Whether it is safe for girls to go out with knives or condoms, all the previous answers are very weak.

Just now, I made my finger into the shape of a gun and pointed it at the middle of my wife's skull. Then I asked my wife, if this is a real gun and the bullet went through, you are not dead yet. Why? My wife stayed cute for five seconds and said weakly, yes, is it because I have no brain?

1, one day, all the girls were discussing the safety of the trip. Unconsciously, the focus of the problem shifted to "When girls go out, should they bring a knife or a condom for safety?" On this sensitive issue. Just when everyone was talking about spring, a cold voice came out: "I only bring AIDS reports ..."

2. An idiot drove off the expressway, and the traffic police came to salute: Hello, Master, you are the 10,000 th driver who passed this newly-built expressway. According to the regulations, you will be rewarded with 5000 yuan. The reporter came to interview: hello, master, I'm sure I'm very happy to get this money, so what are you going to do when you go back? Idiot said: I want to go back and get a driver's license first. Hearing this, the traffic police next to him said: driving without a license! I'm coming. His daughter-in-law said in the passenger seat: Comrade policeman, don't listen to his nonsense, you are drunk. Hearing this, the traffic police: drink and drive! The second shipment took out all the buckles. At this time, his mother-in-law stuck her head out of the window at the back and cried, I tell you, don't drive the stolen car, don't drive, you have to drive out for a trip …

3. My girlfriend wants to buy an iphone. I said, "I'll give you half, but you have to stay with me for one night first." After that, I took out a dollar and gave it to her. She asked me doubtfully, "Isn't it half?" Why a dollar? "I patiently told her:" Honey, half of the iphone is one, right? "

4. once I went to take a shit, the brother next door said, "brother, what brand of paper towel do you use?" It smells delicious. Can you show it to me? I handed it impatiently, and then, it was gone. I spent the whole day in the toilet. Who is that son of a bitch? Dare to stand up for me

A lady called the architect and said that her bed would shake whenever the train passed by. "This is nonsense," the building replied. "Let me see." After the architect arrived, his wife suggested that he lie on the bed and experience the feeling when the train passed by. Hardly had the architect gone to bed when his wife's husband came back. Seeing this, he snapped, "What are you doing in my wife's bed?" The architect replied trembling, "I said I was waiting for the train." Would you believe it? "

6. Just now, on the bus, an old man suddenly came over. I didn't even think about giving up my seat decisively. The old man was very moved. As a result, the old man said that you are a good young man, so let's become sworn brothers. I said the old man lived a long life this year, and the old man said 93. I said ok, but I really can't find a reason to refuse. The old man knelt down and said, I don't want to be born on the same day in the same year, but please ... as soon as I heard this, my leg.

7. Lobster took the bus and accidentally bumped into abalone. Abalone said angrily, "Are you blind?" The lobster was stunned: "Of course I am a shrimp. Are you faking it?"

8. When I was a child, I saw my aunt eating the sugar spit out from her son's mouth and felt very loving. When I went home for dinner, I put a bite of my own meat in my mother's bowl to see if she ate. My mother threw away the meat when she saw me. I didn't make any noise. I just cried silently while eating ... My parents went to bed at night, and I packed my things and prepared to run away from home. Mom heard the noise and came out to ask me what was going on. I cried and said,' Thank you for raising me for so many years. I want to find my birth mother, and I will come back when I find it! "Then ... then I was beaten ... I was twelve years old. ...

9. Just now, I made my finger into the shape of a gun, pointed it at the middle of my wife's skull, and bam, there was a gunshot. Then I asked my wife, if this is a real gun and the bullet went through, you are not dead. Why? My wife was in a daze for five seconds and said weakly ... Really ... Is it because I have no brain?

10, a buddy's house is on fire. He called the police and said, 1 19? My house is on fire. 1 19: Where is it? He: At my house. 1 19: Be specific. He: In my kitchen. 1 19: I said your current position. He: I'm lying under the table. How do we get to your house? He: Don't you have a fire truck? 1 19: burn your son of a bitch!

1 1. I suddenly got a call from my father today and asked with great concern: Will you come back for dinner tonight? When I heard this, my heart was warm. I said excitedly, ok, ok, I'll be right back for dinner! Then dad said, oh, there are leftovers in the refrigerator. You can eat it yourself. I went out for dinner with my friends! Hearing this, I was drunk in the messy wind!

