A measure of a family's happiness

What is the standard to measure the happiness of a family? I once saw such a topic "Three Standards for Measuring Happiness" in Weibo. Some netizens replied, first, there are cats, second, there are cars and houses, and third, there are objects. Then what I want to share next is what are the criteria for measuring a family's happiness.

The measure of a family's happiness is 1 1. The first criterion is having a cat.

Cats are pets, and most contemporary people choose to keep pets to solve loneliness. So we can define the first criterion as companionship.

2. The second criterion is having a car and a house.

In modern society, housing prices are too high, especially in some big cities. It is difficult for everyone to have a car and a house. However, we might as well look at it from another angle.

Having a car and a house means that life is relatively stable and there is certain economic security. So for us, this standard does not have to be realized. But to achieve economic independence and have a certain economic foundation.

3, the third standard, there are objects.

This article is not suitable for people of all ages, but it also has certain reference significance. For everyone, this standard is probably to have love or family. Therefore, on the basis of this standard, there are three new standards that I understand.

Criteria for measuring the happiness of a family II. The standard of marital happiness

1. The essence of marriage is the exchange of resources. If it is missing, it is doomed to tragedy.

Although the society has developed very well, the genetic protection formed in millions of years has not changed the tendency of men and women.

For example, women and men need to demand resources to ensure their survival and reproduction. And this kind of resource is usually material resources. Of course, there are emotional resources slowly supporting at present. After all, men must make women feel safe. And this sense of security comes from material security and spiritual security.

No matter how many outstanding women you can see in this society, believe me, people who follow ancient principles will always be the majority.

So we can see that young men have no money to get married, and most of them have no female friends. Married people have no money, and most of them live worse.

Therefore, we should always maintain the resource advantage in our feelings.

Why are many men suffering today? Because in today's society, creating value is more about feelings than physical strength, so women's ability to make money will only get stronger and stronger, on the contrary, men's physical strength advantage will gradually lose. After all, you will find that moving bricks for a month is not as profitable as an article that pokes people's hearts.

2. Tragedy in marriage is mostly because there is no unified standard and no substantive communication.

What is communication? Many people simply understand it as speaking, and further, it may be understood as expressing their feelings, but more importantly, we should always observe our emotions and build the ability to agree with the rules.

For example, you are currently working in a very good company with a monthly salary of 50,000, but you have a good friend who wants you to be his technical partner with a monthly salary of 5000. The project you always like, so you are very excited.

But your wife found out and scolded you. You are old and young. Can you do something reliable?

What would you do if it were you? Stick to yourself or listen to your wife. Stick to yourself, what if the project is not good? Listen to your wife. What if the other person succeeds?

At this time, what you need is a mutually recognized standard to judge. For example, the development goals of the whole family and so on, and then find a third plan.

Of course, the above is only an example of partial rationality, and there are more contradictions caused by different three views formed by different growth experiences. We often say that the three views should be consistent, but how many people are really consistent?

Also, in marriage, you must stop and observe yourself in time, because you will find that most decisions you make are controlled by your sensibility, outlook and cognition.

Many of our emotions, such as sadness, loss, anger and so on, are only related to ourselves.

3. The high level of satisfaction that marriage must achieve.

For young people, marriage must have resources, money and commitment, because the advantage of young people is that they have good growth expectations for marriage and ignore the realistic foundation, but if you are married, then what I want to say at this time is to pay attention to personal growth in marriage.

We talked about the essence of marriage before, so when we were guided by culture or laws to think that marriage is a proof of happiness, I found myself just on the surface of a relationship, just like saying that you can live a happy life if you are my lover.

What we must pay attention to is the personal feelings and growth in marriage. We say that love is a self-directed and self-directed play, the purpose of which is to explore ourselves and complete our growth.

However, many people put an end to this road after marriage, and slowly began to ignore the individual and attach importance to the combination. For example, everything is family-oriented, regardless of personal development, emotions, needs and love.

After a long time, this demand will evolve into abandonment behaviors such as boredom, evasion and derailment because it is not satisfied.

Second, the three elements of marital happiness

1, marriage is not once and for all.

