Every sentence is funny, and I laugh my head off.

1. The poor monk came from the eastern land of Datang and made a special trip to the Western Heaven to worship Buddha and find relatives.

Give you some sunshine, and you will be brilliant. Give you some charcoal and you can make a bomb.

No matter how many times you turn around, your ass is still behind you.

4. If people don't be mean, I won't be mean. If people are mean, I will be more mean.

5. There are not many ladies in the world, but many pretenders.

6. Don't give up, never leave this life; If you don't like it, die.

Give me a pillow and I can sleep for a century.

8. When I have money, I will take the person I hate the most to the best mental hospital!

9. Raise your head 45 degrees just to stop your nose, and lower your head 45 degrees just to wipe your nose so that others can't see it.

10, the girl who looks at the sky is very lonely, and the boy who looks at the sky is looking for UFOs!

1 1, as long as you live better than me, I can't stand it.

12, found a QB on the roadside.

13, no one can take your place in my heart, because you have no place in my heart at all.

14, a person with no knowledge and education like me can only be the boss's wife in the future!

15, don't steam steamed bread for breath, even if there is no QQ coin.

16, I talk shocking, I'm a little crazy. You can call me Lei Feng.

17, angered me, I ate the map, this is called swallowing mountains and rivers.

18, fish can't live without water, and people can't live without boats. If you don't pay, people will get into the water and fish will get on board.

19, once I smiled back and fascinated the teacher.

20. Do you have any good cows? Tell them to have fun.

2 1, there is a kind of happiness, I entered your blacklist.

22. The biggest pain in life is that I experienced a super storm, not only didn't see the rainbow, but also caught a cold.

23, the youth of pulling eggs, there are many people pulling eggs. Hey, that's looking, I'm talking about you.

24. Miyoshi students. Our goal, our efforts: eat well, play well and sleep well.

After a night of deliberation, I decided to be thin or die.

26. I am really a playboy. Just after the winter vacation, I think about the summer vacation.

Life is like a pressure cooker. I know myself well when I'm under too much pressure.

28. Teacher, all you know is to threaten me with "informing my parents". What a hero!

29. As long as you are thin, everything is omnipotent. If you are fat, nothing is useful.

30. As soon as I turned around, you were behind me, and I cried.

Humorous, telling jokes, my girlfriend also laughed.

Humorous, talk about the selection of paragraphs 1:

I have been with the male ticket for so long. I went to his house for the first time today and saw her sister in a wheelchair. Out of curiosity, I asked her: How did your leg break? His sister said happily, when I was young, my parents didn't have time to take care of us at work. My brother takes care of me because I am too naughty and always run around. My brother broke my leg for my safety. My brother loves me most! I really feel that the male ticket is too caring for people ~ I am not wrong about him!

Second, it is said that leg hair and kidney are good. I touched my leg hair with satisfaction! Why does a girl need such a good kidney?

Third, what is really terrible is not casting pearls before swine, but a group of cows casting pearls before swine for you.

Fourth, the child came to his mother crying, and the mother asked: What's the matter, baby? Child: Dad accidentally hit his finger with a hammer. Mom: Then why are you crying? Child: Because I just laughed.

After several days and nights of breathing by 20 million people in Beijing, the air quality in Beijing has finally improved. The new spirit of Beijing was born: the fog of virtue, unremitting self-improvement, striving for strength, and creating a gray yellow again! Facts have proved once again that fog is more expensive to suck!

6. My back itched a little at night, so I said to my wife, scratch my back! My wife put her hand on my back and stopped. I said, why don't you catch it? ? Then, I heard: move yourself! Fuck! !

Make money sporadic light rain, spend money goose feather heavy snow. Eyes full of beautiful things, pockets empty. Bite your teeth, stamp your feet, cover your wallet and run. I wish my friends a smooth career, rolling financial resources, endless money and hand cramps.

