On the ambiguous relationship between men and women from the perspective of social psychology

I believe everyone has had this experience. You and a person of the opposite sex know that you have a crush on each other, but no one reveals it. Generally, for some reason, the two people are more willing to become friends or more with each other. , friends under lovers, then, can an intimate relationship really hold its pace and not develop? If the relationship between two people does not go any further, will the temperature cool down one day and the relationship gradually fade away?

Today, we will solve these two problems from the perspective of social psychology.

First of all, can an intimate relationship be maintained at the stage where lovers are above AUO but not yet satisfied?

Everything is changing. If one thing is kept at the same level for a long time, it can be seen through analogy. It requires energy supply. To put it simply, maintaining an ambiguous relationship also requires management.

We can divide interpersonal relationships according to the degree of closeness:

Zero contact, single contact, two-way contact, surface contact, light contact, moderate contact, and deep contact.

Obviously, an ambiguous relationship must go beyond two-way contact. It is an act in which both parties participate and try to go beyond surface contact to establish a deeper contact with the other party.

In the development of the relationship, it can be considered that the basis of ambiguity is based on direct contact (direct contact is the beginning of the emotional connection between the two parties), and it begins to enter the state of discovering the same psychological field.

In layman's terms, it means that two people switch from business bragging to flirting, from flirting to directly pointing out some of the other person's problems, and directly confessing some of their thoughts to the other person. , reveal one's inner thoughts to the other party, and want to establish a relationship of mutual recognition, acceptance, and trust.

Saying it in such a condescending way, does it sound ambiguous and embarrassing, but is it still worthy of respect?

Yes, any kind of human contact is worthy of awe.

On top of ambiguity is more self-exposure. You have to ask again, what is self-exposure?

Social psychologists Altman and Taylor used social penetration theory to explain the impact of self-exposure on the development of interpersonal relationships. Intimacy formation is a process of "penetrating" beyond a person's surface to gain a deeper understanding of that person's inner self.

Self-exposure above ambiguity means that both parties will have more exposure of passion, exposure of views and attitudes towards things, more exposure of self, attitude towards love, and even more social relations. , the exposure of value orientation, outlook on life and world view, and the deepening of ambiguity will be accompanied by the exposure of more personal concepts. This is what is called falling in love. When talking about love, the word "talk" is used. What to talk about?

What we are talking about is whether you are willing to continue after exposing yourself. Whether two people are compatible will be considered from the moment the relationship is established. In other words, you have to be warned. Maybe the other person you met when you were ambiguous It's not exactly the real partner. He may not be as perfect as you think, or he may be more suitable as your significant other than you think.

Unexpectedly, interpersonal communication is full of surprises, and the development of social relationships is as unfathomable as the entropy increase of the vast universe (a state of change that starts from simplicity and becomes increasingly chaotic). , and full of artistic sense.

So if you want to maintain an ambiguous relationship, as mentioned above, you need the right time, right place and right people! Ah no, it requires the joint management and maintenance of two people, and that energy is much more difficult than maintaining a friendship!

The second question is, after reaching the ambiguity, if you no longer want to continue developing, will the relationship go downhill? What will happen if things go downhill?

Scientifically speaking, there is no answer to this question, and it varies from person to person. If we must give some answers to classified discussions like the last question in high school mathematics, we can only use conventional thinking and comprehensive cases. Analyze the data as support and come up with an answer that is for reference only.

After understanding the above layers of "elaboration", maybe you already have a certain estimate of ambiguous relationships. As the saying goes, you already know how much such a relationship weighs in general social relationships. Now, this "ambiguous" word is no longer so mysterious in your heart.

Well, according to previous research by some psychologists, it can be inferred that the ambiguity before the age of eighteen can change into puppy love with a spring breeze; an evil wind can also blow become a stranger. Is it scary? horrible!

Adolescent children do not yet have completely independent values, especially in the environment of traditional Chinese thinking. Children are more willing to "obey". Let me say one more thing, if you want to know more about China For people's thinking, you can read the "Book of Changes" interpreted by Mr. Zeng Shiqiang and Mr. Nan Huaijin. The nature of the Three Cardinal Guidelines and the Five Constant Principles is not oppression. This is related to the deep-rooted character of the Chinese people.

Therefore, a word, a rumor, or an order can shake the social relationships of young people to the ground like an earthquake. Safe and motionless.

