Inspirational talk about poisoned chicken soup: running a red light: either faster than others 1 minute; Or faster than others 1 generation.

1, running a red light has two consequences: either faster than others 1 minute; Or faster than others 1 lifetime.

Choosing a boss is the same as choosing a wife. It will definitely be a hundred thousand miles away from your original imagination.

It is not uncommon for people to encounter sex and love in this life. What is rare is the opportunity to make a fortune.

4. I didn't like eating when I was a child, which led to my short stature now; I love eating now, which makes me fat and short.

The present underground parking lot is designed like a maze. After looking for it for a long time, I found that I didn't have a car at all.

6, the real warrior, dare to face up to his identity card, dare to take selfies, and dare not apply sunscreen on a hot day.

7. When cooking for the first time, I asked my dad how it tasted. He touched his mouth and said, "This salt is not bad, and it has a faint smell of eggs."

8. Today, I farted on the bus. The first four people turned to look at me. I feel that I have participated in the good voice of China.

9. Using my roommate's mobile phone to search for things, I saw such a thing in the search history-how to rape my roommate? Suddenly I was so scared that I was blue in the face!

10, you know? Cold can make people young. The 70-year-old uncle Wang next door went out tonight to feel the effect, as cold as a grandson.

It's better to tease than to talk about others.

It's better to tease than to talk about others.

1, the Chinese teacher said that if you love someone, you don't buy them water after class, don't send messages, and don't come out to sing, chat and eat at weekends. You just want to be an excellent person. There may be others who love her in the future. All you have to do is compare others. You should be excellent, better than others. Believe that the future is not only unknown, but love can also change reality.

Teacher, was it windy where you lived last night? Students, report to the teacher! There is no wind! Teacher, please! Then write the words correctly! Don't let me see your homework, just because there was a typhoon!

One day, a phone call came from the police station, and the person opposite the phone called for help, and then the phone was suddenly cut off. The police stopped when they called again, so the police charged 30 yuan in a hurry. When they called again, the man sighed and said, "It's all right."

4. I went shopping with my first love today and bumped into my wife. When I didn't know how to explain it, my wife said, what a coincidence to go shopping with your girlfriend. At this time, my first love leaned on me and said, yes, your husband is not with you. The wife said, "My husband went to walk the dog.

I was late for school. The teacher asked me why I was late. So I said something that shocked the whole class, because I saw a sign in front of me on my way to school, which said, please slow down in front of the school, so I was late.

6. Xiao Shen, a female colleague, called her friend and the phone was connected. The other end of the phone asked, "Who are you?" Shen replied, I am Shen! Angry replied, aunt, who are you? I am still your uncle! Then hang up.

7. Woman A, is there anything that deserves your happiness recently? Woman B, there was one yesterday! Woman A, what's the matter? Female B, my cousin is lovelorn! Woman A, how can you gloat when someone is lovelorn? Female B, I have never had a boyfriend, so we are equal!

8, giving up, is also a choice, gain and loss, why suffer from loss; Giving up is not cowardice, inferiority or self-abandonment, but a rational choice made after learning from painful experiences. Some pains become a habit if you endure them for a long time. If you don't want to talk about them, there is no need to talk about them.

9, I, Lao Qi, tell you something! Recently, a female colleague in the company took a fancy to me and always looked at me when eating. Come on, old seven, people are losing weight!

10, a buddy went to college as a soldier and returned to school to continue his studies two years later. He was used to running in the school playground at night. A few days later, a mysterious girl appeared and volunteered to run with his buddies. Wave after wave, GC came, and I can tell you whether this product dumped other girls several times to show its excellent military accomplishment and then gave it back to us in an ostentatious manner. Brother, your parents can't help you if you hold it like this.

1 1. If you want to get ahead in front of others, you must suffer in front of others. The reason why a noble person can become a noble person is that he can suffer the sufferings that ordinary people can't eat, endure the anger that ordinary people can't bear, and take the road that ordinary people don't want to take. Only in this way can he become a noble man. If everything is the same as ordinary people, how can we distinguish it?

12, with ex-boyfriend for one year. My ex-boyfriend broke up with me three months ago and married my former best friend. My best friend is four months pregnant now. They sent me an invitation the other day, asking me to attend their wedding. I bought a fake six-month pregnant belly on a treasure, then put on maternity clothes and went.

13, a friend asked, why does a lazy sheep have to have a lump of shit on its head? Me, why do you think it's a piece of shit, not ice cream? Friend, because I eat less ice cream! I stay, don't you eat more shit?

