How to deal with people who like cold violence (three tricks to teach you how to deal with cold violence)

"Why are you passionate when you are in love, but you will be cold and violent when you are together for a long time?" "He has been cold and violent to me. Is he trying to force me to break up?"

So, what should I do if I encounter cold violence? Don't worry, let's sit in the right place objectively and see if you really suffered from "cold violence".

0 "What is cold violence?"

According to Du Niang's explanation, cold violence is a kind of violence, and its manifestations are mostly indifference, contempt, laissez-faire and alienation. It is a kind of mental abuse to make others suffer mental and psychological violations and injuries. Keywords: "mental violence" and "will cause harm to people"

Not all indifference and contempt are "cold violence", but emotional type's behavior.

Misunderstanding of cold violence:

Emotionally unwilling to communicate, it may just be that you give too much emotional pressure, or the other person is an avoidant personality. For avoidant personality, you are more like an abuser, constantly exporting his emotions and desire for control. He just wanted to protect himself, so he chose silence and indifference. This is a defense mechanism, I don't think it is cold violence.

Cold violence standard: resistance and indifference in daily calm state are cold violence.

Expression form:

* Don't respond to their emotions, often feel too annoyed.

* Don't care about you, don't care. * Turn a blind eye to your own efforts.

* Don't know how to thank, be grateful and return.

* Don't admit that you are using cold violence.

For example, a friend met a man with a good family background on a blind date. At first, the other person was very gentle and had high emotional value. However, after getting along for a period of time, when talking about marriage, the other party often ignores her, and occasionally her attitude and reaction speed are not very positive. She just tells her that she has been very annoyed and tired recently, hoping she will understand.

Until the two arranged the wedding, every time she asked each other if it was good, the other party didn't look up and said impatiently, "It's none of my business, so don't bother me." She just woke up and realized that the other party was not in a bad mood at the moment, but had been carrying out cold violence against her.

Then she proposed to break up, and the other party immediately promised, "This is what you said, don't regret it."

Alas, I have to say that cold violence is a kind of invisible violence that kills people, and it is a kind of advanced violence that kills people with a knife. Indeed, many people use this trick to express their inner dissatisfaction with this relationship, and then deliberately do nothing, waiting for the other party to vent their anger, so that they can accept their expected results with peace of mind.

However, must cold violence be a long-planned breakup? Not exactly. I actually understand that some 25-30-year-old boys, faced with career pressure and family pressure, haven't figured out how to plan their future life, and they don't know their emotional needs and values, so they want to "be quiet" first and leave themselves a way out.

After all, how many people in their early twenties can continue to be passionate and desperate about love? Sometimes it's normal to stop and think.

But if you stop for too long, you will become selfish.

0 "Why is he cold?" Since we want to solve cold violence, we must first discuss the causes of cold violence. Especially male cold violence, in fact, the reason is not single, but according to the questions consulted by most people, I can roughly divide it into two situations: short-term explosive cold violence and long-term persistent cold violence.

In the face of these two kinds of cold violence, the logic of handling is naturally completely different. 1) Short-term explosive cold violence Short-term explosive cold violence mainly refers to those cold violence behaviors that occur after a quarrel. The general time is 0-30 days, which is the time when the emotional concentration is the highest.

Short-term cold violence is probably due to the accumulation of negative emotions caused by lack of communication. If communication is not good, it may turn into a lot of short-term cold violence. Because the other party will think that cold violence is useful and can solve problems, they gradually get used to it and even evolve into long-term cold violence.

Why is there a brief cold violence?

Mainly because everyone has different ways to vent their emotions, some people can vent and solve problems reasonably after encountering problems. These people are relatively mature, while others struggle and attack through cold violence because their emotions cannot be reasonably vented and their needs cannot be met. Short-term cold violence is more of a "don't know what you should do, just do nothing" mentality.

What we have to do at this time is mainly:

* Guide each other's negative emotions to vent.

* Find each other's emotional needs and meet them in time.

* Stabilize your emotional expression and communicate through * * * emotional expression.

