Reading Thoughts on "The Biography of San Mao"

First of all, this Sanmao is not the same as that Sanmao. That Sanmao is the little boy with three strands of hair on his head. The book "The Biography of San Mao" I read is the biography of Chen Ping, a famous contemporary female writer. Her pen name is San Mao. Sanmao (March 26, 1943 - January 4, 1991), whose real name is Chen Ping, was born in Zhoushan City, Zhejiang Province. She was born in Chongqing and moved to Taiwan. She is a famous contemporary female writer and traveler in Taiwan, China.

How did I get this book? This time it was really not my roommate who bought it based on JD.com’s bestseller list, but I overheard one of Gao Xiaosong’s shows and the introduction to that episode It was Lin Huiyin. I suddenly felt attracted to Lin Huiyin, so I searched for books on JD.com. It happened that "The Biography of Lin Huiyin", "The Biography of Sanmao", and "The Biography of Zhang Ailing" were a series, so I packed them up and bought them home. I finished reading "The Biography of Lin Huiyin" not long after I got it, but I haven't started writing book reviews at that time. I plan to make up for it later. I have already written about "The Biography of Zhang Ailing" some time ago, and now I have finally finished reading the third book, which is this one. "The Legend of San Mao".

Before talking about Sanmao, I want to talk about the writing style of this book. Let's give some examples, such as "During the slow journey, there was so much tenderness, so much infatuated waiting, so many lingering months, so many separations and separations. After all, Sanmao's efforts were not in vain, and she realized her dream of finding love." There is also "Life is like a dream. Once upon a time, the sea has changed, but a statue still shines in the moon. Let the wind blow and rain, watch the flowers bloom and fall in front of the court, let the clouds in the sky roll and relax, and the vicissitudes of life change. The dream in my heart is the flower that will never change." . I don’t know if it’s because I’m getting older or because my temperament has changed. When I read these words, I always feel a little sticky, sad and a little unspeakably artificial. I didn’t feel this obvious when I read the first two biographies. The writing style is also of this type. , but now I feel a little more bored for no reason. This should be regarded as a touching and beautiful article, but I just couldn't digest it. Later I thought about it, maybe Sanmao's life is a sad story, and he has an extraordinary dream life.

What interests me most about female writers is the emotional aspect, without exception. Because I feel that the profession of a writer itself is one with innate delicate emotions, otherwise it is difficult to write moving works. And female writers have to add another word. Women are inherently sentimental, compassionate, and full of thoughts. Coupled with rich emotional experiences, they will create richer written expressions. This is the standard for excellent female writers, and it is just me. point of view. Therefore, it is true that I am more curious about the emotional experiences of female writers than their works themselves, because their lives are a wonderful show, comparable to any work.

Sanmao was born in an intellectual family and lived a comfortable life, so her childhood was happy until she entered the second grade of junior high school. After being promoted to the second grade of junior high school, Sanmao, who had average grades, made rapid progress in her grades. However, she was questioned by the teacher. She was dissatisfied and had an argument with the teacher. She was actually humiliated by the teacher who drew eggs on her face with ink. She had serious problems in her heart, which led to her He frequently fainted at school and was sent to the hospital by his parents for treatment. Then he returned to school and began to skip school until he was suspended. After dropping out of school, Sanmao began to study painting with the oil painting master Gu Fusheng. At the age of 21, he entered the Cultural University founded by Mr. Zhang Qiyun to study philosophy.

This is Sanmao’s first relationship. The book says: Shu Fan is a boy who is talented and insightful. Sanmao's paranoia and lack of security always make him feel faintly tired. San Mao's possessiveness comes from her inner inferiority and Shu Fan's outstanding talent. At this time, Shu Fan was outstanding in school, so he had always treated this love rationally and quietly, but this indifference more and more aroused Sanmao's desire for the dust to settle. She never wants to hold her lover's hand and walk among the crowds in the sun, telling passers-by about their love with her persistent hands and the sweetness on her face. When I read this paragraph, I had to admit that I was a little uneasy, because paranoia and insecurity are also my two most fatal traits, and I have realized it. But inferiority does not exist, even though I seem to have nothing to boast about.

