Funny jokes _ humorous jokes daquan

Every day, there are many paragraphs circulating on WeChat. After reading them, you will understand the profound meaning. The following is a funny joke I compiled for you. I hope you will like them.

A funny joke.

1. A woman refused to marry her boyfriend because of her small breasts. Man asked: Is it as big as steamed bread? The woman said: Yes. On the wedding night, the man rushed out of the door and shouted at the sky: Oh, my God! Wangzai steamed buns are also called steamed buns!

I just learned a classic sentence the other day: I know your depth and you know my length! I am very excited to tease my girlfriend by texting! As a result, minutes later, my girlfriend came to the news. She said contemptuously, "Gee, I know your length, but you don't know my depth!" My heart is shaking? And fall into deep inferiority complex? Still not out of the shadows?

I indulged with my girlfriend yesterday. Girlfriend: Go and wear TT. After a while, girlfriend: You go and wear another one. After a while, girlfriend: Let's wear another one. I told you I wouldn't tell. As for being so worried. Girlfriend: I'm not worried, but I really feel too thin!

My best friend is pregnant for three months and often complains to me: "People inside can't get out, while people outside want to get in, but they can't!" My mouth is worn out these days!

5. Little sister! Brother, please, don't play around. Don't you already see that it is thick, big and great, and the foreskin has turned you over and your hair is almost pulled out? This is my first time in business, and I can't sell this corn.

6. Brother-in-law crossed the river with his sister-in-law on his back. Sister-in-law happened to meet her brother-in-law's little brother and asked what it was. Brother-in-law answers Pleasant Goat! Feeling a little interesting, my brother-in-law touched the inner thigh of my sister-in-law and asked, what is this? Sister-in-law replied: this is the wolf, who specializes in catching pleasant goat!

7. I got married last year, went to my wife's house to say hello, and went to my mother-in-law's house to present flowers to my wife. I gave it to her, but she didn't want it. The emcee asked me, "What kind of flower is this?" A: "Rose." "What flowers?" "Rose!" The MC kicked me and knelt down. "I know why I am still standing and not kneeling."

8. The male colleague said to the female colleague: I put 300 yuan on the ground. When you pick it up, let me insert it, ok? The female colleague made up her mind and called her husband. Her husband thought, how long will it take? I guess I couldn't take off my pants, so I agreed. Half an hour later, her husband called her and asked how it was going. But I heard my wife say breathlessly, this goat, he, he put all the coins!

9. An old man asked a poor village for a subsidy: What kind of money is this? The superior said: it is a one-time living allowance. The old man was surprised and left with the money. The next day, the old man bent down to help the wall to find his superiors. I want three sex subsidies today.

10. China's 5,000-year history has always favored boys over girls. In 2 1 century, it finally changed the minds of China people!

1 1. When I saw my ex-girlfriend that day, she came to buy food with a big belly, took a bag of yogurt and put it down. I saw her dressed a few years ago. I'm so bored. I used to hold the baby in my hand, but now I can't even bear to buy myself a bottle of yogurt!

12. It is said that cycling is good for health and does not hurt your knees. I don't know what brand is good. When I arrived at the giant store, the sister who sold the car was very good. She is good at saying that I rode it that day and it felt good!

13. My best friend was unhappy today, so I asked her: What's wrong with you? My best friend said, I have to pay the rent today. I said, wouldn't it be over if you handed it in? Girlfriend: How to get menstruation? Me: This?

14. My friends think I'm dirty. Gave me a nickname called Huang, and later changed it to Empress Huang. Now I am the Queen Mother Huang. I don't know when it got so dirty!

15. Walking on my way home, I suddenly rushed out of a few big men and asked me to take off my pants with knives. Damn it, I immediately tightened my chrysanthemums and thought I wouldn't meet a pervert. Who knows that as soon as I took off my clothes, they left after reading it, and my girlfriend agreed to propose to me the next day. On the wedding day, I saw several brothers-in-law, and I always felt as if I had seen them somewhere. How strange!

16. Today, I have a rest. After a day of shopping in Taobao, the shopping cart is almost full. When I was about to submit the order, my husband knelt in front of me with his daughter in his arms and said, please save some milk powder money for your child.