14, the professor and the farmer bet. The professor said, "If I ask a question and you don't know it, give me five dollars." You give me a question, I don't know, how about giving you 500? Farmers agree. Professor, how far is the moon from the earth? The farmer handed the professor five yuan. The farmer asked, what animal is going up the mountain with three legs and down the mountain with four legs? The professor tried to find a solution, but lost 500 pounds. The farmer received the money, and the professor asked, what animal is it? The farmer handed the professor five yuan and fell asleep.

15, male colleague Xiao Wu and a beautiful and plump female colleague are arguing about their age. Xiao Wu, what year are you from? I am definitely older than you! Female colleague, you say, when will you? I am definitely older than you! Xiao Wu, I must be older than you! At this time, another male colleague smiled maliciously, looked at the beautiful and plump female colleague, turned around and asked Xiao Wu, you said, where are you from?

16, once that passionate night, countless beautiful women knocked at the door and looked at me shyly: brother! ! Can you come out! I beg you, I can't hold it any longer! Me: If you don't try to cheat me, I won't go out. There is no room in the train carriage.

17, when I was in college, a political teacher called the roll. I happened to meet a classmate named Wei Wu. Unfortunately, one day he happened to be absent from school. The teacher waited for a while, but when no one answered, he had to smile and say, "Today is meticulous." .

18, two days ago, my friend said she was getting married. Send me a message. Yes, how can Nima reply and pretend not to see it? Today, he suddenly gave me a red envelope. My hands are cheap, a dime! Then he asked me to attend the wedding. Cao Cao! Full of routines!

19, I took my son back to my hometown to help my mother collect hawthorn. When I collected it, I thought my son was idle, so I asked him to pick up the overturned hawthorn, and don't pick it up if it was trampled. The sons immediately became interested and stepped on it one by one. .....

20. Defendant, do you admit the crime? Yes, Mr. Judge, my wife said that as long as I went to prison once, she would agree to divorce.

2 1. One day, a girl fell asleep leaning against me, which was really amazing. We are all standing. She actually slept for more than two hours, so I held her in my arms. When she woke up, she asked me, where is this? I replied, "This is a dream.

22. Yesterday, I went to the barber shop for a haircut. A man took his son to get a haircut. Children aged 5 or 6 refused. They are too noisy to cut. His father said that if the mouth is crooked, they can't pick up girls. It was quiet in an instant.

23. My wife has a lot of breast milk after giving birth, and she needs to suck it every time she raises milk. Once, after I went to donate blood, the nurse gave me a bottle of milk, and I drew a sentence in my mind, "No, my wife has milk."

24. Colleague A, when going down the stairs yesterday, suddenly sneezed violently! Sit on the stairs! Colleague b smiled, this is the principle of jet take-off! Colleague c corrected and said, this is obviously the principle of squid escape! The jet sneezes on its ass!

25. A businessman has two sons. The old businessman is dying. Call two sons. Each of them was given a blunt axe to chop wood. Give more money to whoever cuts it in an hour. The boss went out with an axe. The second child grinds at home with an axe. Finally, it grinds quickly. . . . . . . . . . . . Then put the knife rest around the neck of the old businessman. Where is the old money?

26. Female, have you ever said that everything about me is beautiful in your eyes, including my shortcomings? Of course it's a man! For example, your two dimples are a kind of flawed beauty!

27. I went to play with my classmates. As soon as I entered the school gate, I saw the name of a building. I asked my classmates, the name of your school is so strange, and there are public buildings. The students are surprised at what public buildings. Look at that. . . Going forward, it turned out to be an office building.

28. Colleague: Why do you always fantasize about winning the lottery but never buy it? I lit a cigarette, took a deep breath and replied, because I don't want my only dream of getting rich to be broken.

29. When I first got engaged to my wife, I went to her house for dinner. When I aimed at a big piece of my favorite braised pork clip, I bumped into my father-in-law's chopsticks. That's embarrassing. Fortunately, my father-in-law is quick to clear the gap, and I gave you my daughter. Leave me this piece of meat!

30. Once, a girl was on a business trip and suddenly she was in a hurry. She went to the door of a toilet and asked a man at the door of the toilet, is this a ladies' room? The man replied, I don't know, I haven't been in!

3 1, I always have the habit of soaking my feet. I heard that salt can kill bacteria, so I put two spoonfuls tonight. After soaking, I took the basin to pour water. On the way, I suddenly wondered if I had enough salt. So I put the basin down and naturally put it in my mouth and tasted it. Well, it's salty, just right.

32. The child asked his father, "Dad, why do I always feel that I am more stupid than others?" His father sighed and said, "Oh, I'm sorry, Dad. Dad was very playful when he was young. He threw you five times and caught you four times. Kid. . .

