There is a kind of person who really can't understand. He talks to you, you talk to him, and he doesn't talk.

Qipa said the fifth season was over two days ago. This season, Qipa's theory is controversial and full of surprises, which brings us a lot of meaningful debates and heated debates.

Although I have joined many great gods-famous scholars and debate circles this year, every time they debate, I silently click the multiple of 1.25 to play, or even skip it directly. Finally, I found that only Foer, their withered old exotic flowers, could be seen.

Why is this happening? Obviously, the wonderful people are very clear and right, why can't they listen? Will this "embarrassment" happen in our daily life?

In fact, in work and life, there are many cases of "you may be right, but I just don't want to hear it". But few people influence others through subtle language design.

People in rivers and lakes, it is inevitable to deal with people. How to persuade the other side, let the other side listen, and then solve disputes and reach cooperation is a very important ability.

We can start with the following points:

1. Ask questions for positive guidance.

Some time ago, my mother was driving an electric car in town, but unfortunately she ran into a raised stone on the ground and fell out of control.

Because it was very fast at that time, my mother flew out and broke three ribs on the spot, so she needed to stay in bed for 2 months.

You know, my mother is the kind of activist who invites friends to travel for a week and dance square dance at night. In the face of sudden troubles, she was depressed and could only lie in a boring bed and sigh.

I asked her a question at that time: Why are you the most cheerful and like to laugh among your brothers and sisters?

After this question was thrown, my mother naturally thought of the answer to the question. The reason why every brain is flashing is actually strengthening her optimistic and cheerful image. This is the power of asking questions.

It is worth noting that the key to asking questions is to arouse the other party's positive thinking.

Still in the above scene, if I ask, "Since all the accidents have happened, why should I regret and complain?"

The result can be imagined: "Why regret it? Of course I regret it, if it weren't for the damn stone, if I didn't drive so fast ... ".

So you see, according to your intention, setting questions is the key to guidance.

Remember, people don't like being persuaded by others in their hearts, because to some extent, it means showing weakness to others and giving in to others.

Compared with putting forward a lot of reasons to try to convince each other, skillfully guiding each other with questions, and finally letting each other "convince themselves" is an effective way to enhance their influence.

2. convince each other with your own interests

"This project plan will be submitted at the end of the month, please help me have a look."

"I have a meeting on Wednesday. Please report the sales data of last month to me. I want to make a summary. "

Many times, we put a low profile and try to convince each other. The other party just looks unhurried and indifferent.

Persuading each other with benefits is a more effective way to influence each other than asking for help with humility.

Because everyone only cares about things related to themselves.

There used to be a joke on the Internet:

A man was carrying heavy luggage to catch a train. When he met a pedestrian on the road, he said kindly, "Hello, please forgive me. I'm in a hurry. "

As a result, nobody paid attention to him. So, he put it another way: "Aunt, I'm sorry, or I'll bump into you." ; "Beauty, sorry, be careful to cut your stockings." ......

As a result, everyone gave in this time.

Convince each other with each other's interests is actually a kind of empathy. Emphasize that putting yourself in the other person's shoes and thinking about the other person's interests will naturally be better accepted by the other party.

Emma Charlotte Duerre Watson, the actor of Hermione in the film Harry Potter, gave a feminist speech at the United Nations General Assembly.

In the face of gender prejudice, she did not blindly advocate that both sexes should downplay gender concepts. But from another angle, I call on men to join the feminist movement. In her speech, she mentioned that gender bias will actually bring great pressure to many men.

Because in the excessive stereotype of men and women, if a man does something that everyone thinks only women do, then he will be considered very girly.

Moreover, only when men join the movement to protect women's rights can the rights of their daughters, mothers and sisters be effectively protected.

Like this, from the other side's point of view, think about the benefits of opposing gender prejudice to men, which is more infectious.

3. between relatives, replace "good for you" with "good for me"

Persuading others with their interests can be effective in most cases. Only between relatives, but this is not normal.

Because the closer the family members are, when making suggestions, they will give us a sense of correcting us and make us feel undisturbed.

At this time, we need to find another way, from our own point of view, convince our loved ones with our own interests, and convince each other with "good for me."

Father is a chain smoker, and he needs a pack of cigarettes every day. My mother and I advised him to smoke less.

"Dad, smoking is harmful to health. Smoke less in the future. I did it for your own good. Look at your medical report. "

"Well, I measured. I am responsible for my health. Don't worry. "

Later, I put it another way:

"Dad, I was recently diagnosed with sinusitis. As soon as I smell smoke, I feel very uncomfortable. Can you smoke less for me? "

"Why, so young, there is sinusitis. Hurry up and cure it, so as not to be serious, otherwise it will be very troublesome in the future. "

Later, my father did smoke less. Although he didn't quit, he was much more restrained than before. Especially when I'm around, he won't smoke.

We are all social animals. In a human society, we are naturally kind to others, especially those who are close to ourselves.

Therefore, if the object of influence is your relatives and your own people, it is often more effective to convince them with "good for me".

Everything is learned with affection, and articles are learned with cultivation. Speaking is an art and a bridge between people.

As Liu Yong, a famous writer in Taiwan Province Province, said in the best-selling series "I'm not teaching you to cheat":

I want to influence others with words, not to fool you, but to give people around me a good positive influence and have better interpersonal relationships.

I think this is the real charm of talking well.