Joke Collection Website - Talk about mood - People criticize me when they listen to me. I shut myself in the dormitory and didn't want to see others, but they were still accusing me. What should I do?

People criticize me when they listen to me. I shut myself in the dormitory and didn't want to see others, but they were still accusing me. What should I do?

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When chatting with others, there is always nothing to say. When others are not interested, they get sleepy. How can I improve my communication skills and endurance?

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A little experience some time ago can just answer this question. I need to go to the dentist and wash my teeth three times for an hour. There was a doctor and a nurse when cleaning up. The doctor hasn't changed, but three nurses have changed. I guess it might be different interns.

When the doctor cleaned my teeth, the nurse kept sucking blood and other things from my mouth through a straw. For an hour, it would be embarrassing not to talk at work, so they kept talking. I can only lie there, doing nothing, and naturally listening to them chat.

The first topic the nurse started was climate warming. At that time, this topic was particularly popular in Australia, and it was said in the media, in the streets and alleys, and there were often parades, so this topic was very safe. The two talked about some common contents about environmental protection, and you came and went, being polite. I'm a little annoyed, because I can hear that neither of them has expressed their true views and has no real enthusiasm for this topic. This is a polite workplace chat.

This is a very safe way to chat, the mainstream topic, to ensure that everyone knows more or less; Hide your true thoughts, answer each other politely, and avoid conflicts and contradictions.

You can do this at work or chat with people you don't know very well, which can enliven the atmosphere, relieve embarrassment, kill time and avoid contradictions.

It is dangerous to pick some private topics or express your views directly. I have made this mistake once, always provoking in-depth topics, and I can't wait to tell the truth about what I often think about. The result is either that others are not interested in this topic at all, or that everyone disagrees. For those who are only interested in work and don't need intimacy, and those who are unfamiliar and completely unknown, safe chatting is a good way to respect boundaries; If you are an unfamiliar person, you can also slowly test the other person's point of view from a safe chat, and gradually understand the other person's thoughts, so as not to have contradictions because of the disagreement between the three views.

It is very important to respect each other's boundaries. With the deepening of understanding and relationship, we gradually enter into in-depth chat. Speaking briefly is a bad and unsafe habit.

That nurse has a good figure management, exquisite makeup at work, responsible work and measured speech. It's quite worry-free to meet such people at work. She is the kind of person who will do her own thing and won't bother others. But there will be a sense of distance.

Some people don't like safe chatting precisely because of this proper restriction and sense of distance. In fact, this is because people can't realize and accept that most people in the world are unfamiliar with themselves. Even if we meet every day, as long as we don't know each other well, we are strangers. If we don't respect each other's boundaries, there will be many differences without this proper sense of boundaries and distance.

There are also some people who attach too much importance to the utility of social interaction, always consciously or unconsciously want to get benefits from people around them and get along well with everyone, so they spend a lot of time chatting safely or catering to others, which will make them very tired and hate safe chatting. Especially the unconscious person, he is not aware of his utilitarian behavior, so he will feel hypocritical in chatting.

In fact, this is not a question of safe chat, but a question of these two cognitive errors.

From another point of view, it is normal and inevitable to accept that most people are strangers and have a sense of distance. It will be more fun to contact and explore unfamiliar people with an open mind and curiosity for safe chat, and it will not consume psychological energy because of hypocrisy, and the expression, expression and language will be more natural.

Have some courtesy chats with strangers first, for example, the weather is really good today; Chatting safely with unfamiliar or unfamiliar people; Are very good and mature social ways.

The second nurse was chubby and put on makeup, but her eyeliner was obviously a little burnt. I had a good impression on her at first, because I was fat and not elegant, and it was easy for people to have a good impression on people like me.

Her first topic was gossip, and the doctor was obviously more interested. She laughed out loud several times, obviously chatting happily. Everyone has a gossip heart. Their relationship should be familiar, because I heard them say a lot about people they know, who got married, where they held the party, what gifts others gave, and fat nurses like to say a few words, and the gifts they gave are worthless. At this time, I was a little disgusted. Plus, fat nurses don't work well, so they often stop talking with straws in their hands. I'm so worried that she forgot to give me a blood transfusion and her mouth is uncomfortable.