So what we are mainly discussing is the ambiguous relationship between people with independent personalities. Three situations may arise in the development of such an ambiguous relationship.

First, the relationship fades and each other fades out of each other's lives.

Second, maintain the relationship and be the other person’s backup tire.

Third, the relationship breaks down and ambivalence develops.

Of course, the third type is the most uncomfortable, and it is also a situation that occurs quite often.

Let’s talk about the first one first. After the ambiguity, the relationship fades away.

Let’s use Sternberg’s triadic theory of love to explain.

Pure intimacy is called liking; pure passion is called infatuation; pure commitment is empty love;

Perfect love requires intimacy, passion and commitment at the same time.

Then, imperfect love is divided into three types: romantic love consisting only of intimacy and passion; companion love consisting of intimacy and commitment; and illusory love consisting of passion and commitment.

What are the parts of the so-called ambiguity? Perhaps at the moment when ambiguity is about to turn into love, there are three coexistences. They have uncontrollable liking for each other, embrace each other's passion, and even stay together for a lifetime. commitment; or perhaps, during the ambiguous period, the two people have well controlled their passionate parts and have a tendency to move towards Platonic pure love...

Then when the ambiguity ends, the relationship The reverse clock starts ticking. Passion is temporary and will fade first. Commitment is a moral standard. After a long period of no contact, people will become indifferent as a rule. Finally, they will like... Of course, there are also some people whose order of indifference is passion. , Like and then commit. It almost depends on the degree of relationship between the two people, social network or moral principles, personality, etc.

In short, in a relationship that is not maintained, the retreat of passion and indifference of emotions are inevitable, and the overall indifference of feelings is also difficult to conceal. Mature people will naturally not hide too much. Bravely expressing yourself in front of others may be the last respect for such a relationship and the best memorial.

The two people have a tacit understanding of coming together and the courage to quit together. It's like playing a game, letting the momentary intimacy turn into eternity in the memories.

Let’s talk about the second type. The two remain ambiguous and have always been each other’s backup. Such ambiguity may be the most likely to develop into perfect love. Otherwise, how could two people who don't care be willing to maintain lasting intimacy with each other?

If such feelings are also explained by Sternberg's triadic theory, it can be said that everyone controls intimacy, passion, and commitment to a certain level, both for themselves and more for them. The other party is working hard.

After such efforts for a long time, the other party may be tired. According to the nature of people, the more they give, the more they care. Even if such two people do not fall in love with each other at the time, they will develop a relationship because of their long-term emotional dedication. To create true feelings and achieve perfect love.

In the last case, the relationship breaks down and ambivalence develops.

Psychologist Myers once proposed that, generally speaking, the breakdown of an emotional relationship goes through five stages: first, divergence, second, convergence, third, escape, and fourth, termination. .

Let’s take a look at the meaning of each word. Divergence means that the relationship between the two parties is not connected, and the psychological distance increases. Why should mutual acceptance decrease? Convergence means that when there is a rift in the relationship, the total amount of communication between the two parties It will appear in the decline; indifference stage, when both parties give up their efforts to communicate, and the interpersonal relationship becomes cold; in the avoidance stage, as the relationship deteriorates, both parties in the interpersonal relationship avoid each other as much as possible, especially to avoid situations where only two people are together and are at a loss. Dilemma; Termination may be immediate or may be delayed.

Let’s temporarily call this kind of ambiguous relationship ending as “ambiguous breakup” because its process and form are very similar to a couple’s breakup.

The termination of such ambiguity often occurs when two parties begin to disagree. One person hopes that the relationship will develop further, is unwilling to continue the ambiguity, and wants to become boyfriend and girlfriend with the other person, while the other person wants to become a boyfriend and girlfriend because of the relationship. For various reasons, they prefer to maintain such a relationship, or they simply cannot accept the other party's increased passion and simply give up the ambiguity. The inconsistency in the concepts of both parties becomes the trigger for the breakdown of the relationship. If it is not handled properly, it will end like this.

This also reminds us that the crux of the termination of an intimate relationship often lies in one or more topics that both parties cannot avoid, such as whether to maintain an ambiguous relationship.

Thank you for reading to the end. I hope the professional explanation will be helpful to you who are confused in your relationship. If the article is not comprehensive, I also look forward to your correction.