On the Comedy of Classic Humor

Lead: Once my best friend drank too much, I took her home. As soon as she entered my house, she took the hamster I just bought, threw it out of the window and said, "Go! Pikachu ~ "Talk about the classic humor in space.

1. Six gods without a master mean: Whose toilet water is this? ...

In fact, every time I lose my temper with you, I especially regret not hitting you.

When a soldier wanted to go home for five months, he asked the company commander for leave and said he wanted to go home. Asked why, I made up a reason to say: my girlfriend is pregnant. The company commander asked: How many months have you been pregnant? A: Three months. The company commander asked again: How many months have you been a soldier? A: Five months. As a result, the company commander said calmly: Don't go home, the child is not yours. ...

4. When I was a child, I accidentally found several hundred-dollar bills in the corner of my closet, so I stole them and spent them. Later, I often looked for them in every corner, and I often gained more or less, which made my childhood relatively rich ... Now that I am married, let me think, Dad, I am sorry for you!

Some people drive tens of thousands of cars, but they have three suites. Some people wear dozens of stalls, but 70,000 to 80,000 watches. People who eat mala Tang may be happy that the villa has just been renovated. Some people still use 1000 mobile phones, but they buy hundreds of thousands of pianos. Don't use your values to measure the strength of others. Maybe you think it's awesome, and others are not interested at all. Everyone cares about different things. Don't think about others with your own thoughts! For example, I, with dozens of cheap goods and shoes, have a body value of less than 100 yuan. Do you think I have no money? Yes, you guessed it. I just have no money.

6. Halfway through the final exam, the broadcast sounded: "Attention, students, there are mistakes in the paper! Please look at the second item of the ninth question on page 4:' Li Lei walks at a speed of 50 kilometers per hour. How many hours did it take to walk 100 km?' Please change Li Lei into Han Meimei. Thank you. "

On the Comedy of Classic Humor

7. I once asked my best friend: What is true love? My best friend said: For example, if I am naked in front of a man, his first concern is whether I will catch a cold. This is true love. I pouted: then how ugly you should be.

8. There is no swearing in the world. Do more homework and have everything.

9. When the exam bell rang, I saw Master Lei unhurriedly put 1 0,000 yuan under the paper and attached a note that read: 10 yuan 1 minute. A few days later, a 59-point test paper was handed out. The teacher also put 4 10 yuan and a note at the back, which read: change 4 10 yuan. Thank you for your patronage. Welcome to come again.

10. It's not that I want to stay up late, but that I'm needed as a bright star in the dark.

1 1. Why are you fighting? Can't we just sit down and cut each other a few times calmly?

12. Girl: Why do you boys like girls with big breasts? Boy: Because we have our own small ones. Girl: ...

13. A child asked me: Brother, why are you so ugly? I said in his ear: don't tell anyone, in fact, I am the future you. Later, he cried.

14. I met a girl with a sweet voice online and asked her, "What do you look like? Let me see the true face of Lushan Mountain. " Then she sent a photo of Zhang Shan. I was very angry at once: "I don't want to see the photos of Lushan Mountain!" " "She said," I know you don't want to see Lushan Mountain. This one I sent is Huangshan Mountain. "I: ...

15. The patient lying in bed asked the nurse painfully: "Love is gone, family is gone, friendship is gone, house is gone, money is gone, stock is gone, do I really have nothing?" The nurse said in loving words, "Look at what you said, why are you so unsure of yourself?" You are still sick! "

16. The boy said to the girl, "I fell in love with you the first time I saw you!" The girl asked strangely, "When did you first see me?" The boy quickly explained, "It was a school day. I saw you and your family come to school. The skirt you are wearing is very beautiful! " ! ! "The girl was furious:" I didn't wear a skirt that day, but my mother did! " "

17. I heard the most touching thing recently: a kindergarten abroad asked children to draw a portrait of their father, and a lovely baby drew a picture of "Dad loves candy". In the picture, dad is full of happiness, sucking the white powder on the table with his nose ... and then dad is caught. ...

18. I met a fortune teller downstairs. He stared at me for a long time and sighed, "Young man, you are so black!" " I hurried to give him ten dollars and asked for relief. He said slowly, "Don't be afraid, just go home and wash your face!" " "

19. Woman, standing in front of clothes like an emperor, thinks every day, who is lucky today? I looked, alas, it's time for me to be embarrassed again.

20. When I was a child, I read my brother's notebook in high school, and I couldn't understand the function at all. At that time, I thought that high school students were so powerful that they didn't know such a difficult thing until they went to high school, so they didn't know it either.

2 1. Go home by tram after work, ride an express train in the alley, and an uncle riding an express train across the street will hit you. Uncle roared: you go left, I go right! That day, we lay on the ground for a long time. ...