Eight, today Thursday, Xiaodong went to the exam, got 44, went home to watch TV, saw F4, fell in love with Doumyouji Tsukasa, came to Shaolin Temple, and was beaten by his elders halfway!

Nine, Xiaoling thought: this is easy to handle, just open another hole and let the water flow out. So he made another hole in his sole with scissors. If the water in the rain boots accumulates more and more.

Ten, the mouse fell in love with the cat, singing: I love you, love you, just like the mouse loves rice, no matter how many storms, I will still accompany you. Cat: Don't be vain. My mother said that love without marriage purpose is hooliganism!

XI. How should people live this life? Don't be too cold in winter, too hot in summer, don't pretend to be poor if you have money, and don't show off if you don't have money. It's better to smile than to frown. Friends often remember, happy life!

Twelve, one night, a child burned paper money and said to himself: Grandpa, are you okay there? I put some math papers in the paper money I burned for you. It's good for your brain to do more problems. If you don't know anything, take our head teacher away. She'll teach you.

13. Don't ask me why I don't have a girlfriend at the age of 28. When I think that Taiwan Province Province has not been recovered, Abe has not stepped down, Sanpang has a hydrogen bomb, and the economy has not surpassed that of the United States, how can we consider being immersed in love? A seven-foot man can't be Summer Xu.

It is difficult to make money at noon on weekdays. Who knows that the money in the bag can't make ends meet every month Broken in two in one minute, still tight at the end of the month. Please pay tribute to the god of wealth at once. There are candles and fruits at home. I wish my friends are covered by the god of wealth all the year round, and they can earn money without worry.

15. Kong Huiling has been taking great pains to take care of her family for more than ten years.

Mark: Master, I have lost interest in women recently. Please help me! Master climbed up the roof in a hurry without saying anything! Mark: Did the master tell me to look far? Master: Let go of Nima. Let's talk it over. Can you put on your pants first? ~ lying trough

17. It was dark on Sunday night and there was a war at Xiaoming's house. When his mother gave the order, his father began to twitch. His grandmother rushed forward with a urinal, and his grandfather forgot to turn on the light when he went to the toilet. He accidentally fell into the toilet pit and struggled with shit with almost no sacrifice.

Xiao Duan often takes me to massage. Every time I call the same girl with a beautiful voice, I went with Xiao Duan again today. I asked the front desk to give her a massage, and the front desk told me that she was not here! If I miss something and wait in the hall for a short time, I'm in a hurry to go to the bathroom, and I see the girl who speaks very well washing her hands. Another girl asked her: Your old customers are here, why don't you pretend to be there? She roared: I have so many customers, and he is the only one who massages seriously.

Nineteen, I'm worried about you recently. I wish you hard. I wish you charm and hard work; Do things with courage, make a fortune and make profits; Love is beautiful and life is really smooth. Work hard towards happiness and wish you a happy mood!

Woman: I have no feelings for you. Me: OK, you can go. Woman: How do you talk? Me: I like direct people. If you tell me how you feel, I will tell you how I feel. Woman: You are so stingy. Me: this is called a frank exchange of views between the host and the guest.

Twenty-one, these days, Xiao Li, Xiao Zhang and Xiao Wang in the cubicles of major ministries and commissions got on the train back to their hometown. Their names became Linda, Mary and George in the office building, and Zhang Chu and Chu Wang got on the train back to Anhui, Henan and Guangxi. Their names became, Cui Hua, Fat Girl and Dog Egg.

22. Why did Guan Yu die earlier than Zhang Fei? Answer: Beauty is unlucky.

Twenty-three, eat watermelon in summer, beauty beauty is cucumber, Qingchang diuretic is melon, and Hami melon is the sweetest. You are family with them. Why are you hiding underground? So you are a sweet potato.

Twenty-four, when I miss you, I dare not call you for fear of hearing your voice; Sadly, I always miss you, but I can't always stop calling. So, I excitedly picked up my mobile phone and dialed the phone for you. Hello? Why not you? Dizzy! It turns out that my mobile phone is in arrears!