Once, something like this was posted on Douyin, saying that insecure people are extremely sensitive and anxious, but compared with their own pain, the most uncomfortable thing is not themselves, but their partners, because they We must bear the fatigue that has nothing to do with ourselves and cannot be understood or felt, and we must be tolerant and relieved as much as possible. This is indeed true. This kind of tolerance is purely out of love, but this kind of love will be very tiring, and many people are tired and run away like this. Therefore, now I try my best to control myself and weaken the appearance caused by these negative factors, at least so that others will not look so nervous. As for my heart, I still have to digest it slowly. But Sanmao didn't seem to realize this. She didn't restrain herself and was even a little indulgent. This was probably the reason why she and Shu Fan parted ways.

Sanmao proposed marriage to Shu Fan at the end of her sophomore year, but Shu Fan did not agree immediately. He only said that the two of them had not completed their studies yet, so it would be better to wait for some time to make things happen naturally. I think it's not that Shu Fan doesn't love Sanmao, but that Sanmao's hot and sharp love makes Shu Fan's love look pale and weak. Such a result was something Sanmao could never accept. Seeing Shu Fan's refusal, she became increasingly uneasy and began to argue and get angry. Finally, she couldn't hold back her anger and gave Shu Fan an ultimatum, either marry her or stay away from her. Walk. In fact, as soon as these words were spoken, the outcome was destined. Regardless of whether they leave or not, separation is certain. Just like a lover who has moved on, you ask him whether he should choose her or me. Needless to say, if he chooses her, it goes without saying that choosing you is also a big deal, right? Because love is not a multiple-choice question at all, it can only be a judgment question. If you love it, you love it. If you don’t love it, you don’t love it. As long as it becomes a multiple-choice question, you will definitely get no points. Obviously, you are asked to choose whether or not, but you choose A/B for them. This is the ending. When Sanmao impulsively asked this multiple-choice question, she already realized that she and him could not be together. In 1967, 24-year-old Sanmao said goodbye to her parents at Taipei Airport and went to Madrid, Spain. From then on, she began her "wandering" to heal love.

The book says, "Love is like a beautiful wedding dress. The right time and the right occasion will make you more beautiful. However, you cannot wear it every day, because it will quickly wear out and stain. Dust has lost its original beauty. We can keep love in our hearts and occasionally take it out to enjoy its beauty with our lover, but we cannot hold it in our hands and walk through it in the sun, because love is delicate and hot. The sunshine will burn it one day. Not only that, if you hold on to love too tightly, it will hurt. "I agree with this rationally, but I really don't want to accept it in my heart. I still hold on to the ideal. There are fantasies and expectations in the relationship. Yes, we often hear a saying, "Love is like quicksand, the tighter you hold it, the faster it flows." We also often hear a saying, "Show affection and love will die quickly." But, what I want to say is, this It's love. Isn't pure love supposed to be hot, unscrupulous, and unreserved? Its beauty comes from the irresistible impulse and the madness that makes people forget themselves. Just like Qiao Simei in the recently popular TV series "Children of the Qiao Family", that is what love looks like at the beginning. I envy and appreciate it, but I can't do it. I think I'm not the only one who can't do it, but most adults can't achieve that ideal state. Maybe it's still possible when you're a student, you don't have to think about life, don't think too much about the future, just love as much as you want, love until you're obsessed with it, love until your head is broken, but you don't regret it. But in real life, especially in the world of adults, there are too many calculations and worries, calculating gains and losses and worrying about the consequences, and love loses its original appearance. It's not that you won't be moved as you get older, but that you've already seen the ending after you've been moved. The process of good endings will be shortened, and the process of bad endings will naturally not be necessary.

After Sanmao arrived in Spain, she studied abroad at the Madrid School of Liberal Arts. On Christmas, she met the most important man in her life, Jose. At that time, Jose was just a senior in high school, and the two people, who were financially strapped, could only rely on saving meager living expenses to fall in love, but they were also happy at that time.

