Joke Collection Website - Talk about mood - Seek the full text of cucumber king ~
Seek the full text of cucumber king ~
Actually, it existed a long time ago, but we didn't find it until we had breakfast last Easter. I only heard a bang, and I thought something had been knocked over in the kitchen. Mom ran into the kitchen and looked at it. When she came out, she was shaking all over. We …
Oh, I may have to say who we are first. We-grandpa, mom, dad, Martina, Nicky and me.
Grandpa is almost 70 years old. After the last stroke, his legs were stiff and his mouth was crooked. However, his crooked mouth always says rude things, even worse than many people who don't have crooked mouths.
Dad is 40 years old and works as a section chief in an automobile insurance company, but he is only a small section chief. Mom says she can only speak loudly to three people at most in the company. Grandpa said that's why he always shouts at people at home.
Mom is also 40 years old. She looks much younger in appearance. She has blonde hair and weighs only 50 kilograms. Usually she is very happy, but sometimes when she is angry, she will swear and say that she has become our maid and is going out to work, so we have to take care of our own housework.
Martina is in the fifth grade of liberal arts middle school. She is thin and tall, with blonde hair, really blonde. Her eyesight is not very good because a lock of hair hangs down to cover her eyes. He likes Alex, the beagle in his class. Dad said angrily, it's not good. Alex has long hair. Mom said it's okay. After all, Martina is an excellent student in her class. Anyway, no one will get married at the first love. Martina is not a stupid girl among the female students in the class.
Nicky is my brother. I often call him Nick. He studies two equal multiples in primary school. Although I knew this thing three years ago, I still have to learn it. In a math class not long ago, he suddenly stood up, said "goodbye" and left, making the whole class noisy. But instead of going home, he went to the carpenter, Old Huber, and asked him to help him sweep the shavings into a pile. Nick wants to be a carpenter when he grows up. The teacher called her mother and said that Nicky might get 2 points in the exercise class this semester (German-speaking countries, 1 is excellent, 2 is good, 3 and 4 are passed, and 5 is failed).
My name is Wolfgang. I 12 years old. I am in the second grade of Kewen Middle School. Martina said, I'm really ugly. But I don't care at all. Anyway, I can't look what I want, so I didn't wear the orthodontic bracket that I spent fifty shillings on. For me now, rabbit teeth are not the most important issue. I used to be an excellent student, but now Haslinger is our head teacher. He doesn't like me. My math and geography scores were all scored one by one, which was outrageous. I like swimming best. I am a member of the swimming association. The coach said that as long as I work hard, I will definitely become the national junior backstroke champion in two years.
We bought a house with a garden and lived here for three years. Mom said that when dad paid off the loan to buy a house, he would be senile. Therefore, we have to save desperately. Our shoes, trousers and Martina's skirt were all bought by grandpa from his pension. Happily, grandpa doesn't object to wearing fancy clothes, and he never buys pants three sizes bigger than us. Last summer, he bought Martina a bikini with lace. It's too bad. Dad lost his temper. He shouted, "Now my daughter is going out naked!" Grandpa giggled and said, "My son finally has an enlightened idea. "Dad was furious, but he didn't say a word because he didn't want to argue with grandpa in front of us. He went into the kitchen to look for his mother, swearing, but her mother said that every girl has this bikini now.
Our situation ends here. I believe we can start with what happened on Easter day.
At that time, last year, when I had breakfast on Easter Sunday, my mother came out of the kitchen, shaking all over. She was shaking so badly that Martina dropped the egg in the coffee cup in surprise.
Grandpa asked, "Daughter-in-law, what's wrong with you?" Grandpa always calls his mother "daughter-in-law".
Then there was another loud noise, and my father shouted, "Nicky, stop knocking!" " "
Whenever there is a banging or knocking at the door, Dad says, "Nicky, stop knocking!" " "In most cases, he is right, but this time the sound is not from Nicky, but from the kitchen. Nicky cried loudly and said that he didn't do it at all. Martina fished the eggs out of the coffee cup. Her mother kept trembling and murmured, "In the kitchen, in the kitchen …" We all asked, what's in the kitchen? But mom can't talk. Then grandpa stood up and went to the kitchen. Martina, Nick and I followed. I think it may be that the water pipe burst, or there is a mouse behind the gas stove, or there is Okumo, so my mother feels very scared. But it's neither a burst water pipe nor a mouse or a spider. We all waited for a while, and even my father came in after us.
