Does anyone have all the lines in Guo Degang's "The Prodigal Son" (note that they are not classic lines)?

Guo: The two hosts just now are very good, Li Yong and Zhu Jun, the two girls are very beautiful.

Yu: Two girls? What are they looking at?

Guo: Today is a good day.

Yu: Yes.

Guo: New Year’s Eve.

Yu: Yes.

Guo: The boundless spring scenery, the sea and the clear river.

Yu: Oh?

Guo: It looks the same every year, and it weighs more every year. Only a great hero can subdue a tiger; a true hero subdues a dragon. The full moon brings good flowers, and life will be prosperous. Student Guo Degang pays tribute to my parents who provide food and clothing, and wishes you all a happy New Year!

Yu: Okay, what a good word.

Guo: Come on, let Teacher Yu say a few words.

Yu: Can I say that too?

Guo: It’s Chinese New Year, let’s say a few auspicious words.

Yu: Okay, okay. I wish...

Guo: Later. Which hospital?

Yu: What is which hospital?

Guo: Look, this guy doesn’t know how to be funny.

Yu: No, this is a big holiday...

Guo: I lost face with just one sentence.

Yu: What’s wrong with you?

Guo: I’m kidding you!

Yu: Just kidding.

Guo: That’s because your IQ balance is obviously insufficient.

Yu: Huh?

Guo: Find a place to recharge quickly.

Yu: Where can I buy a card?

Guo: On this occasion, you need to speak loudly.

Yu: What should I say?

Guo: I’ll teach you.

Yu: You said.

Guo: Eh. I hope that the country will be peaceful and the people are safe, the harvest will be plentiful, and the per capita GDG will reach...

Yu: Wait a minute, what is GDG?

Guo: What should it be?

Yu: That’s GDP.

Guo: What do you mean?

Yu: Gross domestic product.

Guo: Yes. You are talking about GDP.

Yu: Yes

Guo: I’m talking about GDG.

Yu: What is GDG?

Guo: Guo Degang spells it all.

Yu: Huh? The full spelling of your name?

Guo: I hope GDG is happy.

Yu: You just want to be happy.

Guo: You are very happy, and I must be happy too.

Yu: That’s right.

Guo: Teacher Yu is very happy.

Yu: I’m really good.

Guo: Life is going very well at home and work is going very well.

Yu: Yes.

Guo: He often said that now is the time for me to become a god.

Yu: Pretty much the same.

Guo: I’m still singing with my family.

Yu: What should I sing?

Guo: "Be a god, have boundless happiness, have a happy family, celebrate the New Year together, perm your hair, drink alcohol, and smoke. (Singing)"

Yu: Hi. I sang out all my feelings.

Guo: Anyone familiar with Teacher Yu knows that Brother Qianer has three major hobbies.

Yu: Yes...

Guo: Smoking, drinking, and perming my hair.

Yu: This is so popular.

Guo: You know him too well.

Yu: Hahaha.

Guo: Brother Qianer thinks this little hobby is very enjoyable and very happy.

Yu: That’s true.

Guo: What is happiness?

Yu: You said...

Guo: Fortunately, good luck means avoiding disaster; blessing, wealth and longevity.

Yu: Explain it this way.

Guo: To put it simply, when people’s desires are satisfied, it is called happiness.

Yu: Oh. So are you satisfied?

Guo: I am on the road to satisfaction.

Yu: Huh? Can't you come back?

Guo: Just try your best.

Yu: Ah.

Guo: I am a strong person.

Yu: You can see it.

Guo: In fact, I have done everything over the years, and I even did business!

Yu: What kind of business are you doing?

Guo: My biggest business is coal.

Yu: This is not small.

Guo: Yes. From Pingdingshan in Henan, coal was taken out and transported to Datong in Shanxi.

Yu: Good guy, I have to pay for it with death.

Guo: I was confused when I got there, why is it cheaper than me?

Yu: Just say yes.

Guo: I just learned that this is also the place of production.

Yu: Yes.

Guo: Get the coal from Datong quickly and transport it to Pingdingshan.

Yu: Okay, you know these two places of origin, right?

Guo: In those few years, even those who were poor could no longer survive. He didn't even have a bed to sleep on.

Yu: Yes?

Guo: Put a band-aid on it.

Yu: Huh? Where is this covered?

Guo: I can’t sleep because of nothing.

Yu: That’s because I have insomnia.

