Plant a tree

Writing an article about education. I re-read Qingshan's "The Moon Boy Crossing the River" and the words I wrote about my daughter a few days ago, and I feel a lot of emotion. Excerpt some beautiful paragraphs and share them with everyone.

Even if a woman is a mother, the most important thing is still to have her own life. A mother is not only responsible for the chores of daily life for her children, but she must not let go of her own power and only focus on her children. Each other's lives are independent. She wants to grow, I want to grow, that's how it should be.

In those years, he successively wrote the novel "Spring Banquet", the collection of essays "Sleep in the Sky" and the interview "The Beauty of Ancient Books". There is no slacking off, and she is willing to let her meet a mother who is always working hard, a mother who is learning and growing, a mother who is traveling and exploring, a mother who pays attention to individuals and the secrets of the world and expresses them through writing. In this way, when she grows up, she will know what is truly important to a person's life. I just hope that she can play freely and happily, be curious about the world, explore and move forward in her own way. She had taken ballet classes, and after the first stage, she would sometimes get tired on the way home and fall asleep in the car. When asked her opinion, she said she had too many classes and wanted to take a break. There are also extracurricular English classes and art classes here. So I respected her choice and didn't go to the second stage. Sometimes she goes home and reads picture books, draws, and does crafts. She forgets to do her math and pinyin homework and doesn't rush her.

What is there to be anxious about? Children always have to grow up slowly according to their own inner rhythm. Nothing is more important than protecting your nature and maintaining joy and vitality. Let her always feel happy and grow according to her imagination and nature. Happiness and self-esteem are important. As for the rest, one day we will know. Moreover, what she knows now is far beyond some standardized answers.

If there is a five or six-year-old girl in the family, then they are all angels sent by God. They bring so much joy. Now it seems that this statement is not an exaggeration at all. They are so gentle, cheerful, strong and enthusiastic. Sometimes it is a young child who needs to be taken care of and led, and sometimes it is a mirror that brings inspiration and perception to adults. The breeze and fragrance brought by a little girl are completely different from the turbid and stiff adult world. So I feel grateful to her.

Every Sunday morning, go to a coffee shop in Sanlitun for brunch. At that time, she let down her black hair, wore a fashionable dress, and looked as free as a young artistic youth. She drew and I read, and we spent two or three quiet hours together. This is called a special moment in child psychology, and I didn’t know these concepts before. I just feel that such a period of time is necessary, and these interactions will become her memories.

Children will not accept indoctrination, but they will like to be filled.

The little girl is usually very sensible, but today she had a strong temper that lasted for half an hour. Observe her and let her vent the emotions that have been building up inside her. Then I asked, why did you lose your temper? Can you tell me? "I don't feel satisfied enough," she said. Ask, where are you not satisfied? She said she was not happy, had no freedom, and had no time to play. I haven’t seen the children in the yard for a long time and miss them. Then cry sincerely. The elementary school she attended did have a strict and demanding traditional style, which was somewhat different from the international kindergarten she attended when she was a child.

I have experienced several unpleasant homework experiences with her. I thought about whether to let nature take its course or to be strict. When she was taking a nap, look at her face. It was still the same as when she was born, small, bright and perfect. The decision is up to her. We will only support and tolerate any fragility or confusion she has, without making forced demands or setting limits. No matter what the situation is, make her feel complete and just right. If she has a choice, try to be respectful of it. Just move forward slowly.

She now has two good habits. First, she reads books of various types and contents in bed for a long time before going to bed. Have started reading novels and poetry. Second, I love painting. Spend a lot of time in front of the drawing board almost completely spontaneously. Whenever you have free time, just draw a picture. With these two hobbies, even if I don’t like serious homework that much, I still feel at ease.

We cannot live against our nature. Just like some flowers follow the sun, some flowers only love to bloom under the moonlight. Accept yourself and let nature take its course. I like to create, play, do crafts alone for a long time, and talk about weird ideas like adults. He is full of witty words and unrestrained, but he is not very interested in his homework. I was mentally prepared to take a more marginal path.

As long as she feels happy and can bear it, she does not need to participate in the mainstream game rules.

We cannot live against our nature. Just like some flowers follow the sun, some flowers only love to bloom under the moonlight. Accept yourself and let nature take its course. I like to create, play, do crafts alone for a long time, and talk about weird ideas like adults. He is full of witty words and unrestrained, but he is not very interested in his homework. I was mentally prepared to take a more marginal path. As long as she feels happy and can bear it, she does not need to participate in the mainstream game rules. In the future, I can do art, do charity, or play games in the human world. Some of the so-called highly educated people I have come into contact with do not have a good mentality and personality. When I was seeing a Chinese medicine doctor, I met an apprentice who only attended elementary school. At the age of thirteen, he gave up education and started studying Chinese medicine. When he was young, he often went to the temple with his mother. This boy's eyes are clean, quiet, pure, his thoughts are clear, and he is definitely not ordinary. His mother was very courageous. But there should also be his own wisdom root in it.

