A letter to my uncle at the age of 80

I've always wanted to tell you some of my real thoughts, but I dare not say it. Because of my own identity, I'm afraid of being labeled as "no big or small, rude, uneducated and without character" again.

To tell you the truth, you have played a very important role in my 22 years here, and even I am today thanks to you. As you said, if it weren't for you, I would be married and farming at home now.

You have been an example to our younger generation since you were a child. You are sensible, studious and good at teaching. Anyway, it's all kinds of good. As for me, I have been puppy love since I was a child, playing truant, stealing things, going to internet cafes and cheating my family of money. My parents always take you to educate me and say that you are much better. . How can I learn from you and so on.

From primary school, my family's education is "control". As you may know, I used to be afraid of my father. My dad asked me to go to the bathroom, so I had to go. If not, I will smell it in the toilet for a while, which once became his capital to show off in front of others, saying that my son is afraid of me. Of course, this is all in the past. Now my father sometimes complains that my brother and sister always talk endlessly with my mother and have nothing to say with him. In fact, if I really want to say it, it's all my dad's fault. The three of us grew up under my father's name. First of all, my front teeth were knocked out, my face was swollen, my nose was smashed, and I was once stuttered with fear (praise Allah, fortunately, it's okay now). If it weren't for God's mercy, I would still stutter now. I once had a dream, and I still remember it clearly. I am eager to grow up and get into junior high school as soon as possible, so I don't have to be beaten. Yan Yan, I watched her grow up, and no girl was spared. Manet, needless to say, even if I pee in my pants, I dare not tell my dad that I want to go to the bathroom. If I tell anyone, others may not believe me. We have a sense of inexplicable fear and distance from my father since childhood. I don't want to blame my dad for saying these words. After so many years, he is almost an old man. No matter what happened before, I love my dad very much and always miss him. Personally, I think my various personalities now should be inseparable from my family education when I was a child.

It is not unreasonable to say "control". From elementary school to senior high school, even senior three, my father takes me to report to school every semester, which makes me particularly embarrassed in front of my classmates. Such a big man, my dad followed me when I signed up. Of course, this is also from my father's concern, but I guess another reason is that my father doesn't believe me at all, afraid that I will ask for more money and what I will do. Why? Why is this happening? Is it just my fault? The reason why I can't get the trust of my family is because my family has never given me trust. My own grandfather once said that I must be a prisoner in the future! I grew up in such an environment.

These are old sayings, and they are just words. They are all my relatives, and I don't blame anyone. Then there is you, a vivid example in sharp contrast with me. Every time I come back, I am taught to study hard, to respect my elders and not to live up to my family's expectations. Slowly, I began to follow the path you taught me, but I couldn't keep up with you. I also want to learn from those virtues in you, but after all, they are all things that exist in you. It is easy for you to do it, but it is not difficult for me. Until now, until today, I have heard all your criticisms and corrections, never encouraging, never praising, never. Maybe you will say, "Do something that I like!" "The reason why you can't see the advantages of me is because you always compare me with people who are better than me, and compare me with yourself. Of course, I can't compare with you, and I may never compare with you in the future.

For example, when you asked me how my study was going, I said it was ok, better than Hai Hai and Xiao Bo. You took over because I have a good foundation. What are the benefits? I have a good foundation. Why? I have a good foundation because I study hard and learn bit by bit. I didn't steal it or steal it. That's not right, is it? Ma Jun told me that he was mentally ill, but I didn't. I listened to the whole class. Besides, Ma Jun and I have different tempers, and we are always inseparable. You haven't lived with him for a long time. Just by chance, you can say that he is a good man and a good boy, but it is my fault to slander my friends. Your nephew can't compare with him?

Also, don't always listen to others speak ill of me at your place. Although there is no smoke without fire, nothing can be a big deal from their mouths. I called my mother. My mother said that I heard that I was very fierce in chasing girls at school. She said I was still a big man, and people ignored me at all, so I kept chasing and harassing them, saying I was a playboy and everyone wanted to chase me. Did I get angry? I said, where did you get this news? There is such a thing. When I first came here, I thought Mu Yan was good, so I told people on the Internet that they liked my brother. Since then, we haven't even spoken. That's the truth. I chased someone repeatedly, only to know that your colleague told you something in Lanzhou, so you told my mother.

It's a good thing my mother still believes me. What else would I tell my family? Pay to chase girls?

If there is anything, just ask me. There is nothing. I won't lie. The era of lying is over, just like when you ask me if I have been to church, no ceremony means no ceremony. Why would I lie? Don't always pry into my gossip from others. If you want to know the situation, just ask me.

The age gap between us is not very big, but I respect you, and the rest is fear. As soon as you send a QQ message, I am worried that I have done something wrong and will be scolded again. In fact, your position in my heart is so high that I can't even "worship". Otherwise, I wouldn't say you in front of my classmates. I look proud, but all your virtues are your own. You accumulated it slowly from childhood. I want to learn, but it's always not that simple to leave your own things behind and learn from others.

I want to change and become a "good boy" in your eyes. It is good to be that person, but it takes time, affirmation and encouragement for a person to change himself, not just questioning and criticizing.

Although it is a bit polite for our family to say these words, I still want to thank you for everything you have done for me. Every bit of good, I keep in mind, as well as those who have been good to me.

Today's words may make you uncomfortable, but they are all from the heart. If there is any collision with you, please be honest. As for other things, such as worship, I will try my best.