It turned out that something about one and a half meters high was sitting on the kitchen table. If he has no eyes, nose, mouth, arms and legs, everyone will think he is a thick cucumber or a medium-sized flat pumpkin. He wears a gold crown on his head, and the crown teeth are inlaid with rubies. She wore white gloves and red nail polish on her toenails.
The crowned "cucumber" bowed to us, crossed his thin legs and whispered, "We (I) are King Kumioli II, born in the Leiden family on the stairs!"
I can't describe the scene in detail because I didn't pay attention to other people's behavior. That cucumber completely scared me.
I didn't think at that time: this thing doesn't exist at all! I didn't expect: this thing looks strange! I didn't think anything, and my mind went blank. My friend huber Joo said that in this case, "the human brain stops thinking"!
I only remember that my father said "no" three times. The first sound was loud, the second was average, and the third was very low. Dad always said, I said no, just no. But this time he said no, it was useless. The cucumber is still on the kitchen table. He crossed his fingers on his stomach and repeatedly said, "Our name is King Kumioli II, and we were born in the Litton family on the stairs!" "
Grandpa was the first to stop and stare straight for a while. He went to King Kumioli, bowed and said, "Nice to meet you." . My name is Howard, and I am the grandfather of this family! "Kumioli stretched out his right hand forward and stopped under grandpa's nose. Grandpa looked at his gloved hand and wondered what Kumioli was going to do.
Mother said that his hand might be hurt and he needed wet compress. Mom always thinks that anyone needs wet compress, chest compress, or powder.
But Kumioli doesn't need wet compress. His hands are normal. "We (I) are used to kissing hands!" He said, waving his gloved hand under grandpa's nose.
Grandpa said that he would never kiss Kumioli's hand, because he only did it to beautiful ladies. Kumioli is not a beautiful lady.
Kumioli's green cucumber skin was covered with yellow spots. He screamed angrily, "Call us Your Majesty!" " "
Grandpa looked at the cucumber king like someone he didn't like at ordinary times. At this time, King Cucumber stopped waving, pointed to the crown and said, "We (I) were driven out by the troubled subjects, and we (I) temporarily requested asylum!"
Then he added: "We (I) are very tired because of abnormal anxiety!"
Then he yawned, closed his red and round eyes and shook his head, just like when grandpa was about to fall asleep watching TV. At the same time, he murmured: "We (I) should cover the quilt and cushion the pillow!"
Nicky ran into her room and quickly pushed the old rattan toy car back. Martina took out the miscellaneous things that shouldn't be in the car: a piece of hard bread and butter, three batons, a moldy vinegar cucumber and Nick's socks. Thank God, and my student ID card. I searched like a needle for three weeks. I helped King Kumioli because he was asleep. If I don't help him, he will fall off the table. He feels strange, like dough in a plastic bag. I was disgusted, so I managed to put the sleeping Kumioli into the toy car. My mother covered him with a napkin and put the jewel-encrusted crown in the refrigerator. We are not surprised by this. So, how confused we are.
Only Nick is not confused, but he is not surprised. He even said that six lions, an elephant and ten dwarfs lived under his bed. If there are ten dwarfs living under a man's bed, then a Kumioli will definitely not confuse him.
Nick pushed the toy car onto the balcony and sat next to it. The cucumber king sang, "Go to sleep, baby, go to sleep. Your father is an earl. "
King Kumioli II slept all day. He snores calmly and evenly.
Dad called the editorial department of the newspaper he ordered. Because it's Easter, the editorial department doesn't go to work, only the doorman is there. Hearing this, the doorman smiled and said, Dad, let's keep this story until April 1st next year.
