Never liked funny videos. Tell me about it.

1. I heard that ugly people should read more books. No wonder my mother said that I was not cut out for reading when I was young.

I treat you as a friend one by one, but you treat me as a goddess.

Everyone says that making more friends with beautiful people will make you look good. No wonder you find that your friends are getting better and better.

You should find someone who can make you laugh, not me who makes you cry.

5. The kind of person who talks funny and has a good temper is really impeccable, such as me.

6. Why don't I have a handsome deskmate, but my deskmate does?

7. Being good-looking is not easy to cheat, and the invigilator can't help but look at it. No wonder I was often found in those days.

8. Achievement is such a thing. You are ugly, you rank first, and I am handsome and casual.

9. I always thought that the word "beautiful as a fairy" was about me, but it wasn't. It's about real beauty.

10. When I was born, God asked me whether I should have a good memory or be handsome. I have forgotten what I answered at that time.

1 1. I want to work hard, or others will say that I am nothing but beautiful.

12. Be a low-key person, as handsome as I am, not what I said.

13. Those who are particularly handsome but don't know themselves are really pitiful, so please remind me often.

14. There is no fate between us, it all depends on my face value.

15. Every time I go shopping, many people send me small advertisements and leaflets. Alas, this is me, I am so beautiful.

16. The lovely me has long since disappeared, replaced by a more lovely me.

17. You can call me handsome, I don't mind, but don't involve my friends, it's none of their business, they are just a group of innocent fools.

18. Why do handsome people get special treatment? No, it will spoil me.

19. Every time I look at myself in the mirror, I swear. How can there be such beautiful people in this world?

20. I don't want to be likable, I just want to be an attractive villain.

2 1. I envy my deskmate more and more, because she has a charming deskmate who is very witty and selflessly spreads laughter and love.

22. I am always alienated by ordinary people because I am too handsome. You see, nobody looked at it when I was talking.

23. I suddenly want to go out and cheat money to eat and drink with my handsome face, and live a lascivious life freely.

24. I am not cool at all, but I am handsome.

25. Today, a girl praised me for being thin, so I slapped her in the face. Can't you see how handsome I am? !

26. Being a handsome boy is tiring, I really know that.

27. What happened? Let's talk openly. Don't always call me beautiful and lovely behind my back. Are you bored? Like no one knows.

Talk more about narcissism, funny, narcissism.

Talking about it in an interesting and narcissistic way

1, it is said that the daughter is her father's past lover. In the morning, my father said to blossoming-today is Valentine's Day, you are my last lover, and I will wait for you at the school gate. Let's spend Valentine's Day together. -I want to draw, and I don't have time to answer. Then I will wait forever. Dad still insists! At this point, blossoming looked into his father's eyes and calmly replied, let's not talk about the past life again. .....

2. Girlfriend and boyfriend quarreled, and boyfriend dropped his mobile phone. My best friend says it's amazing that she can drop her cell phone. I'm going to drop it, too, and I'll pick up her partner's cell phone and drop it again. What a nice girl!

3. In junior high school, a very strict teacher copied the questions on the blackboard and said, "I copied the wrong line, I'm sorry." When the whole class was quiet, the deskmate of Class Two shouted loudly, "You are blind!" " !

4. A friend was knocked down by a car, and his leg was injured, and he couldn't stand up because of bleeding. His girlfriend decided to take out her mobile phone, take a picture of my friend's misery and send it to Weibo, saying, "Honey, something happened. It hurts! " !

5, one day after work, my boyfriend took the elevator downstairs, and there were so many people that he finally squeezed in. During the operation of the elevator, his mobile phone suddenly rang, and he answered it quickly, but the signal was not good. He shouted into his cell phone, call back later, I'm in the refrigerator! Everyone else suddenly got a cold war.

6. Xiao Zhang confessed to a girl. When they were walking on the road, Xiao Zhang remembered a poem. He took out a pen, but he couldn't find the paper for a long time. So he opened his wallet, drew one from a big stack of RMB 100, wrote the poem on it and handed it to the girl. The confession succeeded. Xiao Zhang said: "This is the power of literature.