When we got married, we always hoped to live a sweet life with each other, but after marriage, there were many loopholes. Some people will wonder: Why is he different now? He was not like this before. I've given so much, why is he so bad to me? When two people get married, they clearly promise for a lifetime. Why did he turn and betray?

Everyone thinks that marriage is perfect, and that as long as you marry your sweetheart, you can live a lifetime. This kind of person is the most hurt in marriage.

They believe that marriage will never change, and they will get along in one way; In fact, marriage, like other things, will have problems and changes. Even if they try so hard to save their marriage, they still can't escape the divorce. A marriage that thinks there will be no problems after marriage is doomed to give up halfway.

For example, if you know a friend, can you guarantee that there will be no problems between you? Are you sure you will keep in touch in the future? For another example, if you apply for a new company, your salary is satisfactory and you don't need to work overtime. Can you be sure that this company will not have any problems and promise to stay here for life?

Life is like this, you have to solve big and small problems, sometimes it may be uncomfortable, but this is the reality.

Marriage, like them, will have problems. You need to learn to deal with them. If you really can't handle it, you must recognize the reality and learn to let go. The reason is that what we are disappointed with is not marriage, but the illusion of a perfect marriage. You can't tolerate any flaws in it.

Human nature has selfish weakness. A person must put himself first, stand in his own position and take care of his feelings. Don't think that when two people get married, they naturally put each other first; If the other person is a little wrong with himself, you can't accept it.

True love is that two independent individuals are attracted to each other and will be together, instead of being attached to each other and demanding each other. Only by knowing this, can we change our previous misconceptions about marriage and be more prepared to face the problems in marriage.

2. Don't get married just to get married.

Nowadays, most young people are afraid to go home for the New Year, and their parents are urging to get married. Some parents even try their best to introduce blind dates to their children and force them to meet.

As a result, a particularly hot question appeared on the Internet: What kind of experience is it to meet a great blind date?

There are quite a few people who answered, indicating that most singles have been tortured by wonderful blind dates. Some people, as soon as they see their age, casually find a suitable blind date, get married for the sake of marriage, never get along seriously and don't care about each other. As a result, after marriage, they found that they were not suitable for each other, quarreled constantly and communicated fruitlessly. Both sides regret their decision.

According to scientific statistics, the divorce rate of couples who get married through blind date is very high. Nowadays, with the rapid development of society, everyone is impetuous.

Everyone has become impatient, and they don't even want to read articles for a few minutes, let alone treat their feelings with heart and manage their marriage seriously.

I once saw an expert in answering questions on the Internet telling his own experience: the expert in answering questions and his wife met because of blind date, and they felt that the other party was good, got married smoothly, and had no feelings. It's more like living together. It's not good for each other. Later, my wife gave birth to a daughter, and their way of getting along has been very dull. I'm terribly sorry. I don't know what it's like to marry someone you really like. What if I meet someone I really like?

We live in this world, we should have the freedom of choice, and our feelings should be decided by ourselves, not by the views of parents and society, forcing you to make a decision whether to do it or not.

Now more and more young people like to run to big cities. Many people don't understand how lonely a person should be.

In fact, being in a big city means being more tolerant and living more freely. You don't need to consider that you are old enough to make others think you should get married, let alone be treated with special respect. Instead of caring about other people's eyes, it is better to follow your own heart and be yourself. Life is for yourself, not for others.

Marry a person who is in tune with you, and you will naturally be happy. Marrying someone who has no feelings, if you can't get along, you will divorce, which has wasted several years.

Running a marriage is a process of giving in to each other.

Now that two people have decided to be together, they should be prepared to run in. Even your own brothers will quarrel over a trivial matter, let alone two people with completely different family environments.

Marriage is difficult and needs commitment, and the entity of commitment is a red marriage certificate; It needs action, not just words, but real implementation.

This is the case with Gong Beibei and her husband in the TV series Anjia.

His husband hasn't done anything since he gave birth to the baby, and he can't even change diapers. After giving birth to the second child, he lived with his parents and rested at home.

Gong Beibei sometimes looks for her husband and wants to talk about it when she is tired, but he doesn't want to listen at all. After a long time, she and her husband never mentioned it again.

