Comb hair, chop wood and travel around the world.

From tomorrow on, write to everyone I love.

Tell them my happiness,

What did the lightning of happiness tell me,

I will distribute it to each of them.

Give every river and mountain a warm name.

Stranger, I will also wish you happiness.

I wish you a bright future!

May you lovers get married!

May you be happy on earth.

I only want to face the sea and spring blossoms.

I don't know why, at that moment, I thought of these words: "feed horses, cut wood and travel around the world."

It seems that I can't find my own reason why I suddenly think of these words, hope or struggle. This may be my expectation of the past, or I can say these words. The struggle behind this poem can better represent my current thoughts.

This poem "Facing the Sea, Spring Blooms" should be a modern poem that I liked the first time I read it. I read many modern poems at that time, including Wang Guozhen, Gu Cheng and Haizi. I prefer Haizi to Wang Guozhen and Gu Cheng. I like that he can fully express his heart in ordinary words, such as the above song "Facing the sea, spring blossoms".

Many people will think this is a hopeful poem, because he said, "Be a happy person, feed horses, chop firewood and travel around the world", and he also said, "I have a house facing the sea, and spring blossoms". Yes, this is the expectation and yearning for life. But just reading these words is meaningless. Without the background of poetry creation, it is impossible to fully understand what the poet wants to express when writing these words. Facing the sea, spring blossoms, written in June 1989 65438+ 10/3. On March 26th, more than two months later, Haizi committed suicide by lying on the tracks near Shanhaiguan. I don't think his mood has changed from positive to complete darkness in more than two months. Think about it, he wrote in 1987: "When I stand in front of you in pain/you can't say I have nothing/you can't say I have nothing." And "the wheat field, the pain of mankind/is the poem and light he radiates!"

I think Haizi's more struggles have been expressed in his words.

I prefer to understand the words "feeding horses, chopping wood and traveling around the world" as the inner exile that Haizi hopes to get. In the pursuit of life, I hope to get inner peace. However, hope is only hope, and the hope he gets only means that he didn't get it. Just when I desperately hope to get inner peace at this time, I can't calm down anyway. Only by writing these words can I have a moment of silence.

I know, I'm not in the right state now. Many people have also told me that it is time to let go.

But I can't stop thinking. I've thought a lot. I wonder what it would be like if it weren't for this. I wonder what it would be like if it really happened. I'm thinking, what should I do and how to face everything if there are still ifs. Everything is boiling in my head, and I can't stop.

I want to stop, but my brain can't stop. I also want to "feed horses, cut firewood and travel around the world".