Then the fat nurse began to talk about a beautiful female colleague, telling her emotional story, and said that her hair was beautiful and her eyes were beautiful. I am more disgusted. In fact, I can understand her and deliberately say another particularly beautiful woman in front of men. Many girls will have that kind of sour and black mentality. Many girls will do the same, a common green tea behavior. But the doctor responded quickly. He didn't follow suit, but replied, "I didn't pay attention to her appearance." Then the warm conversation suddenly cooled down.

I praised the doctor's wit in my mind. He grasped the degree of conversation well, actively participated in harmless gossip, and stopped decisively when he found out that he crossed the line. Moreover, Australia takes sexual harassment in the workplace very seriously, so we should pay attention to our words and deeds. Doctors obviously know how to protect themselves from inappropriate conversations. If you are not smart enough, it is easy to fall into some traps, whether the other party is intentional or unintentional.

The fat nurse didn't do it well either, either forgetting to suck blood or putting a straw on my lips, which made me nervous until the cleaning was over. So in the end, I don't like her very much I work irresponsibly, speak carelessly and feel gloomy. I also reflected on myself. Although everyone is fat, I can't be like her.

Gossip is an eternal topic. There is also a reason for the psychological mechanism of gossip. Exchange information, get information, increase your understanding of people around you, … increase the information you can refer to when making decisions, thus increasing your own security. It is wrong and unwise to belittle gossip in many social norms.

But in everything, the most important thing is the degree. Malicious gossip has crossed the threshold of information exchange and self-protection and entered the category of slander and collective persecution. Degree is the most difficult to grasp, and often it can only come from one's own improvisation and one's own temporary decision when the conversation takes place, just like that doctor; Different environment, different atmosphere, the degree is also changing at any time. For example, in an environment that doesn't care about sexual harassment in the workplace, women can be evaluated unscrupulously, but they are ridiculed carefully; So no one can accurately and clearly summarize this degree. Everything can only come from your own wisdom, your own understanding of the environment at that time, your grasp of the atmosphere at that time, and your cognition of others' psychology. This is why social regulations are often wrong, because not extreme can not be summed up in a few words, extreme must be excessive and anti-intellectual.

At this time, it is very important to have no dark psychology. Every psychological mechanism of human beings has two sides: for example, competitive psychology, the negative side is jealousy, wanting to be bad to others and venting resentment; The positive side is envy, trying to catch up with or surpass others. On the outside, the dark side is to hold a grudge against beautiful women and wait for opportunities to slander and persecute them; The positive side is to find your own bright spot, carry forward, accept yourself and attract others. When people are not mature enough, in the conversation, the dark heart will spark from time to time, like a fat nurse.

When people realize this problem, they can learn to avoid the appearance of dark psychology in conversation, that is, they can grasp the degree more accurately. But some people hide and hide, and this is the world; Some people choose the positive side by resolving the negative side of psychological mechanism, which is maturity.

Maturity and accidents often look the same on the surface, and both become smart. But when you are mature, you don't need to hide your true self. Naturally, it can be more accurate and easier to grasp. To be sophisticated, you need to spend energy to disguise yourself. You should always pay attention to the dark psychology, and don't let it out accidentally during the conversation. You should think carefully about what you say, and don't accidentally reveal your true thoughts, so chatting will become very tired and boring.

The process of people's continuous maturity is to constantly accept themselves, make correct choices, resolve the dark side of their hearts, and work hard towards the positive side. This will not only make their life better and better, but also make their social interaction easier and easier. We can be more and more true to ourselves, comfortable and happy.

Degree is also reflected in the chat atmosphere, close people can joke with each other, gag and say something that seems excessive; But for those who are not close enough, it is an offense to do the same thing.

Some people want to join when they see others laughing and joking, while others want to squeeze in when they have a small circle. This is why some people want to be lively and talkative. They don't want to be excluded, they always want to be accepted.

