Red beans don't grow in the south, but they grow strangely on my face.

What would you do if your opponent and the person who betrayed you fell into the water at the same time? One is to go to disco, the other is to go to karaoke, and the third is to record it and watch it slowly.

If you haven't lost weight by the end of May, there are two ways: 1, and kill everyone thinner than you. 2. kill yourself.

Girls, find a husband in the future, give birth to a child named Xia and the child named Shaq. The child should not be questioned by the teacher.

The so-called sleeping goods can be summarized in eight words: spring sleep, summer fatigue, autumn sleep and hibernation.

I received a short message yesterday asking me to remit money to an account of China Agricultural Bank. I replied: Don't worry, I'll burn it for you right away!

I am good-looking, so you should be patient.

Others are holding hands, and I am holding my dog, walking and swimming to see who is unhappy with two bites.

The best way to refuse others' ambiguity is: Sorry, I'm not interested in the opposite sex.

My ideal is to pick a load of shit and go to the street to see who is not pleasing to the eye.

If something goes wrong, look for the reason from yourself first. Don't blame the earth for its lack of gravity when you are constipated.

If there is an afterlife, I want to make a quilt, either lying in bed or basking in the sun.

When the college entrance examination results came out, the teacher breathed a sigh of relief and said to me: In fact, it is a kind of happiness for you and the university.

The world is coming to an end, and there is something I have been keeping from you. Actually, I am Altman.

When we were young, we often made faces in the mirror; When you are old, the mirror is flat.

When I was a child, I thought I could save the world when I grew up. When I grow up, I find that the whole world can't save me.

I once looked up at the starry sky with my friends, and then we burst into tears. He was lovelorn and I sprained my neck.

Life is like poop, and we revel in it like dung beetles.

If you want to get married, marry someone else first, then marry me, take his house, take his money and drive his BMW.

Shout when the road is rough, and make a fool of yourself when the time comes.

Pass the bottle after drinking the medicine, hang yourself with a rope, and wave a small handkerchief to jump off the building to bid farewell.

For heaven's sake, thick soil is evidence, and the right person is willing to pass all the final exams with 20 Jin of meat on his body.

If you are fat paper, remember not to wear a red scarf. Otherwise, you will be just like QQ.

After I die, there should be free wifi in front of my grave, so people will come to see me often.

If there is an afterlife, I would like to make a bar of soap, so I don't have to worry about losing weight anymore.

In this harmonious society, primary school students celebrate Valentine's Day, middle school students celebrate Singles Day and college students celebrate Children's Day.

Rich people hold a money field, and those who have no money go home and take money to hold a money field.

"I am' a friend of mine' and' a classmate of mine', and I am also known as the three insurmountable gods.

When I see other people's property in their twenties is over 100 million, 10 billion, and billions, I will be 5 million, still a pixel.

The first word in all kinds of English vocabulary books is dislike. Do you want to tell everyone: give up?

As Lan Yan, I suddenly understand that Lan Yan is exercising her boyfriend's obligations but has no fucking boyfriend's rights!

My wallet is like an onion. I burst into tears every time I opened it.

The standard of otaku and otaku: take the computer as the center and the arm length as the radius in bed.

Some girls are the same as the house price. Only when you look back, do you know that it was wrong not to start.

I think it is a kind of hooliganism for girls to say that they are cold when they are lonely!

If you drink a glass of milk every day for 1200 months, you will live to 100 years old!

Feelings that are not for the purpose of marriage are all for raising a wife for others.

Falling in love is like playing on the seesaw. Any one of them suddenly walks away or gets fat, which will make the whole game very dangerous.

Sometimes I go to see the refrigerator at night, just to know if it is normal.

As long as you choose the right university, you will celebrate Singles Day every day!

Look at the middle of the nose, look at the face with bangs, look at the temperament with oblique bangs, and look at the five senses without bangs ... I am suitable for making a mask.

