I really want to talk.

When communicating with strangers, I always feel speechless. In fact, I really want to say that I just want to find a long-distance relationship for the crowd.

Let's start by saying that long-distance relationships are suitable for people.

Strong independence, good at communication, Platonic tendency, knowing how to express love in words, single-minded, tolerant of loneliness, less emotional.

These words come to my mind first.

Long-distance relationships have no hugs and companionship. A lot of things really can only rely on YY. For example, we take the flicker in the buckle as a kiss, haha.

Long-distance love is especially necessary for girls who are more dependent than men. This girl must learn from tears that love is not the whole of life, love is always the secondary subject, and the subject can only be yourself. If one day you put love above yourself and there is nothing in your life except love, congratulations, you have fallen in love beautifully.

In fact, these principles also apply to non-long-distance relationships, but long-distance relationships force us to understand early. Not bad, you have to learn anyway. It is much better to learn early than not to know until you are 70 or 80 years old.

Understand the differences between men and women's thinking

In fact, whether it is a long-distance relationship or not, there is still a major premise for falling in love. Everyone must, must, must, must! Understand that men are from Mars and women are from Venus!

Long-distance love will enlarge the natural difference of this kind of thinking by n times, so you must make it clear!

I suggest that everyone in a long-distance relationship should have a copy of Men from Mars and Women from Venus. Actually, I was sent by Xinhua Bookstore to drink this book, haha.

One thing about education in China is almost blank. Neither parents nor teachers, from small to large, seem to have never instilled in their children the idea that there is a huge difference between men and women's ways of thinking-perhaps they don't know it themselves. Therefore, when we need to establish the closest relationship with the opposite sex in the universe as adults, we often regard each other as people who belong to the same language system as ourselves, so many contradictions will arise.

Let me give you 1 a common example.

Case 1: A girl caught a cold and sent a text message: "I have a cold and my throat hurts." In fact, the purpose is to seek comfort and be caring and attentive.

The answer to an unfamiliar girl's heart is: "Go and take medicine!" "I know, but it still hurts." "Then go to the hospital!" The girl was very upset at this time, thinking, don't I know that I need to take medicine to see a doctor? That's not what I want. She doesn't care about me at all, well, she just doesn't love me.

The answer to a girl's heart is: "Ah? What's going on here? How can you not take care of yourself? Remember to take medicine on time, cover the quilt, get dressed and drink boiled water. I can't be around you, you should take good care of yourself! Otherwise I will feel distressed. " The girl smiled with satisfaction.

I want to say that girls don't know their inner answers, which is actually the usual thinking of men. For men, when a companion sends out a distress signal, the instinct is to solve it for him. So when you told him I had a cold, his first reaction was to take medicine to see a doctor. He doesn't understand that when a woman sends a distress signal to her companion, she usually asks for comfort and spit. . . .

I give this example to show how much the difference of thinking affects us when we look at the problem. Many times, his answers are not satisfactory. Don't jump to conclusions yet. Let's go back to the premise of thinking differences between men and women and put ourselves in others' shoes. Maybe you'll be enlightened.

Short message problem

The above differences in thinking patterns between men and women also apply to texting.

I once struggled with the length of short messages. Who would send such a question on their own initiative?

Later, I had a quarrel and found that as a man, he didn't take this seriously at all.

For him, love is the major premise and does not need all kinds of later verification.

And a woman will pile up the tiny details in her life to verify whether she loves me or not.

For example, I believe many girls contact him actively. He sends himself a long message that he loves me and vice versa. But after my understanding, it seems that men really don't scratch both.

So on the one hand, girls should think clearly, don't use everything to prove that he loves me or not, but have confidence in his feelings for you. Feelings don't run that fast.

On the other hand, girls should instill our feminine thinking into one of you from time to time. You are enlightened by the difference of thinking between men and women, but he still doesn't understand you. So you have to tell him the difference, or you understand that he doesn't understand. Do you have to accommodate him every time? If he also knows women's thinking, then if he takes a step forward, you take a step back, and everyone is finished!

Knowledge about quarrels

Quarrel, lovers, probably both. However, my experience is that long-distance love is the taboo of the cold war. It's better to have a quarrel and make things clear. However, the premise is to talk about the facts, try to express what you want to express, try to solve one problem at a time, and don't pile up problems and turn them into time bombs.

In fact, when I say quarrel, it may be more like negotiation in a sense. Really, I am actually a hot-tempered person. But after talking about long-distance love for so many years, I found that my temper is getting better and better now. Many times, my heart has actually exploded, but I can resist prejudice and discuss it with him in QQ tepidly. After discussion, the anger subsided. Always remember that there is no point in simply quarreling. If we can move from quarreling to communication and get to know each other better, then such quarrels are meaningful.

