Did I talk to you?

Many women have asked me this question backstage. Most of them complain about men, saying that every time they talk to him, he says forget it. I don't want to talk to you, so I go to my room or do my own thing. This kind of "laziness" should be very common in real life, which seems to be a defensive phenomenon, that is to say, I won't argue with you, but in fact this kind of behavior is a strong violation for women, and they feel hurt because not responding is a kind of revenge. Let's first understand why this happens.

The reason why it hurts more is because it is annoying. That's what men do. If in the process of communicating with you, his subconscious thinks that the communication between us is invalid, and repeating the communication on the same thing that we both face is invalid and difficult to change, then I will respond with the behavior of "being too lazy to communicate", that is, worry. Then how did this trouble come from?

First of all, the thinking of men and women is very different. You see, men care more about the result, that is, the truth. A woman may prefer the other person to affirm her feelings. Generally, women feel that they are talking nonsense when they hear men's reasoning, but men don't understand when they hear women's feelings. So he'll think we're not on the same page at all. How can I communicate when I say this and you insist on that? So he will feel forget it, there is no need to say it. He either runs away or goes to war with you.

Let me give you an example to see if you have ever met one in your life. For example, if a man says he will come home late tonight, he thinks he will come home late for a reason. He is busy working outside. But in the eyes of women, why come back so late? Can't you consider my feelings? Men will think, "I have already explained to you that you are still being so unreasonable, that's enough."

But what women want is that even if I am fooling around, you can hug me and coax me. That's what she wants. I hope you can take care of my feelings. That person will think I don't want to talk to you. Anyway, I have a point. You don't listen. Then let's calm down and form this state. You should have encountered a similar situation in your life, right? So what should I tell you next?

First of all, we should create a good atmosphere to let the other side down their guard. Most people think that communication should be a very serious matter. Two people sat face to face and said, "Are you there?" ? I want to talk to you. Did you find out? Our relationship has recently gone wrong. Let's talk about it. "Don't talk about men, just talk about me. I heard someone say, "Come on, genius, I'll tell you. "If your leader comes up to you and says," Come on, sit down and talk, "will you be nervous? Therefore, the first thing in communication is to create a relaxed and pleasant environment, at least it will not make the other party feel oppressive.

For example, after dinner, two people can lie on the sofa and watch TV, and everyone is in a good mood. Then we can open the topic. For example, if you say this, you say, "Honey, I think you seem very tired recently. Is there anything wrong? " You took care of each other's emotions without directly talking about communication. Moreover, the use of interrogative sentences can reduce the burden on the other side, and there is no pressure to answer.

The second is that you should learn to create a spiritual voice, that is, just express your needs and feelings. Don't stare at each other and then blame each other. For example, you can say, "honey, maybe I'm in a bad mood these days, because I seem to have been ignored by you, and I feel very sad." Is this your root cause? Let him know how you feel. In fact, men are not stupid or so unreasonable. If you express your needs, he can actually receive them.

If you still want a man to share with you, you can make him feel that you know him well and take care of his feelings when communicating. For example, when you are frustrated in the workplace, you can comfort him conveniently. If he did something, praised him, and gave him some affirmation, which produced this spirit, then your communication will naturally be fine.

Therefore, in order to make men change from being too lazy to communicate, that is, avoiding effective communication to active communication, the key points are: first, learn to adjust the atmosphere and suppress this nervous mood; The second is to pay attention to the way of communication, and we must learn to express our feelings and needs. I also hope it will help you and your wife get along.