Who has a funny campus sketch [humorous joke]

Prop: a chair.

(At first, A entered the stage from the left to the middle of the stage)

A: hello, everyone. Happy New Year's Day and Happy New Year. I wish you good health, happy family and all the best.

Distinguished guests, friends, ladies and gentlemen!

Who are you? Come here to make trouble!

B: I'm Huang (reaching out and shaking hands, waiting for A to reach out and sneeze intentionally)

Oh, where are you from, so unsanitary?

I'm Lao Huang, Lao Huang from your class.

You are in our class. Our class is a civilized class and our school is a civilized school. How can you be such a person? What are you doing here?

Aren't we celebrating New Year's Day at school today? I'm here to give you a performance.

Do you still perform?

Well, the teacher said we should perform together.

Really? Then what are you performing?

B: Let me show you the double spring.

A: Double spring? Do you know what a double reed is?

I really don't know. Then tell me what a double reed is.

Answer: Double spring, that is, "an egg with two yolks".

Bah, what a mess.

A: I'm just kidding. In fact, in simple terms, the double reed means that one person talks in the back and one person plays in the front. You can't say what you want to do, and you can't do it if you say it, so you can "teach by example."

B: After listening to what you have said, I dare say that these two reeds are very knowledgeable. Why don't we give you a performance?

Well, how about giving it a try? You talk in the back and I'll play in the front.

B: OK, clap your hands then, and let's begin.

A: (Applause in the chair)

B: Lao Huang, I'm 13 years old and my weight is over 83. There are mountains of food, meat and soup. I take a bite of meat and soup, I eat meat, I drink soup, I eat, I drink, I eat ... ouch, feed me a stomachache, ouch, feed me a headache, ouch, feed me a toothache and a leg ache.

A: Scratch when it itches!

No, you can't talk.

Ah, if I go down again, I'll be exhausted! Why don't we change? I said you play.

No, no, you're doing great. (to the audience) Look, I haven't killed you yet.

A: (Applause begins)

B: Chang 'e in the sky-beauty, beauty, beauty!

I'm on the ground-handsome, handsome, handsome!

Look how beautiful she is and how handsome I am!

Handsome men and beautiful women, no one can compare!

The cold wind blows, the snowflakes float,

A big straw bag floated in. Big straw bag missed Chang 'e and had a high fever.

I am burning in the fog. I should fight.

B: I reached out my right hand and hit my left face. I reached out my left hand and hit me on the right face.

B: Hold out your right hand and hit your left face. Hold out your left hand and hit your right face.

B: Hold out your right hand, hit your left face, and hold out your left hand. ...

A: (stands up angrily) Are you finished?

A: If I keep fighting, I will become a pig's head.

B: Yes, yes. Let's do it again!

B: Anyway, once, I was walking on the road and suddenly felt hot behind me. When I turned around, it turned out that a beautiful woman was winking at me, which made me very embarrassed.

A: Come on, come on, you'll daydream! Can we do something serious?

B: All right, all right, let's get down to business.

A: Clap your hands.

B: It's the Spring Festival, so we can't mess up our studies. "knowledge accumulation is more important than mountains, and it is not easy to do it. Let's check together, do civilized classes seriously, and strictly abide by the rules and regulations. We will certainly climb the peak of our achievements! " Speaking of double spring, He Xinchun: I wish you all happiness every day, happy family, smooth work, good health, happy family, all the best, happy mood and always smile in the new year! Thank you (grotesque)! (Blows a kiss) {Why don't you give people a hand, huh? . . . The applause is not warm enough! Mm-hmm. . . }

A: (Stand up and say) Are you finished?

B: (laughs) I'm asking for a round of applause for you!

A: Does anyone want applause like you? Endless.

Party A * * * said (thank you) curtain call!

Fools go to school.

AC: students

monitor

idiocy

E: class teacher

The bell is ringing!

A: Start the class, start the class.

Well, class, class, class quickly.

Hello, monitor.

B: Hello, er, I heard that there is a new head teacher in our class, who is still a woman.

A: Whether it's a man or a woman, send her away when she comes.

B: Hmm.

Hey, hello, you two.

Ab: Good morning!

C: You're early. Er, have you heard that there is a new head teacher in our class?

Ab: I know, I know, I already know.

C: Er, it's a woman.

Ab: I know, I know.

Well, why don't we teach her a lesson later? Give her a nickname.

Well, that's good. That's a good idea. What's that nickname?

C: Eh, it's called morning glory.

A: Morning glory is too vulgar, too vulgar, too vulgar.