In fact, the key to the problem is not whether it is lively and talkative, but whether there is emotional and time accumulation. Some people can forcibly create a sense of familiarity or squeeze in in a short time, but this is often to win over one person, which will inevitably cause resentment and distrust of others in the circle; And it is often done with a strong interest orientation or ulterior motives. Antisocial personalities or serial killers often use this trick.

This is why people tend to be wary and disgusted with people who suddenly and inexplicably get acquainted with their good friends, and feel that their good friends have been robbed, because this forced acquaintance without emotional accumulation and time test has no trust foundation and is dangerous. Of course, when you are the one who is confused and trapped, you don't realize it and often alienate your warning friends.

This familiarity that many people yearn for is actually a means to seek benefits or achieve goals, not a social norm. If there is no specific purpose, there is absolutely no need to use this means. Blindly pursuing liveliness and talkativeness will leave a deep impression on people at the first time, while getting on well with others and being accepted by people will often arouse the resentment of smart people and appear sleek and sophisticated. If there is no ulterior motive, it is really not worth the candle. It is very tiring to please others, keep an interesting conversation and enjoy a good conversation for others to see. It is meaningless to pay a lot and attract the disgust of many smart people.

There is a plot in "Fire Rose". In order to avenge his parents, Irene Wan wants to get close to a business tycoon. She learned that the man likes orchids and deliberately fabricated a lot of knowledge about orchids so that he could pay attention to himself when he had a chance to chat. In fact, the boss has long seen through her tricks and pretended to appreciate them, but everyone takes what they need and uses each other.

This method is also ok, and it is not difficult to be lively and talkative. Know other people's preferences in advance and do what you like.

Or some people cover a wide range, and they can talk about everything and different people. However, it is very tiring to pursue this kind of contact with everyone. Generally speaking, people who meet the three views or have the same hobbies can have a hot chat.

Many people want to be social experts, influenced by larded or backward parents' three views, and are extremely utilitarian, trying to gain various benefits from social interaction. But to succeed, you have to acquiesce that everyone else is a fool, and no one can see your intention. But in fact, this is not the case. Utilitarian socialization is hypocritical and tiring, so many people are caught in an impossible dilemma, and it is not worth the loss to do it intermittently.

In fact, it is enough to accept that everyone has their own circle, friends who grew up together, familiar colleagues and classmates, and everyone has a previous emotional foundation. When facing others, new environment and new circles, as long as you are calm, don't rush into it, and be yourself in no hurry. After a long time, people who are willing to approach us will naturally approach us. It doesn't matter if they don't have the right friends. If there is any interest or important purpose, they will resort to means.

Being able to stay comfortably by yourself is the real foundation of good social interaction. In this way, the whole person is relaxed, not impatient, not flattering, not hypocritical, not oily. This requires you to be strong and mature inside, but only in this way can you win the real favor of others. Otherwise, it is the relationship between use and being used, plastic love.

The dilemma of many people is that they use social means aimlessly, and they are too tired to get real friendship, which is not worth the candle!

Remember: the purpose of playing dirty tricks is always to pursue interests or some ulterior purpose, and the sense of plastic obtained from it is only one of the means to achieve the goal. Always beware of the sense of plastic.

If you just want to have a good circle of friends, get rid of loneliness, get emotional communication, be truly accepted by others, and get sincere help from others, then you need to be more and more mature and stronger inside, and attract real friends through your true self.

Different ways to achieve different results. Many people want to get real friendship through social means, which is to get fish from the wood, so many people have been in trouble for a long time.

The third nurse wore light makeup, and she didn't answer when I greeted her. But I was not angry, because I saw her blush, and I could see that she was a particularly shy and introverted person. Sometimes it is not impolite to not respond to people's warm greetings, but it is particularly embarrassing, that is, I can't open my mouth.

When washing teeth, the nurse also said nothing, and the atmosphere was once very embarrassing. Finally, the doctor couldn't stand it anymore, opened a topic and began to explain the professional knowledge about teeth. The nurse only answered a few times in a voice like a gnat.

