What should I do if my father notes that his daughter, who is in the first grade of junior high school, has had several “boyfriends”?

My daughter Yingying, who is in the first grade of junior high school, has had several "boyfriends" recently, and even her draft paper is filled with words like "love". When a good girl turns into a problem daughter, what should a father do?

1. The girl with the problem of mutation of a good girl

At around 11 o'clock in the evening, I suddenly received a call from my mother in my hometown: "Please pick up Yingying quickly and tell me quickly Forget about marrying off your husband’s family! It’s really a bad thing for a woman to stay in the family, I can’t control it..." The mother began to sob as she spoke. I was shocked and wondered what had happened. My daughter Yingying was only a first-year junior high school student. How could she have anything to do with "marrying out"? After my mother calmed down a little, she told me that Yingying had been dating several "boyfriends" recently, and even the scratch paper was filled with words like "love". "There is no way for women to stay in college," my mother sighed again.

I was shocked and angry, and I wished I could catch the child immediately and ask what happened. Before this, Yingying had always been a very quiet and well-behaved child. She never caused any trouble. She obeyed what her mother and I said, and her grades were excellent. Because of this, we gave up the idea of ??taking her to study in the provincial capital. After all, my wife and I are both hard-working students from rural areas. We know how important it is for a child to endure hardship. However, most of the children in big cities come from wealthy families, and their parents almost always respond to their requests. I am afraid that Yingying will be infected with the love of comparison too early. problems.

Besides, my wife and I have special jobs and we both travel frequently. It is impossible to pick up and drop off our children on time every day. We might as well live a comfortable life in our hometown with beautiful scenery. In short, for various reasons, Yingying has lived a veritable life of a "left-behind child" since weaning. My mother only knew a few words and had traditional and conservative ideas. Under her supervision, my two younger sisters were both hardworking and kind-hearted. They were both capable figures at home and at work. Therefore, I believe that there is nothing wrong with letting my daughter grow up with her grandma. Who knew that something like this would happen to my child when he entered junior high school. The wife's first reaction was to rush back to her hometown and go to her daughter's school to see what was going on. She was extremely anxious.

The next day, I called Yingying’s head teacher to verify the child’s condition. Unexpectedly, the information she reported back made me even more devastated. She said that after Yingying entered junior high school, she not only distracted and slept in class, but also had close contacts with three or four senior boys. She once had several photos of different boys in her textbook, and copied and tampered with some inappropriate information on the back. Love poems about the ages, such as "We tie our hair together on the same pillow, and we are friends in the underworld", "Fourteen is a gentleman's wife" and so on. According to the head teacher's investigation, it was found that those boys were all scumbags who refused to change despite repeated admonitions.

The wife was so anxious that she burst into tears: "Why did our good daughter become like this?" The first thing we thought of was the influence of "bad children" and the inability to adapt to the new environment. We did not realize the true nature of our daughter. reason. The head teacher also mentioned the term "rebellious period" which makes parents blush. If our daughter really reaches the rebellious period, where should we start to correct her detours?

2. My daughter wants “a lot of love”

A few days later we returned to our hometown and quietly checked our daughter’s room. Lipstick and eyeshadow were found hidden under her pillow. There is also a locked diary stuffed in the very secret mattress sandwich. My wife couldn't wait to pick the lock, so I stopped her: "Let the child speak for herself and respect her." In fact, I also really want to know what is written in my daughter's diary. Maybe all the "answers" are hidden in this diary. inside. But I also considered that if my daughter comes back and finds that we have pried through her diary, she will lose her trust in us. Then how can she tell us her secrets? After discussing it with my wife, we decided not to mention her "puppy love" thing so as not to arouse her alertness and hostility. However, our vacation is limited and we have not resolved this matter. How long will it take? When we were at a loss what to do, we suddenly realized: we actually don’t know our daughter well enough. She has grown so big, and we can’t think of a reasonable way to talk to her. My wife and I agreed: no matter what, we must resist the urge to scold our children and listen patiently.

But the subsequent conversation with Yingying was beyond our expectations, and it also made my father, a project engineer, confused. Instead of being timid or guilty, my daughter showed her cards to us very calmly and resolutely: "I failed you. I fell in love with two senior boys at the same time. I know I'm sorry for you by doing this, but I don't want to lie." I The first reaction was to slap her. When I was growing up, my parents were absolutely authoritative. As long as their children made mistakes, they would punish their children by kneeling down, working hard, starving, or by beating or kicking them in severe cases. As a result, my brothers and sisters also developed conservative habits. They never fell in love early, With the behavior of living together before marriage, we can be regarded as a veritable "filial son born from the stick". What's more, Yingying is only a 13-year-old child, and she "falls in love" with two boys at the same time! But I also realize that children of Yingying's generation have many children alone. They have been pampered since childhood, and become more rebellious as time goes by. If things go wrong, they will run away from home. My wife gave me a wink and we both tried to calm down. The wife pretended to be relaxed and said: "The children are just messing around, and they are playing house?"

