Joke Collection Website - Talk about mood - Ten people looked at nine of them and laughed. Tell me about Daquan.

Ten people looked at nine of them and laughed. Tell me about Daquan.

1. See "The food in the canteen can only be fed to pigs, but it is returned to us?" I thought of a sentence. A classmate went to the canteen to cook. After dinner, he asked the chef, "Master, why did you put the rice in the sand?"! ! ! "

2. When I was a sophomore, all the girls in the dormitory liked Emil Wakin Chau's songs, and one tape was borrowed by everyone. One day, the girl in the upper bunk asked: Where is my Emil Wakin Chau? The girl in the lower bunk replied, It's in my bed! There was silence for two seconds, and then everyone fell on the bed.

3. A boy gave a nickname to a girl in his class, called Fat Pig. The girl cried to the teacher, who promised to criticize the boy. The next day, the teacher said in class, "If a boy is too rude, he should give others a nickname, but he can't be called as he likes."

4. A police dog saw an ordinary dog coming on the road and suddenly ran over to ask it: I am a police dog, what are you? The ordinary dog looked at it dismissively and said, idiot, you see clearly, I am plain clothes!

After reading the last patient, the doctor pointed to the name on the next medical record card: Lin Shuangniao, Lin Shuangniao. After several calls, no one came in to see the doctor, and then went on to see the next one. After a long time, a man came in and asked, why isn't it my turn yet? The doctor asked his name. The man said: My name is Lin.

6. Passing by a small shop, the speaker inside shouted strangely: "The boss has run away, and the boss has no intention of operating. All goods as long as 25 yuan. 25 yuan for leather shoes, 25 yuan for luggage, 25 yuan for bedding, all 25 yuan, 25 pieces for the audience. Don't miss it when passing by ... "I stood and listened for a long time, but I didn't want to leave for a long time.

7. Go to eat rice noodles at noon. There are several kinds of rice noodles in the shop, ordinary 4 yuan, crossing the bridge rice noodles 10 yuan ... only a few are talking. Man: "I don't understand why crossing the bridge rice noodles is so expensive." More expensive than ordinary, 6 yuan? "Woman:" I don't know, maybe this 10 yuan includes the toll! " "

8. African black girls travel to Shanghai and stay in hotels. Fire in the middle of the night. The African woman ran out quickly. A fireman was surprised to see it and said, my mother, it's all burnt and running so fast.

9. Wolf cubs have been vegetarian since childhood. Mother wolf and father wolf racked their brains to train him to hunt. Finally, one day, Mother Wolf and Father Wolf were happy to see their son chasing a rabbit. The wolf cub grabbed the rabbit's fierce face and said mercilessly, boy, hand over the carrots.

10. Soon after the ant and the elephant got married, the elephant died. While burying the elephant, the ant wept bitterly: "Dear, why did you leave so early?" I will bury you if I don't do anything else in my life! " "

1 1. One day, animals smelled an unpleasant smell in front of Guan Gong Temple. The snake said: I am too young to fart so smelly. It must be a cow. The cow said: I eat grass, and I won't fart so smelly. The pig said: People who fart will blush. Suddenly, Guan Gong rushed out and drove the pig away, saying, How many times have I told you, I was born blushing.

12. A parrot was taught to speak: "I can walk." Parrot: "I can walk." A: "I can talk." Parrot: "I can talk." A: "I can fly." Parrot: "Don't be ridiculous."

13. In junior high school math class, the teacher talked about equation transformation. He rolled up his sleeves on the podium and shouted, "Attention, students! I'm going to be deformed ... "

14. Taking a bath in Qixian Lake, Bajie was too anxious to see it. Tang priest solemnly shouted to the lake: benefactor, be careful of crocodiles! Seven fairies ran ashore naked. Bajie lamented: the IQ of the leader cannot be surpassed!

15. I went home last night, and the corridor was dark. I was lucky enough to show my abdomen, and that sentence came out loudly: "Let there be light!" " When brushing, all the voice-activated lights in the corridor are turned on, and I feel very awesome in an instant.

16. Today, I saw a sister paper QQ status: "History teachers are the most evil ... They only told us that there was a Renaissance, but they deliberately left out the ordinary Renaissance and the compulsory Renaissance." Quotations from funny Weibo

17. We study by ourselves early in history class, and there are only a few people in the classroom today. Our dear teacher came, took a look and said: something started, nothing left. Everyone paused, and the classroom was empty in an instant.

18. Students interviewed a big company and accepted two people, about fifty or sixty people. The exam question is: let the examiner remember himself in the shortest time. My classmate gave the examiner a mouth without saying a word and turned and ran away. Tell him to go to work the next day. He thought for a long time and gave up.

19. The director and the section chief of * * * take the elevator. After the director farted, he said to the section chief, You farted. The section chief said: I didn't put it there. Soon, the section chief was dismissed. The director said at the meeting: you can't afford to take care of big things. What's the use of asking you

Bees chase butterflies, but butterflies marry snails. The bee doesn't understand: where is he better than me? Butterfly replied: people at least have their own house, unlike you who live in a dormitory.

Ten people, ten words, worth hundreds of billions.