How to treat his shortcomings

In fact, this is a common feeling of love, which has only recently been realized.

It is said that no one is perfect, but people in love always feel that each other is particularly beautiful and clean, but this state will not last long. Later, some defects and problems in our humanity or personality will gradually be exposed.

Don't be surprised or sad. There is a saying that I think is quite right: "Look at the shortcomings before marriage, and look at the advantages after marriage." What do you mean? That is, before marriage, when two people are still in the understanding stage, we'd better know the root of the matter, know each other's weaknesses and limitations, and don't deify each other too much. If his unbearable and defects don't touch your bottom line, then OK, you are at the bottom of each other, and marriage should be smoother. Be tolerant and accommodating after marriage, turn a blind eye.

Then I'll take myself and my him as an example. He grew up in a bitter family with poor conditions, so inferiority and strong self-esteem should be two emotions in his heart. Once, I quarreled with him because I wanted to help him save money, so he always chose inexpensive meals. He felt a little uncomfortable and said, "What do you eat?" I was very angry at that time. That dinner broke up in discord, and I insisted on giving him the money when I finally paid. Then he left the restaurant and stormed out.

Anyway, the end result is that he wants me to go away and die. I apologize to him. He has been very cold to me. Then I really walked home and he called me to ask where I was. When I knew I was going home soon, he said he had gone home, too. Only then did I know that he followed me all the way, never leaving. So I went back to look for him, and he still avoided me and looked at me in a hurry to find him, but in the end we made up.

Although it is reconciliation, his sentence: "You can go to hell." Then I deliberately avoided watching me anxiously looking for him, but it also made me very chilling. But then I began to analyze his childhood environment and family education, and I was relieved.

He lacked love since childhood, so he used language to * * * me and then hid in the dark to see how I worried about him, much like a child who wanted to attract his mother's attention when he was a child. I think it must be because he didn't get enough care as a child. His family condition is not good, so he is sensitive to the word self-esteem. My previous behavior really touched his bottom line.

After thinking about this, I found that my understanding of him really deepened.

I want to tell my sisters about my personal experience. When you talk about what he said and did, and you get angry, you might as well rationally analyze the reasons for them. He became him because the environment made him.

When you look at him with this mentality, love him. Maybe he will repay you, maybe really a lot.

How do parents deal with it?

How do parents handle it, or should I contribute a note?

When I'm thinking, I can't reveal anything and suddenly point a gun at my parents, otherwise the chances of you two dying are basically 100%. Think about it. He is a complete stranger to your parents. How can we make them suddenly believe that this person can give their baby daughter happiness?

So I suggest you brainwash your parents in a planned and conditional way. Pay attention to the following points when brainwashing.

1, lightly wash. From time to time, I can talk about what a good friend of mine is like (the examples mentioned must reflect his qualities). Don't directly say how you feel about him, remember to let the facts speak for themselves. For example, once I said that my man didn't go home during the 5 1 long vacation, my mother asked him why he didn't go home. I said he was afraid of causing a burden to his family and tried to save money. Then my mother thinks he is very sensible, oh hoho~

2, find a wash that is easy to be brainwashed. Mom and dad always have a red face and a white face. Find a good implant.

3, parents are very tough, so the periphery breaks through. For example, if dad listens to his aunt, you can tell her.

When they object, they should be prepared for a protracted war. Many long-distance relationships are the type where family members are not together, which will be more troublesome.

Don't let your parents think that you like him because you are hot-headed. You should gradually let your parents know that you foresee all the difficulties and he can give you happiness. Of course, the premise is true.

What if there is no same topic?

First of all, don't be afraid to have nothing to say. There is nothing to say and don't worry too much. Because this is bound to happen. After the evolution of feelings, what was awesome was when it was not awesome before, and I thought, "Oh, how can I be silent?" What should I do? " Then my heart exploded. Then I thought, "Why do you have to talk if you are uncomfortable and silent?"

Little lovers who meet every day have nothing to say after a long time. Long-distance love is not together. If friends meet smaller or something, it's easy to have nothing to say

How to solve it? I have several methods. ...

1, if you both like movies, let's make an appointment to watch the same movie together. Then talk about it after reading it.

2. If you all like reading ... (The process is the same as above)

3. If you all like XX…… and so on, haha.

If possible, try to turn his friend into your friend and your friend into his friend. Like me, there are two girls in our dormitory who are his wives (sorry), and many of his college friends have become my good friends, and we are in the same class in high school, so we are afraid that there will be too many topics.

