Sorry, the subscriber you dialed is married, please redial in the next life.

Introduction: A liberal arts girl likes a science boy very much. One day, a liberal arts girl felt it was time to confess. The liberal arts girl sent a short message to the science boy: "I think if I don't go to school, I'd rather not come." The science man replied, "Speak Chinese if you don't understand ..." The science girl angrily replied, "Your sister, if I don't come to see you, you don't fucking know to come to see me ..."

1. One day, a mother took her daughter to dinner. The daughter said, "Mommy, Mommy, why do all the waiters and sisters have to wear masks?" "Oh, this is because the boss is afraid that they will steal the food and let them take it." "Hum, no wonder you have to wear a mask every time you brush the toilet, hehe."

2. One day, my sister came home from school and pulled me and said, "Brother, a strange boy followed me all the way to our house. Please help me solve it! " I said, "No problem, watch me!" I told him to leave at once. "As a result, I went out and shouted," You blind guy, have a crush on my sister! "

I just finished eating and walking. I saw a child about seven or eight years old lying on the ground with a runny nose, holding a woman's thigh and crying and saying, "Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I will finish my homework on time next time! Will you stop taking me to the dance? I am an apple now! I beg you! Oh, my God! "

One night, my son and I were sitting on the sofa in the living room watching TV, and my wife was pouring water from a cup. I was just a little thirsty, but I didn't want to move, so I said, "Wife, give me a bottle of coke." My wife brought me a bottle of coke from the refrigerator. At this time, the six-year-old son also shouted, "Mom, I want to drink, too." The wife said impatiently, "Help yourself!" The son paused, and then shouted, "Honey, I want to drink, too."

5. "Dad, how do you spell the word" cake "for moon cakes?" "It's the word" cake "for sugar cake." "How do you write the word" cake "for sugar cakes?" "It's the word" pancake "for pancakes!" "How do you spell pancakes?" "You idiot, I can't teach you by analogy!"

6. A rich boss suddenly misses his old lover and wants to give her a call. Not long after dialing the number, a voice came from the mobile phone: "The subscriber you dialed is power off, please dial again in the next life." Big boss was so angry that he almost vomited blood.

7. The mother taught her soon-to-be-grown daughter, "Choosing a spouse is a lifelong event, so how long will it take?". Look at your father. He can fix everything. He repaired the car, household appliances and faucets himself. Even if the wardrobe is broken, he can fix it himself ... "The daughter nodded. Mother continued: "If you find a husband like your father, you will never need a new one!" " "

8. A well-dressed rich girl got out of a luxury sports car. The aunt sweeping the floor by the roadside kept staring at the rich girl's bag. Rich girl: Have you ever seen a famous brand? My bag says LV! Sweeping Aunt: I have studied Pinyin. Have you seen Donkey?

9. By bus, an 80-year-old grandmother came over with a big bag in her hand. Then a young man offered her his seat. After a minute, the old woman said to the young man, "handsome boy, thank you!" " "The people around were shocked, and the young man reacted for a long time and replied," You're welcome, beauty.

10, the daughter-in-law unit held a "one-day walk" competition, and the one who walked the most in a day won the grand prize. On the day of the game, I was exhausted. I am shaking my daughter-in-law's cell phone anytime and anywhere. Finally, I rocked to more than 80,000 steps and won the first place with confidence. The results were announced the next day, but the daughter-in-law was second, and the first place was actually hundreds of thousands of steps! Afterwards, I asked him how he did it by walking 100 thousand steps a day. This guy said that he tied his cell phone with a thick towel and washed it in the washing machine all day!

1 1. When I was in high school, my academic performance was not very good. What I hate most is exams, especially in Grade Three, where exams are taken almost every day. Everyone is numb to the exam, but I am optimistic. It doesn't matter to comfort yourself after every exam. Everyone is participating.

12, daughter-in-law said salary, commission, bonus, extra money, I said; "I have spare money there," the daughter-in-law said. "The red envelope grabbed on WeChat isn't it?"

13, a liberal arts girl likes a science boy very much. One day, a liberal arts girl felt it was time to confess. The liberal arts girl sent a short message to the science boy: "I think if I don't go to school, I'd rather not come." The science man replied, "Speak Chinese if you don't understand ..." The science girl replied angrily, "Your sister, if I don't go to see you, you won't fucking know to come to see me ..."