33. My son told him, "Dad, I want to be a rich second generation. The friend was stunned first, and then smiled and said to his son, "This is easy to handle. When you grow up, give me all the money you earn, and you will be a rich second generation! "!

34. I teased my nephew and said, "Your parents picked you up. I saw it with my own eyes, right under the overpass where I took you yesterday. My nephew said slowly, "There is one thing you may not know. Grandma gave birth to my father that year.

35. My roommate bought a bag of apples and said to us, "Let's have an apple each. I brought a bag of grapes back and said to everyone, "Let's each take a grape. ".

36. There is a girl who often curses at school. The teacher in charge of the final exam commented on the child: the student has quick thinking and strong language expression ability!

37. A chef in the hospital was ill and was admitted to the hospital. The nurse gave him an injection that day. When the cook saw that it was a needle, he felt very painful and called the nurse to change a small needle. I took a big needle on purpose. Last time you served me meat and vegetables with a small spoon, I was afraid that people would say that I gave you an injection with a small needle on purpose to get back at you! The nurse said loudly.

38. My husband has a pair of double eyelids, and my daughter has a pair of beautiful double eyelids just like him. When washing her face at night, her daughter said unhappily, "Dad blames you for giving me a pair of double eyelids. I can't wash it clean, and I always hide dust! " !

39. Today, the coach was smoking, and then a female student said to the coach, Stop smoking, it will make you impotent. The coach immediately threw the cigarette on the ground, stamped a few feet and scolded, it turned out to be your fault! How about you, coach?

40, a man and a girlfriend showdown, woman, give me a reason to break up. Man, we are not suitable. Woman, what's wrong? Men and women are not suitable!

4 1. Xiao Qiang had a little argument with the waiter while eating in the restaurant. Xiao Qiang was so angry that he made a dash for the door, but the waiter was so unreasonable that he chased him out. Scold while chasing, why don't you put the door down for me!

42. I have a little hamster in the dormitory and have been feeding it melon seeds. Everyone who has raised hamsters knows that hamsters like to hide all the melon seeds. One day, the wood powder in its cage was changed and all the survivors were thrown away. After the hamster went in, it tossed and turned and found nothing. Finally, he stared at me in confusion. The roommate looked at it piteously and said, "This child is like being stolen."

43. Where are the three major problems of women in love? With who? When will you go back? Why is she angry about the three major problems of men in love? Why is she angry again? Why is she still angry?

44. Walking home with my husband at night, suddenly he farted. I was just about to talk about him. He suddenly pulled me up and ran. Run and shout, hurry up, follow the south wind, and don't let it catch up with us!

45. Before the high school Chinese mock exam came out, I heard that the highest score in this exam was 139 (full score 150). At that time, I yelled, MD, is it human? The exam is so high. The paper was handed down and found to be my own ~!

46. It suddenly rained in the middle of the night last night, and it was still thundering. There is a lot of noise. My four-year-old son woke up from a beautiful dream and I thought he would be afraid. Don't want him to sigh, get up slowly, calmly look at the heavy rain outside the window, accompanied by rumbling thunder, and suddenly pose in a cool posture under the irradiation of lightning. Passion cries, armor warriors transform!

47. Don't go to the aquarium with children who grew up by the sea. When you point to the glass of the submarine corridor and say, wow, look at this, look at that, wow, it's so cute! They will only say, this one is too fishy, it needs to be marinated for a while, and that one tastes best when baked.

48. The heart is as empty as ever, and the dream is as far away as ever; Day, the rain spilled my thoughts, slowly, it soaked the dust; Lights, who lit them in the distance, shadows, who lengthened loneliness? On the night of the full moon, how many people have been hurt by emotions, caring for each other in silence, and how many words are hidden in their hearts. Don't be afraid to do something wrong. Even if you are wrong, you don't have to be sad. There are right and wrong in life, and there are many things. In retrospect, right or wrong doesn't matter.

49. In KFC, two girls met. Girl A, I heard that you just opened a jewelry store! Girl B, you are so well informed! It just opened last week. Girl A, do you sell gold or silver? Girl B, I sell silver. . . Everyone in the shop looked askance. .

50. My sister is looking for someone, and my mother suggests that you find someone one or two years older than you who knows how to take care of you. Grandpa said beside him, "Find a big one!" Whoever dies first will stop in the future!

Disappointment and sadness, say either none or all, now or never.

1. Save enough disappointment and leave. You can't save enough despair. ?

The world has never felt the same way, only knowing it well.