My other half is a person who likes cold violence very much. Once there is a problem, he will be angry for three days or a week, not talking, poker face. I communicated with him seriously at first, but it was fruitless. Later, I used emotional excitement to stimulate him to express his dissatisfaction.

As a result, I found that when he admitted his emotions and vented his dissatisfaction, his emotions automatically healed more than half, and then he even felt a little indebted and felt that his anger affected my mood. The next communication will be very smooth.

In short, short-term cold violence is easy to solve, mainly emotional problems. As long as you have more patience to guide, there is a great chance that it will become effective communication.

2) Long-term and persistent cold violence

Long-term cold violence is persistent cold violence, which usually lasts about 1-6 months. They rarely have strong fluctuating emotions, but always remain indifferent and hostile to the outside world.

People who have been cold and violent for a long time are generally not because their partners have done something wrong, but because they are a question mark. They don't know how to get along with their lover, and they don't even think about what kind of feelings they need.

If it is short-term cold violence, people are willing to communicate every day. People who have been cold and violent for a long time will be particularly enthusiastic and even talk a lot in the passionate stage of the initial 2-3 months of love, but once they enter the so-called dull period, they will soon be exhausted and entangled.

"I'll make do with it first, but I always expect something better."

"I don't want to take the initiative to separate, and I don't want to spend time running."

This is the true mentality of long-term cold violence. They often don't like black and white choices, but dare to love and hate. To put it more bluntly, if a person with higher value than his partner appears at this time, they will not hesitate to choose the latter.

Long-term cold violence is often due to the lack of preparation for planB, which is a very selfish mentality. In this state of mind, most partners will resent leaving, only a few will insist, and then they are likely to cheat and betray.

You know, a person who has been cold and violent to you for a long time is not because he is really cold, but because he wants to give this warmth to others.

0 "Goodbye! Cold violence! " So how can we resist cold violence? I will talk about three points today. Whether it suits you or not depends on your actual situation.

The first move is to do the same thing to him!

Not only for him, but also for others!

It should be noted that the core of cold violence is definitely not "cold war" or "anger". The highest realm of cold violence is "no initiative", "no refusal" and "irresponsibility". In short, it is to make him feel that you are "dispensable" in his heart. Believe me, there are usually two endings.

Or he will immediately become enthusiastic and pursue you again!

Either he finds an excuse to break up with you! Of course, I broke up with you not because you were cold, but because he wanted to break up, and he finally found a chance to prove that it was not his fault! )

At this time, you just need to say "whatever, whatever" to him coldly. Turn around, Shuai Shuai.

Cold violence itself is a solution that men "don't think about how to continue, but don't want to face it emotionally". Gentle at this time! The more tolerant you are, the more the other person thinks I did the right thing. "The joys and sorrows of human beings are not connected!" Let the other person taste the taste of cold violence. "Fighting violence with violence" is a good way to quickly make him feel * * * and improve his cognition!

Let's talk about the cold violence of girls!

* The news doesn't come back in seconds! Try not to take the initiative!

I know it's a little difficult, but if you try, you will find the truth! )

The second move, reverse thinking, occupy a high position!

Nonono, it's not like this, you have to think so! If the love between two people is a game, you are the MVP who bravely kills the enemy and plans the overall situation. He is the pig teammate who just wants to lie down and win.

You can take him to play, all by fate! Mind your own business and then retreat at any time. This is the best way for yourself!

Occupy a high position in your mind, you are a high position! Don't constantly lower your price, and don't indulge each other's cold violence without a bottom line.

The third trick, show the bottom line, intimidate and lure!

For those who are cold and violent and don't want to break up, no matter what their purpose is, I suggest you must "strike hard"! Tell each other what my bottom line is and what my needs are. A slap in the face and a date make each other feel ice and fire!

This passage is very important, so I will explain it in detail in several steps!

