My mother-in-law is too selfish. What should I do?

First of all, the formulation of your question can imply your inner resentment. In fact, it really can't be classified as selfish. Compared with some things in business, it should be much worse. It can only be said that your mother-in-law thinks you are selfish, and even some behaviors make you incomprehensible or even angry, so it can be described as "top selfishness".

Take a look at my previous answer first, and you will find that the question you asked is actually sensitive and sharp for many families at present. When it comes to it, many people's attitudes are very domineering, and there is no doubt that their words are full of "hostility", which is no longer a right or wrong judgment. As to whether it is right or wrong, the situation varies from family to family. To tell the truth, I really can't evaluate, and I'm not qualified or in the mood to evaluate. I can only give you some ideas and some attitudes towards these things.

Let's talk about mentality first

Whether you are the actual head of the family or not, as a man, whether at home or in society, the first conditioned reflex in the face of anything is the adjustment of mentality. When you encounter difficulties, you must calm down first. The purpose is simple. Don't let yourself have too much personal emotion in the process of dealing with things. Only by being calm can we see the essence of the problem clearly, find the key point of the problem and hit the key point when dealing with the problem. Especially when the problem has developed to a more intense situation, your state can often influence the direction of the whole event. Excitement, anger, emotionality and excessive words can only make the situation more complicated and difficult to handle. Peace of mind is not only the appearance, but also the heart. Only when the heart is really calm like water and calm, can we jump out and look at the problem from the perspective of a third party and naturally find a suitable solution to the problem. For example, if you jump out as a third party, what is the real purpose of your mother-in-law and wife to solve these problems? What exactly do you want? Still want to express or adjust something? You may feel like a mirror outside, and then think about how to deal with it before you can prescribe the right medicine.

Everyone wants to be treated fairly in order to survive in society. Only with a peaceful mind can we consider the cause and effect of things clearly, investigate the causes and give a fair evaluation, and choose a balanced method to deal with the consequences. Let go of separation, whether it is parents-in-law, wife or parents, give them fair treatment in marriage life, put their position right, be impartial, do everything clearly and have requirements, but be consistent and reasonable. In fact, this matter should be made clear before marriage, and it is not impossible if there is no clear remedy before and after marriage. It's just that communication costs a lot, but we must stick to it, and it's easy for both husband and wife to reach an agreement. The core is fairness and justice.

Let's talk about ideas again

When I answered similar questions before, I said that marriage is not the combination of two people, but the running-in of two families. Many people didn't realize it before marriage, and even chose to give up because of their parents' problems after marriage. There are also problems between the young couple and their parents, which can only be regarded as a doomed love.

The two sides chose to spend the rest of their lives together, so the families behind each other could not choose to ignore them. After all, they are all nurtured by their parents, and filial piety is a must. Then this filial piety is not a simple matter for a person, but a responsibility and obligation that a family should bear. After marriage, it is impossible to care about your own life regardless of your parents. Such a small life is not much better.

Because you are talking about your parents-in-law, and you are your son-in-law, I will talk about what men think from the perspective of men, and as for women, I will talk about it when I have a chance.

One son-in-law and half son-in-law play an important role in most women's families, but the specific importance depends on what they do in the family before and after marriage. Filial piety to the elderly is beyond reproach. Don't care about doing more, but there is a key point here, that is, you must discuss sensitive issues with your wife first, such as living expenses, company time, holiday gifts, medical care and so on. When the two sides reach an understanding, they also need to be recognized in front of the other parents after reaching an understanding. If they can't reach an understanding, they can choose to make appropriate concessions. In any case, they will eventually have a result and form an agreement. In addition to these agreed events, as a man, as a love for his wife, as a filial piety to the elderly, there is no need to care about taking the initiative in other aspects. After all, your parents-in-law are happy, and your wife will be happy, which is also a sign of love for you. Love me, love my dog, but equally, as a man, as a sustainable management of family life, as a balance of married life, principles are also very important. The agreed things must have rules, which can be adjusted according to the situation, but they must be justified, fair and just. This is the bottom line. There are some things in the world of two people that can be tolerated, but the bottom line cannot be crossed. No matter home or country, there is no Fiona Fang without rules. No matter who is repeatedly poked, there will be problems in the end. Either you choose to break out and make everyone black and blue, or you choose to be silent and turn your home into a hotel without temperature.

Proper communication between husband and wife is extremely important, and understanding and tolerance between them are also essential. Love each other until death before marriage, and they will become incompatible after marriage because of their own opinionated opinions. Many times, they just talk without listening in the process of communication, and then because of poor emotional control, small things become big things, and if they are not solved in time afterwards, they will become knots. The last thing left is anger, resentment and even. This process is simple to say, but it happens every day. Think about the wedding day, and then look at the present day. How did this happen? Is it really the other person's problem? Want to live a good life, not to say who is right or wrong, but whether two people use their own strength together. For women, communication is one thing, and what to do after communication is also very important. Don't care too much about men's tolerance, role models and silent efforts. Say something unpleasant, do more useless work and haggle over every ounce. It's just the premise I said before. There must be principles and a bottom line, even if it is lower. Parents want their children to have a happy marriage and a smooth life and career. Try to be a good son-in-law first. There is another skill to pay attention to here, which is to grasp the degree and step by step. The reason why I say this is also because there is a son-in-law around me who dotes on her husband's wife, and suddenly it is wrong to do less if you don't pay attention one day. You know this truth. Doing things in a good way, or doing them with your heart, is sincere filial piety. Say something unpleasant, even if you can't be a son-in-law in the future, at least ask yourself, being a son-in-law in those days was paid with your heart, and you are not afraid of being poked by others.

digress (from the subject)

Whether a son-in-law marries a daughter-in-law or knocks at the door, he is the husband who loves his daughter the most and will accompany their daughter for life.

I want to make it clear that my position, what my life is like, and what I want others to think of you are all achieved by my own efforts and pay.

A son-in-law can neither be a long-term worker nor an uncle. In the parents-in-law's house, you must keep your word, do what you want, be responsible and principled, be reserved and restrained, be broad-minded and open-minded, be filial to the elderly, love your wife, be kind to children, be kind to people, be clear about things, be concise and decisive, and naturally get corresponding respect and kindness.