How's this? Let's call her old hen.

Ah, old hen.

B: Hmm.

A: Bird flu is very serious now. Also, dare to call an old hen.

C: Exactly.

B: That's called, er, why not just call her an old maid.

AC: OK, OK ~ ~ ~

A: This is good, this is good, this is good.

B: That's a good idea. Will you cheer later? (pointing to c)

C: I won't.

B: Then you call (pointing to A).

I don't know, either.

B: Then you won't scream, and neither will she. Who screams?

Captain: Well, yes, the fool will come later. Let him scream.

Uh, good idea, good idea.

A: That's a good idea.

B: Fool, class, class, class.

D: here we are. (dancing lap dance) ~ ~ What are you laughing at? Never seen a handsome guy.

Yeah, yeah, silly.

D: mm-hmm

There is a new head teacher in our class. We nicknamed her an old maid. She will come later. You can scream.

D: I won't.

A: Why?

You always lie to me. Every time I open my mouth, you shut up.

No, I won't lie to you this time.

BC: Right.

A: Let's scream together.

BC: Mm-hmm.

D: Don't lie to me this time?

Well, yes, I won't lie to you this time Call together.

D: ok, let's call it together.

Hello, I'm the new head teacher. It is said that the students in this class are particularly difficult to teach, but I am very caring and I will influence them with my love. Hello, classmates!

ABCD: Old.

D: virgins are good.

Who said the teacher was an old maid? Please step forward. (ABC, step back together) ~ ~ Students, please stand up.

D: mm-hmm

E: Little classmate, you stand firm.

D: teacher: the ground is uneven.

E: Little classmate, you know what an old maid is.

D: My dad said that people who haven't been treated are called spinsters.

I am confident and patient. Students, please go to the office with the teacher.

D: why?

E: The teacher invites you to eat chocolate.

Really?

E: Really, come on.

Yes, let's eat chocolate.

B: Eh, it's called an old maid, and you still eat chocolate?

C: That's right. I know where we were called, too.

A: Exactly.

E: I'll treat you to chocolate, dove and Di Chin. Eat and eat. You are full. (Come out) I never punish students. Son, you can come out now.

D: Here we are (dancing).

Hey, what's wrong with you? Fool.

Fool, are you all right?

D: the teacher hits people.

ABC: Let's see, let's see.

Well, you are badly hurt, aren't you?

B: Nice fight, right?

Sit down and start the class. The teacher will give you the first lesson and teach you to read a Chinese character. Please read with me and read clearly. Bei ~ ~

ABC: Bei

D: Pei.

E: Bei

ABC: Bei

D: Pei.

E: Please stand up, junior. The teacher thinks your pronunciation is not standard, so I'll teach you alone. Listen carefully, Bay.

D: Pei.

E: The quilt.

D: it's a perfect match.

E: Little classmate, the teacher thinks that your pronunciation is not standard. Maybe there is something wrong with your skull. Teacher, enlighten you. Do you have a bed at home?

D: yes.

E: What's in that bed?

D: sheets.

E: What's on that piece of paper?

My mother.

What's on your mother?

D: my father.

E: What's on your father?

D: no more.

Where's your quilt?

They kicked me under the bed. (e hits d, d jumps back)

E: What kind of student is this? I am so angry. Come here, sit down.

D: ok.

E: Next, the teacher will give you the second lesson. Come on, boys and girls, please stand up.

Why me again?

E: The teacher asked you an arithmetic problem. How much is one plus one?

D: One plus one equals two. Smart?

What are you smart about? What's three plus three?

D: (counting fingers) Three plus three equals six.

E: Well, that's a good answer, young man. But you are too old to break your fingers. Do mental arithmetic, you know? Come on, put your hands in your pants pockets. I'm in. The teacher asks you another question. How much is five plus five?

D: it's equal to eleven.

E: Which one will be equal to 1 1? You take him out to do some calculations. Break your fingers.

D: Why is it equal to ten again?

E: Ten is right.

Teacher, right? I take it as ten, and put it as eleven.

Look, that sister is laughing at you.

D: Sister, you always laugh. What are you laughing at? You can't count eleven in your life?

E: (hitting him) Don't be angry with that sister, she is a silly uncle. Come here, sit down.

D: ok. (dancing thighs)

E: Next, the teacher will give you the third class and connect with you online. Please raise your hand if anyone can answer. Please listen carefully. The first part is: Nantong North Tongzhou, and North Tongzhou can be north and south. Who can answer this question? Okay, you're the only female classmate?

