When talking to others face to face, it is natural to look elsewhere. How do people do this?

The strategies used by top people in face-to-face communication are usually: Strategy 1: Listen 80% of the time and speak 20% of the time. When ordinary people listen, the following situations often occur: 1. It is easy to interrupt the other party's speech; 2. They make sounds such as "Well..." "Yes..." and so on in recognition of the other party. The best way to listen is to be silent at all, without interrupting the other person's speech, looking at the other person, and waiting until the other person stops speaking before expressing your opinion. The more ideal situation is to let the other person keep talking. The more you keep listening, the more control you have. In the communication process, 20% of the speaking time is spent and 80% of the time is spent asking questions. The simpler the questions you ask, the better, and yes-or-no questions are best. Speak with a comfortable attitude and a gentle tone, which is easier for most people to accept. Strategy 2: Don’t point out the other party’s mistakes during communication, even if the other party is wrong; the purpose of your communication is not to constantly prove that the other party is wrong. In life, we often find that many people continue to prove that they are right during the communication process, but they are very unpopular; communication geniuses believe that things do not matter whether they are right or wrong, only whether they are suitable or not suitable for you. So if you don’t agree with the other person’s ideas, you might as well listen carefully to the real meaning of his words. When you want to express a different opinion, remember not to say: "You are right to say that, but I think..." It is better to say: "I appreciate your opinion, I think it is very good, and at the same time, I have another opinion, what do you think?&uot;&uot;I agree with your point of view, and at the same time...&uot; Keep agreeing with the other person's point of view, and then say&uot;At the same time...&uot;Don't say&uot;But ...&uot;&uot;But...&uot;. Top communicators have a way to enter other people's channels and make others like them, thus gaining trust and expressing opinions that are easily adopted by others. Strategy Three: Top communicators are good at using the three major elements of communication; the three major elements of face-to-face communication between people are words, sounds and body movements; after sixty years of research by behavioral scientists, it has been found that the influence ratio of the three major elements in face-to-face communication It’s 7% words, 38% voice, and 55% body language. When communicating face-to-face with others, most people often emphasize the content of their speech but ignore the importance of voice and body language. In fact, communication is about trying to achieve consistency with the other party and entering other people's channels. That is, your voice and body language should make the other party feel that what you say and what you think are very consistent, otherwise the other party will not receive the correct message. Communication must practice consistency. Learn to get along with different people In life, we often encounter so-called "difficult to get along with" people. Some people are taciturn all day long, and even if you ask for a topic, they will ignore you; some people are aloof and arrogant, and seem to be full of hostility towards you; some people are grumbling and complaining all day long; some people are critical of your work. Picky in every possible way; some people are shallow, boring, and full of low-level taste... If you only get along with these people occasionally, the problem is that sometimes you will be forced to interact, get along, and have sex with them for a long time. In this case Next, your troubles are imaginable. How to deal with these difficult people is indeed an art. To find the cause within yourself, first of all, you must understand whether it is your own problem that causes this kind of trouble, or whether it is caused by your excessive demands on others. You can try interacting with the people around you to see if the person you think is "difficult to get along with" is the same in the eyes of others. If others don't feel this way, then you have to find the reason in yourself or in the relationship between the two of you. Using the Empathy Method For a truly difficult person, you need to learn to put yourself in the other person's shoes and understand their situation, which is called motor empathy. You don't have to argue with him, let alone force him to do something, but calmly ask him why he treats others this way. In this case, even if your purpose is not achieved, it can be alleviated to a certain extent. your relationship.