5, the way to cure the symptoms. Must be spiritual communication, spiritual communication, spiritual communication! In other words, communication should focus on quality! Don't talk about eating, drinking and sleeping all day, but discuss it in your heart. In fact, this is not only important for long-distance love, but also important for any love! The girls and boys in this watercress have natural advantages. It is understood that people who like watercress are basically deep (hiding their faces, haha) and pay more attention to spiritual communication. So, give full play to your advantages, everyone ~ ~

Why do I want to understand him, but he doesn't understand me first?

Ok, let me talk about this problem. This girl must have asked many girls' voices, because I have been struggling with this "why" for a long time.

Nowadays, we girls are brainwashed into men and women, gender equality and so on. Men and women are indeed equal, but many times feminist education goes too far, but it puts some due accommodation and humility on the line, which will put itself in a passive position.

When I say accommodation and retrogression, I don't mean that I have no bottom line and principles. But many times, we are too stubborn and blindly adhere to the so-called principles (for example, girls can't take the initiative to apologize, but they have to be coaxed by men), but we have also entered a strange circle.

Getting along with two people is a process of coming and going. Blindly obsessed with who pays first, blindly concerned about their own pay, but easy to haggle over every ounce has been deadlocked, then both sides will lose. It's better to soften your policy and let go of your reserve. When you really do it, as long as he is the one who is worth your effort, he will certainly understand your heart.

In fact, people who take the initiative to understand are the people who have a sense of the overall situation.

Whether it is a man or a woman, there are always a few days in a month.

I don't know if you have this feeling, sometimes your mood will be particularly low, and then you will be particularly pessimistic and disappointed. You often hide in the quilt and cry when you think of it. I wonder how this kind of love can talk like this, why others can meet every day and they can only hold the telephone and computer YY, and then they will create trouble and upset.

Later, I found that every time I felt particularly pessimistic and disappointed, it was accompanied by the arrival of my period. After the basic pessimism passed, my period came. And then I know? It turned out to be PMS.

Many times you think that the big problem is actually just a small hormone.

If you are a young man and your girlfriend has intermittent self-confidence or something, don't blame her, it's her hormones. If you are a girl, you also have this problem, so you must try to restrain yourself. When you have bad ideas, you must tell yourself that this is a hormone! It's no big deal! Don't kill a man's confidence because of the tears and pessimism brought by hormones!

After Women's Day, let me talk about Men's Day.

According to incomplete observation, my man is a typical patient. Sometimes, he will suddenly feel depressed, the direct performance is that the phone is very dull, and then directly tell me: "I don't want to talk." At first, every time I heard him say, "I don't want to talk." My heart exploded again, and then I insisted on letting him talk, and he was also devastated by me.

Later, I read the book Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. One of them talked about this, saying that men sometimes hide themselves in holes, and then as long as you give him enough space, he will climb out of the holes and come back to you. That sounds too much like Tojo, but this book is really good. . . )

Then I followed the method taught me in the book. Anyway, as long as he wants to climb back into the hole, I'll let him climb and do his own thing. Anyway, he will come back soon, and he will be warm and clingy when he comes back.

What about the bottleneck period? Communication is king!

I now think that falling in love is a spiral process. Chatting, sometimes you two will encounter certain difficulties and obstacles, or you will feel speechless when chatting, as if everything is weak.

Usually this time, I call it the bottleneck period.

He and I seem to have hit a bottleneck. That's because they were boycotted at home, and then they were in a bad mood, angry with him and indifferent to him, and then they became so indifferent.

How cold is it? It was so cold that two people were in the same room for 40 minutes, and then they were speechless. I wanted to break the embarrassment, so I went to the West Lake together. As a result, there was a big fight by the West Lake, and he left me. ...

The solution is weak to say. That is communication. Unload all burdens, all prejudices, all unpleasant communication. Both of them must do this and be honest. Then what you get from communication, you have to practice and abide by it.

As long as you take a warm step, after the bottleneck period is over, your feelings will sublimate.

What if there is no sense of security in different places?

Fear of this and that is a common emotion in long-distance relationships. I'm afraid I don't know when to break up. I'm afraid there will be no happy ending in the end. I'm afraid men will meet new lovers and abandon the old ones. Anyway, I'm afraid of everything and always feel insecure. ...

The basic solution can only be self-help.

First of all, the ultimate sense of security can only be given to yourself. Men's performance is only an external measure. If you are weak and insecure, you will still think that he will run at any time, no matter how firm and loyal he is to you.

