"What is it like to be married to a second-married man who is 10 years older than you?" What did the person involved say?

Introduction: In married life, a reasonable age gap is really a factor to consider in marriage, and you also need to be cautious when choosing a man for second marriage. There are too many physical and psychological problems in this. But no matter what, since you are getting married, please remain enthusiastic and be responsible for your marriage and family.

01

We have all heard such sentences, such as, "There is a generation gap of three years in age", "The average life span of women is 4 to 7 years longer than that of men", "Women 30 is a flower, a man is 40 and a flower" and other common sayings about age.

In the marriage life of a man and a woman, what is the appropriate age gap between the two? Some people think that it is best if they are of the same age, others think that a brother-sister relationship is good, and some women If you think you need to find someone a few years older than you to get married, then what is the most suitable one? This question is actually worth thinking about.

Although age is not an absolute factor in the quality of your love life, it does have its important factor to a certain extent. Especially the public probability, most of us are normal.

02

The elders in the family actually do not approve of the large age gap between men and women, and they do not approve of an unmarried daughter marrying a second-married man.

There is a certain rationality in this, because judging from social experience, first of all, age issues must exist. Boys will mature slower than girls. Those who are two to four years older will be more stable and considerate of their families, but Too much age is bad; girls are two or three years older than boys, and can be more tolerant and considerate, and know how to support a family, but too much age will affect fertility and other problems. Secondly, if a woman with no history of marriage marries a second-married man, the second-married family will be very complicated, and there will inevitably be many conflicts after marriage.

However, in life, there are still many people who make independent choices that increase the age group, causing many conflicts and problems in marriage life, and the status and quality of life are not so satisfactory.

Second marriage is even more of a social topic. It’s not that second-married men have bad character, but that most second-married men also have children, because the relationship between the children and the ex-wife There is a certain connection, and it is difficult for a woman who is married to a second-married man to get along with the man's children.

What will happen to life when the two factors of "big age difference" and "marrying a second-married man" are combined? Let’s talk about an example from life around me on this topic.

03

A cousin of mine works out of town, falls in love freely, and is married to her current brother-in-law.

My brother-in-law is 10 years older than my cousin. He was married once, but his wife died due to early illness, leaving him with a son.

My brother-in-law also met his cousin with a casual attitude. They got along well and helped each other in their careers.

My brother-in-law also pays attention to body management and dressing in life. Because of his experience, he is also a gentleman, polite, mature and stable. The cousin was deeply attracted to him and didn't care about his past. She hid the fact that he was married from his family, which made them agree to their marriage.

My sister-in-law is really nice, polite, has a positive attitude towards life, and is highly motivated. She is also good to my sister, tolerant, doting, considerate and generous.

Falling and newlyweds are so beautiful. Once time passes, the relationship between two people will be tested after having children.

In the second year after marriage, my cousin got pregnant. Only then did she realize that you cannot be willful in life, and there must be many very practical issues to consider in married life.

Since my cousin got together with her brother-in-law, her relationship with her brother-in-law’s son has been lukewarm. Later, her cousin became pregnant. Her brother-in-law’s son said that he hoped that his cousin was pregnant with a younger sister, otherwise he would be pregnant. I don’t recognize my cousin as my stepmother.

During the entire pregnancy, my cousin was worried and looking forward to it, hoping that a daughter would at least make her lover’s son accept her. In the end, I got my wish and it was a girl.

04

After having a child, real life begins.

My brother-in-law was busy with his career and went to work before his cousin finished confinement. The cousin quit her job because of her children and focused on raising her children at home.

After that, my brother-in-law became less caring. He used to help his cousin wash clothes and take the initiative to clean the room. Although he could not cook, he would occasionally cook.

Nowadays, my cousin has a hard time taking care of her children. She has no time to tidy up herself and her room. The room has become more and more crowded and messy, and she has become haggard. She also has to cook, wash and take care of her brother-in-law. My son is in a very bad state.

My brother-in-law is always on business trips. He says that he is under great pressure at work and cannot help his cousin take care of the children. He also becomes less and less considerate of his cousin.

05

During a chat, my cousin mentioned that, in fact, there are many problems when marrying a man who is much older than you and who is married for the second time.

First, his child may be more important than you.

The problem that a man who is married for the second time and has children has to face is the children he has with his ex-wife.

If the second-married man has no contact with his ex-wife, it is slightly better. At least he will not watch helplessly as his husband interacts with his ex-wife from time to time, causing psychological problems.

But no matter what, it is not easy at all for a woman who is married for the second time and has children to be a good stepmother.

For example, if your child does something wrong, you cannot hit or scold her, otherwise others will say you are a poisonous stepmother. But if your child does something wrong and you ignore her, your husband will say that you did not take care of your child. Treat it as your own child.

If the child of a second-married man has conflicts with you when he gets older, in many cases, your husband will turn to the child, because it is not only his own flesh and blood, but also because he has feelings for that child. A certain amount of guilt.

Second, his career is more important than yours.

Because his past made him feel that life can be without love, but it must be money. Without money, life will be difficult.

Therefore, he will not give up his career for the sake of his family, nor will he make the slightest compromise in his career. He feels that a successful career can give him a greater sense of accomplishment and security.

Third, he lacks enthusiasm for his family.

Because he had a failed marriage, no matter what the reason was, it had a certain impact on his attitude towards marriage.

He has worked hard, worked hard, and has a son. He actually has a very light view of family. He can remarry and have a family, but he will not be so active and dedicated to the new family. Full of hope.

So, he focused on his career and paid less for his family. He did not ignore his wife, but had reservations, not about funds, but about his intentions.

Without intention, you will not understand the suffering of women, and you will lose the enthusiasm to work hard to run a family.

His kindness to you lacks many details, and he is not so actively integrated into your life. This is actually very tiring for women, because taking care of the baby is mostly your business alone. Life is also your own business.

Fourth, the issue of marital life.

It must be said that the age gap affects the physical and psychological state.

Firstly, because he is older, he no longer has the excitement about married life when he was young, and there are more potential problems. Second, he has had the experience of married life, so he has a lot less interest in married life.

As for my cousin, who is only 30 years old, at a formal age, she will have physical and psychological desires, and they have become less harmonious in this regard.

It is said that women need love to water them. Without the intimate interaction of husband and wife, women’s happiness will be greatly reduced.

Now my cousin no longer has the good figure and beautiful appearance she had before marriage, nor does she have the confidence and passion for life and career she had in the past. For the sake of her children and family, her life has become increasingly rough.

06

It can be seen from the living conditions of my cousin that a reasonable age gap is really a factor to consider in marriage, and you need to be careful when choosing a man for second marriage.

Marriage requires the active participation and management of both parties. This is a long-term matter and a lifelong responsibility. If one party does not know how to pay, is careless, and does not pay attention to the sense of family, then the family will be It is a life without warmth and unhappy.

Since you are married, please be responsible and take care of it, and please be careful and cherish it. Life is still so long, and without love, people feel desolate.