Twenty-five, ask what is love in the world? The sage replied: waste!

Twenty-six, the bus is ready to leave, and a woman with heavy makeup is chasing after it. Master, master, don't go, wait for me. Later, the bus master suddenly said, I am in a hurry to be reborn, and the goblin quickly dodged. Don't miss the good time to return to China! Then I drove the car forward!

When I was a child, I thought I could save the world when I grew up. When I grow up, I find that the whole world can't save me.

Twenty-eight, cold Monday, braised Tuesday, steamed Wednesday, fried Thursday, stir-fried Friday, happy spices, leisurely wine, I will cook a blessing dinner for you this weekend, and I am willing to enjoy it happily.

Humorous, talk about the selection of paragraph 2:

1. What do you mean, born at a bad time? Take watching TV for example! When I was a child, I could only watch news broadcast and Flying Tigers with my parents. Finally, I am the owner of my own house, so I can only take my children to see Pleasant Goat and Logger Vick!

2. When you are sleepy because of your homework, tell yourself: That's your memorial, that's your country and that's your people. Then suddenly wake up, I want to be a generation of wise men!

3. Watching the highest level of ghost movies: I fell asleep when I watched it.

My son's English exam is coming, so I urge him to review in the evening. The son said disdainfully: there is no need to review! Can the exam be difficult for me? I'm so happy that my son has reviewed it. I asked my son, are you so confident? The son scratched his head: Don't brag, why don't you be confident!

5. The plot reversed too quickly, just like a tornado.

6. The most romantic thing I can think of is to have dinner with you and then you pay the bill.

7. The difference between a hard sleeper and a soft sleeper is instantly understood.

Study the pictures in Chinese textbooks, and you will find that Qin Shihuang really succeeded in alchemy.

9. The teacher always tells us to guess the questioner's intention when doing the questions. Today, we will hold a parent-teacher meeting after the mid-term exam, so I am very careful when I do the exam questions. I have not forgotten the teacher's instructions. I carefully pondered the questioner's intention. At last I figured it out that the questioner wanted me to die. . .

10. There was a final exam, and I asked Li Qingzhao to be a poet of the _ _ school. I really don't know, so I wrote Wudang. After handing out the papers, the teacher said that one student's answer should be asked by his parents. I think I'm finished. As a result, my deskmate was invited by my parents because his answer was egg yolk pie.

1 1. Honey, don't bow your head when you are in trouble, or your double chin will be exposed.

12. psychological research has found that when people look in the mirror, the brain will automatically make up for it. You look good in the mirror about 30%, that is to say, your real length is actually about 30% uglier than you feel. Experts say this is why many people feel different from themselves when taking pictures. It turned out that I thought too much!

202 1 funny personality signature, I was drunk with laughter after reading it.

Funny personality signature is drunk after reading it.

1, it is obvious that everyone likes each other, why do you still dare not look at each other when you meet?

2. Hungry and sleepy, please don't miss mosquitoes; If you get entangled, shoot one, and only one.

Yao Jiaxin was sentenced to death in the first instance. After watching the news, the boss told us earnestly, look, this is the end of asking for a raise.

4, life since ancient times, who has no shit, who has no paper. If you don't use toilet paper, unless you use your fingers.

I finally understand why I have no inspiration, because there is a saying that love can inspire people.

6. When we were young, we were princesses. When we grow up, we will be used to princess disease by our relatives and friends.

7. I always feel that in ancient times, the mood of getting married is similar to scratching lottery tickets.

8. It is said that marriage is the grave of love, so isn't the anniversary celebration a grave-sweeping?

9. When will mosquitoes evolve to suck fat instead of blood?

10, daughter-in-law or game? Daughter-in-law is of course important, so I only dare to play games and dare not hit my daughter-in-law.

1 1. I forgot to tell you. Actually, I love you so much that I forgot to tell you. Actually, I miss you very much.

