What should I do if I meet someone who can't talk?

This question instantly reminds me of countless scenes in my work for more than ten years, some of which were scolded by my colleagues and some were watched by others.

When I first entered the workplace, I was embarrassed by my colleagues and often had a lot of scruples. I basically chose to submit to humiliation, put peace first, and then I got home angry with myself.

Later, with more experience and thicker skin, I began to give and take.

Combined with my own experience, I summed up the policy of 12 to deal with being trapped: responding on the spot, seeking truth from facts and controlling conflicts. (Exclude situations where you have a good relationship and you are joking around. )

0 1. Real-time response

Let's talk about why we should respond on the spot.

No matter whose fault it is, this kind of behavior itself represents a kind of malice, a kind of bullying from top to bottom. The other party thinks that they are better than you, and they can tease you at will or test you.

In the face of malice, we must fight back immediately, because once the dialogue is over, there is no reason to open it again, and the outcome is decided. People who care about you don't have to pay anything, but they also suppress you and win a greater say. However, you have lost the best opportunity to counter it by thinking about right and wrong, relationship, influence and so on.

02. The facts speak for themselves.

Let's talk about how to fight back first

There's a way back. The basic logic is to distinguish "phenomenon", "fact" and "viewpoint".

Most people's words are "phenomena" and "opinions", with "facts" as the most powerful response.

Give an example of what happened this morning:

I went to a company for an interview, and HR saw that my recent work experience was naked resignation. He asked me, "Are you willful? If you don't like it, go directly to naked resignation? "

I replied to him: "naked resignation's reason is that the transformation of the department is not in line with his personal development demands. This is a rational choice, and it has nothing to do with whether he likes it or not. "

"Willfulness" is a negative evaluation, "If naked resignation doesn't like it" is an opinion, and to put it bluntly, it is a label. If I accept this hat, I will fall into the pit of willfulness and immaturity, and the situation is very unfavorable to me. At this time, don't justify your willfulness and tell the other party what the truth is.

In daily conversation, we should train ourselves to distinguish between "phenomenon", "fact", "viewpoint" and their logical relationship, otherwise it is easy to have rhythm and slip into the ditch unconsciously.

03. Conflict can be controlled.

Pay attention to your words and deeds when responding to each other. "Personal attacks", "discrimination" and "abuse" are all unacceptable, which will also put you at a disadvantage and there is no room for change. So don't say anything when you are excited. If you are caught by the other party, you will be killed in one blow.

Conflicts are only verbal conflicts, so always remind yourself that conflicts should be controlled within your own control, at least don't take the initiative to escalate conflicts, and evaluate whether the intensity of conflicts is beneficial or unfavorable to you.

In short, "control your emotions, not your mind."