Is the child angry with you? This is a good thing to deal with.

When a child loses his temper, parents can make judgments. Does it really matter to me?

A mother found her daughter depressed recently, and went home silently into the bedroom.

At dinner time, the mother called her daughter many times before she slowly walked out of the bedroom.

The mother was a little angry and said a few words to her daughter.

Who knows that the child suddenly got angry and shouted at his mother: Are you bored? I'm not eating!

That night, my daughter, like a pique, resolutely refused to eat.

As an adult, you must have been upset about something, and at this time, a little thing that is unlikely to make you angry at ordinary times may make you furious.

So are the children. And it will be more difficult for children to control their behavior of "taking it out on others" than you.

If the root cause of a child's temper is not you, parents only need to do two things.

First: tell him how you feel, but don't blame him.

If the children are angry with you, you can tell them: I don't like you talking to me like that.

The second point: give him a possibility to speak.

When the child calms down, parents can talk to the child about it again. If the child doesn't want to talk, there is no need to force it.

When parents do this, children will feel that their parents are considerate, more willing to share their troubles with their parents, and more willing to listen to their suggestions.

02

If a child's temper is related to his parents, there are often two reasons.

First, they didn't get what they wanted;

Second, they didn't get the attention they wanted.

When children get angry because they can't get anything, they are actually fighting for their own interests and safeguarding their rights. This is not a bad thing.

Parents can't and shouldn't meet all the needs of their children, but they can't deprive them of the right to express their needs. In this way, children can express what they want with confidence after leaving home. Although they can't meet all the requirements of their children, parents can help them clear their emotions.

I once saw a boy crying while eating ice cream in a shopping mall. His mother said angrily, I bought it for you. Why are you crying? Obviously, the little boy asked for an ice cream at that time, and his mother didn't agree at first. He cried for it and finally got it. But why is he crying? Because when children are overwhelmed by "anger", what they need most is not that thing, but the affection of their parents.

Once my little niece went shopping with us and saw a dress. Her mother refused to buy it because there were already two sets of such clothes.

First of all, she was moping for a long time. When I passed the shop again, I began to cry. I have to buy it. People who accompany me are a little upset, and some even want to buy it for my little niece.

But her mother resolutely refused and said to her little niece, are you sad that I won't buy you this dress? The little niece sobbed and nodded.

Her mother said, then mom will come with you in a minute. Let the other aunts go shopping first, okay? The little niece stopped crying at once and said, no, I'm going shopping, too.

When you refuse to give your child something, he already knows that his expectations may not be met. Continue to lose your temper because you can't get out of frustration for a while.

At this time, they need the help of adults to guide their emotions. The best way to guide emotions is to help children tell the true emotions behind anger-depression, sadness, sadness, feeling unfair and so on.

03

Sometimes children lose their temper because they don't get the attention they want.

After puberty, some parents will find their children more and more "rebellious" and alienated from their children.

Is it really because children are alienated from their parents when they reach puberty? Actually, it is not.

Children and parents have gone through four steps from intimacy to alienation.

Step one: be anxious and start protesting.

For example, if a mother is chatting with others and ignores the child, he will yell at her, Mom, look at me!

When they feel that their intimate relationship is threatened, or that the person who should pay attention to them is not paying attention, children will feel anxious and lose their temper with this person to attract their attention.

If parents always don't respond to their children's needs, children will enter the second step and stick to people.

At this point, children will be more attached to their parents than in the past.

Sometimes, no matter where their parents are, children will follow them and refuse to leave their parents for a moment.

If parents don't respond to their children's needs, they will enter the third step, depression and despair.

At this time, children will become unhappy and have less and less interaction with their parents.

Some children will get angry before despair, deliberately behave badly to attract their parents' attention, and even threaten to run away from home.

If parents don't understand that their children need attention, their relationship will enter the fourth step-alienation.

Children will avoid interacting with their parents, completely shut themselves out of their parents and make friends with people who think they "know" themselves.

After entering this step, the relationship between parents and children has been difficult to recover. This process often takes many years to enter the third or fourth step.

Therefore, when parents find that their children are rebellious and unable to communicate, they have missed the opportunity to take measures in the first step or the second step.

When children lose their temper because they don't get enough attention, parents can reflect on whether they "ignore" their children's emotions and whether they should care more about their children and spend more time with them.