I think differently from my mother-in-law. Who should I listen to?

Every family has a relationship with their mother-in-law. The most important thing is that after having a baby, their ideas and views are completely different! It is said that the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law depends on how it is when children are born! Every precious mother will definitely have differences in life before giving birth to a baby! Take my relationship with my mother-in-law. "

When I was pregnant with Dabao, my husband and wife started a business, and I went back to my mother-in-law's house early to have a baby, so my mother-in-law and I were in the running-in period. Here comes the problem. My mother-in-law and my father-in-law love to turn over vegetables when eating, but without this habit of turning over vegetables, I would be unsanitary! Because of the education I received from childhood, I said, "If the elders or guests don't serve food or move chopsticks, the children must not serve food first, let alone move chopsticks first, and don't toss and turn when we eat together." I told them that it had improved at first, but how can a person's long-term habits be changed? No, they still follow their own living habits as always.

Later, Dabao was born in winter. It was very cold at home at that time. I thought children would take more baths and grow faster. My wife's idea is that they are afraid of the cold, and they must use water boiled by mugwort leaves for bathing. I told her, as long as it's not too cold, too hot and not burned. Of course, it is better to take a bath with mugwort water. After all, I also know the benefits of wormwood leaf water! But my mother-in-law always insisted on their method at that time, saying that it was too cold to take a bath, that the water was hot and afraid of cold, and that there was no difference between taking a bath without mugwort and not washing! I said I asked the doctor, and the doctor said it doesn't matter if the baby's temperature is right at any time. She still keeps saying that she is not afraid of the cold, telling her daughter everywhere that I don't listen to her advice!

Hey! I also know that people have different ideas, so I need to change my mind, take a step back and listen to the old man's advice. Maybe there wouldn't be so many differences. As women in the new era, regardless of whether the husband and wife (elders) are right or not, they should give three points.

The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has been a problem since ancient times! Because two people who are not related by blood, but because they "deeply love" the same man, they are connected together, and since then, it has been a collision of various thoughts and behaviors!

First of all, it's normal to have different ideas! Even husband and wife, it is difficult to agree on everything. So many families will say who should listen to the big things and who should listen to the small things. In fact, there is still business and quantity, because we all want to solve problems, not create new ones!

Because of the differences in age, region, living environment and living habits, there must be great differences in thoughts and behaviors between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, which will not be easily changed in the short term.

Everyone has his own opinion on things. We are not robots, so we have our own subjective ideas! As Shakespeare said, "There are a thousand Hamlets in the eyes of a thousand audiences", and different people have different opinions. Mother-in-law and herself are ordinary people, and their ideas are inevitably different. This is normal, don't worry!

Secondly, concrete analysis of specific problems! Different ideas, look at the specific problems!

If it's a small matter, like what's for dinner today? The mother-in-law from the south wants to eat rice, but you want to nourish your stomach and drink porridge! If you hold your own opinions and argue endlessly, you may end up eating nothing! If your mother-in-law has been cooking for so long as she says, you can cook quietly by yourself, or just endure it once!

If it's about something important, such as having children, it's understandable that my mother-in-law is an old man and is eager to have grandchildren. You and your husband are busy during their career promotion or want to be alone for more than two years. You should explain this to your mother-in-law! According to the mother-in-law's personality, we should make a specific explanation plan, neither too extreme to make her sad, nor ambiguous to make herself misunderstood, so we should grasp the degree!

And if it involves personal privacy and boundaries, such as your family affairs, your pre-marital property and so on. Don't give any face, of course, your legitimate rights and interests should be safeguarded! Of course, this is on the premise that the mother-in-law has a problem with her personality, and the average person will not involve the bottom line of the daughter-in-law!

It is inevitable that there will be contradictions when getting along with others, even classmates or colleagues will have small frictions, let alone family members who get along with each other day and night! Yes, your mother-in-law and you are already a family, no matter how reluctant you are to admit it, this is the reality. Because the mother-in-law is the mother of her husband and has the kindness of her lover, basic respect and filial piety are necessary!

Different ideas, who to listen to, not overnight, but to analyze the pros and cons, how to do the most appropriate, who to listen to! Generally speaking, both sides negotiate with each other, and nothing can't be negotiated, so relax, my mother-in-law is not so difficult to get along with! Don't ask for relatives like mother and daughter, ask for respect like guests!

Before answering this question, we must first know why daughter-in-law and mother-in-law think differently.

First, the mother-in-law feels that her daughter-in-law has taken away her son and has a bad feeling towards her.