That day happened to be Friday. At night, the wife and daughter slept together, and she suppressed her inner anxiety. , angry and worried, we pretended to be joking and asked our daughter: "What's so good about that boy? Tell your mother, and I'll give you a reference." My daughter's words once again hurt our hearts. The daughter told her mother that one of the boys would bring her food, water, and buy her dolls and snacks; the other would sing to her and patiently listen to her thoughts... She said that in reality, no one has ever been right. She was so kind, and being with them was "really warm"... When they chatted until late at night, I walked in and tucked my daughter in, and this move actually startled her, thinking I was going to hit her. . This puzzles me.

3. My daughter’s subconscious desire

After Yingying went to school, I asked my mother some questions. As Yingying said, although we often send them money back, the money is saved by the old lady, saying that there will be many places to spend money in the future. The ideas she followed were still "the children of the poor will be the masters early" and "the children of the poor will be pampered without filial piety". She did not believe in any of the sayings that "the daughter of the rich would be raised". On the premise that the living conditions of rural children have generally improved, my mother even gave Yingying two spliced ??clothes to wear, so that her daughter has always been regarded as a "poor child" by her classmates in junior high school. When she was laughed at again and again, when she wore spliced ??pants and refused to go to physical education class, those "poor and strong" principles could not resist her inferiority and shyness. Especially on weekends, the parents of many classmates would drive to pick up their children. Only Yingying could do so by riding a bicycle thirty miles from the day she entered school. More and more of her female classmates were wearing brand-name shoes, The sweaters and those happy "little princesses" made my daughter feel like an orphan abandoned by her parents.

I fell into deep thought. Ordinarily, raising children in poverty is not completely wrong. However, my mother obviously did not grasp the meaning of "raising in poverty" and made her daughter obviously different from ordinary children. It is obviously not right. Appropriate. Regarding this phenomenon, I went to consult the director of the teaching office of their school, and we had a heart-to-heart communication.

The dean pointed out my "dereliction of duty" in educating my children. He said that as we all know, a joint study by psychologists from the United States and New Zealand found that the quality of the father-daughter relationship directly affects girls' pubertal development, either prompting girls to reach puberty normally or early, or delaying the threshold for girls to enter puberty. Girls who have no fathers or who are verbally abused by their fathers develop puberty earlier, while girls who have a good father-daughter relationship develop puberty later. This shows that the father's level of concern and emotional investment in his daughter's life not only affects his daughter's physical development, but also affects his daughter's psychological development!

I have always believed that there is a blood relationship between parents and children. Family affection is natural, and they will naturally become closer in life, without the need for too many words to express it. However, it seems that I am wrong. Due to the lack of father's love for her daughter, she was "poorly raised" not only materially but also spiritually, and this poor upbringing directly turned her into the legendary girl who "can be cheated with a piece of candy".

4. The father is the daughter’s windshield

My wife and I read some tutoring texts that we had rarely read before, and it seemed that we were taught a lesson on how to be qualified parents. . We came up with a way to "save" our daughter: Only by giving Yingying the love she owes her from her father can we make her less curious and less dependent on classmates of the opposite sex.

Since our daughter is already accustomed to life in her hometown, we are not in a hurry to transfer her to another school. I took a six-month long vacation and stayed in my hometown to be with her. Although this will have a big impact on our income, my wife and I feel that we have made a mistake once - we were not able to be with our daughter during her childhood, and we must not make this mistake again.

During that six months, I drove to pick up my daughter every Friday and sent her back to school on Sunday evening to buy some of her favorite foods. Take two days on the weekend to explain to her any confusion she encounters in her studies. The most unforgettable time was when my daughter finally figured out an algebra problem with my guidance. She blurted out, "I don't have to be afraid of math class anymore!" Who will tell her the difficult questions? Another time I took her to climb a mountain in the countryside. When going down the mountain, Yingying was shaking a little because of the steepness. I squatted down and said, "Come on, daughter, daddy will carry you!" To be honest, being able to be so intimate with my daughter, I first had to overcome my own psychology. I didn't know how many times I had "rehearsed" it in my mind.

I also want to transform myself into a "modern dad" who will be close to his children, just to let my daughter know: what those "stinky boys" can give you, dad will give you more! The friendliness and "getting close" of those male classmates are just normal social behavior, not a sign of love.

Fortunately, 13-year-old children are still like snow and can be shaped into various "little snowmen". Regarding the "storm" of adolescence, just like what is said in Chinese medicine, "what is missing, make up for it." After the absence of father's love hidden deep in my daughter's heart was gradually bridged, I was gratified to find that my daughter had a good relationship with outsiders and strangers. The interactions between them are becoming more and more natural and sunny.

Father's love is always so great. I hope all children can understand their parents' painstaking efforts.