Qingming random thoughts: in one's life, only oneself is left in the end.

I read an article written by Zhou Chong in memory of his grandparents.

I remember, too. I haven't thought about grandma for a long time.

Grandma is actually my father's grandmother and my great-grandmother. I have been following her since I can remember, always screaming loudly, and I can't change my mouth when I grow up.

She gave me the warmest pictures in my memory. Although she is 72 years older than me.

She is a girl with little feet and has been crossing her legs since she was a child. Her white hair, kind face and smile gave me the first delicate true love in my life. Growing up, I shared a bed with her. I didn't leave her until I left home in junior high school.

I remember coughing a lot when I was a child, in the first grade of primary school. Every time I lie in her arms with a bad cough, I find his nipples to suck. Sure enough, I can't cough.

I remember she always called us Fang. She cooked very well. Every time I get sick, I always cook food for me alone. Even when I pee my pants, I still wear her pants without trousers at the end of the Qing Dynasty to school, because those pants are tied around my stomach with a thin belt and rolled up with loose trousers. Playing on the playground during recess, my pants fell off.

Thinking of her watching me catch up on my homework all night, I said with distress, go to bed early, and I'll wake you up to do it tomorrow morning. Then we should go to school together. I am a good student, and I am crying for the land. Finally, I tried to lie to the teacher that I had a stomachache. I don't know. The sharp-eyed teacher saw it and was criticized. Get mad at her.

Later, I left school and left her. I have to go out to work and support myself and my family. Every time I say that grandma is going out, she avoids me and doesn't say goodbye to me. She said she couldn't bear to leave me and told me not to tell her.

I know that every time I go out, she secretly hides and cries.

At that time, I thought she was just old. She is afraid of being alone and having no one to sleep and chat with. In fact, she is afraid that no one will love her.

Her life is full of troubles.

I remember she told me that she 14 married her great-grandfather. A healthy and lively boy was born after marriage, and he died of illness at the age of eight. I'll never get pregnant again.

Where the mother and son go should be painful.

In desperation, I adopted a three-year-old girl from my daughter's village and loved her in every way, that is, my own grandmother, hoping to continue the family's incense. Dear grandma refused to let her foster mother recruit a son-in-law and eloped with the handsome boy in the village.

The betrayal of her adopted daughter made her angry and hate. Burning incense to worship the adopted daughter raised by the curse. I want to separate my adopted daughter, which is also the deep despair of a barren woman at that time.

A year later? A conscientious adopted daughter embodies love. My first son, my father, was sent to her arms.

"My mother's only daughter is unfilial. I gave birth to my first child, regardless of boys and girls. I will definitely pay you back. "

Looking at the infant child, grandma's maternal love began to flood again. So in her fifties, she began to raise children again. And forgave the adopted daughter.

From then on, she gave all her love to my father. When she was 58, her great-grandfather left them, too.

From then on, grandma became a single widow with little feet.

An old lady dragged a little boy, struggling to live, in that era of material poverty, embarrassment can be imagined. But I once asked my father about his childhood. He is a poor middle peasant. He said that he used to be very good because his grandmother gave him a lot of love.

Later, my father got married, and my grandmother and mother were out of character. From then on, grandma really started her new life.

After I was born, my grandmother transferred all her love for my father to me. I've been following her since I was a child. I feel that my father, mother and brother have families, and my grandmother and I also have families.

I followed her to the mountain to pull weeds and feed them to rabbits. I followed her in and out of the village. She left me all the delicious food and took me to her favorite place. When I was a child, I was stubborn and often had conflicts with my mother.

However, I am lucky to have my grandmother. She is my harbor, bearing my grievances, my troubles and my helplessness. ...

I am 40 years old. Looking back suddenly, most of my life has passed. Suddenly, I thought of my grandmother from a woman's point of view. She has been alone since I was born. Eat alone, work alone and live alone.

In the last two years of her life, she developed Alzheimer's disease, and he remembered no one except her father. My father and I lived in Hangzhou at that time, and we spent some money entrusting our neighbors to take care of her.

She is not the delicate, fresh and clean old lady she used to be. People in the village will tease her, and when she wakes up, she will say to my father: I am not awesome without you, and everyone plays with me.

It's just that apart from waking up occasionally, more people are in a state of dementia. The corner curled up in the sun.

Until he died at 93. Probably because I was ill for a long time and was old, I accepted her departure calmly. I didn't give up too much and shed too many tears when I sent her the last journey.

It turned out that in the second half of her life, in the long life of forty or fifty years, she lived alone.

A person will end up alone. Parents, children and friends will eventually get farther and farther away from us, and people should learn to get along with themselves all their lives.

In the end, I was the only one left.

Learn to get along with yourself. When life comes to an end, people will be lonely in their twilight years.

only one person ...