey ... (the last sentence points to a)