My son is three years old, and now he is a bit headstrong. He wants everything he wants. I really don't know what to do. I want to consult a kindergarten teacher.

This phenomenon of children is actually quite normal. We should treat it correctly and not suppress it blindly, but it is not good for psychological development.

The first negative stage of children

After the baby's deciduous teeth come out, it shows that the child's physiological development has entered a new stage. At this time, children can eat almost all kinds of food like adults. Due to the mature development of physiology and psychology, children will show obvious autonomy and independence after two and a half years old. They want to do everything by themselves and like to imitate the behavior of adults or their peers. If you don't let him do it, he will resist by crying or other forms. For example, children around the age of 3 are willing to eat with spoons or chopsticks themselves rather than being fed by others. If they are forced to feed, children will have resistance-they won't eat well. The obvious independence of children after birth usually appears at the age of two and a half to four, so this period is called the first negative stage in the process of children's development. ?

Medical research shows that the development of children's deciduous teeth can best reflect the physiological development of children. The child has 20 deciduous teeth, which will come out at about two and a half years old. Once all the deciduous teeth erupt, the child will inevitably have the above-mentioned rebellious behavior. What people need to know is that resistance is a sign of children's growth and progress, and it is a critical period for children to develop their autonomy, independence, self-confidence, willpower, imagination, security and other behavioral qualities. In this period, as long as the child's behavior is not harmful, adults should not interfere and restrain the child's behavior too much. If adults still treat 3-4-year-old children in the way of parenting before the age of 2, force them to do what adults want, or treat them in the way of beating, cursing and threatening, then these children will lose self-confidence and have the concept of self-denial. Medical psychological research at home and abroad shows that excessive inhibition of children's resistance will affect their physical and mental development. For example, if children are not allowed to do what they can, their dependence will be extremely serious when they grow up; Excessive interference and restrictions on children's independence will make children's personality very fragile and their ability to live independently is extremely poor. In short, it is not normal for children who have not experienced or shown resistance in early childhood, and it is not normal for adults to excessively restrain children's resistance. ?

Adults should know more about the normal process of children's physical and mental development. It is normal for children aged 3-4 to show themselves around or show off their talents. Of course, children's unreasonable resistance should also be resolutely corrected. For example, children aged 3-4 are never allowed to imitate adults to play with electrical switches, nor are they allowed to play with lighters and turn on gas stoves. In the period of children's resistance, we should become one with them, guide and educate them to know the unfamiliar world, learn to praise and criticize them in good faith, and let them develop normally physically and mentally. ?

Help the baby through the first negative stage of life.

When you lose your temper.

You can allow the baby to vent his anger by shouting as loudly as possible. If you live in the suburbs, you can also let him make a phone call outside and ask him to spit out his chest, which will soon be fine.

Say something stupid, do something strange, or suddenly turn off the lights and turn on the lights to transfer the baby's temper.

If the baby cries for too long, you are worried that he will cry cyanosis (the phenomenon of lack of oxygen in the brain). You can gently blow your baby's cheek, pat some cold water on his face, or wipe his face with an ice towel.

When taking the baby out, if he suddenly loses his temper and makes noise, you can quietly take him to the car or bathroom and take him back to his original place after the noise subsides.

When the baby loses his temper because you don't let him do what he wants, you can give him a chance in his own way, for example, you give him an agreement and he will do whatever you do, and then encourage him to finish a thing from beginning to end, even if the result is not good, praise him. As a result, the baby will get excited and stop fighting you.

There are some things you tell your baby not to do, but he doesn't believe it. The baby will be angry about it. For example, he insisted on stuffing a toy into a small box that could not be put in. When he loses his temper because he can't put it in, you can try putting it in. Of course, the result will be the same as him. You will immediately say to him, "Mom can't put it in!" The baby will calm his anger because he is comparing himself with adults.

When nonsense is excessive.

When a child does something you don't like, first look at how well he does it. If it's just unreasonable, or it won't hurt the body and limbs, just ignore him and wait for him to calm down naturally. If you want to control yourself yelling at the child, you can stand face to face with him, so you can't shout.

When the child is too noisy, you whisper to him and he won't listen.

Set a deadline, use a timer to calculate, and then stop making trouble; Or announce how many counts you can't make any more noise, and then count loudly from the beginning. After the deadline, you should keep your word and start some new behaviors, such as canceling what he likes to do. Threats are useless.

Simply ignore the baby's annoying performance, don't make any response, neither look at him nor ignore him, pretend to do your own thing, pretend not to see anything, and this will get good results.

When the baby is still pestering after you refuse your request, don't persuade him endlessly. You can insist on answering him repeatedly in a simple sentence until he listens.

After the baby corrects his behavior, you should pay attention to him immediately and praise him in time.

When the noise is too outrageous, punish him to sit against the wall for a few minutes, or punish him to stand for a while to calm him down and stop making noise.

Calm anger

Hold the baby tightly in your arms, shake it and hum some songs to calm him down, and then make some metaphors to show how much you like him, such as: "I like you so much, my love is as big as a flower ... as big as a house ... as big as the sky ..." You have to speak louder and louder, so that your child can help you think of something bigger.

Whispering into a baby's ear usually stops him from crying; If you can think of something better, maybe the child will be happy to hear it.

Tell the baby that there is something called "laughter" in his stomach. If it is released, it will become a giggle. This usually makes him forget his anger and really giggle (this method is to ignore his anger first and then talk to him about why he lost his temper just now).

Take it out on him.

Encourage your baby to take part in sports activities to vent their anger. Tell him to run, hit a toy ball, or hit a tree with a stick.

Let the baby count from 1 loudly to 5 in an angry voice; Or play an angry song on a toy musical instrument; Or do an angry dance.

Or you shout with the baby, the voice is getting lower and lower, and finally there is no sound.

Let the angry baby draw a picture to express his feelings, which is a very creative way to vent his emotions.

Discuss with the baby why he is angry. If he is angry just because he is not satisfied, he should be advised to be patient, generous and considerate.

Under the principle of fairness, show that you sympathize with his situation: "I know why you are angry with Xiaohua." Try to get the baby to say something that makes him angry and suggest what he should do in this situation.

Encourage your baby to express his anger in words, such as teaching him to say something you think is acceptable.

Settle a quarrel

Limit the activities that fighting babies want to do most, such as arguing about watching TV, and then tell them that they are not allowed to watch TV until this situation is over.

Let the quarrelling babies take a deep breath, let each baby calmly explain the reasons for the quarrel, and then let them propose solutions. They will be happy to accept the proposal.

When the children quarrel endlessly, find them something to do.

When you see an older child trying to bully a child, try to make him poor. You can say, "Come on, do me a favor."

Let two angry babies do the same thing, for example, give each one a dry rag and let them clean the glass, one inside and one outside. Before the glass is cleaned, they will laugh again.

Punish two fighting babies for hugging each other. In this way, they will think twice when they want to fight again, because no one likes to hug a person who is angry with him.

When the baby fights, you can go out of the house or go to the bathroom to escape, just like dealing with an angry baby. Without an audience, there is often no energy to fight any more.

Ask the baby to talk about how to solve the dispute by himself. Even if their methods don't work, they can ease the situation and let them consider their next move.

Two quarrelling babies are sitting face to face in two opposite corners of the room. Without the permission of the other party, they have to sit all the time and no one is allowed to leave. Let them discuss with each other, which usually makes them make up.

Or let each baby tell an advantage that he thinks the other person has and praise each other to end the quarrel.

Taking away controversial things or separating babies can also force them to reconcile.