I don't know if the doctor sees more patients, so I forget the patient's feelings. While cleaning up, I explained to the nurse how this stone was formed and how to remove it. The first two times, I was busy listening to them talk about something else. This time with the doctor's explanation, I suddenly began to pay attention to the tools he used. I found those tools too sharp, and they were ground, frustrated and scratched in my mouth. Although I don't feel anything after being anesthetized, it's still terrible!

However, I didn't dislike this nurse. Although she is particularly shy and introverted, it doesn't affect her study and work. She did a good job and didn't upset my mouth. She also listened carefully to the doctor's lecture. I also said goodbye to her when I left, and then waited patiently for her to summon up courage and whisper goodbye to me. She is very responsible for her work, has great personality and won't give people a sense of distance. I like her very much. I don't think the doctor hates her because of her personality, but also gives her lectures seriously.

So it's not annoying to be shy and introverted.

Many people will forget that conversation is just a process, not an end. After socializing, there are various purposes, such as effectively transmitting information to complete a project as a team, exchanging feelings and feelings, or controlling others with language to achieve their own goals ... Different purposes require different means and methods.

What is the purpose of people wanting to be lively and talkative?

Many people will be misled into taking the process as an end. For example, being misled must be very social, and then what? What is the great purpose? Different purposes require different social skills and social means. I will talk about this in detail in the next answer.

Do you want to be the leader of Wulin? Still want to climb the position of mayor and governor? Or do you want to win people's hearts and crowd out your opponents?

If it's just to make money, then professional skills are much more important than social skills.

People's personality is innate. Some people are shy and introverted, while others are outgoing and lively. Is it actually lively and talkative? It's natural. Why do you have to transform yourself into a lively and talkative person? what is the purpose?

In this way, if the process is regarded as an end, it is easy to cause confusion and confusion. And because there is no clear purpose, so this process also don't know how to develop.

This nurse, if she studies hard, will become a dentist in the future, and she will earn a lot of money with excellent skills. This introverted and shy personality doesn't matter. You see, the main criterion for me to judge the three nurses is whether they are responsible for their work or not. Although the second nurse is lively and talkative, I don't like her, and she is irresponsible and can't do her job well.

The most important thing for people is to accept themselves, the whole state is true and natural, their hearts are mature and strong, and they have more ability to control the field. Sometimes talking all the time is not the best. You can stay comfortably, you won't be embarrassed without talking, and you can calm others down.

Different purposes have different needs. For example, if you want to be an orator, you need to hone your tone, expression, body language and so on. If you want to attack someone, you must vote in favor of the topic; If you want to make money, it is better to have excellent professional skills; ……

The goal is unclear, and taking the process as the goal often leads to paranoia. I don't know why or how to do it, but it must be like this.

Whether you can chat happily with others without getting bored, another point is curiosity. I also mentioned whether I am curious about others, whether I am curious about the world, and whether I can get pleasure from watching others explore the world. If curiosity has disappeared, it is easy to get bored with others, and it is impossible to observe others' expressions and expressions with great interest, wondering what he will say and why he will say these words. Curiosity can make boring conversations interesting.

Curiosity can also make people constantly observe and think. For example, when I see a dentist and chat with a nurse, what I write is my thinking. In fact, I think too much and say too much. My problem is to learn to shut up. Different people have different troubles.

This kind of observation and thinking can increase people's experience and experience. Watching others chat, you will know how to chat, which is also good for your grasp. Degree is more accurate in your own experience and experience.

This article is some fragments of my thoughts on social interaction. I thought it would be short, but I didn't expect it to take so long. There are still many fragments in my mind. I will write slowly. Because it is a fragment of thinking, there is no system, and all the gossip is a small idea.

What real dry goods truths have you learned in your interpersonal communication? In this article, some short answers written one after another are the supplements of this article.

Edited on 06- 13

Clear snow 06-27

Well written [agreed]. It is absolutely true, and the evaluation is rational and objective. You must be a smart and delicate person?

Zhihu user Zhihu user 07-0 1

It's really good. What is your method of learning this knowledge? Can you share it?

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