Talk about hacking others. Talk about hacking friends.

Quotes from black friends

1. When a stewardess meets a tall, handsome and rich man, the probability is higher, because the stewardess herself has a pleasant appearance and graceful manners. In addition to these appearance advantages, stewardesses are better at applying flattering makeup, and being attracted to the DaKaHui website is also a very important factor. No matter how affectionate your eyebrows are, red lips and white teeth, even if you are reluctant to spend money on cosmetics, it will be in vain. How do stewardesses spend money? You know the airport duty-free shop? If you learn a little, you can also conquer tall, handsome and rich people.

2 Drunkards applied for jobs at a wine company and tasted more than a dozen types of wine. The drunkards all told the year and alcohol content of the wine, which shocked the examiners. The manager winked at the female secretary, who took a glass of urine and handed it to her. After tasting it, the drunkard said: Female, 23 years old, two months pregnant! Suddenly the whole place was silent. The drunkard thought he had failed in applying for the job and said angrily: If you don't give me this job, I will tell the father of the child! Several leaders present said in unison: "You are admitted!

3. "You are not allowed to come over! "She said seriously. He nodded and said nothing. She was worried: "Go further! He laughed and said, "Can I close my eyes?" "Then turn around and close your eyes." He turned around and said helplessly: "We have been together for so long, why are you so shy? Look at you, you don't have much flesh." " "snort! "She ignored him, then pouted and stepped on the scale in front of the street pharmacy.

4. In fact, the rumors from relatives and neighbors are really scary. My relatives asked me when I came back from school. Do medical students have to sleep with dead people? I said, "No, there are only two corpses for the entire age. Who can sleep with them? The school is very protective of these things. If the teacher doesn't take you to class or you have to study." It’s very difficult to get in.” I explained it so clearly, but a few days later I heard my neighbor say, “XXX’s daughter is so amazing, she’s a medical student, and she’s slept with dead people.”

50 years of masturbation and tears Mang Mang, his left hand is busy, his right hand is busy, looking at the bed, thinking about his hometown. He is as rich and handsome as a wolf, his face is as white as frost, and he is wiping his semen and heavy makeup on his face. He is in a hurry, holding up his pants and taking off his clothes. Bed. The smoke rises from the ground, the clear spring flows, I sigh, how can I forget~~

6. Regarding the Xue Manzi incident, the mainstream media is fierce and righteous, but the direction of the criticism remains to be seen. Discuss - He is an American, and it is Obama who should be devastated by this incident. At least Locke should come out and apologize to the Chinese people. How did a good Chinese become like this after becoming an American citizen? Such patriotic material to fight against American imperialism is in vain? It’s wasteful and heartbreaking.

7. 1) Don’t hit your subordinates. Taking your salary does not mean betraying your personality. 2) Don’t let your family members come to the company all the time, especially those with beautiful wives. 3. ) Deal with the estrangement with your colleagues in a timely manner, and don’t accumulate too much resentment and end up without realizing it. 4) Speak politely to the person who is fired, and everyone will leave. Say that this is not good, that is not good, this is not good, and you will pay for it with your life. Not good. 5) Never do bad things with your subordinates

8. Watching this trial is basically like watching "24", "Desperate Housewives", "Friends", "House of Cards", "Game of Thrones", "Negotiation", "Criminal Minds", "The Vampire Diaries", "Gossip Girl", "Lost", "Homeland"...American TV series are all weak, okay?

9 As a college student, you don’t want to start school yet. What kind of qualities do you have? Isn’t there someone you like on campus?

10. My dad slapped me when I said I wouldn’t go to class in the afternoon. He came over and said, "If you don't go to class, you will have no future. How many times do you want me to say this?" I covered my face and said, "This afternoon is history class." He slapped me again: "No need for history class!" "I finally couldn't help but punch him back: "But I am a Chinese teacher! ”

11. God is fair and has given you a super MAN appearance, a loud voice, strong muscles, a tall figure, a powerful personality, and countless cute girls around you, but Your gender is: Female.

12. Lu Xun: When a soldier dies, the first thing the flies notice are his flaws and scars. The warriors are more heroic, but the warriors are dead and no longer come to fight them off.

So the flies began to chirp more and more, thinking that they were immortal sounds, because their perfection was far superior to the warriors. Indeed, no one has ever discovered the shortcomings and wounds of flies.

