What should I do if my mother-in-law always takes away my children?

How to solve the problem when the mother-in-law always takes away the children?

How to solve the problem when the mother-in-law always takes away the children? The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has always been the concern of many people. After the child is born, due to work The reason is that the important responsibility of raising the children falls on the grandmother, which causes the grandmother to always compete for favor. So how to solve the problem when the mother-in-law always takes away the child? How to deal with the mother-in-law who always takes away the children 1

My opinion: Different opponents, different strategies

1. When facing a vain and domineering mother-in-law, out of sight is out of mind

She may not be dissatisfied with you, nor is there anything in her heart that causes her to be unbalanced, but it is just due to her nature. She may be vain and domineering, and likes the feeling of being admired by stars and praised by everyone. , wanting to make the decision wherever he goes, with a vision of saving the world. Denying you is just her way of promoting herself.

For such people, never see them! The friendship between gentlemen is as light as water. Only by keeping a distance can your relationship become harmonious.

If you are unfortunate enough to live together, move out quickly. Just look at the past during the New Year and holidays. This is a difference in outlook and cannot be reconciled.

I have many friends who don’t have a good relationship with their mother-in-law, and many of them are good at keeping distance. For example, I only visit my mother-in-law every Saturday. I can tell my mother-in-law if she needs anything, and my mother will take her children there to play with her for a while.

As for the remaining six days, please don’t appear in my life

There are also things that are incompatible with each other. The husband can visit the elderly at any time, but the children are stipulated to go a few times a week. Stay at grandma's house for one day, and for the rest of the time, the mother should take care of the children as she pleases, and no one else should get involved.

This method of keeping distance and keeping out of sight can keep both of you safe and improve the bad relationship after many years of insecurity. The fragrance from far away and the smell from near are always an objective rule that has been proven time and time again.

2. Facing the mother-in-law who has a gap in her heart, let the old man regain his confidence

If the mother-in-law is afraid of losing her status as the head of the family and becomes frustrated and becomes picky and difficult to get along with, It may be that the children ignore the feelings of the elderly.

Many mothers feel that their mother-in-law has old-fashioned ideas and different habits, and it is really impossible to play happily with her.

But in fact, the elderly are really important. Although their ideas are a bit old, the experiences life has given them will make them more calm and able to deal with problems. Besides, it is you who is most relaxed when you coax the old man well.

Many old people love their children very much. They are afraid that their children will forget them when they grow up, so they will instill the concept of letting their children kiss them. After all, who doesn’t want to think that their position is always the most important in the hearts of those they care about?

If you think your mother-in-law has no principled issues or bad character, you might as well praise the old man more and give credit to the old man for taking care of the children. After all, they just don't like feeling ignored.

3. As the child’s guardian, give the other person a clear division of full responsibilities

You are the child’s guardian. Don’t let the other person have the opportunity to confuse this concept. Always be honest with those who have no sense of boundaries. Show your sovereignty to people.

When I was a kindergarten teacher, I often had contact with parents during open days. When there was an open day for children, aunts or grandmothers usually came. It was rare to see mothers come because they worked. I was busy, so my aunt and grandma always came to open houses for my mother.

In fact, the open day of kindergarten is the best time for parents and teachers to contact each other. It is equivalent to a parent-teacher meeting. If you even let unrelated relatives attend your child’s parent-teacher meeting, don’t blame those relatives for being stupid. Occupy the magpie's nest and dominate the guests.

Appropriately accept the things they give to their children, and reject things that transcend their status. For example, she offers to pay tuition for her children, or takes her children out to play alone, which blurs the ownership of the children. Don't give her a chance.

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4. When dealing with a bad relationship, children are just the trigger

Many times, when someone tells a child that their mother is not good, they are actually treating her badly. Prejudice is a conflict between adults. If you think these people can be avoided, that is, they will not have the opportunity to come into contact with your children, then it is okay to ignore them.

But if she has the opportunity to express her dissatisfaction with you to your children, she needs to tell the other party: We should resolve the conflicts between us ourselves, and do not let the children get involved. In front of the child, try to maintain a peaceful scene. If the other party does not cooperate, then I'm sorry, please stay away from my child.

5. Don’t retaliate and cultivate your child’s objectivity

I once saw a message from a mother on a female emotional platform, to the effect that her child complained to her grandma about how her mother brushed her teeth. She felt uncomfortable, so one day she heard her grandma say to her daughter: "Can you watch grandma brush it? It hurts when mom brushes it. Don't do it with mom in the future. You can't do anything well." Later, the daughter really refused to let her mother give it to her. She brushed her teeth and even started avoiding her mother.