Guo: Staring at the ceiling.

Yu: Can’t sleep.

Guo: Oh, I’m so anxious that I can’t help it.

Yu: Think of an idea.

Guo: You have to count sheep when you sleep.

Yu: This is a way.

Guo: A sheep, snoring.

Yu: Are you sleeping? Okay, you call it lack of sleep, you know?

Guo: I would like to go to Shaanxi.

Yu: Why go there?

Guo: I took out two terracotta warriors and horses and sold them outside.

Yu: Oh. Do you want to knock down the Terracotta Warriors and Horses?

Guo: Yes.

Yu: This can’t be done.

Guo: What?

Yu: First of all, let’s talk about breaking the law. Then there is the Terracotta Warriors, which everyone counts every night.

Guo: Counting points every night?

Yu: Of course.

Guo: This is too high-tech.

Yu: Is this high-tech?

Guo: Yes, there is someone on duty in the middle of the night.

Yu: Yes.

Guo: A flashlight shined in the middle of the night, No. 45...

Audience: Here we are! ……

Yu: Oops.

Guo: Did you see that there are more than ten numbers for No. 45?

Yu: Okay, what’s the number 45?

Guo: It’s a matter of going back and forth without interrupting.

Yu: That’s it.

Guo: Yes, that makes sense. Why? Are you and your father busy?

Yu: What are you going to do?

Audience: I’m free! ...

Yu: Is it me who is idle, or is my father idle? (To the audience)

Guo: No booing! You are all people with ID cards.

Yu: Hahaha.

Guo: If you have free time, I'll cover you two with mud and just stand there.

Yu: Huh?

Guo: I earned money to pick you up.

Yu: Why don’t you make money?

Guo: The country won’t suffer either.

Yu: Yes, then we both will die.

Guo: This is a joke.

Yu: Just kidding.

Guo: You said private business is not easy to do.

Yu: Yes.

Guo: Just be like my second uncle.

Yu: Your second uncle...

Guo: Have you seen my second uncle?

Yu: I really haven’t added it yet.

Guo: He has a big back and wears glasses. He is a great person in the workplace.

Yu: Oh?

Guo: Chairman, general manager, financial director, and security captain.

Yu: Why are you also the security captain?

Guo: That means, anyone who raises an opinion will be beaten.

Yu: That’s awesome. How big of a deal is this?

Guo: Not very old, he is just a department-level cadre.

Yu: Not big?

Guo: Don’t look down upon me. I always take people from my unit abroad for inspections when I have nothing to do.

Yu: Oh, cross-border business.

Guo: He has a name, which is called liberating the mind and broadening the horizons.

Yu: There is such a name.

Guo: Hey, everyone is going abroad on a big yacht.

Yu: Oh.

Guo: Yacht, everyone! "Let's paddle the oars (singing)"

Yu: Hi! Is this a yacht? This?

Guo: I’ve never been on one and I don’t understand. Anyway, big yachts are pretty big.

Yu: Yes.

Guo: When I went abroad, I encountered pirates at sea.

Yu: That’s dangerous.

Guo: Pirates of the Caribbean. Holding a gun, "Stop!". Just stop the yacht.

Yu: That’s right.

Guo: The second uncle has to ask, what are you doing?

Yu: Yes.

Guo: I want money!

Yu: Oh?

Guo: I’m all scared. My second uncle is fine, "It doesn't matter, how much does it cost?"

Yu: Yes.

Guo: "I want 500,000!" "I'll give you 1 million, and give me an invoice for 2 million."

Yu: Hey, good guy! What an idea this is!

Guo: The pirates all cried.

Yu: Really?

Guo: You are still ruthless in making money.

Yu: Yes, he has no idea.

Guo: We can’t compete with him.

Yu: That is.

Guo: But I have my own wishes.

Yu: What is your wish?

Guo: I really hope I can succeed one day.

Yu: Oh?

Guo: I can make a lot of money.

Yu: Rich.

Guo: I just spend money to death!

Yu: How can I spend money?

Guo: I’ll eat it.

Yu: Just eat?

Guo: I’ll have breakfast.

Yu: I’ve never had breakfast before!

Guo: I make fried dough sticks, sesame cakes, twists, fried cakes, and egg-filled cakes. I put three eggs in the egg-filled pancakes. If anyone asks, I will tell you that I am laundering money!

Yu: Never heard of it! Has anyone used eggs to fill cakes to launder money?