But as I have severe obsessive-compulsive disorder, it was impossible for me not to read the ending, so I held my breath and finished the book. I don’t want to use too many words to express Sanmao’s pain. I don’t dare to think about this sudden disappearance, that is, never to be seen again. When I think about it, I feel pain all over my body, as if I am not the one who died but myself. , so I don’t want to say any more about it. Parting is painful, so you can experience it yourself.

Sanmao could not bear the sadness and chose to walk away again, as if wandering could solve all problems and it was a life-saving medicine. She went to Spain again, as if there was still a trace of concern there that could give her the courage to live. Yes, it was Jose. Sanmao met him again at a friend's house. Only this kind of plot can make people ecstatic. It is obviously someone who has been missed, but one day he suddenly appears again. It is so unexpected. He is not in any place where you are thinking about him, but behind you, the moment you look back. He just held you in his arms as a matter of course. If it were me, I would bury my head in his chest, hold on to him with all my strength, and never let go for a long, long time. Jose's love for Sanmao was undoubtedly what love should be like, he loved her, loved her, loved her without any doubt or slack. He had been waiting for her to come back and then hug her. Time was not a problem at all. In 1973, when she was 30 years old, they came to a small town in the Spanish Sahara Desert to officially get married. In the same year, she published the desert-themed work "China Hotel" for the first time under the pen name "Sanmao".

Life in the desert is undoubtedly difficult, but no matter how difficult it is, it is joy to have Jose's company. I have to admit that love has huge energy, and it can exert great power at a certain time. effect. The two spent three years of sweet and happy time in the desert, and then war came. They fled to Canary Island. In May of the same year, Sanmao's collection of desert works "Stories of the Sahara" was published by Crown Press. The next two years were also unstable. She first followed José to work in Lagos for eight months, and then followed José to work in Tenerife. Finally, she lived a stable and happy life for a year until 1979. .

I think the next story is really too cruel, so I want to stop here. God hated Sanmao so much that he made her suffer the pain of separation. That year, Jose died while diving... I will never read this book a second time. Absolutely, I don't know how Sanmao survived, and I don't want to interpret anything. Later, Sanmao returned to Taiwan and used a lot of work and social life to numb himself until he became exhausted and suffered from a nervous system disorder. He was sent to the Neurology Department of Taipei Hospital for treatment. After recovering from the illness, he went abroad again. In 1986, she sold her house on Canary Island at a low price and returned to China, officially settling in Taipei. She was named "Most Popular Writer".

As for Sanmao and Wang Luobin, I don’t think it’s love, I can only say it’s affection. Yes, it’s affection, not friendship. I wrote it right. The relationship between them should be more about her admiration for him and his appreciation for her. I don't want to say more here. If you are interested, you can go and see for yourself.

I was also stunned by the death of San Mao. At the age of 48, she was admitted to the hospital for surgical treatment due to gynecological diseases, but she died in the hospital bathroom, strangled with flesh-colored stockings and suffocated. The explanation given in the book is that Sanmao became mentally disturbed due to injecting anesthetics and taking sleeping pills at the same time, and then he killed himself in a daze... I was really frightened when I saw it, and my breath was stuck in my chest and it was difficult to breathe, but my curiosity still made me Baidu it. There is actually a lot of controversy about Sanmao's death. Some people say it was suicide, while others say it was homicide. The reason is that if she wanted to commit suicide, why would she go to the hospital for treatment and go to the extra trouble? It seems reasonable. But these are not important anymore. I really don’t want to read any more. No matter how Sanmao died, I think she was freed...

They say life is short, this life Short is short enough, but bitter is a bit too bitter. I would rather believe that this is just a person in a story rather than a real person. It is too cruel. I don’t know what else I can say... I should be more cautious when choosing books in the future. If you can’t stand it, try not to Come on, life is not easy, so don’t make yourself suffer anymore.