Everyone has a perfect lover. Then how can you be a standard lover? Is there a certain measure?

Some people are always complaining about how bad each other is; There are still some people who always feel the good of each other in their hearts. What is the meaning behind these two completely different attitudes?

People who always complain about each other's bad feelings love a photo of themselves, not the real person in front of them. In the process of growing up, we will always hear many concepts of "what should the ideal object look like", including appearance, language, behavior, attitude, reaction to things, mentality, personality, interests, habits and expectations of life. Accumulated, we have a picture in our hearts: the picture of "Snow White" in men's hearts and the picture of "Prince Charming" in women's hearts. In a word, it is to be perfect. (This kind of "perfection" is often not available in reality, and even if there is, it may not help to build a successful and happy family and life. For example, "whenever I am unhappy, he will immediately put down what he is doing and come to comfort me" or "she always follows me so meekly and listens to me". These are just unrealistic fantasies. )

Then both men and women look around with inner photos, and finally find one who looks like the inner photos, give their hearts to him/her, and finally get married. After going through all kinds of hardships, I found the object that matched the photo, thinking that I would live a happy life in the future. But soon, he/she found that the benefits he saw and promised by the other party did not appear, but the shortcomings he did not notice were revealed. He/she began to complain about each other and always asked them to change. In the love stage, both parties will try their best to please each other, cater to each other's wishes, and make each other more likely to have illusions.

The photos inside will not change, but the color will fade or turn yellow after a long time. However, people are always changing, and every minute is different. Compared with that photo, there are more and more changes, more and more gaps and more complaints.

Another kind of person always feels the other person's goodness in his heart, or at the beginning, he looks for it with that photo in his arms. But when the relationship began to develop, they shifted their attention from photos to each other. They began to pay attention to what they had before, which made them feel satisfied. They will also find something better and more meaningful from each other than photos. In this way, they turned their attention to the photos to each other.

If you have this mentality, even arranged marriages can cultivate feelings of love; On the contrary, even childhood marriages will fail. Always looking for a partner with that photo, it is easy to get divorced from reality, and the result is disappointment again and again. After each time, the enthusiasm in my heart is getting less and less, and I may spend my old age alone or live in a disappointed marriage feebly.

So when you start looking for someone, you may take your inner photos as the standard, but you should know how to let go, especially if you meet someone who makes you very satisfied and feel good. At this time, perhaps we should put the photos aside and think calmly and seriously only on the basis of people's own conditions (not the number of photos): Can those conditions cooperate with ourselves to create a successful and happy life in the long years?

Look at the inner photo from another angle, even if the person inside is a perfect object, ask yourself: if you are not perfect, what qualifications do you have to ask for a perfect object? Also, the perfect object is often "good-looking or not." There is a saying in Guangdong that is apt: "It's too late to meet." This is a very true description. With a perfect person, soon, either you feel unworthy of him/her, or he/she is impatient with you.

Think about your first few questions. Do you think the right in love is inappropriate? Love needs to seek common ground while reserving differences. From now on, carefully examine your love, make appropriate self-adjustment, and stabilize and enhance your feelings!

To understand the right of love, we need to seek common ground while reserving differences, maintain smooth communication, understand each other's needs and feelings in time, make appropriate self-adjustment and work in the relationship, and reach a tacit understanding just around the corner. The harmony of love is not just a desire!