Guo: Eat something good. Braised beef.

Yu: This line.

Guo: Stewed chicken with mushrooms.

Yu: Not bad.

Guo: Braised pork ribs with green onions

Yu: Very good.

Guo: Tell me, where should I drink?

Yu: Instant noodles.

Guo: As the old saying goes, it is better to make instant noodles with others than to make things convenient for them.

Yu: Never heard of it.

Guo: Hey, eat the candy triangle, insert a straw and sip the candy.

Yu: Oh. How sweet.

Guo: What are you afraid of? I have money to buy mineral water.

Yu: Drink water.

Guo: Who goes to the courtyard to drink water now?

Yu: Clean the drinking water pipe.

Guo: I also want to try what the mineral water tastes like. Ton, ton, ton, ton, poof, it’s watered down!

Yu: Nonsense! That's water.

Guo: Eat well, chicken, duck, fish, seafood, pastries, fried sauce, all in one pot.

Yu: Ouch.

Guo: I opened an egg and smelled it.

Yu: It smells so good.

Guo: Even the pot has to be thrown away.

Yu: Isn’t that the smell?

Guo: Eating is not a big deal, the key is dressing well.

Yu: Hey, clothes.

Guo: A sea dragon hat, an otter coat, wolf skin pants, a dog skin vest, a rex rabbit mask, and a mink fur scarf.

Yu: What month are you in?

Guo: It’s the third volt of June.

Yu: Huh? Isn't it hot wearing this?

Guo: What am I afraid of when I’m hot? I’m rich. Eight people followed me holding fans. Several cars and soldiers followed me. Two doctors supported me, a stretcher followed behind me, and a group of nurses followed me holding cardiotonic needles. Then wait for me.

Yu: Isn’t this enough? Is this it?

Guo: Rich!

Yu: Stop talking.

I heard it. From what you said, you are a typical prodigal!

Guo: What happened to the prodigal son? I do! Is it enough to just eat, drink, and buy some clothes?

Yu: What else are you planning?

Guo: I’m still buying a watch!

Yu: Watch?

Guo: How fresh is it?

Yu: What happened to the watch?

Guo: Not only do I dare to buy it, I also dare to wear it!

Yu: Oh.

Guo: Not only do I dare to wear it, I also dare to show it!

Yu: Ah.

Guo: Not only is it exposed, I don’t have to cover it! Not only am I not covering it up, I am also happy!

Yu: Okay, please stop shaking your head.

Guo: The big gold watch weighs about 20 pounds.

Yu: This is a gold watch. Is this a water meter?

Guo: This arm costs 12 yuan.

Yu: Bring a row.

Guo: World famous watch.

Yu: Oh.

Guo: Hey, the 12 pieces are evenly arranged. For these 12 pieces of watches, my suit is half-pulled and half-sleeved.

Yu: Okay. This has to be done alone.

Guo: Hey. Buy a mobile phone.

Yu: Mobile phone?

Guo: Buy the best mobile phone. Buy two.

Yu: Two?

Guo: One for this room and one for that room.

Yu: How to fight?

Guo: Fight for yourself. He dialed "Hello?" He put it down and ran to the inner room. He picked it up and said, "Hello, hello, who are you?" Then he came back and said, "I'm Guo Degang." He ran back and said, "I'm Guo Degang too!"

Yu : Isn’t this nonsense!

Guo: "Oh, what a coincidence, what a coincidence, keep in touch!"

Yu: Why keep in touch!

Guo: Two!

Yu: Give it to yourself.

Guo: That is. Buy a refrigerator.

Yu: Refrigerator?

Guo: A three-door refrigerator. It's frozen at the top, refrigerated in the middle, and the ashes are removed through the inner door on the ground floor.

Yu: Okay, this is the stove.

Guo: Buy a washing machine, buy two!

Yu: Are these two?

Guo: This is the wash.

Yu: Where is the inner one?

Guo: Go with me.

Yu: Okay, I’m still tied up.

Guo: Buy a TV, buy 40 TVs.

Yu: Why use it?

Guo: Just tune one channel for one channel and free up a wall to cover all the channels. Sitting in the room is like sitting in an electronics city.

Yu: Wouldn’t it be better for you to go to the Electrical Appliance City?

Guo: On New Year’s Eve, all tunes will be set to Central 1.

Yu: Why?

Guo: There is Guo Degang tonight!

