The funniest jokes in the world (a few jokes that will make you laugh out loud after reading them)

1. People in the same office as our company didn’t want to eat takeout for lunch, so we agreed that everyone would bring a dish so that we could taste other people’s food. Needless to say, the dishes of several families taste fresh and delicious. But they didn’t let me participate in the first two days. So pickled mustard is no longer a vegetable? ...

2. When I was in school, I liked a girl for a long time. She had too many suitors, and no other confession seemed to be unable to impress her. After the national flag was raised on Monday, as the vice president of the student union, I was supposed to read an inspirational essay. But I shouted loudly, "Li Jing from Class 3, I like you, please be my girlfriend..." In an instant, the playground was boiling. Soon after, the head teacher of Class 3 said: Stop shouting, she is here today. Asking for leave...

3. I encountered a car accident when I went out in the morning. A young man and an old man ran into each other. The young man lay down directly. When the old man saw him, he also lay down. He would stand up and say forget it, I won't blackmail you, and you don't blackmail me either. I'm leaving. At this time, the traffic police came over and said that you couldn't leave even if you wanted to because you killed someone. . .

4. My mother said that I was ugly and would not be able to get married in the future. She thought that my father would speak for me. She looked at my father pitifully and said, "I already looked for you as my lover in my previous life. Now this Don’t count on me in your life, I have a wife.”

5. I think I drank too much, so Lao Mi said to the waiter, bring me something to sober up! Okay, the waiter said, I'll get the bill right now!

6. My mother: "What else will you do besides eating?" Me: "You will be hungry!" My mother: "Get out of here... There will be no food for you in the house from now on!"

7. When I woke up in the morning and combed my hair in a daze, my mother asked: "Do you have any lip balm? Your dad's lips are cracked, let me apply it to him!" I handed over a colorless lip balm and reacted after a while. Come here, no, that lipstick seems to be a color-changing lipstick... I quickly chased him out. My father had already walked to the elevator with his briefcase, suit and leather shoes. The pink color on his lips shocked everyone...

8. Southerners said it was very cold today at 3 degrees Celsius, but Shandong people laughed: Our temperature is minus 3 degrees Celsius. Beijingers also laughed: It’s minus 13 degrees here. Heilongjiang people laughed loudly after hearing this: Our temperature is minus 23 degrees. After hearing this, the southerners sneered, "I'm talking about indoors!"

9. Teacher: Next, ask the students to communicate freely in English and regard themselves as British. Me: Hey, old man. Deskmate: Hey. I said, how are you doing? Me: It’s okay. I think it would be better if I didn’t have to take this boring class. At this time the English teacher came in front of us. Tablemate: Oh my god... I swear this old woman's angry expression really scared me... We attended that class standing up.

10. There is a girl in the circle of friends who started raising silkworms some time ago, and then started to dry her silkworm babies every day, feed her mulberry leaves, clean up the silkworm feces, and be as careful and considerate as taking care of her own children. In her photos, she looks at the silkworm babies from breaking out of their shells to spinning silk and forming cocoons. . . As she was looking forward to the moment when her cocoon would turn into a dish, just yesterday she posted a dish on her WeChat Moments: fried silkworm chrysalises! I. . .

11. I am willing to be bullied by my wife every day and refuse to fight back when hit or scolded. Do you know why? Let’s put it this way, there are seven brothers in my father-in-law’s generation, and then, she also has 12 cousins. She is the only girl in this generation. By the way, she also has a biological brother. Therefore, even if she beats me to death, I will not fight back, because this is love.

12. I was sitting on the bus, and a beautiful girl came next to me. Because we had been sitting for a long time and the weather was hot, both the girl and I were drowsy. She was so sleepy that she kept nodding her head. I mustered up the courage: Girl, are you sleepy? Let’s sleep on my shoulder for a while.

Don't tell me, this trick really works, the girl is no longer sleepy at all!

13. Yesterday, I went to eat with one of my brothers and saw a sign that said 8 yuan for a full meal and 13 yuan for a good meal. My brother pulled me in without saying a word, and then The boss came over and asked us what we wanted to order. My brother took out 21 yuan and said that I wanted to eat well and eat well. I was shocked on the spot

14. Husband picks up son When I came home from school, I saw me sitting on the sofa crying. I hurriedly came over to care, what’s wrong? This is... I held my stomach pitifully: My stomach hurts, it hurts... My husband looked distressed, son. He said contemptuously: Dad, don't be fooled. The place my mother is covering with her hands is not her stomach at all. Maybe she doesn't want to cook at night...

15. The cousins ??are typical of each other. Second-rate goods! That day at a family gathering, I saw my cousin wearing a splint on one hand, so I asked her what was wrong. She looked at her husband with grief and anger and said, Domestic violence, domestic violence, domestic violence~ Haha! We brothers couldn't sit still, so we brought my brother-in-law over for questioning and asked him, "Tell me, which hand did the beating? You've got a bad temper!" The brother-in-law covered his face with an aggrieved look and said, "It was the face. ”