17. From the world situation to eating and shitting, any news can cause China netizens to curse, but the netizens on the yellow forum are of high quality and have never seen anyone swearing. Both: the landlord has worked hard, thank you, and the landlord has a good life.

18. I was on a business trip with my boss yesterday. At the airport, a foreigner asked boss how to get to Jinan in broken Chinese! As a result, the boss turned around and asked me: What's that Xiao Chen in Jinan say in English? My weak answer: boss, is he speaking Chinese?

19. A couple on the bus, the woman let a pervert touch her, and her boyfriend was expressionless. After arriving at the station, her boyfriend pulled the pervert out of the car, beat him skillfully and took his girlfriend away.

20. A buddy and his girlfriend took the bus, and his girlfriend was harassed behind a pervert. Without saying anything, the buddy leaned behind the pervert and began to touch the pervert? Damn it, it is said that that pervert is about to cry?

Selected funny jokes

1. I am so angry. Some people say I look like Aoi sora. I didn't know Aoi sora before and thought I was a star, but I was very complacent. Now I want to rip their mouths off, which makes me so angry?

2. One day, a beautiful woman went out to take a bus, and many people were crowded and didn't grab a seat. Suddenly an restless hand touched her ass! The beauty rolled her eyes and said to a person on the edge, "Hello, help me see if there is a centipede crawling on my back?" My domestic centipede. "Hand stopped with a whoosh.

3. I took the bus today. It was crowded, but I didn't take it. There is a beautiful sister paper standing in front of me. I saw a pervert rubbing her all the time. You know, I used jj. Suddenly, my sister shouted at the pervert on the right. You are a policeman! A car full of people looked at him, too loud. The pervert said no. Very innocent to say. Then that sister paper blinded my dog with one sentence. Then why are you pointing a gun at me? Then, then there is no then.

My mother told me that I can't stand the pervert on the bus, and I am a fool if I endure it! The moment he touched me that day, I blushed and groaned.

My colleague said with a smile at Christmas today that I must clap my hands with my wife when I go home today. Put your penis in and your balls out. It's called Christmas. Later, we all said that we finally knew why everyone was rushing to celebrate the foreign festival.

6. Assistant Director: "That female star only showed two points today." Director: "What happened to her? Didn't you tell her it was all exposed at three o'clock? " Assistant Director: "But she said she was" a little under the weather today.

7. I have made many friends in this city for ten years, and my contacts are all over the circle. I met an old friend in the street the other day. He didn't see me, so I missed Doby and called him. He took out his mobile phone and looked at it, but he didn't answer it.

8. Why is Little Red Riding Hood the flattest girl in fairy tales? That's because her grandmother was eaten by a wolf.

9. For ten years, I have never treated my woman badly. A few days ago, I quietly showed a photo of a beautiful woman in my mobile phone to Sister Meng in the old photo frame in the company. Sister Meng said, "It's a waste for such a beautiful girl to have no mistress." I smiled faintly and said, "It's not a waste."

10. I stayed in high school. In the evening, a group of girls discuss the size of boobs. A tough woman, who is relatively flat, suddenly said excitedly, "I have been sitting on the subway for a long time, and I am most afraid that someone will accidentally hit my chest!" " Because bra is concave and can't bounce out! "

1 1. A party, temporarily changed places! A buddy didn't pay attention and went to the original restaurant. The point is that he thought there was a traffic jam and others didn't arrive, so he ordered the food first.

12. A girlfriend has very small breasts, so we bury her every day. One day, the man finally couldn't stand it. He shouted at us: My chest is small, why not! I followed my dad, whatever!

13. There is a girl with flat breasts. She was afraid that her boyfriend would know that she was disgusted and never told him. The first time they went to bed, they turned off the lights and got into bed. The man began to touch the girl's chest. Then the boy said, honey, don't sleep on your stomach!

14. Me: Baby, mom really wants to take you on a trip! Baby: OK. Me: But what if Mom doesn't have time? Baby: Mom, you have no money either!