Marriage Pope John gotman pointed out in Happy Marriage: "The core of the tension between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is the territorial war between two women in order to gain the love of a man."

Many mother-in-law have this idea. They think that their son has "married his daughter-in-law and forgotten his mother" and put all the charges on her daughter-in-law If a son talks to his daughter-in-law, she may even think that her daughter-in-law took his son.

Second, living habits and concepts are different.

Everyone's family is different, so their living habits are different. Some concepts of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are more traditional, while others are more avant-garde. Naturally, both sides don't like each other's lifestyle and so on.

For example, mother-in-law likes to get up early and go to bed early, and daughter-in-law often stays up late because of work and other reasons. My mother-in-law likes to clean the room every day. Daughter-in-law likes to clean once a week and so on.

It is such a trivial matter that makes two different people live together. In family decision-making, the "ideas" between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law often have differences, thus forming contradictions.

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What should I do if my mother-in-law thinks differently?

First, put yourself in the shoes, do what you like and prescribe the right medicine.

In fact, we can understand the mother-in-law's difficulty in raising her son, but after marriage, she is obedient to her daughter-in-law and takes care of her in every possible way. Of course, she is uncomfortable, so as a daughter-in-law, we should pay more attention to her mother-in-law and tolerate more small things if possible.

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Second, read more books to understand the old woman's temper.

For example, she likes shopping and dressing up, so we often go shopping with her and buy her clothes. If you like eating, you often buy something delicious. After a long time, my mother-in-law knows your good intentions, and the natural relationship will be fine.

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Third, when you have an idea, don't take it to heart or put it in your mouth.

Because it will further intensify contradictions. No matter what my mother-in-law said is right or wrong, she is an elder after all, and we should at least respect her. Mother-in-law is right, accept it with humility; If it is wrong, you can make sense calmly, but communication is her son's job.

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Fourth, as a daughter-in-law, she also has the right to say "no".

It is natural to respect the elders, but the younger generation also has the right to refuse. You can't interfere too much in the private life of the younger generation just because you are an elder, and force the younger generation to do things according to their own wishes. Only when both sides respect each other can family relations be harmonious.

Fifth, play the intermediary role of the husband.

As mentioned above, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is originally a new family interpersonal relationship formed by the extension of parent-child relationship and husband-wife relationship. Husband plays the role of "intermediary" in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. As the intermediary point of the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, the husband knows the personality characteristics of both mother-in-law and daughter-in-law best. Therefore, the husband plays a very important intermediary role in dealing with the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.

Husband can help mother-in-law and daughter-in-law communicate psychologically. The so-called "communication" is the psychological and emotional return between people. Because the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law lack the kindness between mother and son. There is no sense of closeness between husband and wife, so it is often difficult to bridge the gap.

Through husband's communication, the psychological barriers between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are easier to eliminate, and the "ideas" between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are easier to reach, thus better enhancing feelings.

For example, on holidays, I bought something for my wife to give to the elderly. These strategies are conducive to emotional communication between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.

In short, the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is inevitable. As a daughter-in-law, if you are more broad-minded, tolerant and considerate, you can win the love of your husband. If the relationship between husband and wife is good, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law will naturally be more harmonious.

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Who has the right to listen to whom? The role of husband is a root grind. If you don't want to be hard on him, you have to tolerate the elderly more.

Looks like you live with your mother-in-law. There are old people at home, and old people are very powerful. This situation is very difficult for anyone, and it is very unfavorable for a normal relationship between husband and wife. Many people divorce because the elderly are too involved in the relationship between husband and wife. 1) Can we not live together? If you keep a certain distance, your husband may change his attitude and respect you more. 2) Don't put up with everything just because you have a good temper. Sometimes the more you put up with it, the more carefree they are. The attitude towards you is getting worse and worse, and finally you can't stand it and it breaks out. 3) The contradiction with the mother-in-law and the contradiction with the husband are handled separately. Don't involve your husband in your relationship with your mother-in-law, and so does your husband. Separate theory from mother-in-law and husband. If they are targeting you together, avoid them if you can, and don't let them unite against you. At the same time, let them think that you will not be at their mercy. This will gradually improve your present situation. 4) More independent and capable. Some things, you can make your own decisions, or you can do it yourself. It is often the mother-in-law who thinks that the daughter-in-law is incompetent before bullying others. Husbands often think that their mothers are more capable than their daughters-in-law. 5) Strive for a husband, communicate more, and talk more about your feelings and thoughts in private. Say nice things about your husband in front of your mother-in-law. Make their relationship more distant than your relationship with your husband.