13. I happened to pass by a mother and son in the park downstairs. The son was playing with a remote control racing car and kept asking his mother to help him look at the racing box. My mother was finally amused by him and said: Oh, don’t worry, no one will steal your toy. As soon as she finished speaking, I picked up the box and ran, teaching this mother a vivid lesson.

14. When Lu Xun was a child, he often had to get up early to buy medicine for his sick father. Once after buying medicine, he rushed to the private school and class had already begun. When the teacher saw that he was late, he criticized him: "Teenage students are still sleeping in." After hearing this, Lu Xun silently returned to his seat without making any excuses, took out a knife and carved " The word "grass".

15. The head of the Huashan Sect was meditating with his eyes closed. Suddenly, seven disciples rushed in from outside: "Master, Master! This is incredible! Senior Brother and Junior Sister...are in the back mountain. The grove... committed suicide... hanged himself!" "Oh... evil disciples...", the leader sighed, "Let them go..." The seven disciples who came to report looked at each other and silently retreated. The next day, the leader found nine corpses in the back mountain.

(The head asked the disciple to go with his senior brothers and sisters~)

16. Little Rabbit pestered his father and asked: "Where do I come from?" At first, Father Rabbit patiently explained: "You picked it from under the mushroom." Later, he got annoyed and couldn't help scolding: "Baby, you came out on my day, go and play!" After hearing this, the little rabbit burst into tears and ran frantically to a nearby tree stump. His head was bruised and bloody. Dad Rabbit panicked, hugged him and said, "My kid, are you crazy?" Little Rabbit forced out a smile and said, "Japanese goods." (Cherish life, be reasonable and patriotic)

17. Xue Manzi met the eminent monk when he was climbing the mountain at six o'clock. The eminent monk saw that he was worried, pointed to the huge gourd and ladle floating in the tank and asked, "How can I keep it from floating on the water?" Xue Manzi pressed one end of the ladle, and the other end floated. He got up and had no choice but to give up; the eminent monk smiled slightly and grabbed the gourd scoop. Xue suddenly realized: Are you saying that only by being separated from the environment can we not follow the waves? The eminent monk smashed the gourd into his face: I mean you will be arrested sooner or later for prostitution!

On the 18th, a diaosi asked a beautiful English-speaking girl to have dinner. In order not to reveal her identity, she talked about the European debt crisis, sometimes including English words. The beautiful woman really admired him! After leaving, he received a message from a beautiful woman: "Wall, Eyes, Knees", but he looked through all the code books and couldn't find the answer, so he replied: "You are so funny"...and then tragedy happened! Diaosi’s wisdom is weak, but she sheds tears

19. When I was walking at night, I heard two old men chatting. A: Have you ever heard of Xue Manzi? B: Is it from "Xue Gang's Rebellion against the Tang Dynasty"? Xue Gang killed the prince and defected to Xiliao Manzi, known as Xue Manzi. A: Nonsense, Xue Manzi is a big V on the internet. B: Two sisters who play tennis. Serena and her sister? A: Not a tennis player, but a prostitute. B: Is the woman still a prostitute? Oh, I remembered that there was a female student who had sex with a male teacher, and the man even filed a lawsuit asking for money.

20. "Stop squeezing!" A girl on the subway shouted to me. I was afraid that others would misunderstand that I wanted to take advantage of the crowd, so I quickly explained: "It's rush hour now, and there are so many people." There are so many, so squeezing is inevitable. "Don't squeeze the pimples on my face, then?"

21. Cai Se was drinking with her dormitory friend Li Zi, and got drunk. Revealed: "I have the habit of sleeping naked." Li Zi smiled and said smoothly: "I know, and you always sleep well." After saying this, both of them were stunned. Cai Se stared at Li Zi's smiling face and said slowly: "...Have I found the reason why my back hurts every day?...

22. Uncle Gao hates Xue Manzi the most, because Aunt Gao is His biggest fan. He is also 60 years old and also surfs the Internet. Not only has he achieved nothing in his career, but no one has retweeted the posts he has worked so hard to write. He is often called stupid when he writes comments. This is why he was caught for soliciting prostitution. The happiest thing in the world is always to stimulate my wife.

But Aunt Gao didn't care at all, and retorted: I can still go whoring at the age of 60, but you can still urinate vertically and obscenely at the age of 60, how dare you laugh at me?

23. - Nephew, if you publish some independent-minded posts, you will soon become a prostitute