As for her, she is an artistic person. My mother said, you are too lax and loose with her, and you never teach her a lesson? But there was no way to force her to do anything except correct her character. In terms of character, she is simple, kind and not worrying.

According to the report, I feel that people live a simple life and have a rich heart. It is okay to travel all over the country and rely on one's own efforts, as long as the heart is free. It doesn't make much sense for some girls to care about luxury goods, wealthy people, or elite white-collar workers in the workplace. Grow freely like flowers and plants, follow the path you want, and do not distort yourself with social utilitarian values. That's fine.

What people learn should be wisdom, not knowledge and concepts. Therefore, spend more time with people who exude wisdom and temperament, and get along with people who are quiet and down-to-earth. Or go to places where your aura is pure. These guidance are very important for children. Wisdom is imparted through existence, infection, emanation, and absorption.

Who can feel and understand Suzhou when they are young? To them, it is just an old city with gardens. To touch its essence requires experience. It drifts through time like a stranded ship. It’s only in recent years that I have experienced Suzhou, and I like it more than Hangzhou. Gardens, old trees, old things, music, chess, calligraphy and painting, alleys, food. Tender and depraved.

She came for the first time when she was seven years old. We stayed in a hotel in an alley. Only tricycles could enter the narrow alleys. Pushing open the door, the garden and mansion are vast and deep. Eight guest rooms with exquisite attention to detail. There are Buddhist scriptures, music, roses, and chocolates in the room. The old house has high beams and dim light, but she likes it. There were no guests in sight, and the courtyard was deep, as if we were alone. She enjoys this kind of loneliness and doesn't want to go out or see the scenery. She plays, draws and sleeps in her room. Things that you will definitely bring with you on your journey are paintbrushes, drawing books and books you need to read.

She bought the little girl a pair of white gym shoes and a pair of silver bracelets. Don't take it off and don't lose it. The silver bracelet worn by the little girl has an auspicious and refreshing feel, which looks good no matter how you look at it.

Sometimes I have childish thoughts, hoping that you will grow up slowly and not enter the troubled adult world too quickly. Can live in the innocent and free childlike heart for a long time. Know this is unlikely. Your back already looks like a little girl. Time flies too fast and I can't bear to let you grow up. This is a superfluous emotion. I can only live seriously and live up to your coming to me. Thank you for the reflection of your crystalline life. I hope you can fly far and wide in the future and fully realize your own value. I will take care of and keep you for a while for the universe. I hope you can learn to love yourself and others because you have received love. Get more love for it.

"If you plant a tree and it doesn't do well, you don't blame it. You look at why it doesn't do well. It might need fertilizer, or more water, or Less sunshine. You never blame the tree, but you blame your child. If we know how to take care of him, he will grow well. Just try to understand. If you understand and show that you understand and can love, things will change." Let the child go in front, and follow behind. If he really needs it, go over and help him. Most of the time, let him live his life and you live yours.

From the moment they are born, even if they need someone to take care of them when they are young, they should be treated equally as independent beings. Follow a child, watch him, let him go. It's not about giving up on him or ignoring him. This kind of measured control requires the ability of an adult who is calm and aware.

It is impossible to truly understand and support your children if your own heart has not grown properly. Surrounded by calm and aware family members, children will naturally learn how to experience the world calmly and awarely. The necessary letting go and indifference is a kind of wisdom.

If parents don’t know how to deal with emotions, they will also not be able to deal with their children’s emotions properly. If parents don’t know how to get along with themselves truly, they won’t know how to get along with their children truly. Therefore, it is impossible to teach children how to get along with themselves truly.

There are questions about crying children, why some adults tend to ignore them when they need help. In fact they may just need sleep, water, milk, or a hug. Those parents scold, ignore, or coax, but do not observe truthfully and provide satisfaction.

Proverb: Children grow up watching their father’s back. Adults are role models for children, and their words and deeds play an important role. It's like the first light and shadow reflected on the transparent heart. When the light is red, the child thinks the world is red. If the light is blue, the child thinks the world is blue. If these perceptions go wrong, it will take a long time for them to change their perceptions, which will be very hard. Giving them gentle and pure light and leading them from behind is an effective model. It is important not to show overly utilitarian values, but to show a true, independent and free state in terms of life itself.

Children are treasures placed by God around us. Raising children is an act of unity between God and us. "Parents can feel that in the process of raising children, there are many things that cannot be controlled by human beings. If we think in this way - not to mention that children are given by God, we should regard children as God and our *** If there are things, will the mentality of parents become more tolerant, softer, and more natural? ”

For young children, if they have not reached such an age, they should also be brought up frequently. Go on a trip with your parents. Experience the rush of transportation, the tossing of hotels, watch the changing scenery along the way, and personally experience the various unfoldings of this journey. When he sees his parents interacting with the outside world and other people, he will learn about realistic interactions. At this time, parents should pay more attention to their words and deeds, be polite to service personnel, handle problems seriously, and have compassion and empathy for others. The child will also absorb all this silently. At the same time, how to appreciate the scenery and how to explain cultural traditions are all learning for children.