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Never criticize others behind their backs, especially your boss who is ignorant, mean and incompetent. Because of this mentality, you will embark on a bumpy and difficult road to growth. Bill gates

When someone forces you to break through yourself, you should thank him. He is an important person in your life. Maybe you will change because of him. When no one forces you, please force yourself, because the real change is that you want to change. The process of transformation is very painful, but every transformation will have growth surprises. -Warren Buffett

Cleverness is a gift, kindness is a choice. Talent is easy to get, but choice is often difficult. If you are not careful enough, you may be misled by your talents. Once misled, it may endanger the values you choose. Jeff Bezos

I ask myself a question every day: Is what I am doing the most important thing I can do? Only when I get a positive answer will I feel comfortable and feel that my energy and things have not been wasted. Mark Zuckerberg

If you want to live an ordinary life, you will encounter ordinary setbacks. If you want to live the best life, you will encounter the strongest harm. The world is fair. If you want the best, it will definitely hurt you the most. If you can break through, you are the winner. If you can't do it, be an ordinary person. -Li Ka-shing

As long as there is a dream in this world, as long as you study hard all the time, no matter what you look like, no matter whether you are rich or not, whether it is this way or that, you will have a chance. —— Ma Yun

Don't always think that your company is big. In fact, if you look at a specific business, you have no advantage over any other company, so you must restrain this mentality and be as flexible as a small company in order to succeed. -Ma Hua Teng.

The only thing in the world that you can get for nothing is poverty, and the only thing that you can make out of nothing is a dream. Although the world is cruel, there will always be a way as long as you are willing to go. -Liu

I think that only self-revolution can achieve phoenix nirvana; Only when we break all the pots and pans will we become strong again. -Lei Jun

After the fight, it is straightforward. There are many reasons to hit the nail on the head. Do as you say. It is better to play than to waste time. -Xu Jiayin

Legend: Ten people read and nine people understand.

1, people suffer because they pursue the wrong things.

It's not so much that others make you suffer, but that your self-cultivation is not enough.

If you don't give yourself trouble, others will never give you trouble. Because of my heart, I can't let go.

4. Discipline yourself and leave others alone.

5, don't forgive all beings, don't forgive all beings, it is bitter for yourself.

6. Don't say that others are pitiful, you are even more pitiful. What about your own practice? What do you know about life?

7. People who have insufficient blessings often hear right and wrong; Those who have enough blessings have never heard of right or wrong.

8. You should always thank all beings who have given you adversity.

9. You should always forgive all beings, no matter how bad they are, even if they have hurt you, you must let go to get real happiness.

10, the world is inherently painful, without exception.

1 1. When you are happy, you should think that this happiness is not eternal. When you are in pain, you should think that this pain is not eternal.

12. Only by knowing yourself, surrendering yourself and changing yourself can we change others.

13, don't waste your life, you will regret it.

14, put it down and there will be no trouble.

15, every kind of trauma is a kind of maturity.

16, it's not pitiful when you know you're confused, and it's most pitiful when you don't know you're confused.

17, arrogant people can be saved, but people with inferiority can't be saved.

18, don't always be dissatisfied with others, but always review yourself. If you are dissatisfied with others, it is yourself who suffers.

19, you should tolerate people who have different opinions with you, so that life will be better. If you keep trying to change him, you will be miserable. Learn how to put up with him. You must learn how to tolerate him.

To admit one's greatness is to admit one's ignorance.

2 1. If a person can't forgive others from the heart, he will never feel at ease.

22. People who are full of their own opinions and ideas will never hear other people's voices.

23. It takes only one sentence to destroy a person, but a thousand words to cultivate a person. Please have mercy.

24, when you give advice to others, if you don't care about others' self-esteem, then no matter how good it is, it is useless.

Don't confuse arrogance with your wisdom. Don't let your modesty lack wisdom.

26. There is no need to look back. Who is cursing you? If a mad dog bites you, do you have to get down and bite back?

27. Being jealous of others won't add any benefits to yourself. Envy of others does not reduce their achievements.

28. Never waste a minute thinking about people you don't like.

29, how many people want to leave this world, will say the same sentence, this world is really helpless and desolate!

Love is not charity, you can't just give it to others. Feelings have no formula, no principle and no reason to follow. But people are still insisting and pursuing until they die.

3 1, please express your dissatisfaction and grievances with sympathy and gentleness, and others will accept it easily.

32. People who create opportunities are brave. He who waits for an opportunity is a fool.

33, can say can't do, is not true wisdom.

34. Listen carefully to what others say, and don't express your opinions in a hurry.

Why did you put the poison in the same bottle? The same psychology, why are you full of troubles?

36. If you can't get it, we will always think that he is beautiful, because you know too little about him and have no time to get along with him. One day, when you know it better, you will find that it is not as beautiful as you think.

37. The world is only stable, not perfect.

38. Being alive for one day is a blessing, so we should cherish it. When I cried that I had no shoes to wear, I found that someone had no feet.

39. Pay more attention to others, and you will pay less attention to yourself. You got it? 40. If you want to know the sword robbery in the world, you can only listen to the midnight sound of Tumen. Don't just blame yourself for being ill, but look at how many sentient beings have died by your sword.

Legend has it that ten people have read it and nine people understand it.