65438+

13. In Chinese class, the teacher asked the students to dictate "Wo Chun", and one of them heard this: "Wo Chun" and "I am stupid" smelling flowers in the dark. I have no education and it hurts to lie on the branch. I have low IQ. If you hear me lying like water, ask me who I am, Etta Chun Lv. A big donkey. The coast is green. I am a donkey. The coast is green. I am a donkey. The coast is dark green. I am a stupid donkey.

14, just after watching section 49, I laughed when someone said "I like Sophie (the name of the play)" on the screen and someone replied "I like Hu". ...

15, my family has a husky. When I fed it dog food just now, I saw that it was delicious. I was curious about the taste of dog food, so I picked up a piece and tasted it. Who knows, after looking at me deeply, the goods moved silently and made room for me at the edge of the rice basin …

16, I remember one day, Husky came back from his neighbor's house with a hamster covered in mud. I recognized it at a glance. That's the neighbor's pet hamster candy, which has been tortured to death by dogs. I was in a hurry, so I immediately cleaned up the hamster and threw it back into the neighbor's yard. The next morning, I heard my neighbor go on the rampage and shout, God damn it, who dug up my dead and buried hamster and washed it? ...

17, friendly I don't care. It followed me for about 30 meters, then saw it speed up and run in front of me, carefully looked back at me, looked back at me, and ran back to its owner like crazy ... Shit! It mistook one for another. ...

18. Don't name the dog. Haha. An old lady in my neighbor keeps a husky. She thought it was called haha from the beginning. As a result, her dog was lost today. The old woman was so anxious that she shouted the dog's name everywhere. Just ha ha ha ha ha ha.

19 After all, women are emotional animals and irresistible to some small animals, such as Bugatti Veyron Hummer BMW Jaguar.

20. The girlfriend cried with tears all over her face: "You are too selfish. You never care about my feelings. You only care about yourself. " I quickly lifted her face and comforted her and said, "Baby, don't cry. It pains me to see you cry. " She shook my hand: "At this time, you only feel that your heart will hurt!" " "

2 1, Cao Lu, the master let me see how much oil is left. I unscrewed the fuel tank cap and didn't see it clearly for a long time. The light is too dim. I took out my lighter and approached the fuel tank. Just as I was about to press the lighter, Master kicked me away. Nima is still in the hospital for infusion. I decided to get a refund tomorrow. The master has a bad temper. I want to change driving school. ...

22, finger fractures should be hung in orthopedics. Doctor: "How did you break your finger?" I said, "I have obsessive-compulsive disorder." Doctor: "What is the relationship between your finger amputation and obsessive-compulsive disorder?" I said, "All ten fingers ring, but they don't ring ..."

23. I lost money today and borrowed money from my teacher for dinner. Teacher, do you have twenty-five? The teacher smiled and said, guess. I was wondering, she said, to tell the truth, I'm thirty, aren't I? Ha ha! Me: Hehe ...

24. While the teacher was not looking, Xiaoming secretly kissed the little girl at the same table on the cheek. The little girl said angrily and indifferently, classmate, please hold on! Xiaoming got the message and gave the little girl a heavy kiss.

25. Boyfriend and girlfriend quarreled. The boy said I can't argue with you. You have one mouth above and one mouth below. The girl said I can't argue with you. You have a mouth above, a microphone and two stereos below. Did you laugh?

26. The last class this afternoon is history. I finished my math homework on Sunday early, but I copied it long ago. Then someone else copied it for me. I said I finally got it back. The boy next to me is anxious to copy. I asked him: Do you have time to copy in class? He said: I didn't listen to anything in history class [the history teacher was next to him]. He spoke loudly, and then the teacher kept staring at him, and we all laughed to death.