12, indifferent people, thank you for underestimating me, so that I can live a more wonderful life without bowing my head.

13, at noon on weeding day, mines were buried. Li Bai came to dance and was blown to 250.

14, the biggest failure of a man is not that no girl likes him, but that the girl who likes him feels blind from the beginning.

15, a bitch is a bitch, even if the economic crisis, you can't be expensive.

16. Do I know you well? Just play a video if it's okay. Think of it as your TV. When you press it, people come out.

17, I eat quietly, just like I gain weight quietly. I went to bed late, but I brought a piece of fat.

18, love is like a joke, it kills others and hurts itself.

19, life is really ironic, a person will really become what he once hated.

20. People who say good night to bed often show off in an ostentatious manner after half an hour.

2 1. The teacher didn't speak in the middle of class, which means that some students died.

22. Parents' meeting and mistress are essentially the same, aiming at destroying family harmony!

23, acne, more than 700 million a year, acne can circle the earth twice.

24. Journey to the West tells us that all monsters with backstage were taken away, and those without backstage were killed by a stick.

25. I am the gum in your hair. You want to get rid of me unless you cut your hair.

26. It is said that all the characters in Hyun Dance have good figures. I'm telling you, if you bounce around like this every day, you'll lose weight.

27. When I was a child, I blushed whenever someone stared at me. Now whenever someone stares at me, I make him blush.

28. It is said that falling in love affects learning. Doesn't study affect falling in love?

29. If I can travel through time and space, I must plant a durian tree in front of Newton's house.

30, so shameless and heartless, your weight should be very light.

3 1, you will never understand my sadness, just as fat people don't understand why thin people want to lose weight.

32. I will go. Who are the fast men this year? They look as if they were joking with the singer.

33. I was also an infatuated seed, but I was killed by lightning.

34. Listening to songs is divided into two situations: single cycle to death, random play of various cuts.

35. It's not that I don't want to be a lady, it's life that makes me a bitch.

We are good friends. I'll give you a hand when you fall, but only after I finish laughing.

37. I really admire Zhao Ting. These movies didn't say anything about a makeover. I can't do it.

38. The highest level of being a handsome guy is not that you pick up girls, but that girls pick up girls.

39. Never hang yourself from a tree. You can try it several times in the surrounding trees.

40. A real brother is your woman when you need her most.

4 1, er, I'll go. Life flies. I am officially a sophomore today.

42. Zhao Wei said that good-looking people have youth; Guo Xiaosi said, no, rich people have youth.

43, nothing, you also learn from others Tencent, call me dear every day!

44. I always thought I was a talented person, but I was wrong. I'm not! I am a genius.

Please don't cry, because your sad face looks too ferocious.

46. One day, I changed the automatic reply to and then? As a result, someone talked all afternoon.

47. Narcissism is to be a man in the next life and marry a wife like me!

48. When I was a child, I thought bleeding was a serious matter. Whether it hurts or not, cry first.

49. Mix and match is our business. Then don't worry, don't compare behind your back.

Everyone else is holding hands, but I am holding a dog in my hand. Take a walk and see who is dissatisfied with biting.

5 1, 90% of women don't like men in pink shirts, but 90% of men in pink shirts don't like women.

I can't sing out of tune, I just like to sing my own songs.

53. I don't want to take off the clothes I just bought, whether I wash them or not.

When I have money, I will take the person I hate the most to the best mental hospital.

55. It's noon on weeding day. It's really difficult to attend classes. A little broken book, sitting all morning.

56. From primary school to university, the only constant is a heart that doesn't want to learn.

57. I planted girlfriends in spring and harvested a bunch of men in autumn.

58. As the best rogue in the world, I have the dream of pursuing drunkenness and debauchery.

Only when there is a long queue at the railway station can we really realize that we are descendants of the dragon.