Answer: East Pawnshop, West Pawnshop and East Pawnshop are things.

E: Well, that's a good answer. Who else can raise their hands and answer? Little classmate, raise your hand and you can answer. Come on, please stand up and answer.

D: answer what?

E: answer couplets.

D: What couplets?

E: The upper part is Nantong North Tongzhou, and the north and south Tongzhou can be north and south.

D: Boys and girls, boys and girls have boys and girls.

E: rhymes. That's a good answer Please, can the teacher ask you one more question? Fragrant flowers are not red, red flowers are not fragrant, and they are rosy and fragrant.

D: Farts don't stink, farts don't ring, and serial farts stink.

E: Monitor, don't fart.

D: Good man, thank you.

E: Gee, I can't believe this is not difficult for you. Can the teacher ask you one more question? Eat small fish, big fish, scare rice, scare rice to eat, get to the bottom of it.

D: hehe! Your husband presses you, you press the bed, the bed presses the ground, and the ground shakes. (E versus D) I've got it all settled, and you still hit me?

E: what kind of students? I am so angry. Come here, sit down.

Ok (thigh dance)

E: Monitor, look, the celebration is coming. What programs have our class prepared?

B: What we prepare for the teacher is recitation.

E: Let's recite one first.

Ok, first of all, we recited Xiao Chun for the teacher. In the spring morning, I woke up easily.

Birds are singing everywhere around me.

But now I remember that night, that storm.

D: A girl became a sister-in-law.

E: (D) You have changed. Will you change?

Why did you hit me?

Who taught you that?

D: the monitor taught me. You hammer, my god, you lied to me again.

E: Come and sit down.

D: (thigh dance) OK.

E: monitor, this one won't work. How about another one?

B: OK, boiled beans and roasted beans.

A: The beans are crying in the kettle.

C: I come from the same root.

D: Brother-in-law is seducing his aunt.

E: Bubble bubble (D).

Why do you keep hitting me?

E: I made a mistake as soon as I arrived at your place? Come here, sit down.

Ok (thigh dance)

E: monitor, this one won't work. How about another one?

B: And a chorus.

E: OK, let's all sing a song.

B: Everybody stand up, get up early in the morning and get ready to sing.

ABCD: Get up early in the morning, and the air is good.

I saw the teacher taking a bath. Two boobs, bouncing and floating in the wind!

E: Piao Piao, look at you still floating.

Why don't you sing?

Why do you always find fault with the teacher?

ABC: Teacher, please stop. The headmaster is coming.

E: here comes the headmaster.

ABC: Run, fool. (End)

Multi-person sketch: "seeing a doctor"

[Time] Early morning

[Location] A clinic outside a university.

[character]

Doctor (male): a newly graduated intern of traditional Chinese medicine.

Student A (male): An online game fan, who just came out of the Internet cafe after playing all night.

Student B (female): Super girl, singing hoarse.

Student C (female): Korean drama fan.

Student Ding (male): C's boyfriend has a foot injury.

[Preface field]

The doctor (with a cup of soybean milk in his right hand and a white coat on his left arm) came to the stage. Approaching the stage with great interest): Hello everyone! I am an intern of traditional Chinese medicine, and I visited Li Shizhen. The teacher is not at home today, so I will take the clinic for him, hehe! Turn the table, put down the soybean milk cup and put on the white coat. Hearing the audience whispering, he stepped forward) Well, what do you mean, I won't see a doctor? What are you talking about? Don't underestimate me, although I haven't studied medicine for a long time, but this college student has any incurable diseases, just let me feel the pulse, just one word, accurate! (Turning to the table and picking up the soymilk cup) Don't believe me. Hum, give me a cup of soybean milk. I can handle the slick!

[Scene 1]

Doctor, I don't feel well.

Doctor: Hey, I'm coming. (walks over) What kind of fried dough sticks are you?

Doctor, I don't eat fried dough sticks.

Doctor: Oh, I mean what's wrong with you? !

Just walking in the street, I suddenly felt dizzy and a little nauseous. (vomiting)

Doctor: You want to throw up, right? I'm afraid you'll eat something bad. Come on, sit down first. The cafeteria in this school is always dirty. You must have eaten flies. You are very lucky. I've eaten nails before. (Fu Jia sits down)

Doctor, I haven't eaten yet.

Doctor: Oh, I didn't eat. Do you have a bad appetite I'm worried about my stomach. Let me take your pulse. (Take the arm vein of armor)

A (suddenly eyes wide open, eyes dull): Oh, doctor!

Doctor (surprised): What's the matter!