Idiot youth: I will always be seventeen. Literary youth: they begin to grow old at the age of seventeen. Ordinary youth: I have been a teacher since I was seventeen.

Anyone who dares to bully me in the future will write your names on your underwear, running out of breath.

If there is no flat chest, how can we level the world?

Every time I wake up in the morning, I know I should go to bed early at night.

I used to have schizophrenia, and now we're recovered!

I wanted to eat my sadness in one bite, but I ate it into a meatball in one bite.

Which is more pitiful, no money to spend or no one to want? Of course, there is nothing to eat!

April Fool's Day confession is simply weak, and Tomb-Sweeping Day's confession is king! Because ... if it's rejected ... you can say that ... Ah, I was possessed just now.

When a girlfriend is upset because she is going to have her period, a man should hug her tightly and say, "I'm useless, let you have your period."

It's been so many years since the final exam, why not have an anniversary celebration? For example, if you take an examination of 40, you will take an examination of 20, if you pass two, you will take one, and if you choose two, you will be exempted from the examination.

I think it took me more than 20 years to see it. It's normal that you don't like me. I don't live to please you.

When I was a child, my worst dream was that I was looking for a toilet. The most terrible thing is that the toilet was discovered before people woke up.

The most painful thing in the world is not to write a paper, but to write even if you know it is rubbish. What is more painful than this is that you can't even write a rubbish paper.

Whenever cleaning, the school will say "school is your home", but if you are late, the school will say "do you think school is your home?"

Do you find people who don't like you particularly ugly?

I have the ability to pick up girls, but I am a girl.

Now boys are thinner, whiter and more beautiful than girls, and they want to compete with us girls for boys.

When I am pursuing Happyness, I am afraid that I am not at home, so I am always at home.

I'm not afraid to celebrate Singles Day. I'm afraid the person I like is just Singles Day.

Now, the only thing that can't be put down is chopsticks, and the only thing that can't be put down is the bed.

Be sure to have fun, sleep well and drink well. Once exhausted, other women spend our money, live in our rooms, sleep with our husbands, pick up our boyfriends and beat our babies.

Once you learn to break the jar and break the fall, you will find that the world will be suddenly enlightened.

A real brother is your woman when you need her most.

Life grinds us around and makes us roll further.

When you are in a bad mood, go to the toilet. After that, you looked ferocious and said to the toilet, "shit for me!" " "Then flush the toilet!

I have always hated washing clothes, so I am relieved to live with my girlfriend. As a result, I have to wash two people's clothes every day now, and I can't wash them until the next day.

One day Altman raised his hand to answer questions in class, and then the teacher died.

All the questions in the world can be answered with "none of your business" and "none of my business". Suddenly I feel so busy.

My girlfriend said that I agreed at that time without much pursuit. It's too much for her to let me break up. I chased again, and I agreed. And then it was gone.

What about the final exam? Justin Bieber said it well: back, back, back … oh ~ back, back, back, back, oh ~ back, back, back, back.

Baby, I count the stars, your IQ is almost the same, and you count the moon.

The same is a B, NB to the north and SB to the south. The most important thing in life is direction.

"What if I meet a snake in the wild?" "Don't panic, hold up an umbrella with a warm smile and pretend to be Xu Xian."

If you don't want to answer my phone, just say so. Don't always let China Mobile say sorry for you.

Today, my classmate slapped me and asked me, "What does it mean to do it again?" I replied, "Do it again." Then he slapped me again.

I can't afford to get hurt. I really can't afford to get hurt. Three disciples and I carried Tang Sanzang. Conscience has wood, and your conscience is a dog. It's only a short walk from Wan Li.

No matter who you are, whether you are in junior high school or senior high school, we will always be the worst class in the past few years.

I also want to be an elegant lady. It was life that made me a bitch.

I was going to lose weight this year and it turned into lightning, which blinded your eyes. As a result, obesity has become a strong fruit, blocking your sight.

Some people like to take advantage and want to have children as soon as they hear the painless abortion discount.

