Is there a moment that makes you feel that grandpa doesn't love himself as much as you think?

When I was a child, my grandfather only loved his grandchildren and hugged me once, which made me feel that my grandfather didn't love himself so much and was a little eccentric.

Tell me more about my family relationship. My grandmother gave birth to four children, the eldest is my elder sister-in-law, the second is my father, the third is my aunt, the fourth is my father, and there are two children and two women. Now I'm over eighty, and I'm old enough to have children. As long as I can remember, I knew that my grandparents didn't like me, either they preferred sons to daughters or they were indifferent and didn't like me.

In my vague childhood memory, my grandfather only carried me back once. My aunt's daughter was brought up by him, and her beloved cousin sometimes made me a little jealous. Then my aunt's son only meets in winter and summer vacations in a nearby city. He is also very popular with his grandparents and gives whatever he wants. Both of them are grandchildren and like it. No, when they were very young, they were very cold and ironic to me.

For example, my cousin and I both expressed thirst, so he bought a bottle of drink for my cousin and pointed to the river outside and told me that there was water there. Go drink it. I didn't notice anything when I was young, but now I'm a little chilling in retrospect.

My grandparents don't like me because of my dad. He likes to make trouble when he was young and caused a lot of trouble at home, so they don't like me anymore.

I remember another thing in my memory. When I was a child, my cousin, my cousin and my grandfather all sat on grandpa's lap. My cousin said something loudly, so I had to move a bench to face them and watch them happy.

Now grandpa has lung cancer, and my mood has been depressed for some time. My grandmother has gradually become old and clumsy, and she has lost her previous hot temper. Cousin seldom comes back from studying abroad. Cousin has gone to work in a distant city. Only I stayed. I visited them every week. Now they have changed a little for me. Only when I saw this question did I remember that it was distressing to be an innocent and unloved child when I was a child.