27. My five-year-old son proudly showed me the caterpillar in his hand. I am scared when I see it, but I can't let my son see it. I said in a relaxed tone, "Get it outside quickly. Its mother must be looking for it." "The son turned away. But he came back later, crawling with two caterpillars: "Mom, I also brought his mother. "

28. The elevator is broken. The honest KFC takeaway brother didn't know to make a phone call and climbed the stairs layer by layer with a square box on his back like a saint. I looked a little embarrassed, so I went up to talk to him, hoping to alleviate his boredom and fatigue when climbing stairs. Finally, little brother arrived at 13 floor. He gratefully said to me, "Thank you, big brother." I said, "You're welcome. Give me the KFC I ordered. "

29. Walking with my classmates, I saw a girl carrying a rabbit. My classmate asked me, "Do you know why girls like to keep rabbits?" "Well, I don't know." That classmate smiled and said, "So they can buy carrots blatantly …" I was shocked …

30. My wife got angry sitting on the sofa for some reason. I said to my son, "Go and find a way to make your mother laugh!" " "My son wanted to think, ran to learn my tone and said, wife, this coat is good. I bought it for you! ""I said happily, "OK, son, I will prescribe the right medicine!" "But my wife gave us a white eye and didn't respond. I said, "Son, give her a trick!" "Hearing this, the son ran out of the sliding door. I wonder why. I heard my son hold back his voice and say, "honey, open the door quickly." I'm your brother Wang ... "?

Editor's note: Oh, hey, I really want to laugh! Finger fracture hanging orthopedics. Doctor: "How did you break your finger?" I said, "I have obsessive-compulsive disorder." Doctor: "What is the relationship between your finger amputation and obsessive-compulsive disorder?" I said, "All ten fingers ring, but they don't ring ..."

Two-part allegorical sayings jokes with answers.

Two-part allegorical sayings jokes with answers.

1, thermos bottle in winter-cold outside and hot inside.

2, roadside shit-worthless (smelly)

3, the tiger bites the melon-the taste is wrong

The sheep stepped on the head of the paddy field-unable to extricate themselves.

Drums don't need heavy hammers-they will make a sound at a certain point.

6. dung beetles is lying on the road-loading a car.

7. Squeeze the lice on your eyebrows-blink (lice)

8, fifteen buckets to draw water-seven up and eight down.

9, burning yam in the ash heap-all gray (mixed) eggs.

10, socks in summer-dispensable

1 1, the hail in dog days-bad luck is coming.

12, New Year's Day robes-can't be borrowed.

13. Cook tofu with pickles-needless to say (salt)

14, bamboo shoots in the mountains-sharp mouth and thick skin, empty stomach

15, thunder but no rain-a false alarm; false alarm

16, skinned cuttlefish-a black heart.

17, Yan rubbing hemp rope-knot (urgent) ghost

18, ancestral temple of the emperor's family-ancestral temple (temple)

19, Tang priest reading-serious

20, bear practice-equipment.

2 1, Millennium Temple-Silent (Monk)

22. Wu Dalang dances-with thick legs.

23. Wu Dalang flies a kite-his hands are not high.

24, cart pull the tortoise-take you away

25, a knot in one's throat-gambling (blocking) gas

On the 26th, the wind rolled a light snow-roaring.

27, rabbits have three mouths-open; special

28. Pig Bajie wears earrings-he thinks he is beautiful.

29. Bamboo shoots in rock crevices-sticking out.

30. Zhang Fei's massacre-vicious killing (evil)

3 1, Guan Yu goes to Maicheng-the end is coming.

32, the whirlwind of winter-can't be a climate.

33. Shrimp sellers don't have scales-catch the blind (shrimp)

34. There are blisters on the tail of the mouse-the swelling is not obvious.

35, weasels and other foods-play it by ear (chicken)

36. the Monkey King farts-the monkey among monkeys.

37. Five-tooth iron harrow has an itchy finger.

38, Wu Dalang's figure-not enough size.

39, keep the nest door to catch chickens-none left.

40. Guan Gong went to a meeting-cut to the chase.

4 1, monk hat-pinggubeng

42, the bride's hair (comb) light.

43, monkeys catch lice-nonsense

44. I can't help knocking down the oil bottle-I'm too lazy.

45. Zhuge Liang wants an ugly wife-for his career.

46. Go upstairs on stage-it's not your turn to sing.

47, pig women eat clothes-eat by themselves; Self bite

48. Reach for the coffin-it costs money to die.

49, the childe on the stage-can not be separated from the fan.

50, skinned toad-jumped three times when he died.