It's already 15. Years of experience have made me a master of problem solving and promoted to a higher management position. I need a new secretary, and she also needs training and guidance. Things are going well. On the first day, I helped her solve her life problems. The next day, I helped her solve her psychological problems. On the third day, she helped me solve my physical problems.

16. It's been ten years, and my state is not as good as before. However, I am still looking forward to the agreement with my first girlfriend: to go back to the first intimate hotel to relive that romance. I brought a song "Romance of Love", which was her favorite music during sex ten years ago. When they met, she mysteriously took out a CD with a heavy metal envelope and said, this is your favorite. "Baby, let's lock N volumes!" "

17. On a hot summer day, everyone was eating sorbet. Suddenly, a girl "ah", "what bad luck! It fell on my chest! " Female B ate calmly and said, "Be content with you, I drip on my stomach every time". Then I only heard the female C "hum" and said, "Are you all satisfied? Drop on your feet every time. " How flat do you have to be?

18. For ten years, I have been able to correctly handle the relationship between family and career. Chatting with his wife one day, she asked, "How many years has the female secretary of your company been here?" A: More than four years. "How old is it?" I don't know, there are at least twenty. "Is it beautiful?" A: Just so-so. "What about getting dressed?" A: Soon.

19. They are all the same girl, decorating the house at home, and the construction team is not very responsible. Dad quarreled with them and the girl came to stop the fight. Dad said, just lie down? Did you get a look at him? This is Ping! You can also call it an apartment with bricks! ?

20. It's really hot these days! I just called my mother for more than ten minutes. My mother said, "Daughter, it's too hot. Forget it. My mobile phone is on fire. I'm afraid I will burn my face. Call me again at night! " Hang up! " ? . Me: "? "

Funny jokes, hot articles

1. Wife: "Old man, how long do you think we have to be poor?" The old man looked up at the sky and thought for a moment: "That depends on how long we can live."

Today, my wife asked me with a pair of yellow underwear: What do you think of this? Me: I think it's good. I can't even tell if I stuck shit on it!

For ten years, I have always thought that the automatic door in my office is amazing. Sometimes you stand far away, and sometimes you need to walk very close. If the security guard hadn't stood in the hall forever, I would have studied the test. Until today, I stumbled across its mystery? It turns out that the security guard has a remote control!

One day, I invited my classmates out to play, but they didn't come. The landlord stood very tired and leaned against the bus next to me. After a while, my classmates came to see me and shouted: You fucking stole the public! Lying in the trough, what is the rate of turning around?

Ten years later, the confidante finally went to bed. I said, if I had known this, why did I have to pretend for so long? Really tired! Hearing this, the girl said, you have to go through the door before you can put on airs and sing! First "bosom friend", then "intellectuality".

6. When I was bored last night, I suddenly remembered my beautiful and gentle ex-girlfriend, so I turned out my QQ number and entered the space excitedly. I was shocked when I saw the first one. It's actually about me. It says: I am willing to trade my ex-boyfriend's life for a cool weather.

7. My boyfriend rolled a stick with a tissue and poked me in the stomach while I was waiting for the bus. I was shocked. He said to himself, "white knife goes in and white knife goes out. Your fat is really thick." I'm speechless. A few minutes later, he poked me in the chest again. In order to cooperate with him, I let out a cry and stepped back. He said to himself again.

In the past ten years, I have had eight managers in my mind. A beautiful new female secretary came to the company that day. Two days later, the manager proudly said to me, "Last night, I found that the new secretary was better in bed than my wife." I said ingratiatingly, "I feel better than your wife, too."

9. Ten years later, I need to deal with more and more family and work conflicts and find better solutions. "I can't do it." After drinking, I poured out my worries to Shirley. She was drunk and out of her mind, expressing her deep sympathy. She said, your spear is really a bit dull, so you should strengthen your exercise.

10. Ten years later, I am still looking for it, and I am depressed because of the gap between my dream and reality. Xiao Min is considerate, but not beautiful. Meng Xiao is beautiful, but not sexy. Xiao Gan is sexy, but she has a bad temper. Xiao Jing is considerate, beautiful and sexy, but she is my wife.