Of course, the reasons he puts forward may seem very ridiculous to you, and you don’t have to refute him immediately. Instead, try to find some real elements in his words (this must be there). In this way , can further ease the relationship between you and make both parties feel comfortable. Listening and Communicating Of course, doing this is not an easy task. Here, it is recommended that you learn to do something that some psychological experts often do, that is, learn to listen. "Listening" is sometimes more important than hundreds or thousands of "talking". At the same time, you must not use appropriate methods to let him know that you are very uncomfortable with the way he treats you. This method can often soften the hostile mood of a difficult person. If in this case, the other party still does not accept your favor, you can bluntly confess to him that "now" is not the best time to talk, and "after a while" you will need to communicate more, and emphasize that this is You both have to do the work. The purpose of this is to enable both parties to get out of the deadlock gracefully. If you can deal with the right "difficult person" in a tolerant and generous way, then over time, the other person will consciously or unconsciously change his behavior to align with your high level, thus avoiding a lot of unnecessary trouble. . Interpersonal relationships are always two-way. This does not mean that you will not have friends or like-minded collaborators in your life. First of all, this kind of friendship is not absolute, it is not a gangster group, it is not a combination of desperadoes, that is to say, it should not be exclusive. Today we agree and we try to cooperate as much as possible. If we disagree tomorrow, or you suddenly feel that there is some inconvenience in working with me, you can go your own way and never become enemies. On this point, you agree with me, so we can cooperate and help each other, which is of course good; on the other point, you are in a different situation with me and have different perspectives, so you are inconsistent with me. This is also normal. For example, in your experience, you determined that Mr. A has bad qualities and is difficult to get along with, so you chose to distance yourself from Mr. A. Because he or she is weak, because he or she has to bow his or her head under the roof of A, and because he or she wants to beg for A, he or she goes to please A. What should you do? So do you think that he or she has betrayed the friendship with you? So you or she Do you want to break up with him or her? I don’t think it’s necessary. The best way is to be aware of the situation and avoid talking too much about A in your interactions and cooperation with him or her. At the same time, you can recognize that everyone has their own circumstances, ambitions, and methods. , kill pigs and stab each other, each has his own way, shave his head and use awl, teach one by one, eagles have their own ways, snakes have their own ways, why should you force others to be absolutely consistent with your choice? Remember, interpersonal relationships are always the same. It's two-way and mutual. If you ask others to follow you in everything, you have to protect them in everything. If you want others to work for your interests without fear of sacrifice, even temporarily giving up your own interests, then you must be mentally prepared to offend people you don't want to offend for the sake of others' interests. It is best not to ask others to bear obligations for you that you cannot bear; it is best not to ask others to make sacrifices for you if you do not want to make them. Especially some smart but extremely dishonest people are most interested in letting others rush and kill for them, entangle themselves with their opponents without letting go, and hide behind their backs to pretend to be good people. In fact, this is all wishful thinking. In the end, he was still the one who lost his wife and lost his troops. For another example, if you want some people to treat you with respect and respect, can you put others before yourself, endure hardship first and enjoy yourself later? Human relationships are always changeable and uninhibited. Today there is a mixture of honey and oil, but tomorrow there may be cracks; today there is a tacit cooperation, there may be half-heartedness tomorrow. It is gratifying to have a good relationship with others. If there are rifts, confusions, or suspicions, there is no need to feel sad, let alone get angry or angry. You can just laugh it off and treat it as natural. A long tent is built thousands of miles away, and there is no banquet that never ends. It is easy to come and go, and it is the friendship between gentlemen. What we are talking about here is not to engage in cliques. To borrow a word, it means non-alignment. The second lesson is not to take refuge. My attitude is: I respect every leader, but do not seek refuge; I treat every friend well, but do not form cliques. In a society where the rule of man has not yet disappeared, it is self-evident that the relationship with the leader and the impression given to the leader are crucial. But if you go too far in this regard, you will become a servile and flattering person, which is despised by a gentleman. This is first of all an image problem, and the success of a person with a bad image is bound to be restricted by his own image. This is one of them. Secondly, defectors can also bring certain benefits to opportunists, but they also bring huge risks.