Sentences and answers with two-part allegorical sayings

Sentences and answers with two-part allegorical sayings

1, Wu Dalang is a magistrate of a county-the background is not high.

2. Zhang Fei went into battle-Cao on the rampage

3, the wind blows willow-swinging from side to side; Swing like a pendulum

4, one or two cotton and four bows-speak slowly; Play slowly

5, fell in the bamboo garden-Chuanzi (Qian) died.

6. Baoyu Xiangyun cries for Jia Mu-each has his own sadness.

7, carrying lanterns to cut wood-Ming chop

8. Zhang Fei asked Li Kui jy-black to hack.

9. Picking water and washing vegetables-kill two birds with one stone; It's convenient for both sides.

10, Pig Bajie met Miss Gao-changed her head.

1 1, lice on the bald head-obvious

12, springing up-rising day by day; make progress every day

13, Fan Jin reunited-overjoyed, overjoyed

14, Cheng's axe-these three moves.

15, watching the fire on the stage-the hot air heated the fire.

16, Zhuge Liang's marriage-more important than appearance

17, short people pick cans-usual; Bottle length

18, eight cards spread out-obvious

19, the tender cow drags the plow and harrow-don't fight, don't run.

20, face paddle paste-tight.

2 1. Worship Guanyin in Guandi Temple-Wrong Gate.

22. There are many people shouting ABBA on the stage.

23, husband and wife two kinds of sugar cane-sweet career

24, three years without gargling-a smelly mouth

25. Bamboo shoots in rock crevices-sticking out.

26, Yun Zheyue, the fifteenth day of the first month-don't show your face.

27. Mount Tai in the storm-unshakable

28, peanuts in the pot-acquaintances (benevolence)

29. The wolf calls the lamb-hypocrisy; False feelings; crocodile tears

30, ants climb trees-seven up and eight down; continuously

3 1, two generations of widows-no time.

32. Almonds outside the wall-open to the outside world

33, dumb scold-gas.

34, overlord toast-do not do it.

35. Cover the table with a sheet because it is very big.

36, hail hit the cotton tree-bachelor.

37. Lin Chong wanted to threaten Hong to find a flaw.

38. the Monkey King somersaults-one step is 108,000 miles; masterpiece

39, fox preaching-aimed at stealing machines (chickens)

40. The dog bit Lv Dongbin-I don't know if it's good or bad.

4 1, Cao Cao's trick-treacherous and cunning

42. Blind people walk-I don't know how high or how low.

43. The ship leaves Hong Kong-layman

44. Jia fu in a dream of red mansions-there are great difficulties.

45, May 6 Ai-out of date

46, skinned toad-jumped three times when he died

47. The blind play the flute-touch the tube; Magic crown

48. The mouse fell into the boiling pot-it was hopeless.

49, the mouse fell into the water tank-fashionable (wet hair)

50, Zhou Yu for Jingzhou-thankless.

5 1, dried noodles with yellow croaker-needless to say (salt)

52. Kong Ming's Kit-an inexhaustible plan

53. Xue's wardrobe-white dress (white robe)

54. Guan Yu is a carpenter-bold.

55, punched on the cotton wool-no response.

56. Camel dealers in nine countries solicit business everywhere.

57. Fried bacon with dried beans-the word (salt) comes first.

58. Go upstairs on stage-it's not your turn to sing.

59. the Monkey King somersaults-one step is 108,000 miles; masterpiece

60. The old lady blew her nose and held it in her hand.

I was so embarrassed that my face froze with laughter.

Guide: On the bus, I saw a couple as soon as I got on the bus. I walked up to the man and said, "I'm pregnant!" " "The man looked at me in shock and the woman stared at me with big glasses. The air froze for three seconds, then the woman slapped the man. I continued, "Make room! "

1, wife: "I'll be ready in a minute. I'll change." Husband: "Are you sure you're not kidding me? You said that two hours ago! ! ! "two hours later ... wife: ok, honey, let's go. Husband: Wait, I finished shaving. Wife: Didn't you just shave? Husband: It grew back when I was waiting for you!