7. Go shopping for clothes with your girlfriend. Take a fancy to one and feel good. Ask the boss how much it costs. The boss said 320, and the wife didn't talk. The boss said 280 discount, but the wife didn't talk. The boss said the minimum is 248, but the wife still doesn't talk. The boss said 220 won't be returned. . . We think it is very cheap, so we are not prepared to make a counter-offer. . I was stunned by the boss's constant price reduction. . The boss added another sentence of 200 to take away. .

8. My boyfriend went to the barber shop. After sitting down, the master asked him if he wanted to wash it. He hesitated, agreed and chose shampoo. Master carefully washed his hair twice. Back in his seat, the master asked while drying his hair, what kind of hairstyle do you want to cut? This guy looked in the mirror for a long time and said, shave your head.

9. My boyfriend asked me which bag do you like? I looked at it. It was red. Boyfriend smiled, fool, that's not a famous brand. Don't be afraid, just pick what you like. It doesn't matter how expensive it is. My heart warmed up, and I pointed to Lu, the woman passing by, just her. My boyfriend gave me a kiss, then started the motorcycle and rushed to the woman.

10, boyfriend, wife, I'll give you a car when you are thirty. Girlfriend, really? Boyfriend, really, but wife, you will always be eighteen in my heart!

1 1. Teacher, my child is disobedient and can't fight. What should I do? It's no use hitting children like that. If you want to change children, you can't simply hit them. So what should we do? Work hard!

12, my niece came to my house. I asked, how was the exam? I want the pain of the previous generation to last forever! My niece said that she did better in the exam than her boyfriend. Does my uncle have a girlfriend? All right! I'm not angry, I just smiled and stretched out my hands to pull her face! Smile and say, yes! They just kissed you.

13, my husband came back drunk last night, so he ignored him when he got angry. When I was about to peel an apple for him with a knife, the climax came. The goods fell at my feet and began to howl. Honey, don't kill me. Don't kill me. I won't dare next time. My mother-in-law looks silly around. Shit, how scared are you of me?

14, my boyfriend just received a strange phone call, and the other party hung up as soon as he heard something wrong. Call back in half a minute, brother! Your cell phone rings well. What's the name of this song?

15, boyfriend, all I can think about is your girlfriend and fart! I think your mind is full of shit! Boyfriend, I won't allow you to insult yourself like this.

16, shota didn't want to go to kindergarten to spoil all kinds of hooligans, so his father threw him to the teacher and dragged his wife away. Shota also nasty, cursed, you dog men and women!

17, broke up with his girlfriend. Before we parted, I said to her, "After many years, if you get married. If I am not married, tell your daughter to be careful after school. What about her? Me, I'm the principal! !

18, bitter said to the Zen master, Zen master, there are some things I can't let go. The Zen master said, "Nothing can't be let go. The bitter man shook his head, closed the trunk and said, I really can't let go. You'd better take a bus.

19, my boyfriend went to buy a train ticket. The sales point is not open yet. There are many people at the door, mostly women. Suddenly, a man bowed his head and squeezed at the door, but he didn't squeeze in. I was also scolded by the lady in front, saying that he took the opportunity to eat tofu. As a result, the man said a word and everyone got out of the way. The man said. . . I won't sell tickets today if you don't get out of the way! ! ! !

20. A believer asked the priest devoutly, you said that when God closes a door, he will open a window. Why can't I see him open the window? The priest replied helplessly, heaven's economy is declining, and God can only live in affordable housing. So that window, you know.

2 1. My boyfriend said that he ordered a steamed dumpling for dinner in the canteen. While the waiter was still cooking, he poured a plate of vinegar and found an empty table in the canteen to put down. Go back and get steamed dumplings. When I came back, I saw the table. Oh, my God! Where is my vinegar? A clean uncle, I guess. Look, nobody took it! Ok, go back and pour another plate! I came back with vinegar. Shit! Where are my steamed dumplings? !