Dad roared: "this is too presumptuous, you will pay a huge price for it!" " "
He put down the receiver with a bang, and then said, now he wants to call the editor-in-chief's house, because he would rather talk to his boss often than to his subordinates.
I had to get him a newspaper, and Martina had to check whether there were really two "Ous" in Du Kupr's name, because that was the editor's name.
Later, Dad looked through the phone book and found ten Joseph Du Kupr on it. Next to the name, one says sewing master, one says exporter, one says barber and one says doctor. There are two other people living in Siemering, my father said. It can't be them, because all the people who live in Siemering are inferior. So dad called four other people. Neither of them answered the phone. The third person who answered the phone was a lady. She said that Joseph Du Kupr was her son and went fishing. If he becomes editor-in-chief, he really won't object, but he is just a pianist in a bar. The last one was Du Kupr, who was found by Dad, and he was also at home. Dad told him everything about King Kumioli and asked him to send a reporter and a cameraman as soon as possible, so that he could catch a headline. But the editor-in-chief doesn't trust him as much as the janitor just now. Dad turned pale with anger and suddenly hung up the phone.
"What the hell did you say?" Grandpa asked with a happy smile.
Dad said he couldn't repeat it in front of the children because those words were too obscene. In fact, we all heard it, because the editor-in-chief spoke loudly.
Grandpa pretended to be angry and said that he couldn't believe that an elegant gentleman in an elegant newspaper could say such an indecent thing. But he is not really angry. He just wants to make his father angry, because they are always arguing about the newspaper. Grandpa doesn't like the newspaper that Dad reads. Dad doesn't like the newspaper that grandpa reads.
At this time, my mother wanted to ask my grandfather to read the newspaper, but my father opposed it, and so did my grandfather. Grandpa said that the editor of that newspaper had more important things to write than the cucumber being thrown out.
Mom forgot to barbecue because of panic. She forgot to turn on the switch of the oven. At noon, the pork was still raw. We have to eat sausage bread and overnight potato salad.
Dad has five cameras, and playing with them is his hobby. He bought a new camera and can take color photos in half a minute. Holding this camera, he quietly went to the balcony and took pictures of King Kumioli. He is going to send the editor a photo of King Kumioli. But there is only an empty car and a leg in the photo, but there is no King Kumioli. Dad took it again and again, and the picture was still an empty car. So he brought Lycra camera, Lorai-Flux camera and Japanese camera to shoot crazily. Sometimes with a flash, sometimes without a flash. Sometimes black and white film, sometimes color film, sometimes 9 mm film, sometimes 23 mm film. Then he went into the laundry room to develop the film, dry it and enlarge the photo. But no matter how big he puts it, he can't see the shadow of Kumioli.
In the evening, my father had taken a basket full of photos, with only empty cars and table feet on it. Grandpa said that Kumioli can't take pictures. Mom said that we don't have to call newspapers and TV stations anymore. If a headline doesn't even have a photo, the public won't read it.
chapter two
Kumioli was still sleeping while eating. After dinner, we watched detective movies on TV. The sleeping guests in the toy car made dad dizzy and forgot to forbid us to watch detective films.
The detective on TV is trying to get up from the sewer to chase the thief ... then the toy car on the balcony shakes and the cucumber king wakes up. Nicky pushed him into the living room. Grandpa turned off the TV.
"Where is our (my) crown?" Cried kumioli. We (I) want the crown! "He grabbed his head in horror.
At first, we didn't know where to put the crown, but then it suddenly occurred to Nicky that mom put the crown in the refrigerator in a hurry. Nicky took out the crown, but it was cold. When Martina put the crown on Kumioli, he shouted loudly, so dad quickly heated the crown with a lighter, which made it too hot.
During the cooling of the crown, the cucumber Wang Yizhi shouted, give him the crown at once. Without it, he is finished, unable to think or live. After he sighed for a long time, the crown was finally lukewarm, and the temperature was just right for the head of the cucumber king. Kumioli put on his crown and climbed into the chair where his father sat while watching TV. He crossed his thin legs and put his fingers on his stomach and asked his father, "Is he (you) surprised?" Do you want us to talk about who we are and what we are doing here? "
Dad nodded his head.
