The cruel grandma cut off her family ties, and her granddaughter refused to meet her 28 years later: "You don't know my suffering, so don't persuade me to get married"

Some time ago, I followed a popular TV series "Perfect Relationship".

"Bonnie in the Drama" was born in a patriarchal family and was left to his younger brother from childhood to adulthood.

She can only continue to sacrifice herself to meet the needs of her family.

In order to get rid of her original family, Bonnie came to Shanghai alone to work hard.

In order to increase tuition and living expenses, she worked three jobs by herself. Others rest in the summer. She distributed flyers under the scorching sun.

On her birthday, her mother also asked her to give her brother 100,000 yuan to take an art test.

Bonnie couldn't bear it anymore and broke up with her mother.

After learning this, Bonnie’s friends not only did not comfort her, but also persuaded her to learn to be grateful:

Bonnie’s friends did not come from her perspective, but from their perspective. Morally persuade people to forgive. This kind of kidnapping morality is hard to accept.

In "The Great Gatsby", there is a sentence:

"Every time you want to criticize someone, remember that not everyone in this world has it." One's own superior conditions. "

In this world, there is no sympathy, only warm and cold self-knowledge.

Please don’t comment lightly when you don’t understand others’ experiences.

Not knowing the pain of others and not persuading others to be generous is the most basic respect for people.

01

After watching the mediation program, an 84-year-old grandmother said that since her granddaughter left her when she was 6 years old, the two have not seen each other for 28 years.

She hopes to find the whereabouts of her granddaughter through the project team.

Unexpectedly, when the reporter called her granddaughter, she refused to meet her grandmother.

It turns out that the grandmother’s son died 28 years ago, leaving behind a pension and real estate.

Due to a dispute over inheritance, the grandmother ruthlessly kicked her daughter-in-law and granddaughter out of the house, leaving them to die themselves.

In the past 28 years, mother and daughter have lived together and suffered. Grandma never looked for them.

Today, the granddaughter has a successful career and the old man is getting older. He worried that no one would be able to fend for themselves.

When reporters asked about the past, the old man still pretended to be stupid. He refused to admit that he had made a mistake. He also grew older and sought public sympathy.

The program team also expressed reconciliation and said at the end of the program:

"No matter what conflicts have occurred between you, it has been for many years. The old man's feelings towards you Love is unquestionable. I hope you can treat the elderly with tolerance and peace. "

Hear a sentence:

Not all "sorry" can be replaced with "it doesn't matter."

Time cannot undo all damage. Some hurts last a lifetime and can't be alleviated by just a few words.

Unforgiveness is a choice. Forcing the injured to choose forgiveness is secondary harm to them.

Han Han said:

"If you don’t understand, you will shut up, because you never know other people’s experiences.

If you understand, Then you should shut up."

Don't try to convince someone to forgive if you don't know their past.

If you don’t know my pain, don’t talk me into generosity.

02

A few days ago, the news that "a postdoc from Peking University was discovered after losing contact for 20 years" caused a heated discussion on the Internet.

Wang Yongqiang is a postdoctoral fellow at Peking University. He has lost contact with his family since going abroad in 1999.

The seriously ill mother wanted to see her son before he died and asked the media to help.

Some netizens found Wang Yongqiang’s contact information, and his family called him and left messages abroad.

But he got his uncle to express what he really thought: He wanted (the family) to stop looking for him through the media.

As for whether he would meet his mother, he only answered seven words: It is difficult for Qingguan to share housework.

In the comments on this news, most netizens are wise.

Someone said:

"It should be a sincere dissatisfaction for my own son to make up his mind.

Someone said:

"Housework Labor is only clear to the relevant personnel! Others don't need to say much. "

Each of us has suffered some hurt, maybe the disappointment of a lover, the betrayal of a friend, or the malice of a stranger.

For you, it's just dust from freedom. For others, it can be a pain in the ass. Famous crosstalk actor Yue Yunpeng was troubled by a customer when he miscalculated his beer bill. Although he kept apologizing and promised to compensate for all the consumption that night, the man refused. /p>

Insulted him for three hours

After becoming famous, Yue Yunpeng brought up the matter in an interview and denounced it many times, bluntly stating that he still hated him. Unforgivable.

Some people say that Yue Yunpeng's belly is too small:

"You are all celebrities now, why can't you let the past be more generous? ”

But in fact, everyone has the right not to forgive others.

Don’t understand the truth behind the story, speculate on others, and force others to forgive.

It's not kindness, it's "hypocrisy."

Not convincing people that forgiveness is a sign of true compassion

Involuntarily interfering with another person's choice is a sign of respect and kindness. /p>

03

There is a hot topic on Zhihu: Is Guo Degang’s theory of “persuading people to suffer a heavy blow” meaningful?

A single mother shared her experience? Story:

A few years ago, she found herself with no money and had to borrow money from a relative.

Her sister went abroad to work and borrowed money from her. It was paid off after two years.

Now she was in trouble, and her sister sent her away with the sentence "no money"

Her brother went further, She borrowed tens of thousands of dollars to buy a house that year.

Today, the price has risen from more than 3,000 yuan to more than 10,000 yuan.

But when she was sick and waiting. Her brother didn't even show up when she "saved life-saving money."

She scrambled to overdraw her credit card, eventually racking up the cost of her treatment.

Later, when her sister saw her. When she cured the disease with her own financial resources, she thought she was rich and went home every day, saying that she wanted to send her son to study abroad and wanted to borrow money.

Because of her. My mother died of illness a few years ago, and she lived with her father. The younger brother-in-law would give the child away and ask the father to help take it away.

But the father is over 70 years old, which is not realistic at all, so she can only take care of the children.

She disagreed and her little daughter-in-law came to her father to cause trouble. She drove directly to her young daughter-in-law.

Relatives at home convinced her to be generous and why the whole family was so ugly.

Although she didn't say it clearly, what she was thinking was, you know my experience, why should I be persuaded to be generous?

In this world, there is no love without reason, and there is no hate without reason.

Everyone has their own story. You are not the protagonist. If you're unsure about sugar and bitters, don't mix them randomly.

Writer Cheng Shu said:

"There will always be some people in this world who are tolerant and harsh. They are best at expressing others' opinions and sympathy generously. "

Not all "persuading others to be generous" has great merit.

Self-righteous kindness is just another kind of evil.

Move yourself and hurt others.

▽

In the TV series "Growing Up", there is a line that says:

"Not all mistakes can be forgiven, and not everyone is willing to forgive. You. "

Forgiveness is the kindness of others, and unforgiveness is the responsibility of others.

Those who always persuade others to be generous are just because the pain is not on him.

Don’t be that person who “stands and talks without pain in the back”.

When we don’t understand what’s happening to others, the best option is silence, not persuasion.

I don’t know the pain of others and I don’t persuade others to be tolerant.