22. My girlfriend is a bank teller. How much do you save a day? How much do you withdraw? It has become an occupational disease! One day, when we went downstairs to sell waste products, she saw someone's booth with a catty and wanted to weigh it herself! After standing up, I committed an occupational disease! Open your mouth and say, "Boss, look at my money." ? The boss was stupefied and said slowly, sorry, we don't accept it!

23. A buddy in the dormitory suddenly fell in love with Buddhism, bought a diamond sutra, studied it under the covers every day, and took notes. Later, on my girlfriend's birthday, this product bought a wooden fish, delivered it all the way, and then it was gone.

24. Lolita, a neighbor, suddenly said to her handsome and talented brother in his twenties next door, Brother, I'll freeze you in the refrigerator so that you won't grow up. I'll let you out in 20 years. I want to marry you! Well, there are ideas and pursuits!

25. On the bus, a young father was holding shota, who was about five years old. Shota: How did you make mom angry? Father: Don't ask. Do you want to eat instant noodles tonight? Shota: No! Father: Then listen to Dad. When I got to grandma's house, I cried when I saw her. Don't let go until your mother comes home with us. Oh, I see. Dad, what are you doing? Father hesitated: I hugged the other leg and cried.

26. Buy mineral water downstairs. How much is a bottle of mineral water for me and myself? Boss, let's go together! My boss and I sold me two yuan a bottle yesterday! The proprietress smiled shyly. Is that so? We are all acquaintances. Come to two pieces!

27. The father of a soldier in the army died. After the news came, the company was practicing. The company commander called the soldiers out and said, \ \ Your father is dead. \ \ \ After the political commissar knew this, he said to the company commander, \ \ You should speak tactfully in the future, otherwise the blow will be too great for others to stand. \ \ Later, once again, a soldier's mother died, and the company commander knew about it, so he stepped forward and stood in the queue \ \ and pointed to the soldier and said \ \ \.

28, to travel, there is a temple in the mountains, everyone went in to worship, met a Zen master, said a lot of good things to me, I was very happy to hear, and finally asked me to donate incense money, so I generously gave him ten pieces. The Zen master insisted on Buddhism paying attention to 66 and asked me to donate 66, so I had to let him get back three pieces and 40 points.

29. I just read my husband's palm and found that his lifeline is very long, so I looked at mine. I found that my lifeline was very short, so I looked at my husband affectionately and said, "I may only live to be in my 50 s!" " "I hope he can say something touching, but the idiot paused and said," Then don't pay the old-age insurance, you can't get it anyway! "

30. A musician and a very famous but terrible critic are walking in the park. At this time, a group of birds were singing in the branches, and the critic pointed to the birds and said, They are the most talented musicians in the world. Soon, a crow flew screaming. The musician pointed to the crow and said, They are the best critics!

3 1, I am a photographer, and my daily job is to take pictures of models. Because of my physical impulse, I often have sex with models, but I know they are not true love, because other than that, we have almost nothing in common. So I hope to find true love here today. Male guest: I appreciate your honesty. Where do you work now? Oh, at Mengchong Photography Center.

32. My best friend has dinner with some friends. When checking out, it was *** 102. She smiled: the boss wiped a zero! The boss nodded. So she took out 12 yuan money from her pocket and handed it to her boss. At that moment, his face twitched. . .

33. In the vegetable market, I saw an aunt and her boyfriend selling pot-brushing balls together. Someone asked, is this thing easy to use? I saw that my aunt picked up the brush pot ball and vigorously picked up a blame and shouted. Next, it is time to witness the miracle!

34. Every day, the girl will come to his shop for dinner, sit by the window and order two sets of meals. Every time he asks about several meals, she is always embarrassed to say two people, and then she eats silently. He thought maybe someone was with the girl, but that person was gone. Finally, one day, he wanted to ask the girl's story, but he heard the girl talking to herself. The amount of two servings was too small to even eat, damn it.

35. Some students mentioned the word melodramatic in class, and the teacher asked, "What does melodramatic mean?" . For example, teacher, you are so beautiful. I have to say, oh, hello, teacher, you are so beautiful! This is melodramatic! Another woman can't stand that hypocrisy!