Yu: Hey.

Guo: Buy a car!

Yu: There are also cars.

Guo: A car with 13 doors open.

Yu: Oh.

Guo: There are 15 drivers sitting inside.

Yu: Where are you sitting?

Guo: I'm running behind.

Yu: You must have a good body.

Guo: That’s not wrong. I also take supplements.

Yu: Are there any supplements?

Guo: Deer antler.

Yu: Ouch.

Guo: A whole rack of deer antlers. Riding on a deer, holding its head and gnawing.

Yu: Good guy. You have to eat channeling blood.

Guo: There is a song that praises me for riding a deer.

Yu: How to sing?

Guo: "I'll ride on, little donkey (singing)". Inside is the Avatar

In: Avatar! Don't understand anything.

Guo: Hey, let’s eat. Cordyceps sinensis is ground into powder and made into porridge.

Yu: Just pickles.

Guo: That’s fine.

Yu: Just pickles.

Guo: The ginseng is cut into strips and dried. Grab some five-spice noodles, pick up the bowl, and bring two bowls.

Yu: Okay, is this the sound of eating? Get angry again!

Guo: It doesn’t matter if you get angry, just buy some medicine. Just get a bottle of motherwort ointment and a dozen of it will be enough.

Yu: Hey, what an idea.

Guo: Of course.

Yu: You, stop talking. I have to talk about you.

Guo: Ah

Yu: There is an old saying that gold has no seed and comes from a diligent and thrifty family. You can't live like this, you don't live like this!

Guo: Who should I live with? I'm single, who should I live with?

Yu: Huh?

Guo: Hey, that’s right. How can I be a bachelor? I have to get a wife.

Yu: I just remembered this.

Guo: Hey, right, right, right. I have to get a wife.

Yu: Yes, yes.

Guo: Who do you think I should marry?

Yu: What does it mean to marry someone else? You have to find someone to marry who is not married.

Guo: Yes, find someone who is not married. After asking, I found out that Teacher Yu has a younger sister.

Yu: My sister?

Guo: Half-sister!

Yu: That has nothing to do with me.

Guo: Lives in Antarctica.

Yu: How far is it?

Guo: It’s a princess.

Yu: Oh.

Guo: Princess Ayi!

Yu: Good guy. How could a turtle be found in such a cold place?

Guo: The princess is attracted to me.

Yu: Yes?

Guo: Said he wanted to marry me.

Yu: Okay.

Guo: This is called down-marrying. Do you know what down-marrying means?

Yu: You said...

Guo: I just won’t let it be sold.

Yu: Hi, two meanings.

Guo: The princess came out of Antarctica and came to me in a black car.

Yu: You will wait a moment. The princess still takes a black car?

Guo: It’s cheap.

Yu: Pictures are cheap.

Guo: Princess, let’s meet at the door. I happen to be playing swordplay with the person at the door.

Yu: You’ve been acting mean all the way to the door.

Guo: Where should I play?

Yu: What do you mean by playing with whom? Practice swordsmanship.

Guo: I am practicing being mean.

Yu: I have to be mean to kill this guy.

Guo: When the princess got off the plane, I was very moved when her eyes met.

Yu: Yes?

Guo: Thank you, princess. May all lovers in the world get married eventually. It was decided in the previous life. Don’t miss your marriage.

Yu: Really awesome.

Guo: The princess was also very moved.

Yu: She said...

Guo: "I haven't paid for the car yet! (pouring)"

Yu: What does it taste like? this?

Guo: How dare you ask for money for a black car? Call the authorities to arrest him.

Yu: What a loss!

Guo: As soon as I said to arrest him, the driver of the black car got out and turned around and ran away.

Yu: That’s right.

Guo: I’m running while I’m looking at myself.

Yu: What are you calling?

Guo: "I will come back!"

Yu: Okay, the driver of the black car has changed to Gray Wolf.

Guo: Leave this car to me.

Yu: Why is it used?

Guo: Tie it to my car and change the number to 17 to open the door.

Yu: Good guy, add a few more sections.

Guo: He asked the princess, "Come and see our new house."

Yu: Oh, let's visit.

Guo: Four floors.

Yu: That’s great.

Guo: Three floors underground.

Yu: That’s a bungalow!

Guo: Oops. Come on in and take a look. Two servants followed with a globe.

Yu: What are you doing?

Guo: Afraid of getting lost.

Yu: As for that?

