A few jokes are very short.

Couples' jokes are selected and short.

Couples' jokes are short, humorous things always make us laugh, and our quiet life brings a lot of happiness. We often have parties with humorous words, but many people don't say what to do. So the following is about.

Couples are short 1 1. After three years of marriage, the wife suddenly asked her husband, "I look at you now, as if I didn't feel my heart beating at the beginning." Do you still have it for me? "

"My heart has been beating, and it's not just jumping, it's nerve-racking ..."

2. Mobile customer service: "Hello, what can I do for you?"

Me: "What if I lose my card?"

Mobile customer service: "If the card is lost, it needs to be reissued as soon as possible. You need to go to the business hall to make up. "

Me: "Can't I answer it?"

Mobile customer service: "..."

3. "My wife loves cleanliness so much that I can't stand it."

"What's the matter?"

"Think about it, I got up at four o'clock in the morning to drink some water, but when I got back to the house, she had packed the bedding and covered the sofa bed with a cloth."

I received a winning phone call.

No matter what the other person says, I always say, "Can you give me a discount?"

After six times, the other party finally broke out: "You are crazy about money!"

Hahaha! ?

Xiao Qiang went shopping and met his second uncle.

Open your mouth and shout, "Buy uncle, two dishes!" "

People in the street almost laughed. Unexpectedly, his second uncle added, "Look how old you are, you can't even speak!" "

6. Probably in the fifth grade, the female teacher asked in class, "What is a parabola?"

The students didn't answer, so I thought about it and raised my hand: "Teacher, our boys' pee should be a parabola!"! " "

The teacher said, "It can also be said that it is."

7. Singles Day discount day.

I bought new sexy underwear, put it on quietly after dinner at night, and climbed to the dinner table to tease my husband.

The idea was good, and as a result, the table collapsed, I was injured and my underwear was torn!

On the way home by car, my daughter-in-law leans her arm on me every once in a while.

I was curious and asked, "What are you doing?"

She said: "Camouflage your seat belt, or you will lose points if you are photographed by the camera."

How did I find such a silly woman?

9. On the bus, a young mother took a Xiong Haizi.

Xiong Haizi looked around and saw a man on the side, because his face was dry and his skin was peeling.

The child asked his mother, "Mom, what happened to that uncle's face?"

His mother said simply, "Oh, just handsome."

10, one day I was singing in the box with a group of buddies, and one of them fell asleep while singing.

I woke him up and asked, "Why are you sleeping?"

He replied, "sleep for a while, I'm tired of singing."

I said, "It's so noisy here, can you sleep?"

He said, "Do you think I have studied for more than ten years?"

Couples joke short 2 1, there is no water to drink or boil at home, and my husband is angry.

The husband said, "I will be angry if you are so lazy again!" " "

I asked him, "What happens when you are angry?"

The husband said, "Dare to be angry and dare not speak."

2. I said, "Wife, let's get a divorce. I will give you all my house deposits and I will go out clean. "

She put the kitchen knife on the chopping board and said, "Come on, wash yourself first, and then you can go."

I got off work early today and went home to cook.

The wife wiped her mouth after eating: "when my career is successful, I will definitely not let you go to work." You cook a meal every day. "

I can't help but be happy, thinking about waking up naturally every day, not having to squeeze the bus, playing games at home, and cooking a meal when I arrive. ...

The more I think about it, the happier I am. Unconsciously, I finished brushing the bowl, sweeping the floor and washing the clothes.

While walking in the park, the couple saw a man and a woman kissing passionately on the bench. ...

The wife said plaintively, "Why can't you be like that man?"

Husband: "I don't know that woman!" "

5. My husband is a little weak. Red and green are hard to distinguish.

One night, I read to him with a newspaper: "According to research, 69% of men have confidantes ..."