2. Wife: "Husband sent arowana to work today." Husband: "I don't like any fish! The most TM hates thorns! "

3. Wife: Honey, people want a princess hug. Husband: forget it ... wife: no, they want it. The husband gave his wife a helpless hug ... Wife: How do you feel? Husband: Just like bottled water. Madame ...

Today, the company held an annual meeting and held a program. I lent my shirt to a beautiful woman to play a role, but when I came back, I lost the second button on my shirt ... When I came back at night, my wife tried on my shirt and the bottom button fell off. ...

Wife: Did you spend all your pocket money last week? Husband: No wife: How much is left? Husband: You gave me 10 last week, and it's all left. Wife: Honey, you really saved money this week. Didn't you take the bus? Husband: No, the eldest sister downstairs took me to work. Wife: Didn't you have breakfast? Husband: Yes, my elder sister invited me to dinner while driving. Wife: Why is she so kind to you? Husband: She said to make you happy to see me happy.

6. Going back to my hometown to help my uncle's family, he asked me what I had learned in my professional course. At that time, I was only a sophomore, and I didn't have much contact with professional classes. I thought about it and learned a circuit related to my major, so I said circuit. Uncle Le: There are several puddles on the road in front of my house. Can you cushion them?

7. A colleague's laptop was stolen, and the thief put a brick in his laptop bag. This product has been moping in the office today. I advised him, "Isn't it just a laptop? No, "my colleague replied," you don't know. I used to take my computer with me, but when I came back, I became a brick. I can't figure it out. "

8. I saw a little brother at the door of the public toilet, washing his hair with public hand sanitizer and cold tap water, and then combing his hair in front of a stained mirror. I'm a little touched. "Washing your hair in this place is definitely to meet important people." He shook the water out of his hair and said, "Bullshit! I just dozed off in the pit and plunged into the shit. "

9. My girlfriend has a cousin who just learned to drive. This car fan drives every day, no matter how far it is ... today my girlfriend told me that he had an accident. I'm just asking casually, whose responsibility is it? Girlfriend: He takes full responsibility. His boat was sailing smoothly in the river, and he hit a man. ...

10, I am going to refuel today. The gas station is at the gate of the community, and it feels very close, so I went to the bag. Then a man who didn't drive to refuel appeared at the gas station, and the oiler's face froze with laughter. ...

1 1. A girl is born with short legs, but she is particularly concerned about being told that she has short legs. One day, she solemnly announced: whoever says my legs are short, I get angry. I only heard a faint sentence from a buddy: Your pants are so long. ...

12, MD, received the courier today. The courier asked me at the door, "Is it small?" Me: "No!" Courier: "But the address is wrong! Xiao Biao is not you? " Me: "... it's me. "

13. On the bus, I saw a couple as soon as I got on the bus. I walked up to the man and said, "I'm pregnant!" " The man looked at me in shock, and the woman stared at me with big glasses. The air froze for three seconds, then the woman slapped the man. I continued, "Make room!"

14, "Sao nian, look at your bone, it will be a piece of material in the future!" "ah? Then tell me what it will be! " "Fertilizer ..."

15, a classmate said, "It hurts to spill boiling water on your hands." God replied, "Yes, boiled water is so expensive now. Our school needs 20 cents a pot. What about you? "

16, wife: "Go and wash the dishes." Husband: "You go." Wife: "forget it, let's be fair." Throw things and decide. You go to the front and I'll go back. " Husband: "Good." My wife smiled and picked up a badminton and threw it up ... My husband shouted, "Nima, it's not a coin toss!" " "The wife smiled and said," look up and go to wash the dishes! " "

17, a: "Is there more pocket money before marriage or after marriage?" C: "After marriage." A: "Your wife is so nice!" C: "Yes, she said I was steady and prudent, and coins and small money wouldn't fall down here."

18, the man complained that his wife was too fat, and sleeping at night took up more space and made him uncomfortable. The friend said, "I don't have such a problem." The man asked, "Is your bed extra large?" The friend said, "Not really. If you let her go, she won't occupy the position! " "

19, under the big willow tree, two grandfathers play Go, which is the rise of killing. An old woman came and stood beside them watching. After a while, the old lady picked up half a bottle of water on the stool and handed it to the old man, saying, "Take a rest and drink more water." The old man smiled and said, "Thank you! Do you also like to play Go? " The old lady said, "No, I want this mineral water bottle."