In short, in the process of cultivating this kind of tolerant mentality, not only adults and children will find fun in it, but I believe that by not picking on other people’s shortcomings, forgiving others’ faults, and trusting others’ consciousness, This will definitely make our children’s future lives more open.

It is also important to learn to wait. In contrast, the number of training classes and skills learned by children is a step back. What the old man pays attention to is "Tao", not "Technology". He recalled that the idiom "cultivating oneself to benefit the world" was often used in his boyhood. At that time, there was also a course on "cultivation" that emphasized one's responsibilities and obligations to society. With the invasion of Western culture and the development of Japan, such idioms "have become dead languages" and have lost their practical significance. Under the influence of society, children place more emphasis on the concepts of freedom or equality and lose their understanding of responsibilities and obligations.

"Parents should regard their children as a gift from God... As their children grow up, they must accept the simplest principles of being a human being, especially to cultivate their ability to fully understand things. Require children to Everything should be done with a clear attitude. In this way, children will do everything seriously and will not think of escaping midway even if it is difficult. Instead, they will overcome difficulties and move forward. ”

People need to follow their own nature and become who they really are.

She enjoys reassuring reading. Books will take her to roam the world and teach her knowledge that she cannot get in life.

People need to be more exposed to refined and purified thinking and expression, and to be exposed to the essence of art. Because it is difficult to provide this kind of concentrated nutrition in daily life and real life situations, and it cannot bring about effective improvement.

She was stressed and came to me with tears in her eyes and said, Mom, the pressure is getting bigger and bigger now. Of course, a few days ago, she happily told me that her Chinese teacher praised her for a long time in class and thought that her writing and reading were far beyond the level of her peers. This was also the case when I was a child, with regard to some partial subjects and unbalanced left-brain and left-brain thinking.

So just comfort her and do your best. I have no special requirements for you.

I almost never check her homework. I only glance at the transcript at the end of the semester. She has been studying independently and needs to establish her own awareness of management learning, and she continues to make progress. At the same time, I care about her skin, body, emotions, feelings and thoughts, and provide her with inspiration and help in her art and journey. As a mother, I also play the role of a friend.

She is free to choose whatever she wants in life.

Art experience brings her deep satisfaction.

She drew a lot. I think it is good for people to use artistic methods to develop and explore their own psyche. The premise is that they are free, come from their own nature, and are not contaminated. Painting, writing, playing the piano, dancing, singing...it's all the same. All can be used to develop your nature. Her innate energy needs to be protected.

People need to follow their own nature and become who they really are. Seeds germinate and grow according to their inner rhythm and order. Independence is important to her.

She is used to writing, painting, doing homework, and crafts in her room. Sometimes she sings happily, contented and peaceful. This is also the norm when traveling. We traveled a lot and stayed in different hotels. I cherish the time I still get to travel with her. We have been traveling together since she was three months old.

Discuss movies.

Me: Do you think there is advanced intelligent life in the universe?

She: Definitely.

Me: In the movie, his father went to look for him and waited on Neptune for 27 years, but no higher beings came to visit him. Didn't I say that there is nothing, a emptiness.

She: That’s the wrong way of human beings. The human level is too low to be searched. Higher beings will not appear to them. Technology definitely doesn’t work. Maybe you can meet these higher beings through the meditation and shamanic methods you often use.

As she grew up, we maintained a transparent connection.

I realized that some of my moves were correct. Accompany her through adolescence like a friend. Give her peace, enough inner peace and freedom. More understanding and tolerance. But at the same time I also have requirements for her.

I don’t give her a mobile phone or pocket money, and I never let her watch TV. Apart from homework, you don’t need to spend too much time on technology products. If she can get enough pleasure from reading, handicrafts, music, writing, painting, and tranquility, her attention will not be focused on impetuous things that affect her mind. Therefore, even though most of her peers have mobile phones and pocket money, she still does not have them.

Growing up is not easy for any child. She is gradually entering the rebellious stage and is a young girl in the transitional stage. I can feel the strong growth energy in her that is waiting to be released. But I know how to keep my distance from her, how to pull away in time and watch her with cold eyes. How to accept, comfort and empathize sometimes. I believe that it is a responsibility to help a child grow up healthily so that she can be beneficial to herself and others. Instead of expecting her, possessing her.

Taking care of and helping a young daughter is just like treating an aging mother. It is a responsibility. People always have responsibilities.

When the Buddha became a monk, perhaps he had known that all emotional entanglements and responsibilities were nothing but bondage and reincarnation. As for the relationship between people, deep love is not just clinging and dependence, it should be compassion. That is, consider the other person and fulfill your responsibilities. This is true of all relationships.

At the beach, she can play quietly and alone for a long time. I sat on a rock nearby. We spoke little and generally enjoyed ourselves. Take a look at her, you feel relaxed and happy, silence is golden.