14, one day in Chinese class, I drew a pig on a piece of paper with a watercolor pen, and then gently stuck the paper on the back of a girl in front of me. Unexpectedly, she found it in a few minutes. She tore off the paper, looked at me with murderous eyes and said, "Hum, I'll get even with you after class." I was puzzled and asked her, "How did you do it?"

15, I was walking in the street with my friends in the middle of the night. He felt the cold wind, and his throat seemed to be choked, making it difficult to breathe. He said to me, "Did you hit a ghost?" I glanced at him and whispered, "Your sweater is on backwards. . "

16, my wife is pregnant for several months, dragging her belly, and it is quite inconvenient to move. In order to protect the children, the husband resolutely refused to let his wife bend down, so the wife asked, "If I go out and see a hundred dollars in the street, do you think I will bend down and pick it up?" The husband thought for a moment and said, "Don't bend over, but I have an idea!" " ! You step on the money, and then call me and I'll pick it up ~ ~ ~ "

17, Teacher: Students, when you do good deeds in the future, you can say "Please call me Lei Feng" when the person being helped asks your name. Xiaoming: Teacher, my father just gave me a scientific name, called "Lei Feng". The teacher gave Xiao Amin a hard look and sighed helplessly: "Xiao Ming, you were sent by heaven to punish me!" " To be a teacher in the next life, we must first find out whether there is anyone named Xiao Ming in your class! "

18. Not long after I arrived at the hotel, I heard a knock at the door next door, accompanied by a man's curse: I know you are inside. If you open the door, I'll kill you. Knocking on the door and cursing lasted for a long time. I really can't stand it. I shouted in the room: What's that noise? Why don't you kick the door open? "bang!" My door was kicked open? Don't get me wrong, it's really not me. Can you search?

19, one day, I accompanied my son for an injection, and my son was afraid to leave as soon as he arrived at the hospital. So I lied to my son that I was the one who gave the injection. As a result, when the nurse took out the needle, my son said very touching: Don't be afraid of Baba. The nurse smiled and gave it a needle. My son cried out in a hurry, Aunt, it's not my injection, it's my father.

20. I came out of the corridor today and saw a little girl of grade three or four on the first floor tiptoeing to get something. I didn't care at that time, thinking she was opening a milk carton or something. When I got closer, I found that she tore up the contact numbers of the cram school one by one ... I walked out of the corridor and looked back at her. She has moved to another corridor, and her back reveals fatigue and persistence!

2 1, in the third grade, the class teacher directly changed the office location to the corner near the door in the last row of the classroom. It was a chemistry class. Because I learned sodium in the last chemistry class, the chemistry teacher asked, "What is sodium?" Everyone was silent. The chemistry teacher asked loudly again, "What is sodium?" At this time, the cell phone of the head teacher in the back row rang: "That is a magical road." After two seconds of silence, the whole class burst into laughter, and the chemistry teacher was blue in the face.

Make a new friend today. But seeing her former rival in love. She was insulted by her rival in love, but I said loudly in a rage, Nima, it depends on the owner to beat the dog. . . . . All right, forget it. There will be no friends to do it in the future.

Last night, my ex suddenly contacted me and gave me a nickname that only belongs to us. I gasped, is it simply to save the friendship or to renew the frontier? Or do you need to borrow money urgently, or do you want me to hold a wedding reception when you get married? Just as I was thinking, the second message came, "Help my baby to vote, only one vote a day."

24. One day, Xiaoli walked into the bathroom of the company. She took off her ring, washed her hands and left. A few minutes later, Xiaoli found it and ran back to the bathroom to find it, but she couldn't find it. At this time, she met the cleaner and asked anxiously, "Sister, have you seen a ring?" The cleaner stretched out his hands, and almost all ten fingers were wearing rings. He asked, "Which one is yours?"

25. That year's college entrance examination, when taking the math test, lasted almost forty or fifty minutes. Suddenly, a girl behind me started kicking my stool, probably because she wanted me to show her the answer. At this time, a palm-sized ceiling fell right on her desk. There was a loud noise, and everyone in the examination room was startled. The girl buried her head in the answer, and after the exam, she heard her say angrily, "It's terrible. I was cursed as soon as I had the idea of cheating. "

26, watching ghost movies in the living room, scared to death, afraid to watch alone, ran to the bedroom to let my daughter-in-law accompany me to watch, saw the tense lens, put on horror music, and the male ghost came out ... The daughter-in-law calmly said, what's so terrible about this, this male ghost is quite handsome ...