36. The head teacher asked the students, do you know why I am more punctual than you every day? An idiot student stood up and shouted, I guess you bought a watch! Student pawn

37. Boyfriend drinks with clients at night, drinks too much, goes home late at night and can't find a home. So he stood in the community and shouted loudly, and everyone who fell asleep got up! As a result, many residents turned on the lights and shouted to open all the windows for me! As a result, many residents' windows were opened, and everyone reached out angrily or inexplicably to see what was going on, and continued to shout to see which child I was and take me back!

Your parents have been married for more than 20 years and have never quarreled. How did you do that? On my mother's wedding day, the dog yelled at her. She said quietly, this is the first time. After a while, the dog barked at her again. She said that this is the second time. After a while, the dog barked at her! She hacked the dog to death with a kitchen knife. My dad yelled at her, you're crazy! My mother looked at my father calmly and said, this is the first time. Since then, they have lived a happy life.

39. Talk to a buddy in the office about having a baby. He simply said, "It's really a loss to have a daughter. When it's hard to win, you have to win it yourself. When it was good, it was taken away by others. " Colleagues in the whole office collectively fainted.

40. I found a small restaurant on the street at noon, and the electric car was outside. When I was almost finished, I suddenly found someone pushing my car away. It's too bold in broad daylight I gave a cry and the boss knew what was going on. I rushed to the door quickly. He got up and ran when he saw me, and I chased him. After chasing two intersections, I finally caught up with him and said to him, "Change the restaurant tomorrow, and I will push the cart when you eat."

4 1, how to point out that a person is ugly? This face is very bad What should I do if my face is full of pits? A strict chisel. Describe a person with a big face? Shameless. Ugly enough to scare people away? Different colors, four horses are hard to catch!

42, idiot, boss, I want a tattoo. Boss, choose a picture. Second, I want to be original, not too superficial, meaningful and fashionable, so that people can see the meaning at a glance. Boss, well, this is my most satisfactory original in recent years, how about it. Idiot, wipe, QR code.

43. A buddy reported to the driving school to learn driving. That day, four people and the coach went on the road together. It's this guy's turn to drive, so nervous and sweaty. I happened to pass by a village, and some chickens raised by the farmer's uncle were foraging on the road. This guy is holding the steering wheel and screaming, oh, yeah, yeah. Everyone in the car was shocked. Coach is furious, the car doesn't have a horn? Learn to ride a bike! A car full of people are laughing.

44. Every time I see those junior high school students fall in love with senior high school students, I will advise them and their children that there is still a long way to go in life. It's time for you to study. Don't learn those bad habits. It's not too late to talk about them when you are as old as your uncle. Listen to your uncle and give it to us first, okay?

45. I like studying constellations recently. One day, my boyfriend and I were discussing constellations with great interest. His mother came over, so I took her hand and asked, Aunt, what seat are you? His mother paused for a few seconds and muttered, meat, meat.

Funny sentences that boast that they are handsome, funny and narcissistic.

A funny sentence that praises oneself for being handsome:

1. I wonder why people always say I am handsome. I'm bored to death!

2. I am handsome, cool, attractive, well-proportioned, good-looking, young, rich, smart, lively and lovely, generous and graceful. Extraordinary spirit, the top ten outstanding in the country.

If there is an afterlife, I hope I will be less handsome and more ordinary.

I am 23 years old and very handsome. I studied literature at the age of seven, practiced martial arts at the age of nine, and picked up girls at the age of 12. He knows everything about astronomy and geography above, but little about it below. Every time he goes out for a walk, he often comes back with a beautiful woman and a handsome guy jumps off a building. He is kind-hearted and helpful. In primary school, the Chinese teacher explained the meaning of handsome boy, which puzzled me. My deskmate secretly handed me a small mirror. I took a picture. Oh, I suddenly understand.

If Shuai Neng were a meal, Ben Shuai would feed 3 billion people.

6. The furthest distance in the world is not between life and death, but when you look at the photo of this handsome guy, you don't know where this handsome guy is.