The first danger is that you are on the wrong team. The fact that you are not upright and you can successfully take refuge with others means that the person you are taking refuge with is not upright enough or at least not strict enough. Your hope of sharing the glory may also end up being inconsistent with it. the result of loss. All improper interpersonal relationships may be slandered, criticized, impeached, investigated and punished, and punished. A gentleman is magnanimous, but a villain is always worried. This is also one aspect. Your dishonest behavior will inevitably pay a heavy price. Third, you turn to A and he turns to B, so you become A's person and he becomes B's dog. When the powerful person changes from A to B, do you still need to ask what will happen to you? When A falls or retreats, what good can you get from the situation where you have no other skills but to seek refuge? The ending? Fourthly, you have spent all your intellectual energy on forming parties with others for personal gain or seeking refuge in power. Your precious time has been spent on being unworthy, and your psychological endurance has been spent on dealing with these unfair relationships. How much real ability can you still have, and how much health and longevity can you still have when the huge psychological pressure you face has increased? Let us discuss a question: What is the difference between normal respect and goodwill for others and unseemly surrender and wooing? What? The first one here is moral principles. Are all your respect and kindness ethical? The second is the principle of conscience. Even if you are trying to please your boss, your superiors, your subordinates, or your friends, is there anything that makes your conscience uneasy? The third is the principle of legality. If you are kind to someone, is there anything in your kindness that goes against legal norms? The fourth is the principle of openness. You have a good relationship with so-and-so, do you dare to publicly admit that you have a friendly confidant relationship? In other words, are there any ulterior motives in the various details of your interpersonal relationships? The fifth is the principle of dignity. How do you respect and benefit others? Have you maintained the dignity of yourself and others in your interpersonal relationships? Are there any behaviors or language in your relationships with others that are detrimental to your own personality or the personality of others? Finally, there is the principle of not being stubborn in making enemies and not being stubborn in fighting. It is understandable and permissible to strive to have good popularity and win the favor of more people, but it is always possible to turn on others, attack others in front of and behind them, and spread rumors that are detrimental to others. It is not advisable to even write reports and write letters of complaint to incite some people to charge and fight for you. It should be said that it is hateful, obscene and shameful. If you sow melons, you will reap melons, and if you sow beans, you will reap beans. It is common and normal for someone to disagree with you and have different ideas. They may not necessarily be your rivals. If you act in a villainous manner, you will at least act in a leveraged manner. Attitude, if you are aggressive, get angry at every turn, fight for everything, and are nervous, you will only get criticism, disgust, counterattack, disgust, isolation, despair, resentment from others and blame others, which is called leek in June. --Stinky street. Eight Tips for Winning Good Popularity Good popularity is a person's great wealth. With it, your career will go smoothly and your life will go well. But it doesn’t fall from the sky, it requires hard work on your part. 1. Respect others. As the saying goes: "If you sow melons, you will reap melons; if you sow beans, you will reap beans." Applying this simple philosophy to social interactions, it can be said that if you respect others everywhere, the reward you will receive is that others will respect you everywhere. Respecting others is actually Just respect yourself. There is such an interesting story: a child does not know how to take the initiative to say hello to adults when he sees them, and to be friendly and united with his peers, which means he lacks a sense of politeness. In order to correct this shortcoming of his, the clever mother led him to a valley and shouted to the surrounding mountains: "Hello, hello." The valley responded: "Hello, hello." The mother led the child and shouted: "I love you, I love you." Needless to say, the valley also shouted: "I love you, I love you." The child asked his mother in surprise why, and the mother told him: "Those who spit in the sky, spit It will also fall on his face; those who respect others will also respect him. Therefore, no matter whether we meet each other often or thousands of miles apart, we must respect others everywhere." The child vaguely understood this truth. 2. Be willing to help others. Everyone needs care and help. In particular, we should cherish the care and help we get in our own difficulties, regard it as "helping others in times of need", and regard the helpers as true friends and best friends. When he founded Economics, it was when he was at his most economically impoverished that he often made generous donations to help him get out of financial difficulties. Very grateful for this. When "Das Kapital" was published, he wrote a letter to express his heartfelt gratitude: "I only owe it to you for making this possible! Without your spirit of sacrifice for me, I would never have been able to complete those three volumes. A masterpiece.