27. In the delivery room of the hospital, the wife said helplessly to her husband, "I'm so sorry! In fact, I know you want a boy, but I gave birth to a girl. " The husband touched his wife's face and comforted her, saying, "Baby, it's all right. This is my second choice.

One day, my daughter told her father that she accidentally fell down on the road yesterday. The father educated his daughter and said, "If you fall, get up again." The daughter asked inexplicably, "Why?" Father said calmly, "Look for money everywhere!"

29. Fat Liu discussed with the director: I have been in this circle for six or seven years. Can you arrange a more weighty role in this upcoming drama? The director said: I have thought about it for a long time. The role assigned to you this time is a thug weighing 200 Jin, which is heavy enough.

30. A subordinate said that the manager is like a pig. Instead of being angry, the manager smiled kindly. All subordinates are outspoken and the manager is open-minded. Until one day, the manager inspected the pig farm and knew what the pig looked like. The next day, he told his subordinates to pack up and get out of here.

Editor's note: A rich boss suddenly misses his old lover and wants to give her a call. Not long after dialing the number, a voice came from the mobile phone: "The subscriber you dialed is married, please dial again in your next life." Big boss was so angry that he almost vomited blood.

Sorry, the subscriber you dialed is married-just kidding.

It turns out that as long as people are separated, people who are familiar with each other will gradually alienate.

Planting grass won't make people lie down. Why don't you plant cactus?

No one has stepped on my head since I turned into shit.

You are shameless!

Don't be lazy with me, I'm too lazy to compete with you.

I haven't been in the Jianghu for a long time, and there are always legends about me in the Jianghu.

Don't ask me again: How have you been recently?

Money is not everything, and sometimes you need a credit card.

Think about the salary, forget it, don't want to live.

Explanation is cover-up, and cover-up is telling stories.

It is better to cook than to mix, not for two, not for soaring.

I never write typos, but I write interchangeable words.

Life is the mouth of Song Like Zude, and you never know who will be unlucky next.

Why do you sleep for a long time before you die? You will fall asleep after death.

Time is for wandering, body is for loving, life is for forgetting, and soul is for singing.

Male registered nurse, if you love your female registered nurse, you should trust her.

Although the bird is small, it really plays all over the sky.

Format yourself just to delete you.

Sorry, the subscriber you dialed is married.

Zhuge Liang never led a soldier before he came out of the mountain. Why should I have work experience?

Dinosaurs that degenerate three times a day are the strongest waste in human history.

Damn, I've never seen anything so archaeological. Can be used as a world heritage.

If Lao Zi doesn't eat your condom now, you can play with others.

The man riding a white horse is not necessarily a prince, he may be a Tang priest; The one with wings is not necessarily an angel, he may be a bird man.

Do you think I'll watch you die? I'll close my eyes!

It's beautiful from a distance, but I want to call the police when I look close.

The intelligence test is to see how stupid you really are.

The most hurtful words always come from the gentlest mouth.

A scholar dies as a confidant, and a woman is a lover of herself.

Sometimes, it's not that the other person doesn't care about you, but that you take the other person too seriously.

Life is about being born and living.

Asking how sad you can be is like a group of eunuchs going to a brothel.

Although I believe in vows of eternal love, I may not believe you.

Even without distance, love is a long-distance race.

The man in the dream wakes up and walks up to him.

Brother is not lonely, but spring; I don't call it loneliness.

It was still very easy to mix in ancient times. Cut it and you can be a civil servant.

I am not the Mona Lisa, and I will not smile at everyone.

Believe it or not, I slapped the wall and couldn't take it off!

According to the pig's aesthetic, I am basically a handsome boy.

Don't tell me you love me. I feel sick after hearing this sentence.

Sorry, the subscriber you dialed is married.

Do you think I'll watch you die? I'll close my eyes!

The intelligence test is to see how stupid you really are.

Life is about being born and living.