She was furious at that time, and finally found a chance to retaliate. Once her daughter told her that the rice cooked by grandma was too salty. She took this opportunity to tell her daughter, that is, your grandma cooks. It tastes too bad. We won’t eat it from now on. Mom will take you out to eat and ignore grandma. She didn't know how happy she felt every time she saw her daughter embarrass her grandma every time she ate.

This is actually a sad story, because the result is a lose-lose situation. . If you mind others saying bad things about you to your children, you are afraid of affecting their judgment and sense of right and wrong. But if you retaliate in kind, you will have a bad influence on your children x 2.

Mothers can definitely explain a few words to grandma. For example, grandma is old, her sense of taste may be a little numb, or she didn’t pay attention today. We remind grandma to pay attention next time instead of blaming and retaliating. Let your children learn to look at problems objectively, which is a long-lasting ability. Naturally, no one will be able to provoke your relationship in the future.

Finally, let me summarize:

In fact, no one can replace the mother's role and role in the matter of competing for favor. Spending good time with your children is to make those troublesome people happy. The best way to slap in the face! How to solve the problem when the mother-in-law always takes away the children 2

1. Mom, please put down your anxiety;

I know that as a mother, you always want to Give your children the best. Seeing your children suffer a little injustice is more uncomfortable than being wronged yourself. In addition, on the one hand, you have to be busy with your own development, and on the other hand, you want to give your children the best. It is this mentality that makes Mothers are generally anxious.

In fact, mothers don’t need to be too anxious. When you choose to fight for your career, you give up the opportunity to establish an intimate relationship with your children. This is your choice, and you must learn to take responsibility for your choices. .

So, for the better development of children, we can learn about knowledge related to children's development.

Generally speaking, kidnapping mainly occurs before the age of 3, because children before the age of 3 almost spend their time at home, and during this period, the child's main psychological task is to establish a sense of security and develop autonomy. sex.

How to help establish a sense of security, that is, there is someone who can see the child's needs and satisfy him. For example, if the child is crying or hungry, can you appear immediately?

Whoever appears around the child more at this time will establish a close relationship with this person and gain a sense of security.

The second one is autonomy. We know that children around 2 years old will experience the first rebellious period in their lives. At this time, they can talk, start walking, and master certain skills. They want to explore a larger world, so children at this stage will be naughty and have to do everything by themselves.

At this time, children can be allowed to explore freely while ensuring their safety.

In normal times, we can pass on these educational concepts to our mother-in-law and let her help us take care of our children better.

In fact, mothers don’t have to worry about how improper education methods for the elderly will have a big impact on their children. In fact, most disputes are about trivial matters. In addition to child abuse, the elderly Other practices will basically not touch the bottom line. Moreover, if we extend the time long enough, even if the old man is really wrong, the impact will be limited.

At the same time, we also know that children are not as fragile as we think, and they cannot live in a vacuum. Letting them learn to deal with different people from an early age is also a way to practice social interaction. One way.

Therefore, mothers don’t have to worry too much. They must adjust their mentality so as to reduce conflicts between us and the elderly taking care of our children, thereby giving our children a relatively stable and safe environment.

2. Be grateful to the elderly;

When talking about the dominance of the child, we will say that I am the child’s mother, I have the final say, and this is the mother’s right .

What about the obligation to take care of children? Does it fall on the elderly when we are working?

Therefore, when the elderly come to help us take care of our children, we must be grateful and learn how to coax the elderly well.

In fact, I think the elderly are particularly easy to coax. Whenever Mother's Day or Father's Day, you give some gifts to the elderly, and the elderly will be happier.

Everyone has a different heart. When your mother-in-law feels that you are grateful to her for taking care of your children, she may also say good things about you in front of your children, or even tell them , Mom is back, call mom quickly, I think any mother who wants to give her child a good family atmosphere can do this.

In fact, both mothers and the elderly love their children, and children also need different kinds of love. As long as we have a good relationship with the elderly, there will be no situation where the mother-in-law steals the child from me.

If we really care about it, we must raise our children in our own way. The only way is to take care of our children ourselves. I don’t want to give up my own, but also want others to listen to me. This can only be said that we are very Greedy, want everything.

Finally, what Sister Hua wants to say is that everyone has different choices. When you choose to be a professional expert, be a professional expert. When you choose to be a good mother, you will be safe. Be a good mother.

No matter what, as long as you and your child live under the same roof, you will definitely be the most important person to your child, and the influence of the elderly is very limited.

In fact, we can also look back at our own lives. When we were children, no matter who we were with, the most important person in our hearts must be our parents. This is nature.