A: I always feel in a daze all the way. Now, as soon as I sit down, my mind is full of magical world, colorful, full of sparks, and many monsters ... (gesturing with both hands, playing keyboard with one hand and sliding mouse with the other)

Doctor: daydreaming! ?

I haven't dreamed for three days.

Doctor (puzzled): Then your sleep quality is not bad …

A: No, I didn't sleep at all!

Doctor (puzzled): Didn't sleep? Well, it's far from the exam. There's no need to stay up so hard, is there?

A: I ... I went online ... to play games. I played Warcraft for three days. As soon as I reached level 249, it was dawn ... (pity)

Doctor: (violently shaking off A's hand) Hum! Play again and it will be 250! ! (Standing up) I understand, totally understand, and I don't need to look at this pulse. You're sick. ...

Doctor, what's wrong with me?

Doctor: this disease is that my mind is full of blood and rivers and lakes asking about the journey, and I look trance-like and go astray …

A: Is this sleepwalking?

Doctor: Online games!

A: I have never heard of ...

Doctor (approaching the stage and facing the audience): Yes, online games! Hey, the students here fall in love with internet cafes when they have nothing to do. Internet cafes are their home. I don't go to this class, I don't eat, I don't even sleep, I only remember the fighting and killing in the game! This online game is addictive, everything is wrong! I used to have a classmate, like him, whose IQ and EQ are still fantasy!

Doctor, is this disease easy to treat?

Doctor (turning to A): Easy to cure, easy to cure ... I'll give you eight words, quit Internet addiction and stay away from online opium!

A (counting his fingers, muttering in a low voice): Quit … Apart from … Internet addiction, far … has ten words.

Doctor (taking medicine in front of the medicine cabinet): I'll prescribe a pair of medicine for calming the nerves and nourishing the brain for you. Go back and have a good sleep. Did you hear that? Here! (Pass the medicine to A)

A (taking medicine): I see, doctor. How much is this medicine?

Doctor: 38.

Doctor, the price of this medicine has been publicly reduced. Why is it still so expensive?

Doctor (goes back to his desk to get his notebook): We don't sell any drugs with reduced prices.

A: Not for sale?

Doctor (looking up to explain): Oh, no, no. You don't know, as long as this price-reducing drug is on the bulletin board, the manufacturer will stop production immediately.

I see.

Doctor: Go ahead, go ahead, and remember to eat something when you go back. (Sit down to book)

A: Thank you, doctor. (turning around)

[Scene 2]

B (coughing, hoarse voice): Doctor, I see a doctor …

Doctor (getting up and approaching): Oh, what's the matter, handsome?

B (unhappy): Doctor, I'm a girl, super girl.

Doctor (looking up and down, then facing the audience): Girl? Hehe, super girl, super girl, neither male nor female. What's the matter? Do you have a cold? Is your voice like this?

B (touching his throat): Doctor, I don't have a cold, but my throat is uncomfortable. Please take a look at it for me.

Doctor: Oh, come on, open your mouth. Ah ... (holding a pen to raise B)

B (opens his mouth): Ah. ...

Doctor: Higher.

B (loudly): Ah! ……

Doctor: Higher.

B (clearing his throat loudly): Ah! ! ..... (singing in a broken voice) Oh, doctor, you have a good eye. You can tell at a glance that I can't play high notes. ...

Doctor: What high notes can't go up? I told you to keep your head up. (B looked up and opened his mouth, and the doctor looked intently and said) Well, your throat is so congested that if you don't pay attention, I'm afraid your vocal cords will be broken. (turning to the table to get a glass of water)

B (anxiously following the doctor): Ah, doctor! The vocal cords are broken. Doctor, how can I sing? You must help me cure them! !

Doctor (pours a glass of water and turns to B): Don't worry, don't worry, come on, drink some water to moisten your throat first.

Doctor (looking at B drinking water): Hey, you just said that you are a super girl. Which teacher are you from?

B (swallowing, saying): Yes, my name is Zhang Yuchun, from Chengdu Division, but I was dropped by PK this year.

Doctor: Well, I only know that there is a Chris Lee, and you are half a celebrity.

B: Chris Lee is a celebrity, but I, Zhang Yuchun, am only a personal name. (Facing the audience) So, I must learn from Chris Lee, learn from her coolness, learn from her handsomeness, and strive to continue to compete next year. (Emotion is high) As long as there is her voice and her figure, the super girl champion will be at your fingertips! Listen to her last year and listen to me next year! (In the advertisement, the hand holding the cup made a gesture and accidentally spilled water on his body.)