"The two have been friendly together for 40 years through adversity and hardship. He once praised the friendship of these two revolutionary mentors as "surpassing the most touching friendship story in all ancient legends." Helping others does not necessarily mean material things. Help, a simple gesture or caring words can make others excited for a long time. If you can help people who have hurt you, it will not only show your broad mind, but also help "turn enemies into enemies." "Friends" to create a more relaxed interpersonal environment for yourself. 3. Be grateful. In life, the relationship between people is the most delicate. If you can't feel the kindness or help of others, or treat it indifferently, Therefore, it is possible to have all kinds of resentment. Think about it often: when you feel relaxed at work, maybe someone is carrying the burden for you; when you are enjoying the sweetness given by life, maybe someone is working hard for you... ...We who live in society will always have people who worry about you and think about you. People who enjoy the love rain and dew should not be "madha" and always have a grateful heart, which will make the interpersonal relationship more harmonious. The bonds of friendship will become stronger because of gratitude; the tree of friendship must be nourished by gratitude before it will flourish. Teacher Wang is very popular and has high prestige in the school where he works. When someone asked him why. Teacher Wang said: "The ancients said, 'A drop of kindness should be repaid with a spring.' Although I cannot do this, I always insist on 'throwing a peach and repaying with a plum.' I always think of others. Be grateful to others. "Teacher Wang said the true meaning of being a human being. Because of gratitude, you will become a good colleague, good friend, and good family member. 4. The same frequency *** Zhen said as the saying goes: "Two people have the same heart, and money is worth gold. "One person has a common heart and has no money for needles." "There is also this rule in acoustics, which is called "same frequency vibration", which means that when a sound wave encounters another sound wave of the same frequency, it will emit stronger sound wave oscillation, and when it encounters a sound wave of a different frequency, it will emit stronger sound wave oscillation. Otherwise. If people can take the initiative to find the resonance point and make their "natural frequency" consistent with the "natural frequency" of others, they can enhance friendship, form friends, and create "natural frequencies". "Vibrate with the same frequency." What are the cheering points? For example: other people's correct views and actions, interests and hobbies that are beneficial to physical and mental health, etc., can all become the cheering points and support for you to gain friendship. To this end, you should respond and communicate in order to achieve coordination. When others are prosperous and everything is going smoothly, you should cheer for them and be happy for them; when others encounter difficulties and misfortune, you should put forward the difficulties of others. , treat misfortunes as your own difficulties and misfortunes... These are the proper meaning of "sharing the same frequency". In a certain school, Qin Hong and Su Yi are good friends. They often wear similar clothes. Wear clothes, often go for walks together, often play ball together... It can be said that the two of them are inseparable, eat and live together, maintain a tacit understanding, and support each other; exaggeratedly speaking, the two of them share the same joys and sorrows, "sex on the same frequency" "Vibration". These are not only the appearance of the two being good friends, but also the reasons why the two became good friends. 5. Sincere Praise Lincoln said: "Everyone likes compliments." "The reason why praise is so special is that firstly, the word "beautiful" indicates that the person being praised is extraordinary; secondly, the word "like" indicates the friendly and enthusiastic attitude of the praiser towards others. Human Behaviorist John ? Dewey also said: “The most profound driving force in human nature is the desire to be important and to be praised. "Therefore, you must affirm, praise, and encourage others' achievements and progress. When others have something worthy of praise, you should give sincere praise without hesitation, so as to make people's interactions harmonious and warm. History The cooperation between David and Faraday is a model. Although for a period of time, Faraday's outstanding achievements caused David's jealousy, the friendship between the two is still praised by the world because of Faraday's love for David. Sincerely praise this reason. Before he met David, Faraday wrote to David: "Mr. David, your lecture is so good. I was fascinated by it. I love chemistry and I want to be your teacher..." After receiving the letter, David made an appointment to meet with Faraday. Later, Faraday became the founder of modern electromagnetism and was famous throughout Europe. He could never forget David, saying: "It was he who led me into the gate of the palace of science." !" It can be said that praise is the source of friendship and an ideal glue. It will not only unite old acquaintances and friends more closely, but also connect people who do not know each other. 6. Humorous people People like to associate with people who are witty and humorous, and do not want to associate with people who are always quarreling with others, or who are depressed and boring in speech.