Asking how sad you can be is like a group of eunuchs going to a brothel.

Although I believe in vows of eternal love, I may not believe you.

Even without distance, love is a long-distance race.

The man in the dream wakes up and walks up to him.

Piano, chess, painting and calligraphy are not good, and washing and cooking are too tiring.

People don't attack me, I don't attack; If people offend me, comity three points; If people force me again, I'll give you an injection; People still attack me and kill the grass.

A person's life is like taking a shit. Sometimes you have worked hard and all you get is a fart.

If eating more fish can make people smart, then I should at least eat a pair of whales.

If you can't dress the woman you love, please stop your unbuttoning hand.

If beauty is a letter of recommendation, then kindness is a credit card!

Tongue is longer than teeth, and software is longer than hardware.

People who are too rational will definitely miss the opportunity to go astray and miss the beautiful scenery along the way brought by mistakes.

Without hard work, comrades, the revolution will still succeed.

I am not a casual person! But whatever, it is not a person!

I drown my sorrows in wine, but this damn pain learned to swim.

I want to puppy love, but it's too late.

My greatest skill is to use cheap things and expensive effects. Such as camera, microphone, and myself.

If you have not been loved by others, you will cherish those who love you in the future.

Don't look back, I only love your back.

Dissatisfaction is a substitute for vacancy, which makes people have the desire to climb up constantly in comparison.

Success is 3% talent plus 97% not being distracted by the Internet.

Smart women deal with men, stupid women deal with women.

Format yourself just to delete you.

Sorry, the subscriber you dialed is married.

Zhuge Liang never led a soldier before he came out of the mountain. Why should I have work experience?

Dinosaurs that degenerate three times a day are the strongest waste in human history.

Damn, I've never seen anything so archaeological. Can be used as a world heritage.

If Lao Zi doesn't eat your condom now, you can play with others.

The man riding a white horse is not necessarily a prince, he may be a Tang priest; The one with wings is not necessarily an angel, he may be a bird man.

Sorry, the subscriber you dialed is married.

1: Do you think I will watch you die? I'll close my eyes! An intelligence test is to see how stupid you are.

3. Life is about being born and living.

4. How much sorrow can you have, just like a group of eunuchs going to a brothel.

Although I believe in vows of eternal love, I may not believe you.

6. Even if there is no distance, love is a long-distance race.

7: The person in the dream wakes up and goes to find him.

8. The piano, chess, calligraphy and painting are not good, and washing and cooking are too tiring.

9: If people don't commit crimes against me, I won't commit crimes; If people offend me, comity three points; If people force me again, I'll give you an injection; People still attack me and kill the grass.

10: A person's life is like taking a shit. Sometimes you have worked hard, and all you can come up with is a fart.

1 1: If eating more fish can make people smart, then I should eat at least one pair of whales.

12: If you can't dress the woman you love, please stop your unbuttoning hand.

13: If beauty is a letter of recommendation, then kindness is a credit card!

14: Tongue lives longer than teeth, and software lives longer than hardware.

15: People who are too rational will definitely miss the opportunity to go astray and miss the beautiful scenery along the way brought by mistakes.

16: Comrades haven't worked hard yet, and the revolution will still succeed.

17: I am not a casual person! But whatever, it is not a person!

18: I drown my sorrows in wine, but I learned to swim in this damn pain.

19: I want to puppy love, but it's too late.

My greatest skill is to use cheap things and expensive effects. Such as camera, microphone, and myself.

2 1: If you were unloved, you will cherish those who love you in the future.

Don't look back, I only love your back.

23. Dissatisfaction is a substitute for vacancy, which makes people have a constant desire to climb up in comparison.

24: Success is 3% talent plus 97% not being distracted by the Internet.

Smart women deal with men, stupid women deal with women.

26: Format yourself just to delete you.

27: Sorry, the subscriber you dialed is married.

28: Zhuge Liang never led a soldier before he came out of the mountain. Why should I have work experience?

29: The dinosaur that degenerates three times a day is the strongest waste in human history.

Mom, I have never seen anything so archaeological. Can be used as a world heritage.

3 1: If you don't eat your condom now, you can play with others.

32: The man riding a white horse is not necessarily a prince, he may be a Tang priest; The one with wings is not necessarily an angel, he may be a bird man.