The doctor took the cup from B.

B (patting the body to continue): Everyone applauds, which will definitely fulfill my super girl dream!

Doctor: You are really ill!

Doctor, what's the matter?

Doctor: Supergirl paranoia! (Approaching the stage and addressing the audience) Hey, girls nowadays like dream stars. This is just a matter of super girl draft, but choosing Chris Lee instead of choosing men and women has become the image standard of super girl. Well, if I dress up as a woman, I can't believe I can't win the championship. Look at this Zhang Yuchun, what is this crime!

Doctor (turning to B): I said Chris Lee, oh, no, Zhang Yuchun, you learned this disease from Chris Lee. I'll give you some medicine. Drink it if you can. Take good care of your voice. (Go to the medicine cabinet to get medicine)

B (questioning): Doctor, can I still sing?

Doctor: Yes, you can sing if you like. It's louder than Chris Lee! It's a good thing you didn't learn from Jay Chou. If you learn from him, you won't speak fluently. Here you are. (Pass the medicine to B)

Oh, thank you, doctor. (b pays to leave, and the doctor returns to the table)

[Scene 3]

Ding (stumbling barefoot on the court, after entering the door, he inquired carefully outside, and when he saw no one following him, he hurried to the doctor. Because it dances like a swan dance): doctor, doctor! Please take a look at my foot injury. Ouch!

Doctor (seeing Ding wrestling, help him up quickly): Yo, slow down, slow down, you seem to be badly hurt and can't put on your shoes? Sit down first. Let's go

Doctor (sits down and lifts Ding's foot): It's swollen badly. How did it happen?

Ding (it hurts terribly): Please show it to me, doctor.

Doctor: Did you sprain it during military training?

D: I'm not a freshman, doctor.

Doctor: Yes, I've never seen a soldier walk like you. Did you fall down while playing ball?

Ding (shaking his head): No.

Doctor: How did that happen? My toe is swollen.

Ding is in pain. He is embarrassed.

Doctor: Are you talking? !

D: I'm ... I'm embarrassed to say.

Doctor (a little angry): Why are you so big? If you don't tell me what to look at, I have to find the cause!

D (hesitantly): Doctor, this is ... this is ... watching Korean dramas ...

Doctor: Did you watch Korean dramas? What are you talking about? Why don't you burn it? ! (Touching Ding's forehead)

Doctor, here's the thing. I have a girlfriend who is a fan of Korean dramas. She dragged me to watch Korean dramas when she was free. I used to watch Dae Jang Geum, but I was considerate and gentle ... (I bowed my head and rubbed my hands, shy)

Doctor (doubtfully): But ... What does this have to do with the foot injury?

Ding (full of bitterness): You don't know, doctor. It's because you watch Wild Girlfriend, Wild Teacher Sister and Wild Female Teacher ... Well, she always hits me and scolds me. We used to have a good relationship, but now I'm getting numb. Not long ago, she forced me to walk in the street in her high heels for two weeks!

Doctor: Two weeks. Why didn't you come earlier? It is really ...

D: She has been paying attention to this matter. I can't help it! Today, I really can't stand it. I dumped her halfway when she wasn't looking, threw away my high heels and came to you ... (C said, carrying a bag in one hand and high heels in the other. Ding panicked and hid behind the doctor. ! Doctor! ! Coming! ……

Doctor (turning his head): Who is it? !

(To the audience): Barbarian girlfriend Gianna Jun!

Doctor (looking at C): As the saying goes, big eyes are charming, small eyes are charming, and neither too big nor too small is the most charming. I saw your eyes ... (scared)

C (overbearing): What?

Doctor (trembling with fear): How frightening! ! ……

C: It's none of your business. Get out of my way. Pushing the doctor aside, the doctor fell down. Slowly approaching ding)

C: Do you dare to throw shoes?

Ding panicked and hid at the foot of the table.

C: put it on for me! (throwing high heels in front of Ding)

Ding shook his head.

C: Will you wear it or not?

D: no ... put it on.

Captain: Don't you dare say that! He threw the bag at Ding, and then he went forward and slapped Ding, who was terrible. )

Doctor (stands up and faces the audience trembling): Han … feels …! Typical ... Korean flu! Worse than bird flu! ! I'd better run I ... (The doctor comes down in a panic)

Under the pressure of C, Ding put on high heels and limped off the stage. C followed closely, beating and cursing.

C (turning to pick up the bag on the floor before stepping down, and then pointing to the stage): What are you looking at? Give me a clap! Agree 7| Comment