Secondly, the most fundamental reason for lack of security is lack of confidence in yourself and your love. So you have to try to believe. Don't always think that long-distance love is very powerful, but take it as a test, so that love will become heavy from lightness, and two people in love will become tough from childishness, from simply enjoying emotional happiness to taking emotional risks.

I want to give this article to all the children in long-distance relationships and to myself.

It always feels wrong to communicate with strangers? A sign of lack of confidence

Why are you talking to the girl you like? Sometimes I feel that I have nothing to say, but I really want to say mm-hmm. This is the case. In the face of the person you like, you always feel that you are not good in some aspects, afraid of affecting your image, afraid of not speaking well, not only failing to enhance your feelings, but also causing resentment, or failing to achieve the desired results.

In front of the person you like, you will be a little nervous, and you will be swayed by considerations of gain and loss ~

When I face strangers, I always feel speechless. What should I do? Smile, he will find a topic to talk to you.

What if I feel like a stranger when I have nothing to say to my fiancee? You should try to find a topic of your own.

It is important not only to get along with friends such as fiancee, but also to find a topic.

Just find a topic with the same theme.

Besides, do you have some resistance to her and don't want to talk?

Afraid of leadership, afraid to communicate with strangers, always feel that there is nothing to do! Communicating with strangers is a very troublesome thing, because sometimes you have to hide your feelings and thoughts. Unless your personality is enough to accommodate this embarrassment, I advise you not to do so. Of course, before you communicate with a stranger, you must understand what the purpose of your communication with him is. Is it a boring conversation or something? Only when you understand the purpose can you start your own strategy and change the content of the conversation from time to time. Otherwise, if you stutter or don't know what to say, I believe you will feel particularly cold:) At the same time, you must make a preliminary observation before you communicate with a stranger. Face is the main manifestation of personal psychological characteristics. Only those who know how to distinguish subtle changes in various parts of others' faces can stand in the position of initiative and guidance in future conversations. However, this does not mean that a blind person can't communicate with strangers. I'm just stating here that observing other people's expressions can help us grasp their first impression of us and whether the topic of conversation will attract their attention in time, thus laying the foundation for our further discussion.

In addition, don't be anxious when communicating with strangers. A watched pot never boils. Don't be impatient because you don't understand other people's topics or your topic makes others unable to understand for a while. In fact, what two strangers fear most is that one person says the same thing, or that the topic is not at the right time and they don't know what to do. When communicating with others, unless you feel it is unnecessary to communicate with him again, you must remember 60% of his words to facilitate your own interpretation and win the favor of others. On the other hand, don't impose subjective knowledge on other people's thoughts. Because you know, it is very difficult to change one's mind or make one accept different views, so please keep a normal heart. Otherwise, it is very likely that others will resent your imposing manner.

Of course, not every stranger is so easy to communicate with. Maybe a quiet appearance but unrestrained thoughts will make you unbearable. However, since you have chosen such an object, the best way is to think about others' hearts from others' standpoint, which will win others' goodwill. Of course, this move smacks of flattery in front of leaders, but it is also a skill of interpersonal communication, which takes a long time to achieve a natural taste.

Finally, communication between strangers. In the early days, only ordinary events will be involved, and privacy and some controversial topics will not be discussed. So in the early days, we should adjust an ordinary conversation attitude and ask some hot topics. Only when the two sides have established a good impression can they further deepen their impression.

In a word, interpersonal communication is a very complicated theory, not only because theory is more important than practice, but also because of personal understanding and personality. You can't use other people's methods to change your communication style, otherwise the bull's head is not like a bull's head, and it will be embarrassing when the horse's mouth doesn't:) You can show your personal charm, but don't overdo it, otherwise it will taste artificial. These are all matters needing attention in communication.

More, I believe you have made a summary or tried it yourself. Therefore, self-knowledge and expectations of others are the key to whether the communication can last and become friends or regular customers. Let's go

I have been married to my wife for half a year and feel like a stranger. There's nothing to say. Getting married is still interesting.

How about being together, stranger?

It means that the feelings are not deep.

Or there are many contradictions.

Why not get a divorce?

Why don't you always talk about this situation when communicating with others? You can talk about the weather all the time. Speaking of passers-by?

It's easy to blush, and I feel speechless with strangers. What should I do? In fact, you care too much about yourself and are afraid of losing your image. ...

Why do I always have nothing to say to strangers Who will help me ask the other person's interest, but it is best to say it casually, so as not to cause others' disgust.