Guo: "Come on, this is our living room. It's magnificent and decorated with carved beams and painted pillars."

Yu: Okay.

Guo: Come, come, take a look, be very particular. There are famous calligraphy and paintings hanging on the wall.

Yu: Yes.

Guo: Tang Bohu’s beauties, Mi Yuanzhang’s landscapes, Liu Shi’an’s fans, Zheng Banqiao’s Fuwa.

Yu: Never heard of it!

Guo: A set of five cards.

Yu: Is that Zheng Banqiao’s?

Guo: Look here again. Here is a couplet handwritten by Emperor Qianlong.

Yu: What he wrote is...

Guo: A drop of wine for the driver, and two lines of tears for the relatives.

Yu: What a mess.

Guo: Let’s go up to this house and take a look.

Yu: Where is this room...

Guo: This room is our bathing room.

Yu: Oh, bathroom.

Guo: There are two pools, one big and one small. There was no water in the small pool to wash my feet.

Yu: How can I wash my feet without water?

Guo: Dry cleaning.

Yu: Lengru.

Guo: There is milky white liquid in the big pool bath.

Yu: What?

Guo: The princess was confused, "Is this fish soup? (Pour)"

Yu: This one is going crazy with hunger.

Guo: She thought it was fish soup. She took a spoon and tasted it, but it wasn’t true. I said give it to me and I’ll have a taste. Hey, milk!

Yu: Ho.

Guo: Milk bath. You try again. She gave me a spoonful, she gave me a spoonful, and we both tasted half of the pot.

Yu: Good guy.

Guo: It’s time to prepare the princess. The big gold chain weighs 40 kilograms, the gold bracelet weighs 50 kilograms, and the gold anklet weighs 120 kilograms.

Yu: This is the princess. Won't he be arrested?

Guo: Everything is for the purpose of spending money.

Yu: Spending money just for the sake of spending money?

Guo: That’s right!

Yu: You can't do this. Let me tell you, wake up and stop dreaming, this won't work. There is an old saying that success comes from diligence and frugality, failure comes from extravagance. Such a good life makes it difficult for you to live so well.

Guo: I, can I still survive?

Yu: Of course!

Guo: This is called bullying. When I get married, I am willing to spoil it, and I am willing to lavish it. That is my business.

Yu: Yourself?

Guo: Of course, I will set up a hundred tables for him.

Yu: One hundred tables?

Guo: Treat one hundred tables.

Yu: Getting married?

Guo: I think it’s pretty good.

Yu: Ah.

Guo: Someone is setting up 200 tables in the restaurant next door.

Yu: Oh.

Guo: It makes me crazy. I don’t accept it.

Yu: That is.

Guo: I have to go and have a look.

Yu: Let’s take a look.

Guo: Why should he set up two hundred tables?

Yu: Yes.

Guo: When I saw it there, I was convinced.

Yu: What?

Guo: It’s public funds.

Yu: Oh? Not your own money.

Guo: Annual meeting of the unit. There are 30 people in this unit and 200 tables are set up.

Yu: Public money can’t be so bad.

Guo: The waiter was packing up the things. When I took a look, all the garbage was delicious.

Yu: What is there to eat?

Guo: Stir-fried belly with meat and fish fillets, fried kidneys with vinegar and fried pork ribs, lotus root with pine flower protein, and tripe with jellyfish are full of flavor. Four are cold and four are hot. These eight dishes are all delicacies from the mountains and seas. Unparalleled in the world (singing).

Yu: Good guy, what a waste!

Guo: I won’t compare with him.

Yu: No comparison?

Guo: Just finish my hundred tables.

Yu: One hundred tables.

Guo: There are a hundred tables.

Yu: How many people are invited?

Guo: Just one person.

Yu: Why are you alone?

Guo: I have no friends and I have no relatives.

Yu: Don’t you have a second uncle?

Guo: It’s taken care of.

Yu: How to deal with it?

Guo: We’ll deal with it when we get back from the sea.

Yu: Good guy.

Guo: Anyway, here comes a person who is also my friend. He comes up with a cup and says, "Brother, they all say that I am a prodigal son and are not willing to play with me. You are here to look down on me." I, I have plenty of money, just tell me, I will agree to whatever you plan to do, and I am willing to meet your request."

Yu: OK.

Guo: When I told him, he was happy, "Don't say anything else, just give me back the taxi inside."

Yu: It's a black cab driver!