Humor can be said to be a magnet that attracts everyone; it can also be said to be a lubricant that turns trouble into joy, pain into pleasure, and embarrassment into harmony. American writer Mark Twain is witty and humorous. Once he went to a small town, and before leaving, someone told him that the mosquitoes there were particularly bad. When he arrived in that small town, while he was checking in at the hotel, a mosquito hovered right in front of Mark Twain, which embarrassed the clerk. However, Mark Wen said to the staff nonchalantly: "Your mosquitoes are many times smarter than the legend. They will predict my code in advance so that they can visit me at night and have a feast." Everyone couldn't help laughing after hearing this. As a result, Mark Twain slept very soundly that night. It turned out that all the hotel staff went out to drive away mosquitoes to prevent this popular writer from being bitten by "smart mosquitoes". Humor not only enabled Mark Twain to have a sincere friend, but also received "special care" from strangers. 7. Be generous and tolerant. Frequent contact between people will inevitably lead to bumps and bruises. In this case, learning to be generous and tolerant will help you win a green interpersonal environment. You must know that "no one is a saint, and no one can make mistakes." Therefore, don't dwell on other people's mistakes. The road of life will become wider and wider because of generosity and tolerance, but narrow-minded thinking will push yourself into a dead end. In "The Romance of the Three Kingdoms", Zhou Yu is a talented but narrow-minded hero. According to historical records, Zhou Yu is not a petty person, but has a good reputation because of his generosity and tolerance. For example, Soochow veteran Cheng Pu was originally at odds with Zhou Yu and had a very bad relationship. Zhou Yu did not treat Cheng Pu in his own way because he was unfriendly to him, but treated him with tolerance and without prejudice. As time went by, Cheng Pu got to know Zhou Yu's personality and was deeply moved. He realized that being in a relationship with Zhou Yu was like "getting drunk by drinking mellow wine" - just like getting drunk by drinking fine wine. 8. Apologize sincerely Sometimes, if you are not careful, you may break someone else's beloved vase; if you are not considerate, you may misunderstand other people's good intentions; if you say something unintentionally, you may greatly hurt someone else's heart... If you accidentally offend someone If you offend someone else, you should sincerely apologize. This can not only make up for mistakes and resolve conflicts, but also promote psychological communication between the two parties and ease their relationship. Never take an apology as a shame, as this may cost you a friend. British Prime Minister Churchill initially had a bad impression of U.S. President Truman, but he later told Truman that he had underestimated him before, which was an apology in a complimentary way. During the War of Liberation, Marshal Peng Dehuai once wrongly accused General Hong Xuezhi. Later, Peng Dehuai took a pear and said to Hong Xuezhi with a smile: "Come, eat a pear! I apologize (pear)." After that, the two of them laughed together. . Of course, if a person wants to maintain good interpersonal relationships, it is best to minimize his own faults. Zengzi said: I examine myself three times a day. In order to have good popularity, a person should constantly review his own mistakes and improve his personal cultivation. Don't tell people you are smarter and remind them in a nonchalant way. Reminding him of what he doesn’t know is like reminding him of what he has forgotten. The nineteenth-century British writer Sir Charles Deffield once taught his son: "Be smarter than others, but don't tell others that you are smarter than him." Socrates also warned him again and again in Athens. Disciple: "The only thing you know is that you know nothing." No matter what method you use to point out other people's mistakes: a look of contempt, a tone of dissatisfaction, an impatient gesture, it may bring about consequences. Embarrassing consequences. Do you think he will agree with what you pointed out? Absolutely not? Because you denied his wisdom and judgment, attacked his honor and self-esteem, and also hurt his feelings. Not only will he not change his opinion, he will fight back. At this point, even if you bring out all the logic of Plato or Kant, it will not help. Never say anything like this. "Watch! You will know who is right and who is right." This is equivalent to saying: "I will change your mind. I am smarter than you." - This is actually a challenge, before you start to prove it He was already ready to fight the opponent before he made a mistake. Why make it difficult for yourself? I know a young New York lawyer. He recently argued an important case involving a large sum of money and an important legal issue. During the debate, a top judge said to the young lawyer: "The time limit for maritime law prosecution is 6 years, right?" The lawyer was stunned for a moment, looked at the judge, and then said bluntly: "No. President, maritime law There is no time limit for filing a lawsuit.

