Specialized in treating "almost" - case sharing on how to use measuring stick questions

Sharing on the 650th day of Wang Ailing’s Central Plains Focus Team 15?

Sharing on the 41st day of the Good Mom Learning and Growth Group

The measuring stick question refers to using a scale Tool, use the scale above to represent the child's performance or desired results (any aspect is acceptable), 1 point is a low point, 10 points is a good ideal state, ask the child where he is now, or Ask your child where they would like their future selves to be. Through a ruler, the images and feelings that the child wants to express are clearly expressed. So, since I learned about this tool, I have been using it frequently.

For example, when I asked my children about their study status during this period, they would say "almost", "okay", "so-so", and the children's answers were vague. There will be anger. After learning the measuring stick questions, I would ask: "How much have you mastered mathematics during this period, if you use a measuring stick to score, where would it be?", "Mom, I see that you are actively doing homework every day after school. If you were to rate your own efforts, how would you rate yourself? "Through this kind of evaluation, the child will be able to score quickly. The mother will have a clear understanding of the child's status, and the child will also have a clear understanding of himself. It gives you a clear vision, and it also has an encouraging effect on yourself.

I consulted on a case this morning. (The case has been handled) The client is a junior high school student who studies at home because he is unwell. Today is the third consultation. At the beginning, I used a measuring stick to ask the client to evaluate his current physical condition: "In the past week, you have had the energy to get up and move automatically. If you score according to the level of energy, the most energetic is 10 points, and the lack of energy is 10." It’s 1. What’s your score now? What was your score last week?” The client said that he had a little energy this week and could score 3 when he first came for consultation. I asked, "Why did you give yourself a 3 points? What did you achieve?" The client said that her mother allowed her to do things according to her own ideas and no longer asked her to write papers when she got up. She could play dubbing for a while. , write a diary for a while. I feel like my attention is no longer focused on the high school entrance exam, and I feel much better.

"How would your mother rate you when she saw your current state?" The client thought for a while and said, her mother would rate herself 5 points. Because my mother never feels her own discomfort. Hearing what the client said, I used reframing to try to ask the client: "My mother gave you a 5, maybe because she didn't experience the discomfort caused by the feeling of powerlessness. As the saying goes - whoever hurts knows. Is there any One possibility is that your mother saw your change from 0 points to 3 points, which made her so worried and worried. Is it a relief for her to have these 3 points? , this is the case, she saw that her mother lost her temper this week, her anxiety and nagging became much less frequent, and she no longer urged her to read.

"It seems that you have observed mom's changes very carefully. If you were to rate mom's anxiety level, where is it now? What was the score when mom didn't have any consultation at first?" the client thought. After thinking about it, I said that before my mother came, my anxiety and temper tantrums were very high, almost 10 points. Now after two consultations, it is about 5-6. I would accompany her to chat about her dubbing and watch her draw. My face was always clouded before, and it is still there now, but I can also see when the clouds clear and the mist clears.

I then linked the client's "3-point" improvement in spirit with the mother's "3-4" anxiety reduction, and presented it to the client. "Do you think the decrease in mother's anxiety is related to your mental improvement? What do you think?"

The client said that there should be a connection. Mom is no longer anxious and is allowed to do some things. She feels much better when she does things she likes, and her mother will be very happy when she feels better.

I continued to ask the client, if she could do something, could she improve her mental state by one point? The client said that she needed to learn to express her thoughts to her mother and take better care of herself. I asked curiously: "How can I express my thoughts and improve by 1 point?" The client said that in the past, she didn't want to talk and kept her thoughts in her heart. Her mother didn't know what she was thinking, so she would tell her Ideas are imposed on myself, and I rarely resist. In fact, I feel uncomfortable. Now she feels that her mother is not opposed to her ideas. She can express her ideas without keeping them all in her heart, and she feels lighter and more energetic.

At the end of the day, I made an agreement with the client to try her idea of ??improving by 1 point this week and wait to share it when we meet next week. The client agreed happily.

Looking back at the entire consultation, using measuring stick questions to clearly present the client’s current situation, allowing the client to see his own changes and desired results, as well as the correlation between his mother’s status and himself, it seems that The intricate relationships that were difficult to sort out will become clearer, and you will be able to see more clearly what you need to do.

Therefore, measuring stick questions can make the vague information expressed by the parties clear, and can also make the already clear information concrete. Good mothers who love learning can give it a try when chatting with their children. You will be pleasantly surprised.