What does a's honey and b's arsenic mean?

"Honey of A is arsenic of B" means that everyone has his own characteristics. If we ignore this "feature" and blindly impose what we think is the best on others, it will often hurt others. We can call this kind of behavior, which is based on personal likes and dislikes, forcing what we think is good on others, and then strangling others' ego, "kidnapping in the name of love", and many intimate relationships are actually destroyed by this "self-righteousness" of kidnapping in the name of love.

For this kind of "self-righteousness", it will be better to interpret it with the fable of "Lv Hou keeps birds" in China's traditional Taoist thought. In this way, Yan Xiaoer also wants to tell you that if you are really kind to a person, you should start from "nurturing his heart" instead of "strengthening" others' hearts with your own joy, which is easy to be self-defeating.

1, Zhuangzi's fable: "honey" in Lv Hou and "arsenic" in seabirds.

There is a fable in Zhuangzi that explains this philosophy well. Let's take a look at this story.

Once upon a time, a seabird appeared on the outskirts of Shandong. Because seabirds are rare in Lu, Lu Hou regards them as treasures, and he takes out what he thinks is the best to meet seabirds. For example, he sent people to greet seabirds with gorgeous cars, ordered people to play wonderful music for them, and took out beef and pork for seabirds to eat.

The seabird was dizzy and very sad in the face of these carefully prepared by Lv Hou, and died in three days.

For the story between sentimental Lv Hou and sad sea birds, Taoist Zhuangzi gave a conclusion: Lv Hou's passion and love killed the sea birds, because Lv Hou "raised birds by himself, not by birds".

Zhuangzi's fable sounds funny, but it can be deeply interpreted. The shallow meaning is Lv Hou's "self-righteous" love for seabirds.

Obviously, Lv Hou really welcomes seabirds, but his "enthusiasm" has caused the "death" of seabirds. Lv Hou has taken out all the best things he can, and these are fatal to seabirds. Why? Because Lv Hou ignored the difference between him and seabirds.

For Lv Hou, wonderful music and delicious food are like honey to people, but the "honey" in seabirds' hearts belongs to freedom and the sea.

What Lv Hou presented to seabirds, in the eyes of seabirds, was only two words, namely "imprisonment".

Lv Hou imprisoned it in the name of "love", so it was sad and worried, and finally died.

Zhuangzi's story of "raising birds by deer" exaggerates and contrasts the subject and object of "man and bird", vividly showing what "honey with one hand and arsenic with the other", that is, imposing the so-called preciousness in one's heart on others is tantamount to "poisoning".

2. Why is the "honey of A" the "arsenic of B"? The arrogance of "experienced people"

After reading the story of "raising birds by deer", it is easy to understand the logical rationality of the sentence "honey of A is arsenic of B".

In fact, in our daily life, such "kidnapping" as "honey of a, arsenic of b" is very common.

For example, between parents and children, when naive children refuse to attend too many training courses, parents always say "I am doing it for you".

For another example, in the workplace, the boss asked the newcomer to change jobs, but the newcomer refused because he wanted to continue to hone his professional skills. The boss's sentence "I'm doing it for you" turned the "professionalism" that newcomers adhered to into unappreciative.

There are too many so-called "experienced people" who always make arrangements for the so-called "young people" in their eyes with the attitude of "I do it for your own good", and never ask whether they need it, let alone whether they like it or not.

This headstrong self-reliance with "old age" as its capital will not let them know that everyone is an independent individual and has their own ideas and uniqueness.

This is a kind of pride of the "old people" and a kind of "rigidity" brought by the years.

Care is chaos, because this kind of "rigidity" and "pride" is sad.

3. Inspiration: "Managing with Heart" focuses on "shaping with heart"

Confucius once used "heart to heart" to explain the characteristics of "benevolent people love others". However, the understanding of "caring with care" must not only stay on the surface.

It is precisely because we know "intention" that we should understand that "people in different periods have different ideas and views on the same thing, and their needs are even different."

"Empathy" is not forced "indoctrination", let alone forcing others to go their own way, but according to each other's characteristics, make the best use of the situation and follow the crowd.

As mentioned earlier, "Lu Hou" dedicated all his life to "seabirds", but "seabirds" lost their lives? What is the reason?

First of all, Lv Hou's kidnapping of "seabirds" in the name of "love" is superficial.

Secondly, Lv Hou has no "intention". He thought of seabirds as himself, but he didn't turn himself into seabirds. He didn't think about what seabirds need most from the perspective of seabirds, let alone what is "happiness" of seabirds. He equates the superficiality of happiness with "keeping fit" behaviors such as eating, drinking and having fun, but he doesn't understand that real happiness comes from "inner joy"

Therefore, the main reason of "honey of A is arsenic of B" is not only self-righteous arrogance, but also misunderstanding of "happiness". Happiness is definitely not a simple, external material satisfaction, but an "inner joy". If you want to give others "honey" instead of "arsenic", you can't ask others to be yourself, but change your perspective in your mind and temporarily turn yourself into the other person, so that you can know what the other person needs. You can experience it.