The biggest lie in this world is: "lend me a napkin", saying it is borrowed, but no one has ever returned it.

When I heard a song by Xu Zhian called "Why Do You Love Others Behind My Back", I couldn't help feeling that Xu Zhian's girlfriend was really strong.

When the soft girl saw the basketball coming, she hid, the rough girl picked it up, the man hit back with his hand, and I kicked it.

There is no stand-up comedy that doesn't hurt your hands, no love that doesn't break up, only detergent.

I want to be a male bastard in thought, a good man in life, a handsome guy in appearance and an Altman in psychology.

In fact, love can be very simple: be a girl for life if you have the ability, and live with me if you don't.

Sanlu said "it's the problem of dairy farmers", dairy farmers said "it's the problem of cows", cows said "it's the problem of grass" and grass said "grass!"

Once I saw my uncle buying vegetables, I blurted out: did you buy two dishes for my uncle? My second uncle said that he was too old to speak to anyone.

People don't love me, and I don't love others. People who love me are committed.

Before I entered your space, I thought about whether to delete the visit record. When I got in, I found I couldn't get in at all.

Rabbits don't eat grass near their nests. This sentence tells us that rabbits don't eat grass beside their nests.

Red beans don't grow in the south, they grow on my face. I really miss them!

I went with the flow and turned myself into a highly educated hooligan.

The little girl selling flowers pulled me and said, big brother, buy flowers. I can tell at a glance that you are a playboy.

Kindness means that I don't eat meat when others are hungry.

People think I'm looking down, but I'm actually looking to see if this dime should be picked up on the ground.

Everything will be fine. All shall be well, jack shall have Jill, but no lover goes home to grow potatoes.

I want to eat, I want to be thin, I want to be thin. I can't have both, so I'll go.

I still have your picture until now. It's okay. Take a look! Then sighed; What a good baby! no

I am unknown in the world, and you turn all beings upside down in the vegetable market.

Yesterday, I went to the city to participate in the pigeon racing, but I went alone.

Talk about it at length.

Several of our best brothers go out to eat AA, but one of them always licks his face and rarely pays the bill. Once he was lovelorn, he invited me to drink alone and asked me what kind of person I wanted to be. I said I want to be like you, and I can eat and drink with us every day without spending much money! ! !

It is said that my left eye is swollen because I am unlucky, so I will be lucky in the new year, right?

When I was shopping with my best friend, a "beauty" suddenly appeared behind me. We all turned around, and the handsome guy shyly lowered his head, gently picked up the white Samoyed around him and muttered, "I didn't listen at all and let you run around."

The foot of my bed is so bright that I am short of money recently. How to spend the Dragon Boat Festival? Just drink rice soup. If you have money, you know my pain. Send a private bag and buy some meat to cook. There is sunshine in front of the window, and I smell zongzi. Touching Baotou means money is tight. Open the refrigerator full of frost and go back to the kitchen. The room is empty.

When I came home for the New Year, I heard my mother say that the daughter of the old lady next door brought her an apple with a blessing printed on it. The old lady put it on the table without paying attention to it. A few days later, she found the words on the apple and was shocked, thinking that the fairy appeared. Then the old ladies in the village lined up to burn incense at her house …

Shopping with my best friend, Lu Yu, a chubby boy of 14 years old, came up with a runny nose and tears and asked, Aunt, have you seen my mother? I lost her. She wears high heels and has long hair. She is a little fat. ……

My brother is slightly anorexic, and my sister-in-law is told to drink less beer every day to appetize. So my sister-in-law often buys beer for my brother. Gradually, I became addicted to alcohol. Sister-in-law scolded her brother angrily: If you drink, I will divorce you! My brother feels that his beer belly is wronged. The weak one said: you got someone pregnant, so you don't want me. People hammer you with their little fists ... If the room is full of people bent over with laughter, this kind of love will show up one day.