60. I set my mobile phone to flight mode. Why is it broken when you throw it downstairs from home?

6 1, the so-called pig-like roommate, I should have caught a cold and asked him to come back and bring me a box of black and white ones. He brought me a pack of Oreos.

62. This thing of love feels that once it comes, the principle has long since rolled away.

63. Borrow a friend's car, and the friend said to refuel the car when he returned it. When I returned the car, I rushed to the car and applauded.

64. I can't talk If anything offends you, come and hit me.

65. When I was a child, my worst dream was to find a toilet. The most terrible thing is that people didn't wake up and the toilet was found.

66. The most famous woman in history is not Pan Jinlian or Wu Zetian, but Rong Mammy.

67. If you mess with me again, I'll rip your guts out and tie a bow!

68. I have fixed the wedding date, and now I just need to fix the groom.

69. My first thought at that time was: bend down, take off my shoes and fan the soles of my shoes in his face.

70. One day in the world, with thick soil as evidence, I would like to exchange 20 Jin of meat for the fine weather in China this year!

A classic joke, laugh off all your dentures.

1, before I can touch the flowers and twist the grass, someone else has pulled it out.

2, laugh until tears fall, laugh louder and louder, and then know how to mature.

You were still an egg when my mother became a swan.

4. Sunflower, a flower that smiles at the sun.

Xiao San's shy surface can never hide her inner waves.

6. I am not yours. Why should I stand by for you?

7. If you can't even cheat, how can you enter the society as a teacher with confidence?

8. Parents fool their children into calling education; Children fool their parents and say that their parents are derailed; Fooling each other is called the generation gap.

9. The stool is squatting in the toilet, but it is ruthlessly discarded into the toilet by the ass.

10, I want to be your eyes, because then you won't be afraid of the night.

1 1. Summer is not good. When I was poor, I didn't even have to drink the northwest wind.

12, I advise you not to have plastic surgery, but to be reborn as soon as possible!

13, junior year has become a career, and marriage certificates are even less valuable than certificates.

14, rich people hold a money field, and those who have no money go home and get some money to hold a money field.

15, I feel like two pigs, because one pig can't describe your stupidity.

16, the most contradictory place between lovers is dreaming about each other's future, but thinking about each other's past.

17, hold your hand and you will know that your son is ugly and his face is full of tears.

18. You can see my world, but you can't talk.

Romance is a beautiful evening dress, but you can't wear it all the time.

20. What are you unhappy about? Say it to make everyone happy.

2 1, don't think that you can scamper for a few more days just because you are younger than me. The coffin is filled with dead people, not old people!

22. Science teacher: Let the water fall down the glass wall.

There are many people holding hands in the street. How many of them are getting married?

24. Don't trust a partner who never closes his eyes when kissing! Why?

25, can't look at people to force, people who can force!

I was caught in a rain, which made me realize that I forgot to bring my umbrella again.

27. Are you pure? Then there was no gutter in the world, and it became Telunsu.

28. The ancients said: "Women like themselves" should actually be "women like themselves".

29, I am not in a hurry, when I am a pure man!

30. Three major natural disasters: earthquake, typhoon, and the passing of the film crew!

3 1, I am not afraid to drink dichlorvos, but I dare not imagine: another bottle.

32, buddy, I'm sorry, you're blocking my cell phone signal.

33. The hero is sad about the beauty pass. I am not a hero. The beauty let me pass.

Doctor, please give me some regret medicine and a glass of water to forget my feelings.

Live well, because we will die for a long time.

36. That woman looks good at first glance, but it's better to take a closer look.

37. Did you fail English? Normal! We are all from China.

Girl, your bed is always busy with people coming and going

39. Don't say that others are mentally ill. The premise of having a brain is that you must have a brain.

40. Men quit smoking just like women lose weight. There will always be tomorrow.

4 1, I'm not a prince, why do girls always think they should be a princess when they see me!

42. The biggest sorrow in life is that youth is gone and acne is still there.