Martina asked, "Why does he always say' we'? He is the only one here! "
Dad said your address should be plural, but Martina didn't understand.
Mother explained: "A king is more important than ordinary people, so he said" we "instead of" me ". Call him, not you, but you. He called ordinary people, not you, but him! "
Martina still didn't understand, and neither did I. Grandpa whispered to us, "That's because he is stupid!" " "
Now Martina understands, and so do I.
Kumioli cleared his throat and began to speak. The way he speaks is strange and difficult to understand. Of course, we also asked some questions, so it took a long time. It was not until midnight that everything was made clear.
It turns out that King Kumioli II came from our basement, the basement below. We have two basements. Potatoes, winter pears and jam bottles are stored in the basement upstairs, and Nick's old tricycle is also there. Later, grandpa's toolbox was there. Of course, there is also a door in the basement, and there is a narrow and steep staircase behind the door leading to the lower basement. Dad forbade us to use this staircase. Actually, it's not dangerous at all, just a little wet and slippery. My father came to see this house before buying it. He slipped on the stairs and sprained his ankle. Because he sprained his ankle, he forbade us to go to the basement, otherwise we might find Kumioli there.
In the basement of our house, King Kumioli, his princes, ministers and subjects are still alive. Those subjects don't want to be his subjects anymore. King Cucumber told us that he and the princes and ministers have always been kind, friendly and cordial to their subjects, but they are ungrateful and rebellious. The prince and his ministers fled in horror, leaving only King Kumioli II alone. It is a bad prince who is responsible for the whole rebellion. He is always acting strangely and stirring up discord among his subjects. Now that he is alone, King Kumioli has to seek refuge in our kitchen.
Later, Kumioli also said that he would take him back this week because his subjects could not live without him.
"Why can't subjects live without your majesty?" Grandpa asked.
"Because they know nothing, they are stupid, and every subject should tell us what to do."
"I see," grandpa said, "they are stupid! Then why are they so stupid? "
Kumioli shrugged his shoulders.
"Dear Your Majesty, then let me tell you (you) why your subjects are so stupid!" Grandpa bent down in the chair and shouted.
"Dad, I beg you to stop." Dad cried, "These words are meaningless! Stop harping on the same old tune! "
Mom said grandpa should not get excited about political issues, which is bad for his heart.
Then Kumioli said that all the old houses lived in the basements of cucumber subjects, and they all had a cucumber king. There is even a cucumber emperor who lives in an old palace. But recently, he said, his subjects have become restless and even rebellious.
Grandpa said that this is not a rebellion, but a revolution.
"no!" Kumioli said, "No! They are rebelling! Rebellion! "
"Revolution!" Grandpa said loudly.
"rebellion! Rebellion! " Cried kumioli.
"Shit," dad said, "it's all the same thing anyway."
Martina said: "If a person leads troops to block the Congress, lock up people who don't like him and prohibit newspapers from writing what they want to write, then this is rebellion. If the subjects drive away the king, open parliament and announce elections, everyone can write what they want in the newspaper, then this is revolution! "
Dad asked her where she heard all this nonsense. Martina said, this is not nonsense. If she had known, she wouldn't have got 2 points in the recent history exam, but 1 point. Dad said that if he had the chance, he would talk to his trusted history teacher about his views. Kumioli thinks what he said is right.
In the middle of the night, Kumioli said that he was tired again, but he couldn't sleep alone in his room for fear that his subjects would track him down and find him. He can't sleep in the toy car either, because the car will make a crunching sound, which will wake him up and make him feel scared. He said, "We (I) will sleep in the same bed with one of them (you)!"
"Don't sleep with me!" I cried because I remembered the feeling of cucumber king. I don't like sleeping in the same bed with the same dough.
At this time, dad said that Kumioli could sleep with him. This is already very unusual, but what he said later is even more unusual. He said: "Your Majesty can rest assured in my bed, and I will take care of you (you) when your Majesty sleeps!"
He didn't laugh at all when he said this. I found out that he was not joking with King Cucumber.
Will be interested.
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