20. One day, Luban went to a high mountain to look for wood. Suddenly, his foot slipped and he quickly reached for a clump of thatch on the roadside. My hand was cut by thatch and blood came out. "Why is this simple thatch so sharp?" He picked up a thatch and studied it carefully, and found that there were many sharp little teeth on the edge of the blade.

He thought: if I also use tools with many small serrations, then my wife's stockings will not be so difficult to tear!

2 1. Two women are chatting on the phone. Do you know what people call "sex between men and women" nowadays? B: What's your name? A: Dredge the sewers. B: This is a novel and vivid statement. Do you know what people call "doing that outside behind their families' backs" nowadays? B: What's your name? A: Eat instant noodles. B: Wait a minute. My husband is back and knocking at the door. Honey, you're back. Why do you look so tired? Husband: Don't mention it. I'm tired and hungry after dredging several sewers! No, I didn't come back until I ate several bags of instant noodles in one sitting.

22. Teacher: Xiao Ming, don't look around in class ... Xiao Ming: I didn't look around ... Teacher: You are still quibbling! You look left for a while and right for a while ... Xiaoming: Really, the left is south and the right is north, how can I look around! Teacher: Get out. ...

Wife: Husband, do I have any shortcomings? Husband: this ... wife: speak out boldly, it's okay ... husband: it's not a shortcoming, it's perfect if you change it ... wife: what exchange? Husband: Compare your temper with your chest. ...

As soon as I got into the elevator, I smelled a bad smell ... I wanted to know where it came from ... At this moment, a beautiful woman came in. As soon as she smelled that smell, she immediately looked at me with contemptuous eyes ... Nima, it seems that I am great. I was about to open my mouth to explain, poof, a fart came out ... The beautiful woman quickly covered her nose again and looked at me contemptuously again ... I immediately explained: the beautiful woman hurried out of the elevator: mental derangement. ...

25, nonsense westward journey. Tathagata farts are earth-shattering. The Monkey King farts, everything is empty. Tang Priest farts-Amitabha is cool. Guanyin Bodhisattva farts. It's really impressive Bajie farted and buried his belly all around. Friar Sand farted foolishly. White people fart. Black wind monster fart-air pollution. Huang Fengguai farted a sandstorm. Dragon kings fart one by one and are notorious (foreign). White people fart and take selfies.

26. The explanation for the fall of women's underwear upstairs. Pessimist: I can't stand the humiliation of my master every day, and my underwear chooses to jump off a building to commit suicide. Optimist: It must be that women are not satisfied and throw down their underwear to vent their anger. Dreamer: I guess the woman upstairs has a crush on me and left this as a signal. Realist: If only the person wearing underwear fell down instead of underwear.

27. The rooster bought an ostrich egg from the market and said angrily to the hen laying eggs, "You have the cheek to show off your eggs everywhere every day. Please see that it was born to a foreign wife. You must reform and open up! "

28. Where is the messy porridge? Play it by ear. Not afraid to cover your pockets, but afraid of the shocking roar. Fortunately, most of them keep their mouths shut and turn a blind eye. Do it when you have to, both in local currency and foreign exchange. Pick up girls, buy a house, travel around the world. Ask me why I am ambitious, I have three hands to collect money!

29. The snake offended the beetle and hid in its nest. Beetles don't want to stay outside. It accidentally took a nap. When it opened its eyes, it saw an earthworm crawling in front of it. The beetle immediately caught up and scolded, "Shit, do you think you can fool me into running away by losing weight?" Beetles chase earthworms. The snake poked its head out of its nest carefully, but saw a turtle coming. It immediately shrank back and muttered, "Damn it, that boy just left, why did his father come again?"

There are eight planets in the solar system, namely Mars, Mercury, Venus, Earth, Saturn, Jupiter, Uranus and Neptune. Of the eight planets, except Venus, all turn from west to east, and only Venus turns from east to west. Why is this? Because of money and willfulness.

Editor's note: My colleague's laptop was stolen, and the thief put a brick in his laptop bag. This product has been moping in the office today. I advised him, "It's just a laptop, not at all." Colleague replied: "You don't know, I used to take my computer with me, and when I came back, I became a brick. I can't figure it out. "