What is the attraction of people with avoidant attachment style?

Avoidant men are very "confused":

① He looks like a warm man, gentle and delicate, but in fact he is "black-minded"

② He He seems very safe, reserved and indifferent, as if he is only interested in you.

3 He looks very "affectionate", as if countless loves are hidden in his heart and he will not express them.

In short, it is gentle and delicate, looks fragile, clean and affectionate. Compared with the "raw melon egg" that you saw in high school, he is simply a "fairy man in the world", if he looks better and loves to be clean.

However, you have to remember that "it is impossible for such a perfect creature to exist in the real world." Therefore, he is so perfect, either because you do not really understand him, and you do not understand his "bad qualities" arrive. So you "imagine" such a "prince" out of thin air. However, unless you use the "God's Perspective" to fall in love with this kind of man from an "outsider" perspective, his "avoidance" will drive you crazy.

This is why "No matter how perfect the male lead is, it still belongs to the audience, and no matter how flawed the male lead is, it still belongs to the female lead." When you are truly in love with someone, you will know whether you feel good or bad, and whether you are warm or cold.

I know that many girls here will still disbelieve in evil and be eager to try. After all, this kind of man is very attractive. Let’s talk about their “disadvantages”:

① Warm-blooded animals:

They hate all highly emotional and high-concentration expressions, whether you express that you love him very much, or He hates arguing with him, he needs his emotions to maintain a constant temperature.

②Sovereign Animal:

He always has a "delusion of persecution" and always feels that others will invade his boundaries and control his life. Even if you ask him "What time will you go home tonight?", he will regard it as evidence that "you want to treat him as a slave."

③Escape from animals:

If you encounter any trouble, you will immediately hide in the turtle shell until the storm passes, and appear as if nothing happened. The difference between such a man and a scumbag is: a scumbag has a purpose and his avoidance behavior is to control you, while an "avoidant man" is passive and just wants to maintain his inner balance.

If you use the concept of "morality" to frame "avoidant" men, then your relationship will be ruined. When you are with such a man, all you will talk about whether you live or die for him is "sadomasochism", and the ending is often BE. What to do?

As mentioned earlier, if you talk about love from a "God's perspective", a higher-dimensional perspective, your emotions will not be affected so much, and your feelings will not affect each other and fall into into a whirlpool.

That is, you have to become a "securely attached" lover, but girls who are often attracted to the "avoidant" type, excessively pursue "security", and are prone to "fantasizing about princes" are girls with "anxious attachment" . This pair often "loves and kills each other". For girls with "anxious attachment", it is difficult to become "safe".

First, you need to study psychology.

See through the essence of this kind of man: It’s not that he doesn’t love you, but he needs to protect himself first. His silence and avoidance are not an attack on you, but a turtle-like self-protection.

Second, you need to know the secret of interacting with this kind of person.

Stimulate his initiative rather than force him to take action. "Avoidant men" take the initiative to meet the following elements.

① Need a relaxed atmosphere: For example, if you have an argument, you can ignore him, just play some relaxing music, and dance by yourself. After a while, he will see that you are okay, and he will relax and come to find you. You got it.

②A positive attitude: Avoidant men have super low self-esteem and need a lot of affirmative words to be more proactive. For example, you can say, the reason why I quarrel is not because you are too important to me. You are so kind and help me when I am sad. I have become a little girl without knowing it... He feels that he is important. , you will be more likely to come forward.

③Interesting words and deeds: A woman came to me and asked me how to make an avoidant man change his mind. I asked her what attracted us to each other in the first place, and she said that they met while playing games. Yes, they had fun playing the game and they were in love with each other. I asked her to try to continue playing games as a team with her ex-husband. Sure enough, in such an interesting environment, their relationship revived.

Therefore, you must not have any "soul-deep" communication with such men. This will kill them. What they fear most is exposing themselves.

So, let’s summarize two points:

First: You have to give the other party emotional value

That is relaxation, affirmation and fun.

The second most important thing is that your own emotions must be flexible enough and not enter a self-destruction program.

In other words, only if you handle your own emotions can you guide an avoidant man to love you.