"The lawyer later told me: "At that time, the court immediately fell silent. It seems that even the temperature has dropped to freezing point. Although I was right and he was wrong; I pointed it out truthfully. But instead of being happy about it, he turned pale and intimidating. Although the law was on my side, I made a huge mistake by publicly pointing out the errors of a man of great repute and knowledge. "This lawyer did make a "mistake that was more correct than others." Why can't he be smarter when pointing out that others are wrong? Remind others in a nonchalant way. Reminding him of what he doesn't know is like reminding him to forget. Yeah. If someone says something that you think is wrong, wouldn't you say this better? "Well, I have another idea, but maybe it's not right. I often get it wrong. If I'm wrong, I'd love to be corrected. "This will have a magical effect. No matter what the occasion, who would object to you saying "I may be wrong"? In fact, that is the scientific approach. Once, I went to interview the famous explorer and scientist Stevenson. He had lived in the Arctic Circle for 11 years, and he told me that he was doing an experiment. I asked him, "Mr. Stevenson, what are you going to prove from this experiment?" I never would. Forget about his answer, he said: "Scientists never set out to prove anything. He only intends to discover the facts. "If the lawyer who made mistakes because he was right understood Stevenson's way of thinking, he would definitely make the judge more tolerant. Many of us are guilty of arbitrariness and prejudice. Many of us are guilty of arbitrariness and prejudice. People have the shortcomings of stubbornness, arrogance and jealousy; they are generally unwilling to change their views on things. Professor Robinson said a revealing words in the book "The Process of Making Decisions": "People sometimes change naturally. his own ideas, but if someone tells him he is wrong, he gets annoyed and becomes even more opinionated. People sometimes form their own ideas without any basis, but if someone disagrees with their ideas, it will make them defend their ideas wholeheartedly. It's not that those thoughts themselves are so precious, but that his self-esteem is threatened... Professor Robinson's "people" are indeed like this, including myself. Not long ago, I asked an interior designer to lay out some curtains for me. When the bill came, I was shocked: the cost was far more than What I expected. A few days later, a friend came to see me and asked about the price of the curtains. After I told him, he said: "What? This is too much! He took advantage of you! How could you do this? Who was deceived? "Did I suffer a loss? Yes, he told the truth. But no one is willing to listen to the truth that denies their own judgment. As a mortal, I began to defend myself. I said: "There are always good products. You can't get high quality stuff at a cheap price when there are good goods at a good price. "The next day another friend came to visit; he praised the curtains, expressed interest, and said he would like to have such curtains in his home if he could afford them; my reaction was completely different. I said: "To be honest, the price is too high and I can't afford it. I regret ordering these curtains. "I even feel proud of my frankness. It can be seen that if the other party handles it skillfully and kindly, we will also admit our mistakes. But if the hard-to-swallow facts are forced into our esophagus, the result It's counterproductive. If you still want to know some knowledge about how to behave, control yourself, and accelerate personality maturity, you might as well read Benjamin Franklin's autobiography. He said in his autobiography: "I make a rule never to oppose it head-on. Don’t let yourself be arbitrary about other people’s opinions. I don't even allow myself to express overly positive opinions in words or language. I never use words like 'of course', 'no doubt' or anything like that, but 'I think'. ‘I assume’ or ‘I imagine’. When someone states something to me that I don't agree with, I will never immediately refute him or point out his mistake; I will answer by saying that under certain conditions and circumstances, his opinion is not wrong, but It seems to be slightly different now. I quickly saw the rewards. Any conversation I participated in became much more harmonious. I express my opinions in a humble manner, which not only makes them easier for others to accept, but also reduces conflicts. When I first did this, I did find it difficult, but over time, I developed a habit. Perhaps, in the past 50 years, no one has heard me say anything too arbitrary again. This habit enables the new bills I submit to gain the attention of my compatriots.

Although I am not good at rhetoric, let alone eloquent, and my choice of words is slow, and I sometimes say the wrong thing, generally speaking, my opinions are widely supported. "Actually, Franklin didn't put forward any new ideas here - it just showed important signs of his mature personality: tolerance, tolerance, and kindness.

Hope it can be helpful to you.