In marriage, there are two masters-a man and a woman. They have their own duties, and everyone has their own responsibilities, just like scales, which need to be balanced.

Sometimes, in order to keep the balance, they will make some concessions. If husband and wife have to care about everything, they may not care about it all night.

Third, the law of happy love.

1, "playing dumb" marriage lasts longer

There is no absolutely happy marriage in the world. Happiness only comes from infinite tolerance and mutual respect.

What binds a woman is not necessarily love, but care.

When there is friction, as a man, you should learn to take the initiative to give in. In fact, most women care not about winning or losing, but about your attitude towards me sooner or later in marriage. Arguing will only consume our feelings excessively. Why not meet each other half way?

When you are in love, you can haggle over everything because you have a choice. Once you step into marriage, you have responsibilities and you can't easily throw them away.

When two people live together, the key is to pretend to understand. Sometimes turning a blind eye will reduce many unnecessary contradictions.

2. Suitability is more important than love.

Many people hold high the banner of marrying love, claiming that they will never compromise for the sake of suitability, but can a marriage with only love really go on?

Tong married love in naked wedding, but did she finally get the happiness she wanted?

In marriage, spiritual matching is more important than material matching. Two people with different personalities and different views, no matter how good. Even if Gao Fushuai is rich and beautiful, you can fall in love, but it's really not suitable for marriage.

You understand my hard work in taking care of children. I understand your dedication to your family. Intimate communication is the most important thing. The "chicken and duck talk" marriage is doomed to be short-lived.

You can live in fantasy when you are in love, but not in marriage. If you don't criticize marriage, it will criticize you.

3. Happiness is "boiled".

Munir Nasov, a famous Kuwaiti woman writer, wrote in her book: The most precious thing in husband and wife's life is sincerity, trust and consideration.

The more two people love each other, the easier it is to care. Everyone always gives good temper to outsiders and leaves bad mood to the closest people.

From acquaintance, knowing each other, and then falling in love, the two finally decided to spend the rest of their lives together, step into the palace of marriage, and start a new life journey.

As we get to know each other, contradictions will follow, and any small matter may be the cause of quarrel.

Only then do you realize that getting married doesn't mean getting happiness, but it will make you feel a lot of troubles. So you began to complain about marriage and cried that it buried your love.

The measure of a family's happiness is 3 1, and diligent in communication.

No matter how busy couples are, they should take time out for emotional interaction, exchange ideas and fall in love.

2. * * * grow together

Can not be satisfied with the status quo, husband and wife must grow together, in order to make the marriage more happy.

Step 3 honor your parents

All virtues are duty-bound to put filial piety first, honor parents, and, of course, educate children. He should set a good example for his children.

Step 4 create romance

Many families in China are too practical and unromantic. You know, romantic forms are colorful and varied. Happy families must be full of romantic elements.

5. Be good at humor

Laughter is an important symbol of happiness. Humor in words and deeds can resolve and buffer contradictions and disputes, eliminate embarrassment and estrangement, increase interest and emotion, and make families happy.

Step 6 enjoy intimacy

Many couples regard frequent intimacy as sticky, and their fear of "open intimacy" is frivolous. However, experts from the International Institute of Happiness Relations found that intimacy plays a wonderful role in improving the quality of life.

7. Equal respect

Husband and wife are equal, life is * * *, and there is no question of who dominates whom. You can't suppress your spouse, you can't despise each other, and you can't discriminate against each other because of your status, appearance and ability.

8. Tolerance and trust

Looking at your spouse critically can collect many shortcomings of your spouse. Talking about your spouse's advantages to your face and talking about your spouse's advantages behind your back will definitely lead to happiness. There must be more trust between husband and wife. Suspicion is the killer of marriage.

9. Be loyal to each other

Resolutely oppose extramarital affairs. Once the spouse has an affair, we should try our best to help the spouse regain his senses, share joys and sorrows, and carry the marriage through to the end. Qi Xinhui worked together to build a better family.

10, responsible for

In marriage and family life, we will face all kinds of problems and difficulties, do not wait, do not shirk, take the initiative to take responsibility and try to solve them.