Women don't go back to their husband's house for the New Year. Man: Go back to your home to find your mother. Fair enough. What's left after fairness?

Between husband and wife, which two words are most afraid of?

Fair.

Because once everything is fair, two people will be less emotional and involved.

A reader once submitted that she and her husband had agreed to send the children in the morning and pick them up in the evening. Two people think this is the fairest, and no one will suffer.

Once, a woman had a high fever in the morning and was unable to move. She asked the man to send the child. Then the man said, "Are you dead? If you're not dead, you can deliver it yourself. That's fair. You are sick, I will help you, and there is no way to be fair. "

Reading Claire Mcfall's The Ferry Man, there is a view that love exists because of necessity.

I need you, so you will be by my side. If a man only tells you fairness when you need it most, not feelings, then this marriage is too cool thin.

Every Chinese New Year, many couples will quarrel about who to go back to for Chinese New Year. I go back to my husband's house for the New Year every year, and then I go back to my mother's house for the New Year on the second day. My husband and I hardly ever quarreled over this matter.

There are three reasons:

China's "tradition" of Chinese New Year.

It is not popular for my daughter to go home for the New Year. Almost all married daughters go back to their parents' homes for the New Year on the second day. If it is New Year's Day, there will be a lot of bad public opinion around.

Even if you don't care about your family, people around you will guess and even say, "Where is a daughter going back to her parents' home for the New Year? When she gets married, she will live in your husband's house. Going back to my family for the New Year is not afraid of my nephew, and my brother-in-law is not happy. "

Because of this "tradition", my parents don't want me to go back to my parents' home for the New Year. In their minds, it is normal for a daughter to return to her parents' home on the second day of the second day.

In that case, I certainly don't need to upset my family. I have to run back to my parents' house for the Spring Festival.

And I can't go back to my parents' home for the New Year, and the corresponding "tradition" is my husband's side. All my sons, daughters-in-law and children need to go back to their hometown for the New Year. They will worship their ancestors together, post Spring Festival couplets together, have dinner together, and form a team to celebrate the New Year.

If I refuse to go home with my husband for the New Year, he will become the focus of discussion in their extended family: "Are you having trouble with your daughter-in-law and getting divorced?" How timid you are that your daughter-in-law won't go home with you during the Spring Festival. "

My family doesn't want me to go home for the New Year, and my husband's family urgently needs me to go home for the New Year. In this case, of course, I will choose to go back to my husband's house for the New Year, and then go back to my mother's house on the second day.

Out of mutual need.

He needs me to go home with him for the New Year and give his parents a definition of reunion. And I also need him to go back to my parents' home with me to realize the definition of reunion in my parents' hearts.

Every year when I go home for the Spring Festival with my husband, I try to be amiable, respect his parents, be friendly to his brothers and sisters, and be full of joy for his nephews and nieces. I did it out of love for him and out of need for him.

I am good to his family, and he can be good to mine.

After all, he went back to my parents' house with me the next day, and he would not be happy if he went to my parents with anger.

I make a scene in his house, and he makes a scene in mine. The Chinese New Year was originally a festive day, but it made both families unhappy.

Neither of us is stupid, but for the sake of harmony between the two families, we have reached some kind of tacit understanding. During the Chinese New Year, I accompanied him home and gave him and his parents enough dignity. He will give me and my parents enough dignity when I go back to my mother's house on the second day of my junior high school.

When my husband comes back to my home for the New Year, he will help his parents pinch jiaozi, take the children to play, and even take the initiative to wash the dishes after dinner.

Because of this mutual need, we have been married for seven years and have never quarreled about who to go back to for the New Year.

Two families need the opportunity of Spring Festival to connect their feelings.

Why should I write this article today?

It started with a quarrel between a friend of mine and her husband during the Spring Festival. A woman doesn't want to go back to her husband's house for the New Year. She gave many reasons, because she didn't get along well with her mother-in-law, and she didn't get the corresponding respect when she went back to her mother-in-law's house. She said: "As long as I go back to his home for the New Year, I feel like an outsider. Since they treat me as an outsider, why should I go back to his house for the New Year? "

Because she doesn't want to go back to her husband's house for the New Year, and men are eager to go back to their own home for the New Year. Parents will be laughed at because their son doesn't go home for the New Year. The two men quarreled from buying train tickets until the next year.

