You should be honest, but not direct.

It is sooner rather than later to get rid of the bad habit of going straight.

In high school, a good friend often told me that you had a high emotional intelligence.

Whenever I hear this sentence, I know I must have said something wrong or done something wrong.

Before, in my most familiar environment, I didn't have too many distractions, and I was very honest with people and things. I have never reflected on myself, nor have I read too much.

Ceng Zi said, "I've visited myself three times. Is it cheating for others? Don't believe in making friends? Can you pass it on?

Even if I saw such a sentence in a book, I listened carefully to the teacher's analysis, but I never took it to heart to read it.

I clearly remember my friend's reminder. He said that you are in high school now, and we are all from the same place. If you say something wrong or do something wrong, we will tolerate you and understand you. But when you go to college and go further, you will be surrounded by people from all corners of the country. Speak and do things to improve emotional intelligence, read and listen.

At that time, I understood something, but I couldn't keep it in my mind all the time. After all, living in the present, the future always feels a little far away.

Later, I went back to school, lived in a dormitory for the first time and lived in a collective life.

I remember once, a roommate went shopping and bought a bunch of clothes to try on in the dormitory.

The rest of us are watching, she has changed one after another, and everyone is praising her appropriately.

She suddenly turned to me and asked, "What do you think?"

I may have been out of my mind and blurted out, "Hmm … it seems a little wide."

I think she didn't reply to me to avoid embarrassment, so others turned to the topic of beautiful clothes.

But I noticed that her face collapsed in an instant and realized that I must have said something wrong to make her unhappy.

The next day, my friend Daewoo secretly said to me, "You should have been more tactful yesterday. People must want compliments when they buy new clothes. I know you didn't mean it, but don't mention these things in the past, and she won't be angry. "

It was the first time that I felt strongly that I couldn't talk, and I deeply realized that I had to get rid of this bad habit. After all, I won't be so lucky every time to meet a group of people who don't care about me.

02.

There is an advantage called frankness and a disadvantage called straightforwardness.

In fact, it is easy to distinguish the two. Being sincere to others and serious about things can be called frankness, but being tactful and taking care of yourself for a while can be called frankness.

In the past, I would confuse the two and mistake my frankness for frankness to cover up my lack of personality.

After zero zero, my roommate once told me that when she came to the dormitory for the first time, she observed that the big-eyed roommate in the next bed was carrying a suitcase up, which seemed a little difficult. She volunteered to ask if she needed help.

I didn't look up when I saw my roommate with big eyes, so I said no.

So, the first time she talked to her roommate with big eyes, she guessed that she would not be friends with her in the future. Because of the first impression, she felt that the other person was very straightforward and rude.

So I asked her, what was your first impression of me?

She said, "When you first entered the bedroom door, your face was tense and you looked cold." But when you said the first sentence to me, I thought you were easy to get along with, because even if you were in a bad mood, you would still talk to me seriously. "

Indeed, people pay attention to a comfort level when getting along with others. Aside from strangers, even the closest relatives, you can't impose your bad feelings on others.

You can express your truest self, but you must remember to express yourself that makes others happy.

03.

How important is a person's art of speaking?

Let's feel the original words of Wang Han, the host of Hunan Satellite TV, about "Sun Nan retired" on the stage of Singer.

After reading this passage carefully, you will find that Wang Han didn't directly blame Sun Nan. Every sentence said that "Sun Nan made an irresponsible decision to retire according to his own temperament".

At the same time, he sincerely expressed his true feelings and showed Sun Nan that he had lost the qualification to compete for the king of songs, which showed that their respective positions were different.

Sun Nan didn't cut off his opponent's microphone when he explained that he was retiring, which gave Sun Nan the greatest respect and stabilized all the singers and audience present at that time.

After the program, it is Wang Han who can be talked about and praised, because his frankness and frankness touched everyone, but he also euphemistically expressed his different opinions and minimized everyone's losses.

04.

It is really important for a person to know how to speak.

Many people may sigh that it is difficult for people to do it, and it is hard to say. Not everyone can read poetry and say it.

After all, the problem ultimately comes down to the word "emotional intelligence".

People often equate "IQ" with "EQ". "IQ" is born and brought out from the womb and cannot be changed.

But "EQ" is acquired, which is closely related to family education and the surrounding environment.

Therefore, the deficiency of "emotional intelligence" can be made up by the day after tomorrow.

You don't have to say gorgeous sentences, but you must say something that makes others feel comfortable and can feel your sincerity.

If you are confused about how to change, you can try some theorems I have compiled.

1. When you are ready to explain a different point of view from others, affirm it before refuting it.

Don't vent your bad feelings to the people around you.

Don't make fun of other people's shortcomings, and don't make too many jokes.

Never say the last word of crushing a camel in an argument.

You should know how to listen, and the conversation should not always be self-centered.

6. Don't talk about things with people. Say different things to different people.

There are too many details in life for you to grasp by yourself. Many times, the most hurtful things are casual little things.

Therefore, think before you speak and observe before you do something.

Stick to it and you will find that you have become what others call a "popular person with high emotional intelligence".