1) Break each other's expectations: First, keep emotional stability and communicate with each other in a relaxed and comfortable way. The more comfortable you are, the more nervous the other person will be, and you don't know what you want. If you are excited or sad, it may have been expected by the other party. 2) Positive emotion induction:

Tell each other, "actually, I am very serious about this relationship. Some problems between two people are normal. If there is any problem, I am happy to change myself for our better future. "

This is a foreshadowing, that is, telling the other party that I have made serious efforts, and if I don't change it, I will bear the consequences. If you change, I will be better for you. Give the other person a feeling of "I have a choice".

3) Express your ideal partner:

"My request is not high, I just want to live simply. I always hope that my boyfriend doesn't have to be too tall, too handsome and too rich, but he should know how to respect and understand me, which is why you attracted me at the beginning. "

The subtext of this sentence is that I don't revolve around you. I have my own ideal partner needs, but you just met them.

4) Show the bottom line:

Finally, let me say my bottom line: "But I am also a self-respecting person. If I often don't get the response I deserve, then we may not be suitable to continue together, and it may be easier to be friends. " Remember to always smile and say calmly, calm down, take control back into your own hands, and then face his real choice. Don't worry, although some men will keep their mouths shut at the moment, let's be friends separately. But in fact, the psychological gap has long existed. Most men will definitely come to you after a few days under the description of your bottom line.

Why? It's simple, because you are calm and rational, and you look more organized than him. Although men are creatures with strong self-esteem, they are more eager to be strong in their bones. When you say 123 without emotion, his inner admiration for you arises spontaneously, so when his mood fades, he will miss you more and more and think you are more and more reasonable. Coupled with the discomfort after breaking up, I feel more and more remorse and regret, so I can seriously face my cold and violent state, reflect well, and then try my best to save you.

Therefore, the most important issue is your mentality, followed by your method. With the right mentality, men are actually easy to conquer. I am afraid that if you want a high position and constantly belittle yourself, the other party will be indifferent to your emotions.

The best way to deal with cold violence is to warm yourself up first, and then give each other the feeling of changing seasons and alternating hot and cold.

Cold violence is not terrible, just an uncomfortable feeling that I don't know how to deal with.

Love and hate, so as to achieve your ultimate goal.

If you are experiencing emotional difficulties or emotional crisis, try the following test!

Usually, according to your emotional state and your objective description of TA, I will infer the other person's current psychological thoughts, the real needs that the other person has not shown you, and what the other person's real personality is. Through many ways of personality and personality analysis that I am good at, I will help you better maintain a long-term intimate relationship.

1. Speaking habits and tone, such as tone, speaking speed, and divergence of speaking logic.

2. Is 2.TA usually strong or dependent on you?

3. Is it suspicion or trust at ordinary times?

4.Does 4。 Does TA usually give you freedom or control?

5.TA's hobbies.

6.TA's response to hostile situations, such as the way, reaction and action in case of conflict or anger.

The relationship between 7.7. TA and parents, and parents' personality.

8. Why do you usually quarrel? For example: emotional problems/objective contradictions themselves/cold violence/external causes (parents object to different places, etc.). ).

9. the types of books and movies that 9.ta likes to watch.

10. Some special skills. For example, I like to roll my eyes when I talk.

1 1. The habit of spending money and the concept of money status.

12. disTAnce describes the dependence of ta on you 15 months before love.

13.TA Arrangement of leisure time at ordinary times.

14.TA friend's personality.

15 TA's handling method of trouble in work.

Yes 16. Did Ta ever say anything unhappy when he was growing up?

17.TA The most annoying thing

18.TA Do you make plans before going out for a trip?

19. Who usually argues with whom first?

20.TA dress style.

2 1. Frequency of mood swings.

22. What do you think are the three words that best fit the emotional tone of TA?

A. sense of security

B. desire for control

C. possessiveness

D. Sense of identity

E. tacit understanding

F. sense of belonging

23. Which of you is more like a cat in love?

This is a description of your redemption object. Don't judge subjectively, try to describe objectively.

I'm koi fish, a relationship counselor. There is no one I can't analyze. If you are emotionally confused, you can ask for a private letter or comment.