22. Do you know why you are always sleepy at school? Because school is the place where dreams begin!

23. I am a mature person. I don't eat when I am angry. I only do things when I am full.

24. Cash is not allowed in the canteen recently. A buddy went to cook and took out a 20 yuan bill. The aunt who cooked rice waved her hand and said no, but the elder brother paused, said thank you, took the food and left. ...

25. 15. "I hope you can walk alone in the future", "What about you" and "by car".

26. Please be sure to return the heavy rain you missed in those years during military training.

27. I like Mr. Yu Chengqing, but I have always been a fan of Mr. Wang Feng, but I think Mr. Na Ying is more helpful to me, so I choose Mr. Jay Chou.

28. The boy rode a white horse to the girl, knelt down and took out the ring. He asked handsomely and simply, "Will you marry?" The friends around me excitedly booed "Marry! Get married! Get married! Get married. " As a result, Ma Huan ran so fast that he trampled the dog men and women to death. . .

29. Skip class once and go to the Internet cafe. I suddenly feel sick to my stomach. The toilet is occupied, so we have to wait outside. One minute passed ... ten minutes passed ... thirty minutes passed. I can't hold it any longer. So I knocked at the door: "Brother inside, can you hurry up?" I was very excited and replied, "Holy shit. Finally someone came. Do you have any paper? "

30. A class lasts 40 minutes, 30 minutes to talk about his glorious history, 5 minutes to lecture, and the last 5 minutes to complain that our class is always endless!

3 1. Doctor: "Why can't I find my pen? I want to give you a prescription. " The patient quietly reminded: "Doctor, didn't you put it under my arm!" "

32. One person handed the clerk 2000 yuan: "Buy a Santana!" The salesgirl was puzzled. "Isn't Santana 2000 written at your door?" Salesgirl: "You cross the street! There is Mercedes-Benz 600! "

33. Zhizuo: What are you doing? Gong Yu: I'm moving mountains! Zhizuo: moving mountains? Can you finish moving it? Gong Yu: I can't move it. I have a son who is moving. My son can't move. My grandson can't finish moving. I have a great-grandson ... Zhicuo: Do you have a girlfriend? Yugong: ... Don't dig!

34. Teacher: "Xiaoming, tell me why the three earths are ellipsoids." Xiao Ming: "My mother said yes, my father said yes, and you said yes."

35. All good things must come to an end, but if you invite me, I can accompany you for a while.

36. During the summer vacation, one day I went to my old classmate's house to take a nap. His house is equipped with air conditioning. He asked me if I wanted a blanket or something. I said I just need to cover my navel. Then he brought me a piece of glasses cloth.

Teacher: Xiaoming, what do you want to be when you grow up? Xiaoming: Go to Lan Xiang to learn excavators. Teacher: Why? Xiaoming: Dig your ancestral grave!

38. The reporter asked an uncle: Grandpa, you are so flexible and energetic. What's the secret of staying young? Grandpa said: wind and sun, get up early and get greedy for the dark, two packs of cigarettes a day, 30 degrees freezing in winter and 40 degrees sun in summer, and three meals a day are irregular ... The reporter asked: Grandpa, what do you do? Grandpa: Architecture. Reporter: Uncle, how old are you this year? Grandpa: 28.

39.5. "You are two-thirds similar to Teacher Cang." "Which two thirds?" "Old"

40. A girl came to class. She introduced herself: I may not be the smartest, the most beautiful, the best and the most humorous ... Just as all the classmates praised her modesty, she suddenly said: Hello, my name is Wei.

4 1. The cold wind has been blowing all day, and the weather seems to be much colder.

42. Don't go too far in life. You really said that about me behind my back. I didn't know you were so far away unless someone else told me in person. I treat you as a good friend and a brother, but you call me handsome behind my back and worship me every day. This is boring, really.

43. A friend sells wine. One day, the goddess he had been chasing for a long time said to him, "I have a boyfriend and am getting married soon." Leave me alone! " He hung his head and looked miserable. Suddenly, his eyes lit up and he said excitedly, "You must use my wine when you get married!" "

44. Me: "Mom, money is a little tight recently". Mom: "Then hang up quickly and save some phone bills!" " ".Me:" But we are relatives! No money! ".Mom:" Then save some electricity. Charging costs nothing! "".Me: "I live in a dormitory and don't pay the electricity bill, Mom!" "Mom:" Oh, then save your energy, it's easy to get hungry if you talk too much. Me: ...

45. I have a dress It is high-end, low-key, luxurious and tasteful. It is a versatile fashion trend in spring, summer, autumn and winter. Simple and generous, stain-resistant, easy to wash and cheap. Its name is school uniform.

46. When I first used QQ, I didn't quite understand it. In a chat, a netizen asked me: How to upgrade QQ software? I don't know how to pretend to understand. Answer: Please uninstall this old one first, and then I'll tell you how to do it! So, half a minute later, the netizen's head turned gray. Since then, this person has disappeared. ...

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