7. Although I am handsome, I am very low-key!

8. Known as pear blossom over begonia, people send the nickname "Jade-faced Little Dragon with omnipotent heaven and earth", the embodiment of handsomeness and wisdom, the combination of chivalry and benevolence, and the great man of predecessors.

9. Without my handsomeness, what can human beings live on?

10. Except for being handsome, he has no shortcomings. Why? ! Tell me why! ! How can I be so good!

1 1. CoCo Lee chased me for three blocks. After seeing me yesterday, he immediately announced that he would quit the show business in September. ! If nothing else, it's because I'm so handsome.

12. I am handsome, cool, charming, well-proportioned, handsome, young, rich, smart, lively and lovely, generous in speech and personable. Outstanding spirit, top ten outstanding young people in China. What is even more rare is that people who study literature at the age of three and martial arts at the age of seven learn a lot, knowing astronomy and geography above and trivial below. He is omnipotent and omniscient. Every time he goes out for a walk, he often comes back with a beautiful woman. Handsome guy jumps off a building, kind-hearted, amiable, helpful and charitable. Its benefits are endless, just like the Yellow River flooding out of control.

13. I am handsome, with regular facial features, well-proportioned figure and star temperament. I passed the first batch of international ISO900 1 Handsome guy system certification. Tips; Signboard beauty deserves attention.

14. Today's weather is good, and it is a good day to go out and release handsome.

15. You said my appearance was fake and the money I gave you was fake. I tell you, I can tolerate that your money is fake, but I can't tolerate that you say there is something wrong with my appearance.

16. Last time a girl asked me, how many beautiful girls have you chased since you grew up? Did I tell her? A friend of mine told the girl the truth. Usually beautiful women chase him, and that girl fainted at that time.

17. Hey. Why haven't I seen anyone more handsome than me?

18. It's not my fault that you are handsome. It is your own problem that you like me.

19. Handsome is providence, and cool is man-made.

20. I am a Chinese Odyssey, handsome and free and easy.

Funny and narcissistic talk about:

1. There are two kinds of people who are the most charming in the world: one is like me, and the other is like me.

Before you come near me, you should think clearly that I have nothing but handsome.

Someone asked me what is the first beauty in my hometown? I replied: it's me.

I really envy you that there is a handsome and witty me in your friend list.

It's not that I stay up late, it's that the night needs me as a bright star.

6. I am very cute at this age. I am really a sinner!

7. Just now, a handsome guy was in front of me. We looked at each other for a long time, and no one broke the peace. I slowly put down the mirror until my hands were tired.

8. The subway said not to carry inflammable and explosive articles, so I got off the bus decisively, because I was about to explode.

9. Don't talk, feel my handsomeness with your heart.

10. Someone said I was handsome, but I smiled. I am smart, brave, witty, kind, considerate, gentle, lovely and generous. You fucking call me handsome?

1 1. There is no fate between us. Look at my face value.

12. Some people say I am handsome. I've been thinking about it all night. Who leaked the news?

13. Get up in the middle of the night to go to the toilet. I feel someone beside me. I turned my head and wiped it! What a handsome face. I was startled and calm. It turned out to be a mirror.

14. Always alienated by ordinary people because they are too handsome. You see, when he made the statement, no one read it. . .

15. How can I be too handsome to go out? I'm afraid all men and boys will be lovelorn as soon as I go out. I am not very handsome, but the young lady next door gave me dichlorvos. My aunt upstairs took part in the Olympics for me. Walking in the street is afraid of puppies. Walking on the road today, several girls said I was handsome. I laughed and denied it. They hit me with bricks and called me hypocritical! There are only two kinds of people in this world, one who thinks I am handsome and the other who has never seen me. I have suffered too much handsomeness at my age, so I am tired.

16. The handsome guy stuck to me all my life.

17. It's not convenient to go out in such a strong wind. In case it blows into someone else's arms, I am so cute that others will definitely not return it.

18. Being a human being is really tiring. I have been handsome for more than ten years as soon as I am handsome, and I will continue to be handsome.

