Should parents teach older siblings to give way to younger siblings? There were 10,000 tearful replies in the comment area

Text | Editor of First Quarter Moon | Haibao, Leham

A recent debate topic in "Qi Pa Shuo" is:

Should parents ask older brothers and sisters to give way? Younger siblings?

I saw a large number of aggrieved brothers and sisters in the Weibo comment area.

They said:

I am the eldest, and I have been asked to take care of my younger brothers since I was a child. I am so tired of it.

I am a sister. I grew up under the command of "I have to let my brother go". If I didn't let me, I was said to be disobedient and ignorant.

Whenever I hear my sister cry, my parents will scold me without asking the reason.

My brother hit me with a weight until I cried. My mother said, he is still young, so don’t be as knowledgeable as him.

It can be seen that the older brothers and sisters who are asked or even forced to give in to their younger brothers and sisters are very hurt. Even if they are adults, the hurt is still there.

Yes, it’s the first time for everyone, why should I let you do it?

Who is not a baby yet.

The 2-year-old brother needs to be protected, but the 4-year-old sister does not need to be protected.

A 27-year-old reader said that his younger brother is already 21 years old, but his mother is still asking her to let him go.

She asked why, he was already an adult, and just because he was young, the whole family let him go. Who would let him go out?

She was extremely tired of such unreasonable demands.

Someone also asked:

Can I be selfish without hurting others?

I never think that a brother or sister who refuses to give in to his younger siblings is selfish, because they are all independent individuals and have the right to choose whether to give in or not.

Whether it is TV or the media, we have seen too many tragedies about the original family, a large number of which stem from the partiality of parents.

There is an episode of "Youth Talk":

There was a girl named Cui Jing who burst into tears and accused her parents of favoring her 6-year-old sister.

She was crying and talking. It was obvious that she was very sad at such a young age.

She stood on the rooftop and said that her younger sister often deliberately bullied her because of the adults' favor. If there was a little conflict, her younger sister would go to the adults to complain.

Adults often scold my sister for being ignorant.

She cried and begged her father in the audience:

"Dad, can you not just believe what your sister says every time, at least try to believe me once!"

But her father reprimanded her again in front of many teachers and students:

"My sister is so young and ignorant, don't you think you are also ignorant?"

This is the thinking of an eccentric adult in resolving conflicts among children:

As everyone knows, the eldest child in this situation is very hurt. After all, the eldest child is also a minor, and he is at the age when he needs the care and protection of his parents.

Once upon a time, an 11-year-old boy ran away from home in Jiulongpo, Chongqing.

Later, he knocked on other people's doors and asked for shelter.

After being taken to the police station, I found out that after he had a younger brother, his parents didn't care about him very much, and they were no longer as patient as before in tutoring homework.

He wanted to run away from home, but he felt that it was not safe outside, so he wanted to be a child in other people's homes, knocking on doors everywhere and asking for shelter.

A child's heart is so sensitive that he can see it and remember it in his heart even if his parents neglect him.

Even if the eldest son gives up to the second child due to pressure from his parents, he may also hate the second child in his heart.

Lu Xun said:

"Tragedy is to destroy the valuable things in life for others to see."

Every boss who is not seen has something hidden in his heart. With endless sadness.

The arrival of the second child suddenly transferred the favor that originally belonged to the boss to the second child. This kind of neglect directly caused the loss of the boss's inner sense of security.

Coupled with the parents' favoritism towards the second child and the moral kidnapping of the eldest child, it is a naked harm to the eldest child.

If you think that the eldest child was taught by his parents to "let" the second child, which only brings harm to the eldest child, you are totally wrong.

Because it will do a lot of harm to the same old man without any benefit.

If the older brother and sister keep giving in to the younger brother and sister, the favored younger brother and sister will have the wrong idea:

It is natural and right for others to give in to me.

As time goes by, the younger brothers and sisters have become accustomed to others' dedication to themselves and to getting something for nothing, and their characters have become selfish and lazy.

A person who likes to get something for nothing will naturally have no motivation to do anything when he grows up, and it will be difficult for him to succeed in anything he does.

Not long ago, the real-life "Fan Shengmei" incident caused an uproar.

When the 23-year-old Hangzhou girl Luo Luo died unexpectedly, her parents did not show any heartache or sadness, but went to Luo Luo's company to make a fuss.

Her mother even put on exquisite makeup to bargain with Boss Luoluo, and the lion asked for 410,000 yuan in compensation.

What is even more incredible is yet to come.

After digging into her social media, netizens discovered an infuriating fact.

It turns out that Luoluo was often asked for money by his parents. He was once asked for 200,000 to buy a house for his younger brother, and the 410,000 asked for after his death was also given to his younger brother.

In the eyes of his family, the value of Luoluo's existence is to provide for his younger brother who is still young.

Those who cannot get it are always in turmoil, and those who are favored are confident.

My younger brother may not have encouraged his parents to make a big fuss, but he has long been accustomed to not taking responsibility and doing nothing, hiding in the corner and enjoying the pleasure of getting something for nothing.

Therefore, there is nothing he can do about major life events like getting married and buying a house.

It can be said that due to the education required by the parents to "let go", the injured eldest child and the incompetent second child were created. They are all victims and no one is spared.

Some people say:

From ancient times to the present, the traditional virtue of the Chinese nation is to respect the old and love the young. In ancient times, there was a beautiful saying of "Kong Rong gave up the pear".

Yes, but please note that respecting the elderly and caring for the young should be "love" from the heart, and Kong Rong also "let go" willingly when he gave up the pear.

Under what circumstances can a person love and give in to others from the bottom of his heart?

The answer is:

You will only do this when you have abundant love and security in your heart.

Otherwise, brothers and sisters who lack inner security, feel that their parents are partial, and constantly ask to be "given up" are depressed and aggrieved.

And the younger brother or sister who has been given way to him since he was a child may become arrogant. The day no one gives him way, he will feel that the whole world owes him.

As Chen Ming said:

"Many people still feel that they are the world at the age of 18 because of the lack of education and the lack of scientific educational concepts.

Therefore, instead of struggling with whether to give in or not, it is better to teach two children to love each other, teach them to share and care for each other, which is the highest state of family education.

The correct approach for parents is to cultivate a relationship in their children's hearts. A seed of love, from loving yourself to loving others, and then extending to loving everything around you.

Because love is the source of solving all problems.

A loving child has higher empathy, their heart is full, and they love themselves and others.

Only when children learn to love from their parents can they appreciate each other and achieve each other's achievements. This is also the most beautiful form of brotherhood.

END

Illustration | Yuyan