My son was taking a bath just now. My son asked me to pass him a towel. I don't want to move So I called my daughter-in-law and no one answered for a long time. Suddenly my son came over and said, "Your daughter-in-law is taking a bath with me."

We talked about the origin of the name together. A small partner said silently: When my dad settled accounts for me, he suddenly forgot my name. In desperation, he gave me one casually on the spot.

My wife fell off the roof and was in hospital. My mother-in-law saw that I was blaming myself, so she comforted me: "She slipped, don't blame yourself too much." I said, "No, it's all my fault. If I hadn't played for three days, she wouldn't have thought of uncovering tiles in the house. " After that, my mother-in-law and I held each other tighter.

Before I went to the barber shop to get my hair done, the proprietress told her son not to use this ointment indiscriminately. More than 300 yuan a box. His son listened and said, I won the Olympic Games! It's so expensive, it's a lie

Beautiful love poems, when those red berries come in spring.

Beautiful love poems, when those red berries come in spring.

1. I live at the head of the Yangtze River and you live at the end of the Yangtze River. I miss you every day and drink a river.

There must be something I have to give up after the leaves fall.

3. One kind of acacia, two places idle. There is no way to eliminate this situation, only frown and mind.

4. Never is the distance, but the decision.

It is better to wait for heaven in hell than to dream in memory.

6. In heaven, I wish I were a wing bird, growing together on the earth, two branches of a tree ... (Song of Eternal Sorrow)

7. Plant a lily in the garden and a song in your heart.

8. The crowd searched for her for thousands of Baidu, and suddenly looking back, the man was already under the dim light.

9. Love is like a butterfly. It goes where it likes and brings it joy.

10. Life can't be changed in an instant, but you try again and again.

1 1. When a cigarette falls in love with a match, it is doomed to be hurt.

12. When those red berries come in spring, they flush on your southern branches. I suggest you collect more as a symbol of our love.

13. Beauty flashes to old age, and first frost goes to autumn. When I get older, I forget more, but I don't forget my lovesickness.

14. If I get a flower every time I think of you, I will wander among the flowers forever.

15. If life is a speeding train, happiness and sadness are two rails.

16. No one is sorry for anyone, only those who don't know how to cherish anyone.

17. Sometimes you must have it in your life, but you can't insist on it all the time.

18. Where there is true love, there are miracles.

19. People are sentimental and thin, but now they are not sentimental. Looking back at heartbroken, tears steal zero!

20. When people are alive, they will always offend some people, depending on whether those people are worthy of offending.

2 1. If I really loved you, I won't forget it.

22. The so-called Iraqis are on the water side.

23. I often wonder if you will suddenly stop and think of me when dusk falls on the street corner.

24. Why can't I lock my heart with love and sadness?

Love you more than yourself: when those red berries come in spring, they blush on your southern branches.

1. Whether you can feel the happiness of two people together again belongs only to you and me.

The furthest distance in the world is not between life and death, but when the exam comes, others are reviewing themselves but previewing.

When those red berries come in spring, they flush on your southern branches. People who want to miss them collect more, and Mix red beans have attracted people's attention.

Race against time to win the final victory.

The biggest sorrow is that you will stop laughing and crying when you grow up.

6. One day I will become so powerful that nothing can disturb my inner peace.

7. Take your posture as a photo of right and wrong, frame your heart, and light some incense when you miss you.

8. I like to see you smile, even if she is the reason.

9. I tried my best to make you pay attention to me, and finally found that I was too self-righteous.

10, you have to love someone who will never give up on you anyway.

1 1, again and again, you and I agreed for a hundred years. Whoever dies at the age of 97 will wait in Naiheqiao for three years.

12, don't care too much. Some people care too much about some things. Let nature take its course and face it with the best attitude.

13, graduated, but boring. The heaviest burden in life is not work.

14, give you a late greeting and an early apology.

15, nonsense, because of dependence. Politeness is because of strangeness. Take the initiative because you care. I don't contact because I feel redundant.