3. Laugh generously and hide from crying when crying, which is very cool. One of the greatest braveness in life is to keep trust and love after being cheated and hurt.

If one day, I don't bother you and I don't love you anymore, will you be disappointed? Will you be sad? If I disappear into your life, will you wake up in the middle of the night and miss me?

Time doesn't really help us solve any problems, it just makes the problems we couldn't figure out before unimportant.

6. The person who returns in seconds should be very gentle, because he loves you and he doesn't want to keep you waiting for too long. ?

7. If it's just friendship, be friends if you can, and don't be too greedy.

8. Actually, we just want to find someone who gets along well, is comfortable together, misses being apart for a long time, is quiet for a long time, and will regret giving up immediately after quarreling. Although no one really likes to be friends, they just love it too much, whether for life or strangers. ?

9. After separation, I am fine now, and I am not in love, but I have become a better self. In the past, just because I was too young, all the joys and sorrows seemed so profound, and it was earth-shattering at the touch. Now I am no longer angry about a trivial matter, and I am no longer angry about some little people.

10. None, all, now or never. From now on, I don't want anything but what I have. ?

1 1. I was fine before. I think little, go to bed early and like to laugh. And somehow, I suddenly lived a sloppy life.

12. It's easy to make up, but it's too difficult at first. It's better to go our separate ways than to suspect each other. I will laugh generously and walk generously.

13. Psychologically speaking, a good impression on a person lasts at most 4 months. Once it is more than 4 months, it is love.

14. Don't wait until you are thirsty, and don't wait until you lose it to know how to cherish it. Love is like this, friendship is like this.

15. It's always windy in this city, and lonely people always come home late. May everyone who walks alone at night be strong enough.

The most incisive classic says: be cruel, endure or get out.

1, there are two things lying on the glass in the world: a gecko and a class teacher.

2, the three principles of life: either hard, or endure, or roll.

I don't know when I became the most annoying person in my mouth.

4. The more you grow up, the more cautious, the more cautious and fragile you are. Growth takes away not only time, but also the courage that is not afraid of losing.

5. Every day, "I am as thin as him!" And "damn, this is delicious!" Wandering around.

6, the so-called holiday, the family suspects that there is no money to go out, and every day is particularly idle.

7. I just want to say "Call me when you go" to this classmate who likes to base his happiness on the pain of others.

8. Every New Year, there are always one or two elders who like to bring out your unforgettable past to make everyone happy.

9. How dare you curse me for eating instant noodles without seasoning? I curse you for eating instant noodles with seasoning.

10, "Why does the holiday feel so short?" "Because there is no morning during the holiday."

1 1. I've always heard people say how cool it is to open a room. Finally, one day I couldn't help it. . It's really cool to sleep alone in such a big bed!

12, there are three treasures in the lie: everlasting, everlasting, love till old; There are three treasures in Korean dramas: car accidents, cancer and incurable diseases.

13, don't always complain that God is unfair to you. In fact, God doesn't know who you are.

14. Being serious means losing, and being serious all the time means winning.

15, if swimming can lose weight, how can whales become so fat?

16, people who can see through you are trustworthy: the sadness behind your smile, the love hidden in your anger, and the reason for your silence.

17, "I want the dog to bite you" "Will you?" "I can't bear the dog!"

18, I don't envy her being more beautiful than me, I don't envy her being richer than me, what I envy is having you by her side.

19, men hate women's doubts most, often because they guess too accurately.

20. You must remember these two points in your life: don't make a decision when you are angry, and don't make a promise when you are happy.

2 1, I wish I were a boy again, because a broken knee is always easier to repair than a broken heart.

22. Why do people make the same mistake? There may be only one reason: the former one doesn't hurt enough.

23. People are simple when they are young and complicated when they grow up; Poverty is simple, and breadth is complex; Simple when down and out, complicated when in power; Gentleman is simple, villain is complex; Simply look at yourself and look at others in a complicated way. The world is actually very simple, but people's hearts are very complicated. In fact, people's hearts are simple, but the distribution of benefits is very complicated. People are happy when they are simple, but few people are happy; Complex times are painful, but painful people are bustling.

24. After the meal, the man pays the bill as a couple, the woman pays the bill as a couple, the classmate grabs the bill, and the brother doesn't want to pay the bill.

25, suddenly thought of a very serious academic question, who set 60 points as a pass.

26. Maturity means that you ignore me and I won't say much. If you satirize me, I will laugh it off. If you love me, I will love you more.

27, men are not qualified to shout spicy! Try on your bra! Try sticking your hair around your neck! Try putting on sanitary napkins!

28. You can forget the past, but you must let go.