Couples' jokes are short by 3 1, and the couple go out for an outing by bike. After they climbed a big slope with difficulty, the husband panted, "This, this slope is really steep, it's really difficult to climb, and I'm exhausted!" " My wife echoed, "Yes, if I hadn't stepped on the brakes tightly, we would have slipped down." "

2. Wife: "What do you think of sex? Husband: "No opinions, but there are many ways. 」

One day, a classmate's girlfriend came to the dormitory to look for him. It happened that he had something to do temporarily, and his girlfriend was sitting on his bed waiting for him. When she sat idle, she looked around. I saw a pair of calligraphy couplets hanging on the bedside: spring blossoms, and one person enjoys endless happiness. The woman thought, "I didn't expect him to write calligraphy and enjoy flowers." Heart secretly pleased unceasingly, unknowingly eyes moved up, but suddenly was livid. See a horizontal batch: Long live the harem!

Introduce my boyfriend to my best friend. At the subway station, I went with my best friend and met my boyfriend. In order to make my best friend feel that I have a close relationship with him, I tried to rush over and give him a hug, but my foot slipped and I fell forward in a panic and hugged my boyfriend's thigh, so the tragedy happened. My boyfriend is nearsighted. Didn't even recognize me then. He even came back and said, no money, no money, go away.

Xiao Zhang has just been promoted to vice president of the hotel. He was so excited that when he came home late at night and entered the room in the dark, he excitedly shouted, "I'm the vice president!" " Then his wife said in bed, "Go to bed, and your subordinate Xiao Zhang will be back soon."

6. On the train, a man and a woman met by chance. The problem was that they were in the same sleeping car. Of course it was embarrassing at first, but soon, fatigue made them fall asleep. Men slept in the upper bunk and women slept in the lower bunk.

In the middle of the night, the man woke up and woke up the woman sleeping in the lower bunk: "I'm sorry, I froze to death up there." Can you pass me another blanket? " The woman looked at the man with water in her eyes and said to him, "I have a better idea." Shall we pretend to be husband and wife? " The man paused, but immediately promised: "Good, great, what a surprise!" " "He was obviously a little overexcited." So what do we do now? " ......

7, the husband and wife are not harmonious, each sleeps separately, does not talk to each other, and has something to write. One day, my husband left his wife a note saying that I was going to work and would call me tomorrow. At his wife's bedside, An Lan fell asleep. The next day, when I woke up, it was gone. He was very angry and ran to question his wife. I looked at my wife's room and found her long gone. I couldn't go back to my room. I found a note on my pillow, which said, you damn fool, it's already halfway through, and I still can't get up.

8. If your wife asked you to go out and look for a job, what would you look for? New wife. Does your husband love you? Love, very much! I'm inseparable from him, and I don't even go to work. Does your wife object to your smoking at home? Oh, she objects to my smoking anywhere. She said that smoking for two people costs more than smoking for one person.

Whenever my wife and I quarrel, she becomes a historian. You mean, she's hysterical No, she exposed me. She won't lose anything. I am very careful. Whenever my wife and I quarrel, I always let the children go for a walk. No wonder all your children are healthy! Woman: Doctor, my husband always talks in his sleep. ......

9. the Monkey King got into Princess Iron Fan's belly and borrowed a banana fan. Look at the dialogue below. Wukong said, "Sister-in-law, I'm already in you." Princess Iron Fan: "Come out and get in the way. Uncle, I can't stand it ... Wukong: "Sister-in-law, I'm coming out soon. Please open your mouth quickly. Princess Iron Fan: "Hinder" Niu Wangmo from listening outside the door, leaving a divorce agreement ... and moving away from home.

10, girlfriend's birthday, Guo Shuai spent a lot of money to buy a qq number and send it to his girlfriend. The number stands for "I love you all my life". After I bought it, I couldn't log in at all, prompting that the password was wrong. Handsome boy takes a closer look, and the original number is

1 1, wife: "How does the fish-flavored shredded pork taste?" Husband: "Just so-so." Wife: "What about burning eggplant?" Husband: "Not bad." Wife: "What about Mapo tofu?" Husband: "Just make do." Wife: "You are a good word. Can you die? " Husband: "The rice is so hard!"

12, take daughter-in-law to climb the mountain. . Rest in the gazebo at the top of the mountain. Hug your daughter-in-law intimately and make a strong kiss, but she suddenly said, brother-in-law, don't do this! So many people were staring at me at that time. . .