19. Just now, someone praised me for being handsome. I suggest you go and see my friend. After reading it, you will find that I am much more handsome than before.

20. Why don't I have a handsome deskmate, but my deskmate does?

2 1. Every time I go shopping, many people send me small advertisements and leaflets. Alas, this is me, I am so beautiful.

Young man, you must study hard and never eat and drink with a handsome face like me.

Narcissistic and interesting to talk about it.

1. I want people all over the world to know that I keep a low profile.

When I heard the teacher say that he would start the fine again, I knew that he had spent all his salary.

Comrades have not worked hard, and the revolution will still succeed.

4. People who are too rational will definitely miss the opportunity to go astray and miss the beautiful scenery along the way brought by mistakes.

I am relieved to know that you are not doing well.

6. The furthest distance in the world is not between life and death, but that I am invisible. You are online, you are online, and I am invisible.

7. People say I'm thin, but I'm not obviously fat.

8. Who will marry me in the future: I don't know who you are dating now.

9. I am proud of being single. I save rubber for my motherland. I am single. I'm ashamed. I waste paper for my country.

10. I am single. I'm ashamed. I waste paper for my country.

1 1. You are calm because you are not afraid. I am calmer than you, because I am not afraid of your death.

12. The wife said: Let's compare who is handsome between these two fish. Handsome is tomorrow's dish.

13. Those who always say that others are pretending to be forced, you are not even pretending to be forced.

14. The most painful thing in the world is not the parting of life and death, but the exam is coming. Others are reviewing, and I am previewing.

15. Your smile is brighter than shit in the sun.

16. If two people are together for a long time, gazing at each other is also a romantic thing.

17. My love for you is as vigorous as a tractor climbing a hill.

18. You are not a traffic policeman in my mind and have no right to interfere in my direction.

19. The wind is rustling and the water is cool, and the strong man beats the dog, which is gone forever.

20. Most of the people kissing in the park are not husband and wife, and most of them do not deliberately explain the close friends in the scene.

2 1. God, I have to wake up by myself every day.

22. Life is like rape. Since you can't get rid of it, you might as well enjoy it.

If I win 5 million, I think I'd better donate it to my account.

24. Behind a successful man stands a woman forever, and behind a rich woman stands a …

25. Don't call me arrogant, I refuse to deal with animals!

I never talk about people, but I always talk about myths.

27. You are my Youlemei so that I can throw you away after drinking.

28. Sorry, the subscriber you dialed is married.

29. If I can forgive your vulgarity, can you tolerate my affectation?

30. Unrequited love is a successful pantomime, and it becomes a tragedy when it is said!

3 1. Don't argue with a fool, or others won't know who a fool is.

32. It doesn't matter if your head is empty. The key is not to get into the water.

33. Protect yourself and love others. Please don't come out in the middle of the night to scare people.

34. Others laugh at me for being too slutty, and I laugh at others for not being open.

Chopin, if you can bring out the sadness of labor and capital, labor and capital will give you a dollar.

There are thousands of men in the world, and it is really impossible to change them every day.

Even if you are already taken, I will replace it with another flower.

38. The most useless thing in the world is the salary slip, which makes you angry and wipes your ass too carefully.

39. The growing, painful and happy days are called youth.

40. Many things are between not saying injustice and saying melodramatic.

4 1. In this world, sincerity is scarce and should be thrifty.

42. It's a long way to Xiu Yuan, so I'd better take a taxi.

43. Women are like clothes, but big sister is a kind of temperament that you can't wear.

44. Reality raped the past, leaving behind an evil seed called memory.

45. She slept with me when I said I was a director. The next day, I said I was an animation director, and she cried.

46. After hearing what you said, a sense of superiority in IQ arises spontaneously!

47. I am not the Mona Lisa, and I will not smile at everyone.

48. I like when you are plump. Why are you so thin now? What makes me feel sorry? Oh, my wallet!

49. I have been infatuated with you for a long time, a little narcissistic!

What can I say? There are still a few people who have a secret crush on me, and I know it.