Women are determined not to go home with men for the New Year, and men seem to be desperate. He said to the woman, "If you don't come back to my husband's house for the Spring Festival with me, I won't go to your mother's house again. You don't think my parents exist. I think your parents are dead. In the new year, let's go back to every family and find every mother. This is fair. "

The man chose to go back to his hometown in his early years, leaving the woman alone in the field. He told the woman that he wouldn't come back until he started working. In the future, neither of them should go back to their hometown for the New Year.

The girl cried and said to me, do you want a divorce? Is this marriage unnecessary?

But even if you divorce, what can you change? Can you guarantee to get along well with your second-married in-laws? Can you guarantee that your second married husband will accept that you will not go back to your husband's house for the New Year?

Not everyone is papi sauce, and not everyone can get married for many years without meeting their in-laws. For some people, marriage is really just a matter of two people, but for most people, marriage is a matter of two families. On traditional festivals like Chinese New Year, both your parents and his parents need you to go home and have a harmonious reunion.

If so, he needs you to go back to his in-laws' house, and you need him to go back to your parents' house. You need each other, so you might as well accommodate and understand each other.

At this time, the woman will say, what if going back to her mother-in-law is not good for her? Can we just swallow it?

Of course not.

In fact, the third reason why my husband and I went back to my husband's house for the New Year was to contact feelings. Usually I am very busy at work, and I don't fight back several times a year. It's not bad to get along with my in-laws during the Spring Festival.

If she treats you badly, she will make you work and boss you around. Then you know that she is such a person, and you know that such a mother-in-law is not worth getting along with. My mother-in-law and I used to run in this respect.

In fact, everyone is testing each other's bottom line. When she finds some of your bottom lines untouchable, she will hide. After all, she is also looking forward to your coming home for the New Year.

But if your in-laws don't want you to go home with men for the New Year, and you are considerate of men, men not only fail to protect you, but also don't know how to be grateful. Then, as men say, it's only fair to go home and find your own mother.

But between husband and wife, what I fear most is this fairness.

Because of this fairness, it means that each other begins to gradually withdraw from each other's lives.

This is the crux of the end of many marriages. When there are problems in marriage, all we think about is how to stay away from it, not how to solve it.

Men only care about themselves and don't consider their wives when dealing with this matter. Either you come home with me or you don't come home with me. I won't go home with you.

He didn't solve the problem, but pushed it away for revenge.

When problems arise, once he makes such a reaction, he will push the marriage to a Jedi. Marriage became a matter between them, and the feelings of the two families were completely separated from them. Coupled with some radical remarks, it is natural for women to want a divorce.

In fact, do men really want a divorce? Not exactly.

But in this case, women can easily get divorced. In marriage, many men can't handle family conflicts at all. Because they don't think they should run a marriage from beginning to end.

Women don't want to go back to their in-laws for the New Year. Have men ever thought about what this is for? Have you ever considered her from her point of view?

What a man should do most is to find the real reason why a woman doesn't want to go back to her husband's house for the New Year. If the contradiction is completely irreconcilable, it is not bad to go back to each family to find each mother. However, the premise is that this kind of advice is put forward in a friendly way to protect your small family.

Just like papi sauce and husband, they both agree that the family's non-participation will not affect their feelings.

If you make such a suggestion, it is for revenge, in order to completely sever this connection between the two families. A woman is no longer the daughter-in-law of your parents, and you are no longer the son-in-law of her parents.

Then this suggestion is negative and is made in the direction of divorce.

As for women, in fact, as long as they get married, they have to face these troubles. We also need to learn how to manage marriage. No one can guarantee that he will get a good hand in the next game.

I have been married for seven years, and the deepest feeling about marriage is that playing hardball will only make two people more miserable. We can't live according to our wishes in marriage, and we can't find absolute fairness in marriage.

When the new year comes, we should not quarrel one after another, but understand each other. Really, sometimes, we can think from each other's point of view, which is the greatest maintenance of marriage.